I Wanna Love Somebody Like You
by swimmergal06
Summary: Sequel to You Save Me. MerDer.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi everyone! I'm so grateful to all of you who were so wonderful with reviewing You Save Me. This is the sequel, as promised, and if you haven't read it you might want to do so, even though it's probably not completely neccessary. This story is going to be a little different for me, but I'm going to do my best. I know some other people have done the "what would it be like if Derek and Meredith knew each other before Seattle" scenario before, but I promise that I have my own direction that this story is going to take. I'll also be taking dialogue from the show, which is definitely not mine (though I wish it was). I really appreciate any reviews, positive or negative, but please be constructive in your criticism. I think that's it, so first the lyrics, and then the first chapter! I hope you enjoy it!**

**I wanna Love Somebody Like You-Keith Urban  
**

**There's a new wind blowing like I've never known  
I'm breathing deeper than I've ever done  
And it sure feels good to finally feel the way I do  
I wanna love somebody, love somebody like you.**

And I'm letting go of all my lonely yesterdays  
I've forgiven myself for the mistakes I've made  
Now theres just one thing, the only thing I wanna do  
I wanna love somebody, love somebody like you

Yeah I wanna feel the sunshine shining down on me and you  
When you put your arms around me  
You let me know theres nothing in this world I can't do

I used to run in circles going no where fast  
I'd take one step forward end up two steps back  
I couldn't walk a straight line even if I wanted to  
I wanna love somebody, love somebody like you

Whoa here we go now  
Yeah, Hey i wanna love you baby

Yeah I wanna feel the sunshine shining down on me and you  
When you put your arms around me  
Well baby there ain't nothing in this world I can't do

Sometimes it's hard for me to understand  
But you're teaching me to be a better man  
I don't want to take this life for granted like I used to do  
I wanna love somebody, love somebody like you  
I'm ready to love somebody, love somebody like you  
And I wanna love somebody, love somebody like you (yeah)

Hey I wanna love you baby

She was beautiful as she stared at him in shock, her dirty blonde hair falling over her face that was slightly flushed, from the alcohol or the surprise of seeing him he wasn't sure. But right now in this moment, all he could think was that Meredith Grey was completely beautiful.

He'd tried to tell her the night before that Richard had called him and let him know that he needed a new head of neuro, but she had completely shot him down as she'd tried to force him out of her life. He'd been completely torn apart when he'd left her apartment, but he'd already accepted the job offer. So he'd decided to wait until he ran into her at the hospital to surprise her.

But when he'd walked into the bar after signing his contract to see her sitting before him, downing shot after shot of tequila, he knew that it was a sign that things might work out for them after all. He'd known that Meredith hadn't wanted to break up with him, only that she was scared. And she was right, there was no way it would have worked with her in Seattle and him in New York.

Which was why he'd accepted the job in Seattle.

"Derek," she breathed, reaching out to touch his shoulder, as if to convince herself that he was real. "You're…you're here."

"I'm here," he nodded, taking her hand and squeezing it tightly. "And I'm not going anywhere."

"But what about New York?" she asked.

"New York's my past," Derek said. "This is my now. You're my now."

"I don't understand," she said, confusion clouding the eyes that were already less focused from the tequila she had consumed. "What about your job?"

"Richard called me a couple days ago," Derek said. "He needed a new head of neuro, said that I would be perfect for the job. I decided to take it."

"Why didn't you tell me?" she breathed.

"I was going to," he said. "But then you seemed convinced that this whole thing was a mistake.

"Oh," Meredith breathed. "Derek, I'm sorry."

"If you really think that," he said softly, his throat closing up. "I'll leave you alone. I promise, but I really don't think that you want to end this. I hope you don't want to end this, because I can't imagine my life without you anymore."

"Derek," she breathed, leaning forward to kiss him. "I don't want to end this. I just… you're sure? About leaving New York and your family and your practice? For me?"

"I'm sure," he nodded, squeezing her hand tightly. "It's what's best for me. I'm going to miss my family, but I'm sick of being terrified of seeing Mark or Addison every time I turn a corner. And Richard had some very promising offers for my future here, so it's what's best for me, and for us. This is where I should be, Mer."

"Oh, Derek," she breathed, leaning into his embrace. "I'm so glad you're here."

"Me too," he sighed, inhaling the scent of her hair. "By the way, thank you."

"For what?" she whispered, nuzzling her face into his neck.

"I noticed that you rejected the drink that was bought for you," he murmured. "So thank you."

"You're welcome," she breathed, lifting her head to look up at him. "Are you…we can go. To my house."

Derek smiled as he leaned in to kiss her forehead. "I think that's a good idea," he said, reaching down to rub her thigh gently.

"The cab should be here," Meredith said, grasping his arm as she stood. She swayed slightly, and he briefly wondered how much tequila she'd consumed before he'd arrived. But then she was biting her lower lip in the way that made her look completely seductive, and all he could think was that he need to be inside of her, and soon.

He followed her to the door, trying to keep his mind off of how perfectly the dress fit her, her curves on display and her legs elongated by the pair of heels that he'd never seen before. But what was more amazing than the way her hips made the dress swirl gently around her was the fact that his plan had worked. He was here, with her, and they were going to be together. They were going to start a life in Seattle.

"I need you," Meredith suddenly breathed, turning to wrap her arms around his neck.

"I need you too," he said, running his hands over her dress.

"I like this dress," she murmured, fingering the lapel slightly. "Is it new?"

"Hmmm," he nodded, leaning down to trail his lips along her nip. "I'm glad you like it. I did need a good looking shirt after all."

"You're not that good looking," she tried to argue, but gasped slightly as he rubbed his erection against her.

"Oh really?" he teased slightly. "I guess that means that you don't need me inside you. Fucking you hard, making you scream my name."

"Derek," she gasped, reaching between them to rub his throbbing erection just as a cab pulled up behind them. "Thank God."

He held her hand tightly as they rode the short distance to a more residential neighborhood. She was leaning her head on his shoulder, apparently not willing to give up physical contact with him anymore than he was with her. The cab pulled up in front of a large house, one that he couldn't see very well in the dark, but he found himself not caring as Meredith dragged him up the steps to the porch.

"You're here," she said, opening the glass front door and shoving him in, letting the door slam behind her.

"I'm here," he nodded, pulling her into his arms. "With you."

And then she was throwing herself into his arms, kissing him deeply as she backed him into the living room, pushing him onto the couch as she started to undo the buttons on his shirt. He kissed her back deeply, reveling in the feeling of having her in his arms again, in knowing that they were going to be together, really together. Coming to Seattle had definitely been the right thing to do.

XXXXX

Last night had been a mistake.

That was all Meredith could think as she was jolted out of unconsciousness, looking around the unfamiliar living room for a moment, her head pounding the way it always did after she'd consumed too much tequila.

Her eyes fell upon the man passed out on the floor beside her, and suddenly her headache was gone. She now remembered the way Derek had casually approached her in the bar, telling her that he was here for good, that they could really be together. Which, in her porny, tequila soaked mind, meant that it was a good idea for them to go back to her house, consume more alcohol, and have hot, dirty sex until they both passed out.

It had definitely been a good idea, and she smiled as she pulled the blanket off of Derek's back, wrapping herself in the warmth it provided from his body heat. She definitely didn't regret a moment of the night before. She could still feel the small ache of pleasure running through her body at the things Derek had done to her the night before, but she couldn't think about that now. She had to focus on getting him dressed because when he was naked things happened. Things that couldn't happen because she was already late.

"Derek," she whispered, kneeling on the ground beside him and pressing a gentle kiss to her cheek. "Wake up."

"Hmmm," he groaned, shifting slightly before he tried to pull her down to him.

"Derek," she said, shaking him a little more forcefully. "Wake up."

"Early," he murmured, shifting awkwardly on the floor before his back was facing her.

"Fine," she said, reaching for a pillow. "I tried to play nice."

Derek sat up in surprise when the pillow came into contact with his head, and he frowned at her. "What the hell was that for?" he frowned.

"Good morning to you too," she giggled as she leaned in to kiss him. "I'm going to be late."

Derek sighed as he sat up, already reaching for his pants. "This is a nice house," he commented.

She shrugged. "It doesn't matter," she said. "I'm selling it."

"Does your mom know you're planning on selling it?" Derek raised an eyebrow.

Meredith sighed as she looked away. She wasn't sure how to tell him that if she told her mother that she was going to sell the house, Ellis would forget within Meredith's obligatory visit to make sure that Ellis's transfer from Boston to Seattle had gone well. "She gave it to me," she said. "So I'm selling it. And I have to go shower."

"Okay," Derek smiled, reaching to undo his pants.

"Oh, you're not showering with me," she said, grabbing his hand and dragging him towards the front door. "You have to go."

"What?" he frowned.

"I'm already late," she said, shoving his shirt into his hands. "And if you come into the shower, I'll be even more late. So you have to go. I'll see you at the hospital."

"Okay," he said, leaning in to kiss her. "You want to get lunch today?"

"No."

"No?" he frowned.

"You're the head of neuro and I'm an intern," Meredith said. "We can't…be us at the hospital."

"If we're not us, then who are we going to be?" Derek smirked.

Meredith rolled her eyes and shoved him out the door. "Just go," she said. "I don't have time to deal with you right now."

"I'll see you at work!" he shouted after her as the door slammed behind her. She shook her head as she made her way to the stairs, unable to keep the smile off of her face. Derek was here, he was staying, and she was about to become a doctor. She wasn't sure that her life could get any better than that.

XXXXX

Hours later, she definitely wasn't feeling the same way. She'd been late to the introductory meeting with the chief, had been assigned to the meanest resident in the hospital, and had been "introduced" to Derek, only to have him completely try and feel her up when no one was looking. She was going to kill him. Kill him and become a kindergarten teacher, because as she saw Bailey marching towards her, she knew that her day was going to get even worse.

"Grey!" Bailey snapped. "You've been requested."

"Requested?" Meredith frowned.

"New head of neuro," Bailey said, pointing across the room to Derek who was leaning against the nurse's station, a smirk playing on his lips. "Katie Bryce is your responsibility."

Meredith clenched her jaw, but didn't say anything as she stared at Derek.

"Are you going to go over there or do I have to make you?" Bailey snapped.

"No, I…I'm going," Meredith sighed, making her way towards Derek. As soon as Bailey was out of eyesight, she grabbed his arm and dragged him towards the nearest door, which was unfortunately a stairwell.

"Dr. Shepherd," she hissed as she yanked her hand off of his arm. "You can't do this."

"Dr. Shepherd," he repeated with a smirk. "I like it."

"Shut up," she rolled her eyes. "You can't do this."

"Do what?" he asked.

"Be Derek and Meredith," she said. "We're Dr. Grey and Dr. Shepherd. There will be no taking advantage at work. You're my attending and I'm your intern, this can't happen at work. And stop looking at me like that."

"Like what?" he asked, his eyes sparkling slightly as he looked down at her.

"Like you've seen me naked," she said.

"Oh, but I have seen you naked," he said, stepping closer to pin her against the stair rail. "You look good naked."

"Shut up," she hissed, pushing him off of her. "This is completely inappropriate. At work, we're not us. We're Dr. Shepherd and Dr. Grey. Not Derek and Meredith."

He sighed as he ran a hand through his hair. "You're right," he said. "I'm sorry."

"Good," she said, turning towards the door.

"One condition," Derek called from behind her and she paused for a moment before she turned to look at him, her expression impatient and expectant. "Tomorrow night you make sure you punish me for breaking the rules."

She rolled her eyes as she pushed the door open. "In your dreams, Dr. Shepherd," she called over her shoulder, knowing full well that there would be plenty of punishing when she had recovered from her first shift.

XXXXX

"So this is the office," Meredith stated a couple hours later as she knocked on the half open door labeled head of neurosurgery. "It's smaller than your one in New York."

"It is," he smiled at her as he leaned back in his chair. "But I like it better. More personal."

"Couch and everything," she sighed as she collapsed onto it, pulling her feet up under her. "This is nice."

"Dr. Grey," Derek smirked as he pushed his chair back from his desk. "I don't think it's appropriate for interns to spend time in attendings' offices."

"Shut up," she sighed as she handed a chart over to him. "Katie's latest scans. Perfectly clear."

"Damn," he sighed as he held them up to the light. "What the hell is going on with her?"

"She's a complete airhead, that's what," Meredith said. "You know that she paged me to her room to see if I could get her cable so she could watch some beauty pageant?"

Derek rolled his eyes as he collapsed onto the couch beside her. "We may be her last hope," he said.

She sighed as she reached for his hand, linking their fingers together. "How's your first day going?" she asked.

"Okay," he said. "Some of the other department heads are a little intense, but nothing I can't handle."

Meredith opened her mouth to reply but before she could the sound of her pager cut through the air. "Katie," she said, leaning in to kiss him again. "She probably wants more magazines or something."

"Go ahead," Derek said, pushing her towards the door. "Let me know if it's anything serious."

Meredith ran into Katie's room a few minutes later, surprised to see Katie thrashing on the bed, a team of nurses surrounding her. "What happened?" she asked.

"She started seizing," a nurse called over his shoulder. "We're trying to get her under control. Dr. Grey, what do you want to do?"

Meredith looked frantically around the room for a moment, completely unsure of what she should do. "Page Dr. Bailey and Dr. Shepherd," she ordered.

"I paged them."

A quick glance out the door told her that neither Derek or Bailey were anywhere nearby, and she quickly moved to grab the crash cart. "Charge to two hundred," she ordered.

Before she knew what was happening, the heart monitor was beeping at a normal rhythm again, and she stepped back to read the machines quickly. "What the hell happened?" Derek's voice came from behind her.

"She had a seizure," Meredith reported.

"A seizure?" he frowned. "You were supposed to be watching her. You said she was okay."

"She was," Meredith insisted. "I don't know…I got here and I don't know what happened."

"I've got this," Derek snapped, holding his stethoscope up to Katie's chest. "Go."

"Dr. Shepherd, I…"

"Go, Dr. Grey," he snapped before turning to a nurse and requesting her chart.

Meredith fought back tears as she walked out of the hospital room. Everything was building up inside of her, but she wasn't going to cry. She wasn't going to be the intern who broke down on the first day, unable to make it through even one shift of being a doctor. She'd asked Derek to be her boss, and that's what he had been doing, so she couldn't be upset with him about it.

She kept herself busy with charts until her paged beeped loudly, alerting her of a page from Derek. She stared down at it for a moment, wondering exactly what he had to talk to her about, whether he was going to yell or apologize. Knowing her boyfriend or whatever he was at this point, he would probably do both. But it would be okay, because right now she just really needed to be alone with him, to know that even though she'd disappointed him as a doctor, she was still a good girlfriend.

"What are you doing here?" she frowned as she walked into the conference room she'd been paged to and saw Christina Yang sitting in the corner, doing something to a banana.

"Suturing a banana," Christina replied without looking up to her or any of the other interns milling around the room.

"You were paged here?" Meredith asked as she sat down beside her.

"Yep," Christina sighed. "And I'm going to keep suturing this banana until I find out what that new attending wants from us."

"Dr. Shepherd?" Meredith asked.

"Is that his name?" Christina shrugged. "I met him for a second. He's all hair. Cardio, that's where it's at. None of this neurology crap for me."

Before Meredith could answer, Derek walked into the room and she averted her eyes to her lap, not wanting to meet his eyes. "Good morning," he said, and she could feel his eyes on her for a moment before he looked around the room. "I'm going to something pretty rare for a surgeon. I'm going to ask interns for help. I've got this kid, Katie Bryce. Right now…she's a mystery…."

He explained the case and his proposal to let whoever figured out what was wrong with her in on his surgery. Meredith bit her lower lip as her eyes met his. He nodded slightly to her, and she felt relief surge through her. He wasn't angry with her, but he wasn't letting her back on the case unless she earned it. Maybe he did understand how to be her boss and her boyfriend at the same time.

Later that afternoon, seated on the floor of the research library after being recruited by Christina to help her figure out what was going on, Meredith realized just how far in over head as she was. Christina was talking, flipping through books and charts to figure out what could possibly be wrong, but all Meredith could do was stare down at the page of a textbook spread open in her lap. She'd told Christina that she could have the surgery if they figured out what went wrong. The last thing she needed was to feel inadequate in Derek's OR. Back in New York she'd heard plenty of stories about how frustrated he got when people didn't know what they were doing, and he'd used a few choice words to describe them, words that she would prefer not to be directed at her.

"Do you want to tell me why you're so against working with Shepherd?"

The mention of Derek's name brought her out of her haze, and she turned to look at Christina. "What?"

"You said that I can have the surgery if we figure out what's wrong with her," Christina said. "Why don't you want to work with Shepherd?"

Meredith sighed as she stared down at her book for a moment. "He's my boyfriend."

Christina stared at her for a moment before she asked, "What about an aneurysm?"

"No," Meredith said.

"Okay, so there's no trauma, no pregnancy…" Christina trailed off as she turned to look at her. "Is he good? He looks like he'd be good."

"I'm not answering that," Meredith said. "What happens if we can't figure this out? She's never going to turn into a person, never going to know who she really is."

"This is going to sound awful," Christina sighed. "But I really wanted that surgery."

"She does rhythmic gymnastics," Meredith said, shaking her head slightly. "What is that, I can't even say it…." She trailed off as she pulled Christina to her feet, dragging her to the door.

"Where are we going?" Christina asked.

"To find Dr. Shepherd," Meredith said, explaining about the fall Katie had told her about that morning when she'd gotten lost in the tunnels.

"That's it, that's what's wrong," Christina said as they turned a corner to see Derek standing in front of an elevator, scribbling on a chart. "Dr. Shepherd!" she cried. "Katie Bryce competes in beauty pageants."

"I know that, but we have to save her life anyway," he said, meeting Meredith's gaze for a moment before he returned to his chart.

"There's no medical proof of an aneurysm but what if there is one?"

"She fell," Meredith added. "When she twisted her ankle she fell."

"She got right back up, but maybe it burst the aneurysm," Christina offered.

"The chances that a minor fall could burst an aneurysm are one in a million, literally!" Derek called as the elevator doors slid closed.

"Damn it," Christina said, turning to walk away.

"Don't," Meredith said, knowing exactly what was going on in Derek's mind right now. They'd sparked a fire in his brain, she could tell, and he was desperate to find a cure. And now that they'd presented the idea, it wouldn't leave his mind until he was able to rule it out.

"What?" Christina frowned. "He said no."

"Wait for it," Meredith said, staring up at the elevator.

Christina looked at her with a frown for a moment before the doors slid open again and Derek charged ahead of them. "Let's go," he said, Meredith falling into step behind him and Christina trailing after them.

"Where?" Christina asked.

"To find out if Katie's one in a million," Meredith answered for him. And as they made their way down the hall, she glanced over at him, unable to miss the small smile he was offering her, one full of awe and pride.

Half an hour later, she stood beside Derek, waiting impatiently in the CT scan as the screens appeared on the computer in front of the technician. "I'll be damned," he muttered, looking up from Katie's chart to examine the scan closer. "It's minor but it's there. She's bleeding into her brain."

Meredith sighed as she looked at Christina, excitement filling her veins. They'd figured it out.

"She could have gone her whole life without it ever having been a problem," Derek said as they walked down the hall to book the OR. "One tap in the right spot, and it exploded. Now we get to fix it. You two did great work, now we've got to get into the OR."

"Dr. Shepherd, you said that we could scrub in if we helped," Christina said as he signed off on Katie's chart.

"Right," he said, turning to look at them. "Sorry I can't take you both, it's going to be a full house. Mer, I'll see you in the OR."

Christina turned to stare at Meredith, and she shook her head, unable to deny a chance to scrub in, even if she didn't feel accurately prepared. Derek's eyes were pleading with hers, and all of a sudden she knew that this was about more than the surgery. He was performing his first procedure in a new hospital, and he was nervous. He wanted her with him, and she couldn't say no to that. But then Christina was storming away, and she couldn't help but feel guilty that she'd lost the only friend she'd really made so far.

After a quick break for dinner, she found Derek prepping Katie for surgery, taking a razor to the girl's blonde locks. He smiled as he looked up and saw her enter the room, arms crossed over her chest as she examined him closely. "I promised I'd make her look cool," he said. "Apparently being a bald beauty queen is the worst thing to happen in the history of the world."

She smiled softly before she asked, "Did you choose me because I'm your girlfriend?"

"Yes," he said without a pause.

"Derek," she prompted.

"Sorry," he said, looking up for her. "You've never called yourself my girlfriend before."

"Well, that's what I am, right?" she said. "And I'm not scrubbing in. You should ask Christina. She really wants it."

"You're Katie's doctor," he said, now focusing all of his attention on her. "You saved her life, Mer, on your first day of being a doctor. You earned the right to follow the case through to the finish. You can't let the fact that you're my girlfriend effect your career. You don't want me to favor you, that's fine. It's the right thing to do, and I respect that. But I'm not going to not teach you because you're my girlfriend. It's going to take some time to adjust, but we can do this, Mer. We can figure out when to be coworkers and when to be us."

Meredith nodded slowly. "Okay," she said. "Thank you. For letting me do this."

He offered her a warm smile, the one that made her knees go weak every time she saw it. "Just doing my job," he said before he turned the razor back on. "I'll see you in the OR in half an hour, Dr. Grey."

"Of course, Dr. Shepherd," she said, pushing herself off of the wall and turning to walk out the door.

The experience of being in the OR was completely surreal. From the moment she stepped into the sterile room, she felt a sudden urge of energy, and even though she wasn't able to cut, Derek let her stand by his side to watch him clip the aneurysm, and she found that she completely loved working by his side. She'd watched him perform a couple surgeries in New York, when she'd done her clinicals in his practice, but this was amazing. To be with him while he saved a life, to be aware of every movement he made and see up close how he performed surgeries was completely amazing. Before she knew it, before she was ready, Derek was asking a resident to close and stepping into the scrub room. She followed suit, collapsing on a chair outside the door while she waited for him to supervise the rest of the procedure.

When he finally walked out of the scrub room, hair still held down under a scrub cap and chart tucked under his arm, he didn't notice her at first. She watched as he pulled the cap off, running his fingers through his hair as he read over the chart, still captivated at how glad he was here working with her.

"That was amazing," she finally offered.

He glanced up at her, surprised to see her at first before he nodded in agreement, turning back to his chart.

"You practice on cadavers," she continued. "You think you know what you're going to feel standing over that table but…that was such a high. I don't know why anyone does drugs."

Derek smiled softly at her. "Yeah," he agreed.

"Yeah," she nodded.

"I should go do this," he said, but his eyes told her that he wanted to do something else entirely.

"You should," she nodded as he moved to sit beside her.

"And you know…there's something that goes along with surgery highs," he murmured.

"What's that?" she asked, a smile spreading across her face.

"Sex," he whispered, so softly only she could hear.

She laughed slightly. "I do seem to remember you coming home on surgery highs a couple times," she said.

"And think how much better it will be when it's both of us," he said, his hand traveling discreetly over her thigh.

"You go take care of Katie," she said. "And then…we'll go home."

"We'll go home," Derek said, squeezing her hand softly before he stood, making his way down the hall.

"Derek," she called, watching him turn back to look at her. "I'm really glad you're here."

He smiled softly at her, nodding slowly. "Me too, Mer," was all he said. And that was enough.


	2. The First Cut is the Deepest

"Remember the rules," Meredith demanded as she handed him a thermos of coffee, taking a bagel in return.

"No relationship stuff at work," Derek rolled his eyes. "I know."

"Good," she said.

"I don't know why you're obsessing over this," he commented as they made their way towards the door.

"I'm not obsessing," she rolled her eyes. "But no one knows. And no one will know, because then I'm the slutty intern sleeping with the attending."

"Okay," Derek sighed. "But why can't be drive in together?"

"Because people will see," Meredith replied. "And…because I'm mad at you."

"Mad at me?" Derek frowned. "What the hell did I do?"

"You made us late," Meredith replied. "If you hadn't been all naked and…whatever this morning we wouldn't be late right now."

"I was just getting in the shower," Derek shrugged innocently. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Right, you always get in the shower with a hard on like that," Meredith rolled her eyes.

"It's not my fault you can't resist my manliness," Derek laughed.

"Shut up and go to work," she rolled her eyes as she opened the back door to her jeep, trying to balance her cup of coffee as she tossed her bag in.

"Hey," Derek appeared behind her, turning her gently to press a kiss to her lips. "I'll see you there."

"Have a good day," she murmured against his lips.

"You too," he said, and then with one more kiss he was gone, in his own car driving towards the hospital.

She shook her head as she got into her own car, following him the short distance to the hospital. She waited until he was in the building to get out of her car, hating the fact that it felt like she was avoiding him. She knew it was worth it, and the last thing she needed was anyone knowing about their relationship. Christina already knew and probably hated her for it, and she didn't want to make any more enemies.

When she arrived at the locker room after stopping at the coffee cart, she was surprised to see George and Izzie already dressed, pacing the room impatiently.

"There she is!" George cried the second she walked in the door.

"Me?" she asked, stepping back as George and Izzie moved closer to her.

"Meredith, George drove by your house yesterday," Izzie said.

"He did?" she asked, her heart pounding. "You did?" Derek was going to have to start parking his car down the street and walking. She didn't care if it rained all the time, that should be what he got for being an idiot.

"It's really big," George said. "And nice. It's a really nice, big house."

"Thanks?" Meredith offered, wondering where this was going.

"And big nice houses must be pretty expensive to keep up," Izzie said.

There it was.

"It's my mother's," Meredith shrugged, pushing past them to open her locker.

"Does she live there?" George frowned.

"No," Meredith shook her head. "She's…traveling."

"So you don't know what it feels like to live with your mother," George said. "I need out of that place. My mom irons my scrubs. My scrubs."

"Look, we're just trying to find a place to live," Izzie said. "And you have a ton of extra space. Why not rent it out?"

"We're already working eighty hour weeks together," Meredith said. "You really want to live together too?"

"Yes," George and Izzie said at once.

She rolled her eyes as she pulled her scrubs out of her locker. She wondered what Derek's reaction would be if she told him that she was letting two of his interns move in with them. "I don't think so," she said.

"Will you at least think about it?" Izzie asked.

Meredith rolled her eyes. "If I think about it will I have some privacy to change?" she asked.

"Yes."

"Fine, then I'll think about it," she said.

"Grey!" Bailey's voice came from the elevator. "Get your ass dressed and meet us out there. You're late. And you two, stop putzing around and do your jobs!"

George and Izzie scurried out of the locker room, leaving Meredith to get dressed in peace as she thought about their offer. She wasn't exactly sure if Derek was living with her. He'd slept there every night since they'd arrived in Seattle, but he still went somewhere to change out his clothes. Probably a hotel, but she wasn't exactly sure why he had even bothered to get a hotel in the first place.

It was after rounds, and getting told off by Bailey when she'd tried to bribe her way into the OR, that Meredith saw Derek standing in front of the elevator, concentrating down on his cell phone. She rolled her eyes slightly, knowing that he wasn't doing anything doctorly at all. He'd refused to admit that he played PacMan on his phone, but his high score proved that he played the game well, and frequently.

She took a deep breath as she stepped in front of him, trying to ignore the very poignant presence of the man behind her, and trying to think of anything besides what he'd done to her that morning.

"Seattle has ferryboats," he offered from behind her.

"Yes," she said, deciding to take his bait.

"I didn't know that," he said. "I've been living here six weeks and you didn't tell me there were ferryboats."

"Seattle is surrounded by water on three sides," she said, fighting off amusement in her voice.

"Hence the ferryboats."

If this was her boyfriend's idea of small talk with a coworker, he was a bigger idiot than she thought.

"Now I have to like it here," he sighed as they stepped onto the elevator, and she cursed inwardly as she realized they were the only two on board. This could be bad, very bad. "I have a thing. For ferryboats, I mean."

"So you wouldn't like it if there weren't any ferryboats?" she asked as the doors slid closed.

"Well," he said, reaching out to brush her bangs out of her face. "There is this girl that I kind of like."

"Kind of like?" she raised an eyebrow.

"She lives here, so it's not all that bad," he said, leaning into her.

She went with it for a moment before she pulled back, effectively ruining the moment. "You're sexually harassing me," she commented.

"I'm riding an elevator," he countered, his eyes closing as he leaned in for another kiss.

"No," she said, pushing him away from her and stepping to the other side of the elevator. "I'm drawing a line. The line is drawn. There's a big line, one that you're not allowed to cross at work."

He was silent for a moment, his expression amused before he stepped towards her again. "So this line," he stated. "Is it imaginary or do I need to get you a marker?"

Meredith stared at him for a moment, processing his words before her gaze dropped briefly to the erection that was straining against the thin material of his scrub pants. Before she knew what was happening, the charts were out of her arms, dropped on a pile on the floor as she launched herself into his arms. He was prepared for her, his arms already wrapping around her waist as she kissed him deeply, her hands fisting in his hair.

This was bad, so bad, but she couldn't help herself as he turned so that she was pressed against the wall of the elevator, her hips grinding furiously against his. She moaned into his mouth as his hand came to her thigh, pulling her leg to wrap around his waist as the fingers of his other hand wrapped themselves in her hair. His erection was hard and long against her center, and right now, in this moment, she wanted nothing more than to forget everything and have hot, amazing sex with her boyfriend.

Just as his hands were reaching for the ties on her scrubs, the elevator door dinged, and she gasped as she pushed away from him. The doors slid open and she quickly reached down to grab the fallen charts, her hands shaking the entire time. Without looking at Derek again she pushed her way off of the elevator, only looking back when she was a safe distance away.

"We'll talk later!" Derek called after her and she giggled slightly as she heard the frustration in his voice, noting the way he had shoved his hands in his pockets and conveniently pulled his lab coat closed. That was what he got for trying to break the rules.

XXXXXX

An hour later, Meredith was standing in the ICU unit, penis cooler in hand, staring at the Jane Doe who had fallen victim to a rapist's attack, the girl who had the same shoes as her. She wasn't sure why she was so fixated on that fact, but for some reason she couldn't quite comprehend that she had something in common with the woman who had been so brutally attacked. It wasn't just the fact that they had the same shoes; it was the fact that there was no family to call for this woman to have support, just like if something ever happened to her, there would be no one to call.

"Mer," Derek sighed as he walked into the room to examine the mystery woman. "Still no sign of who the hell did this. Sooner or later he's going to need attention so that penis you're carrying around won't be with you forever."

She ignored his joke as she stepped closer to him. "Where's her family?"

"Doesn't have any," he shrugged.

"No siblings?" she asked. She had Lexie. Maybe if something happened to her, Lexie would come.

"No," Derek shook his head. "Both parents are dead. She just moved to Seattle three weeks ago. Welcome to the city." He was standing at the nurse's station now, making notes on her chart, but Meredith couldn't take her eyes off of the woman on the bed. She couldn't understand how this woman could be so injured, so alone, and Derek was barely even recognizing the fact that maybe she just needed someone to sit with her.

"Mer, you okay?" he called over his shoulder, sensing her tension like he always did.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she nodded, her eyes still trained on the broken figure before her. "I just…have to do something. I have to go."

"Okay," Derek murmured from behind her, and she was already off down the hallway, not seeing him turn back to sit beside their nameless victim.

When she returned to the room after her shift, she was surprised to see Derek sitting beside the bed. "How is she?" she asked, sitting down beside him and setting the stupid penis cooler down beside her.

"No change," Derek sighed, sounding completely exhausted.

"How long have you been here?" she asked, pulling her bag onto her lap and offering him a bottle of water and a salad.

"Few hours," he shrugged. "I figured she needed some support."

Meredith smiled as she pulled her own salad out of her bag. He hadn't completely glazed over the fact that this girl was alone. "Me too," she said.

"We can go home," he offered, but she could tell he didn't want to leave.

"No," she said, twisting her water bottle open. "I want to stay too."

"Good," he said, taking a bite of his salad before he glanced over at her. "You know I have four sisters. Very girly, tons of kids. If I was in a coma, they'd all be here. I'd want them here."

Meredith tried to push aside the horrible thoughts that went through her mind at the mention of Derek being in a coma. She wasn't sure she was strong enough to handle something like that, but she leaned closer to him anyways. "I'd be here too," she promised softly.

He reached for her hand, his eyes slightly brighter than they had been moments before. "That means the world to me, Mer," he whispered. "Thank you."

She squeezed his hand slightly before she followed her gaze back to the girl. "Having no one," he said sadly. "I can't imagine that."

"I can," she said without a beat.

"What are you talking about?" he frowned. "Of course you have people. I'd be here every second, Mer."

"I know," she said, her eyes watering slightly. She hated how emotional he got when he was being…him. "I guess I'm still not used to the fact that you'd be here, that I wouldn't be alone."

"What about your mother?" he asked, taking another bite of salad. "She'd be here ordering all the surgeons around. She'd fly these cowboys in from Prague to do these amazing medical procedures."

She was grateful that he'd turned his back to glance at the chart so that he wouldn't see her expression. He could read her way too easily, and she couldn't exactly conceal her emotions when it came to talking about her mother anyways.

"That's true," she finally sighed, hating that she had to lie to him. "I do have my mother."

"Hmmm," Derek said, taking another bite of salad before he changed the topic, smirking slightly at her. "You kissed me this morning."

"I knew that was going to come up," she said.

"Don't get me wrong, I like the kissing," he said. "I'm all for the kissing. More kissing, I say."

"I have no idea what that was about," she rolled her eyes.

"Is it going to happen again, because if it is, I need to bring breath mints," he teased. "Put a condom in my wallet."

"Shut up now," she said. "Condoms stay at home. Just like kissing."

Derek smiled softly at her, but for the first time it didn't have any effect on her. "There's this baby, up in ICU," she said softly. "Brand new. No one's neglected him, brought him down. How do we get from there to here? She's wearing my shoes, and someone's beaten the crap out of her."

Derek sighed and moved closer to her, but before he could offer her any comforting words, the monitors beeped loudly and he sprang into doctor mode without missing a beat. She called a code blue and heard him ordering an OR, forcing her to push all thoughts of negativity and abandonment out of her head as she moved to Derek's side to help prep their patient for emergency surgery.

She stood outside the OR until the surgery was over, needing to know what had happened and knowing that Derek was going to be upset when he got out. When he finally appeared and saw her leaning against the wall, relief flooded his eyes as he tore his scrub cap off and ran his hands through his hair.

"Hey," he said distractedly. "I uh…I had to leave her skull flap open until the pressure in her brain goes down."

"She's not going to make it, is she?" Meredith asked, reading the distressed expression on his face.

"She's going to be fine," Derek said automatically, but his expression combined with his tone of voice and the fact that he wasn't looking her in the eye told her that he was lying to her.

"If she ever wakes up," Meredith stated.

"If she ever wakes up," Derek agreed sadly.

The rest of the day flew by in a blur. From realizing that the rapist's penis was gone for good to their patient waking up to be fully functional, Meredith was exhausted by the time she slid into her leopard print flats and made her way to the elevator where, of course, Derek was standing with his phone open in front of him.

"You know, if I ever need brain surgery I'm going to request a surgeon who doesn't play Pac Man twenty four seven," she commented as she moved to stand beside him.

"I'm not playing Pac Man," he scoffed.

"Sure," she nodded, looking up at the elevator dial.

"I'm not," he insisted. "I'm a doctor. I'm doing important doctorly things."

"Prove it," she said, and when he turned to look at her with a questioning glance, she reached out and grabbed the phone, looking down at it. "Ha!" she cried, holding it up in triumph. "Pac Man."

"Give me that," he rolled he eyes.

She giggled as she handed the phone back to him. "Sorry Dr. Shepherd."

"Sure you are," he said, stepping closer to her. "And you know…it's intense. This thing I have. For ferryboats."

Meredith offered him a smirk before the elevator doors slid open to reveal a completely empty elevator. "Well," she said, stepping on board. "How about you tell me all about it? Because I have a thing for ferryboats myself."

Derek laughed as he followed her on board, quickly closing the doors behind them and pulling her into his arms. She knew they were taking a chance by making out in the elevator but she didn't care. She was starting to realize what it was like to not be alone, and she wasn't going to give that up because of some stupid line that she had drawn.

Despite the fact that he was her boss's boss, Meredith Grey was definitely falling in love with Derek Shepherd. And she didn't regret it at all.


	3. Winning a Battle, Losing the War

"Thanks for breakfast," Meredith said, smiling up at Derek as they stood on a street corner outside of the hospital, each of them cradling a cup of coffee after their early morning breakfast shared before a forty eight hour shift for her.

"My pleasure," he said, giving her hand a tight squeeze as he looked down at her. "Especially since I'm not allowed in your house anymore."

"I'm sorry," she said. "I really would have preferred you to live there. George and Izzie are…they're always there. All the time."

"I still don't get why you insisted on them moving in," he said. "I can afford to pay you rent after all."

She rolled her eyes as she smacked him in the stomach. "It's not that," she said. "It's…I couldn't think of a way to tell them no."

"Besides the fact that your hot sexy boyfriend didn't want them to?" Derek offered.

"Don't flatter yourself," she said. "And they don't know I have a boyfriend. They never will."

He nodded as he released her hand to wrap an arm around her shoulders and pull her close. "I know," he said. "But I wish you would tell me why you need the money so badly. The mortgage is paid."

She shook her head as she buried her face in his shoulder. She hated that she had to lie to him about her mother and the fact that she needed rent money from George and Izzie to pay for Ellis's nursing home care. She'd promised her mother that she would never tell anyone, so she couldn't tell Derek, as much as she wanted to. "I can't," she whispered. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," he said. "But whatever it is…you know that you can come to me."

"I know," she said, leaning up to kiss him but frowning when he pulled away, pushing her to a more respectable distance. "What are you doing?" she asked.

"Bailey," he hissed, and she turned to see her resident walking towards the crosswalk they were waiting for to cross, thankfully frowning down at her cell phone and not paying attention to the embrace that Meredith and Derek had been locked in only moments before.

"Morning Dr. Bailey," he nodded as she approached them.

"Shut up," she replied, waving a hand in his direction as she frowned at the street. Derek blinked quickly in surprise and Meredith couldn't help but giggle at how taken aback he was by her.

After a moment, he shook his head and turned to her. "You do realize that I'm an attending and you're only a resident?" he asked, and Meredith made a mental note to make him sorry for that comment. "You work for me, right?"

"I forgot something," Bailey murmured, completely ignoring Derek. "Something is happening today, I know I should know what it is, but I just…"

"Nice talking with you, Dr. Bailey," Meredith giggled, wondering if her resident had even noticed her presence.

"It's right in front of my face," Bailey continued, and Meredith offered Derek an amused smile as they started to cross the street.

"Stop!" she suddenly shouted, reaching for Meredith's arm.

Before Meredith could process what was happening, Derek was clinging to her as they jumped back onto the sidewalk, a massive amount of bikers speeding by them at what had to be about a hundred miles an hour. Men were tumbling off of their bikes left and right, but that didn't seem to stop them from getting right back on and speeding away.

"Now I remember!" Bailey cried confidently.

"What are you talking about?" Derek asked, panic overcoming his face as he looked around them. Meredith couldn't help but smile at the way he hated being out of control of any situation, especially when he had no idea what was going on.

"Watch out!" she cried, grabbing his hand and pulling him closer to her as a bike crashed in the very spot he had been standing. "What the hell was that?" she cried a few minutes later as the bikers disappeared and they could safely cross the street.

"Dead baby bike race," Bailey shook her head. "Fools on bikes killing themselves. Get ready for a long day. Natural selection, that's what it is."

Meredith inhaled deeply as the trio walked into the waiting room. There were already several people in biking gear with varying degrees of injuries scattered throughout the chairs and she glanced at Derek briefly. They probably weren't going to make it to the dinner date that they'd wanted to tonight. Bailey was right, it was going to be a long day.

An hour later, she found herself in an exam room, suturing a man's abdomen and trying to ignore the obvious pick up lines he was trying to offer her.

"You've got a nice touch," he commented.

"Seriously, do you think you have a shot here?" she asked, trying to keep the amusement off of her face.

"I like to think I have a shot anywhere."

"Well, not here," she said, leaning closer to his wound. "I'm someone else's shot."

"Touche," he said, looking at her closely.

"Look, we really should take you for some tests," Meredith said, trying to turn the conversation back to medicine. "You need a CT, you could have internal bleeding."

"No thank you, I've got a race to get back to."

"Why, you can't win now anyways," Meredith commented.

"Doesn't matter," he shrugged. "I gotta cross that finish line. There's a party at the finish line. Do you want to meet me there?"

Meredith paused for a moment to meet his eyes. This guy was charming, no doubt about that. And before Derek, he would have definitely been someone that she would have been with for awhile for some fun. But she was very happy to realize that she wasn't even tempted by his offer. There was only one man she wanted to meet at the finish line.

"One test, a CT," she said firmly. "I'll have you out of here in an hour."

"Can't do it," he shook his head.

"Okay, well, you realize you're leaving against medical advice, since I strongly urge you to stay," she asked as she pulled her gloves off.

"The fat guy said I could go."

"The fat guy is an ass," Meredith snapped. "You have to sign an AMA form."

"I will do anything you want me to," he said, leaning closer as she made a note on his chart.

"What is it with you guys and your need to dirty everything up?" she asked.

"I don't know," he said, a pensive frown taking over his features.

"Well, you might want to see a doctor about that," she suggested.

"There," he said, quickly signing the paper and stepping off of the bed. He made a move to leave and she had already turned to put the form in his chart when he had grabbed her and was kissing her, taking her completely by surprise. She pushed him away, staring at him for a moment before he backed away, offering her a smile. "That was for good luck."

"I have plenty of good luck!" she called after him as he walked out the door.

"Don't worry, darling, you'll see me again!" he replied as he closed the door behind him.

"For your sake I hope not!" she shouted. She didn't even want to know what would happen if Derek ever got his hands on him. She turned to change the bedding, shaking her head slightly before she looked through the observation window, meeting the angry eyes of her boyfriend.

Great.

He keep eye contact as he moved towards the door, shutting it completely behind him as he turned to look at her again.

"Hey Der," she offered him a smile. "What's up?"

"You make out with patients now?" he frowned.

"What, are you jealous?" she asked, a smirk on her face. Angry Derek was hot, and she couldn't help edging him on a little more.

"I don't get jealous," he defended.

"You're my boss," she stated.

"And your boyfriend," he added.

"And my boyfriend," she rolled her eyes.

"So what's with the kissing?" he frowned.

"It was nothing," she shook her head. "Don't make it a big deal."

"It's a big deal when people in this hospital think it's okay to hit on you," he replied.

"I thought you didn't get jealous," she mocked.

"Mer," he said. "Seriously. It doesn't have to be a big deal. We can be completely professional at work, I just…I want people to know."

"No."

"You know, I almost died today," he changed tactics. "Yeah, I came this close. How would you feel if I'd died and we didn't get a chance to have sex in the hospital?"

"Get over yourself already," she rolled her eyes.

"Come on," he said, nudging her shoulder. "That was a joke."

"You're my boss," she said. "It's against the rules. You know I can't date you."

"But you are," he said, suddenly realizing that she was serious.

"Derek," she said. "Please. Just cooperate. At least for now. This is a game to you. But not to me. Unlike you, I still have something to prove."

She pushed him aside as she moved out of the room, ignoring the guilt that was lingering inside of her. She knew that Derek was just kidding, that he was trying to lighten up what was already a bad day. But she hated when he brought up their relationship at work. And he knew that she hated it, so it made her even more angry that he was bringing it up now. So he could think about what an idiot he was while she didn't speak to him for the rest of the day.

Which didn't exactly work well when Burke had refused to do a surgery for her and Christina and she had to go to Derek for advice as to how to save their patient.

"You're asking my advice?" he asked, amusement playing on his lips. "I don't know if this much contact is appropriate at work. Someone might think we're sleeping together."

"Not funny," she said, even though she knew she deserved it. "This is important."

"It must be, if I'm getting the honor of having a conversation with you at work," he teased. She offered him a firm stare and he sobered as he leaned closer to her. "Okay. You wanna get around Burke?"

She nodded along with him, grateful that he was finally taking her seriously and not wanting to disrupt the thought process that was obviously going on inside of his head.

"You gotta find a way to get the chief involved," he finally said, meeting her eyes.

"Thanks," she said, reaching forward to give his hand a quick squeeze before she turned to walk down the hall, completely unaware that Izzie and Christina had watched the entire exchange.

It had been a long day, and Meredith was grateful when she finally had the chance to change into her street clothes. It wasn't too late, she and Derek might still be able to find a place for dinner if he was off for the night as well.

She groaned as her pager beeped loudly, just as she'd pulled her street shoes on. As she was looking down at it, realizing with a great deal of relief that someone else had already responded, the door burst open and Alex marched in, causing her headache to multiply by about ten times.

"God, I smell good," he announced as he opened his locker. "You know what it is, it's the smell of open heart surgery. It's awesome. You gotta smell me."

"I don't want to smell you," she rolled her eyes as he came up behind her, wrapping his arms around her and pinning her to the lockers.

"Oh, yes you do," he said, nuzzling her hair with his face in a way that sent her over the edge.

"You have got to be kidding me!" she cried as she pushed his hands off of her and grabbed two fistfuls of his shirt, pinning him against the lockers. "Okay, I have more important things to deal with than you. I have roommate and boy problems and family problems." She tightened her fists around his shirt as he yawned widely, causing her anger to bubble up inside of her even more. This was the last thing she needed right now. "You wanna act like a little frat boy bitch, that's fine. You wanna take credit for your saves and everybody else's, that's fine too. Just stay out of my face. And for the record," she said, grabbing his chin and forcing him to look at her. "You smell like crap."

She let go of him and turned back to her locker, glancing only briefly at Derek from where he stood in the doorway. She'd been too caught up in yelling at Alex that she hadn't even noticed him come in. But at this point in time, she didn't even care.

"She attacked me," Alex said, obviously taking in the confused expression on Derek's face.

"Mer," Derek cried, intercepting her advances towards Alex, this time determined not to be so gentle. He grabbed her shoulders and steered her away from Alex before he turned back to him. "You know what, you might want to leave before I change my mind and let her beat you to a pulp with her tiny ineffectual fists." He pushed Alex out the door and then turned to her, eyebrows raised in curiosity. "What?" he finally asked.

"Nothing," she said as she reached for her jacket, trying to avoid eye contact. "It's just…" she turned back to him, so wanting to fall into his arms and tell him everything that was going on in her head, from her concerns about their relationship to her mother in the nursing him, treating her like a five year old. But she couldn't, not here. And they couldn't go back to her house, because she had let her stupid coworkers live with her. "Nothing," she repeated, slamming her locker closed and stepping towards him. "I'm going home."

She only stared at him for a moment before she turned and hurried out of the room, not willing to let herself show how much she needed him.

The next day was longer than usual. She'd come to depend on her daily breakfasts with Derek in the city, but she hadn't had the energy to go that morning and pretend like everything was okay. She knew that Derek was worried about her, she knew he knew that there was something that she wasn't telling him. And she didn't have the energy or the willpower to resist the look he gave her when he wanted her to confide in him.

So she spent the entire day avoiding him, but instead of feeling better at the end of the day, all she felt was an ache of missing him.

As she was getting dressed to go home, the door opened and he stepped inside, staring at her softly for a moment.

"I missed you at breakfast this morning," he offered.

"I'm sorry," she said.

"Are you mad at me?" he asked.

"No," she said, inhaling deeply with a shaky breath. "Just…mad at everyone."

"Hmmm," he said, stepping towards her.

"Can I ask you something?" she asked.

"Anything," he nodded.

She looked at him closely for a moment, wondering how exactly she'd become this girl. The girl who was completely head over heels for her boss. She had lived her life always doubting that love even existed, but now she was sure it did. She just didn't know how to live with it.

"You're not with me because of some weird mid life crisis thing, are you?" she asked. "You're divorced, so you sleep with the hot med school student and then follow her across the country so you can keep getting some?"

"Meredith," he breathed, coming closer to her. "Of course not. I thought you knew that."

"I do," she said. "Or…I think I do. But I guess I'm not good at this, and I need reasons for why you're with me."

"Hmmm," he nodded slowly for a moment, taking her in. "It's…your tiny ineffectual fists. And your hair."

"My hair?" she asked, already feeling better as he moved even closer to her.

"It smells good," he nodded as he leaned in to take a whiff. "And you're very very bossy. It keeps me in line."

She smiled up at him, knowing from the way he was looking at her that he was undressing her with his eyes. And in that moment, she felt more special than she ever had. "We're not doing this at the hospital," she said.

"Okay," he said, reaching for her hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. "We'll go to the hotel."

She smiled at him for a moment before she leaned up to kiss him quickly, so fast that it was over before it was done. "I'll meet you there," she promised.

He turned to walk out the door, and she tried to calm her racing heart as she shoved her belongings into her bag, stalling so that they wouldn't end up leaving the hospital at the same time.

And as she stepped out into the cool Seattle rain, she felt completely refreshed, more confident in both herself as a doctor, as a girlfriend, and as a person, all thanks to Derek Shepherd.

**Again, I'm sorry for the delay! I've been too busy to really write a lot, but I'll get what I can up. Just so all of you know, I'm aware that this story is staying pretty close to the show right now, but I'm still trying to set things up. Be prepared for some very big things (Addison will show up in this fic, just as she did on the show, but with completely different reasons.) Just hang in there for a few more chapters before things start to pick up speed. Thank you so much for reading! xoxo**


	4. Shake your groove thing

**I'm sorry again for the delay. My life is kind of crazy right now, and I find myself only able to write a little bit here and there, which makes frequent updating hard. I hope you're all still willing to give the story a chance. Please let me know what you think! Thanks for your patience and sticking with the story xoxo**

Meredith was exhausted.

As she stepped into the shower after a few hours of precious sleep, all she wanted was to call out of work, crawl back into bed, and sleep for the next week. Preferably with Derek's arms around her.

But she couldn't do that. Because she was a stupid intern, and as she sank onto the floor of the shower, the warm water soothing her and making it hard to keep her eyes open, she couldn't exactly remember why she had decided to place this slow and painful torture on herself.

She allowed herself to close her eyes for a moment, and it wasn't until her toothbrush slipped out of her hand that she realized she was actually falling asleep. In the shower.

As she pulled herself to her feet, she turned the water to the coldest setting possible, hoping that it would wake her up. This was totally Derek's fault. She'd just performed a forty eight hour shift, after which Derek had taken her to dinner, then called her the moment that she got home. Apparently if they couldn't actually have sex, he thought it was necessary to have phone sex all night. Or twice, but to Meredith's exhausted body it had seemed like a lot more than that.

And now she had to go visit her mother before she went to work, another thing that she hated. It was awful to see Ellis Grey deteriorating before her eyes, awful reliving the painful memories of her past, and worst of all she had to hide it all from Derek. She hated hiding it from Derek.

"Mer?" his voice came from the hallway, and before she knew what was happening he was smiling at her from the other side of the frosted shower door. "Good morning."

"What the hell are you doing here?" she asked, poking her head out of the shower stall. "I told you you're not allowed here."

"Relax," he rolled his eyes. "Izzie and George spent last night at the hospital. And I assigned them a high profile case yesterday, they're not leaving anytime soon."

"Oh," she said, moving back into the shower.

"Taking a cold shower?" he smirked. "You know if you're having dirty thoughts, I can help you out with that."

"Don't hold your breath," she rolled her eyes, but turned the water back to hot anyways. It was starting to get painful.

"Everything okay?" he asked as he discarded his boxers and stepped into the shower behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and kissing her neck.

"I'm just….so tired," she whispered, leaning into his touch. "I can barely even keep my eyes open."

"Hmmm," he said, removing one hand from her waist to reach for her shampoo. "I remember that feeling very well."

"What are you doing?" she frowned as she watched him pour a generous amount into his hand.

"Letting you relax," he said, working the soapy matter through her hair. "Close your eyes. I'll take care of you."

She rolled her eyes at his cheesiness, but she couldn't help the relaxing feeling that washed over her as he gently massaged her scalp. She leaned into him as he rinsed her hair, washed her body and then conditioned her hair, knowing her shower routine by heart.

"You're on your own for shaving your legs," he laughed after her hair was silky and smooth from the conditioner.

"Hmmm," she sighed as she wrapped her arms around him. "Too tired."

"Alright," he sighed dramatically, reaching to turn off the shower and a towel to wrap Meredith in. "I suppose I can handle that."

"And don't think you're getting sex anytime soon," she said, her body moving slower than it ever had as she reached for another towel to wrap her hair in. "Any time off I have will be spent sleeping. Not sexing."

"Noted," Derek nodded as he stepped back into his pants. "Do you want to ride in together?"

Meredith bit her lip as she wracked her brain for an answer. "I can't," she finally said as she pushed her way past him towards her bedroom.

"Mer, I'll drop you off and then park the car," he offered, following her as he buttoned his shirt. "No one will know."

"No, I mean I'm going in later," she said. "I already cleared it with the chief."

"If you're going in late, why aren't you taking the extra time to sleep?"

Meredith sighed, knowing that he was only trying to be apart of her life. And she hated that she couldn't tell him this. But it had been the last thing she had promised her mother, and since she had never made Ellis Grey proud in her life, she somehow hoped this would do the trick.

"I have an appointment," she heard herself saying. "With a doctor."

Derek's expression immediately turned from curious to concerned. "Are you sick?" he frowned.

"No, Derek," she rolled her eyes. "Sometimes people go to the doctor to prevent getting sick."

"Oh," he nodded slowly. "Is this your…female doctor?"

She couldn't help but roll her eyes. The man was a doctor himself, he'd been married to an obstetrician for eleven years. But he still freaked out when she had her period or talked about getting gynecological exams. She wasn't sure why, but the whole process really freaked him out. Some doctor he was. So hopefully that would shut him up. "Yeah," she shrugged as she pulled a sweater over her head.

"Okay," he said, leaning in to kiss her gently. "Good luck. I'll see you at work?"

"Yeah," she said, wrapping her arms around his neck to kiss him again. "Thanks for coming over. I needed this."

He pressed his lips against her forehead, letting them linger for a moment longer than necessary. "Me too," he said before he turned and walked towards the door. "Bye, Mer."

"Bye," she called, watching him disappear before she turned back to her mirror. It was going to be a long day.

XXXXX

After meeting with the head of the nursing home who had told her that all rights were going to be signed over to her, she found herself completely overwhelmed and exhausted in Dr. Burke's OR. As she held Mrs. Paterson's heart in her hands, she tried desperately not to fall asleep, only closing her eyes once as she squeezed the heart a little too hard.

She couldn't do this. This was her first time in heart surgery, she couldn't mess this up. After Burke yelled at her, she forced herself to ignore the exhaustion she was feeling and concentrated on the job in front of her.

It wasn't until after they had restarted the heart, which had taken more effort than it should have, that she noticed the ripped glove on her right fingernail. The hand that had been holding the heart. The hand that had squeezed her patient's heart too hard when she'd fallen asleep for less than a second in the OR.

Her heart pounded in her ears as she scrubbed out based on autopilot. She had no idea what to do. If she told Burke, he would kick her off of his service, maybe out of the program. But if she didn't tell him and something happened to Mrs. Paterson…that would all be her fault.

She walked through the halls in a trance, needing to find Derek. He would know what to do. He always knew what to do.

"Hey," she finally ran into him at an intersection of halls, munching on a salad as he made his way towards the elevator. "How was surgery with Burke? You got to hold a heart."

"Yeah," she said, glancing at George who was awkwardly walking behind them. She couldn't talk to Derek with George following them around like a puppy, at least not the way she wanted to.

"It's an amazing feeling, isn't it?" he asked as he took another bite of salad. "You'll never forget it."

"It was pretty great just to watch," George chimed in and she rolled her eyes. She wasn't quite sure why the hell her roommate seemed to think it was okay to follow her around all the time, but right now all she needed was Derek. And the only thing getting in the way of that was George.

"Dr. Shepherd," she said as the elevator ran. "I…can I talk to you? About the surgery we performed the other day? I have some questions."

Derek's eyes examined hers for a moment before he nodded, understanding that that wasn't what she needed to talk to him about at all. And she loved the fact that he could read her so well. "Of course, Dr. Grey," he said. "Why don't we go to my office?"

"Thank you," she said softly as they stepped onto the elevator with George.

The short ride was completely awkward as she stood beside Derek, George standing just a hint to close to her back. She could feel the concern radiating off of Derek's body, and it was all she could do not to lean into him and take his support right now.

Thankfully, the elevator doors slid open onto the administrative floor and she followed Derek down the hall to his office. The moment the door closed behind him, he turned to her with concerned eyes and she wrapped her arms around him, taking comfort in his warm and strong body.

"Mer," he breathed, his hands trailing along her back. "What is it? Are you okay? Did the doctor say something?"

"Doctor?" she frowned, her voice muffled by his scrub top.

"This morning," he said. "If she found something…Mer, we can get through it. Whatever it is, we'll do it."

She felt a sting of tears pricking her eyes at his words. She hated that she had to lie to him, and she hated that she made him scared. But she loved how concerned he was, and she loved that every day, every moment, she was becoming just a bit more aware of the fact that he wasn't going to leave her. "It's not that," she whispered. "I'm perfectly healthy."

"Okay," he said, guiding her to the couch and sitting her down, pushing her hair out from her eyes. "What's going on?"

"I think…maybe I did something," she said. "To the heart. When I was holding it. I nodded off a little. Squeezed it."

Derek's look of concern increased slightly, but he reached to link their fingers together. "The heart's a tough muscle, Mer," he offered. "It can take a squeeze or two."

"My fingernail popped the glove," she continued. "Cut straight through." She took in the expression on Derek's face as it changed slightly, knowing that he was thinking what she was about to say. "Derek, what if I punctured Mrs. Paterson's heart?"

"It went okay, right?" Derek asked. "The heart was beating, everything was normal?"

"Yeah," she whispered.

"So…do I tell Burke?"

Derek's expression changed to one of conflict, and suddenly she regretted what she had just done. Derek was an attending, and if this had happened in his OR he would have been seeing red for a month if an intern hadn't told him something like this. But he was also her boyfriend, and he didn't want her to get herself in what might very well be unnecessary trouble. She'd put him in an awkward position, and she hated that. She sometimes forgot that an attending being in a relationship with an intern did have problems at work.

"Monitor her," he finally said. "If there is anything wrong at all, one irregular heartbeat, then you tell Dr. Burke."

"Okay," Meredith said softly. "I'm sorry, Derek."

He inhaled sharply as he looked at her. "I'm just sorry you're so exhausted," he murmured. "Why don't you try to get some sleep now?"

"Thanks," she sighed, leaning her head against his shoulder. "Thank you."

"For what?" he asked.

"Being you," she replied as she allowed herself to drift off into safe unconsciousness in his arms.

XXXXX

She spent her day completely terrified, checking on Mrs. Paterson every half an hour to make sure that everything was okay. Her body was on high alert, ready to jump into action and tell Dr. Burke what had happened as soon as anything irregular appeared at all.

She was standing at the nurse's counter late in the afternoon when she felt Derek approach her. "You okay?" he asked, concern lacing his tone.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," she nodded as she returned to her chart.

"You sure, cause you seem not okay."

As much as she loved how well he knew her, how well he could read her, there were times that she wished he just…wouldn't.

"I'm fine," she said. "Long day."

"Well, let's go out to dinner tonight," he suggested. "We can get away from it all, just be us."

"I can't," she said. She hadn't told Derek at the party at her house, one that she thought was going to be suspiciously bigger than Izzie had promised. But there was going to be tequila at the party. Right now she needed tequila, but the last thing she needed was Derek and tequila mixed together. Because when she drank tequila, she couldn't control herself when it came to Derek, and she would probably end up fucking him in her living room with the entire staff of the hospital watching. She did not need that right now.

"Forget about the party," he said, following her down the hall.

"You know about the party?" she frowned.

"Your friends will be at the party, we can be alone somewhere else," he offered. "And not for sex, if you're too tired. We can just be us. Alone."

It sounded incredibly tempting, but she couldn't give in. "How do you know about the party?" she asked, distracting herself more than him.

"Thanks for not inviting me, by the way," he said as he leaned closer to her. "That felt good. Dinner. Think about dinner. Perfect opportunity."

"Well…" she started to reply, but was cut off by the sound of her pager. Without another word, she sprinted away from Derek to where Mrs. Paterson was crashing.

She spent the rest of the day being lectured by Burke, yelled at by the chief, and venting to the other interns in the tunnels to make herself feel better. As she was talking to the nursing home, finalizing plans to accept her mother's estate that evening, Derek intercepted her way, a stern look on his face. She sighed as she avoided his gaze, leaning against the railing and staring out at Seattle.

"I heard," he announced.

"It's a notary thing," she said quickly. "A thing to get notarized."

"I'm talking about the heart thing," Derek replied. "Do you want to talk about it?"

She sighed as she glanced at her watch. As much as she wanted to break down in his arms again, she couldn't. She had too many responsibilities. "We're adults," she said. "When did that happen?" She could feel his eyes on her as she turned to walk away, and she turned back to look at him. "And how do we make it stop?"

After yelling at the people in charge of her mother's estate after realizing that she had to come back again to sign for her estate, she made her way back to her house where the only words to describe the party were _out of control._

After trying unsuccessfully to find Izzie and cancel the party, she grabbed a bottle of tequila and allowed herself to drink her day away.

As she was standing on the front lawn, dancing slightly to the music in the house, she caught sight of a very familiar, very welcome, and very handsome man.

"You blew me off for a bottle of tequila?" he asked as he pushed himself off of his car. "Tequila's no good. It doesn't call, it doesn't write. It's not nearly as much fun to wake up to in the morning."

She giggled slightly as she grabbed him by the lapel of his coat, pulling him into a deep kiss. This was exactly what she needed right now. "Take me for a ride, Derek," she murmured before she kissed him again.

"You sure?" he asked, his eyes sparkling with amusement.

"I'm positive," she said, pulling him towards his car.

"Mer," he gasped as she pushed him into the passenger seat.

"I want sex," she said as she climbed on top of him, straddling him as she pulled the door closed behind them.

"Me too," he said, watching as she pulled her sweater over her head, then reached to lean the seat back as far as it would go. "God, you're beautiful."

"Derek," she rolled her eyes, pushing his jacket over his shoulders. "No sweet talk."

"What?" he frowned.

"Dirty talk," she said, rubbing her hips against his. "I want to fuck you."

"Oh," he laughed slightly, his hands going to the button on her pants. "Fuck me, Meredith."

"I want…" she swallowed hard as she pulled his sweater over his head and ripping the buttons off of his shirt. "I want you inside of me. And I want to ride you. Hard and fast."

"Yes," he gasped as she unbuttoned his pants, pulling his straining erection out of his pants. "Meredith…please."

She shifted slightly to pull her own pants off, straddling him again as his hands massaged her breasts roughly through her bra. "Derek," she gasped.

"What do you want?" he murmured, his voice low and husky.

"You," she said, rubbing her hips over his straining erection but not letting him enter her. "I want your hard, huge cock inside of me. Now."

"You're such a naughty girl," he said. "Wanting to do such dirty things."

"Do you want me to stop?" she asked, leaning to down pull him into a hot, searing kiss as his hands moved to her hips.

"No," he said. "Meredith…please."

"Yes," she sighed, not wanting to wait any longer either. She slowly lowered herself onto his erection, giving herself a moment to bask in the euphoria of having him deep inside of her, of knowing that in this moment there was very little that could go wrong in her life.

"Mer," he gasped, his penis twitching with need inside of her. "Please."

She braced herself on his shoulders as she began moving her hips, riding him hard as he leaned up to pull a nipple into her mouth, sucking on it hard as she continued to move over him.

"Derek," she gasped, her pace speeding up as her walls tightened around him.

"Come," he commanded, reaching down to stroke her where their bodies were connected. "Come for me, Mer."

"Oh God," she breathed, her back already arching as she felt herself losing control. "Derek…"

"Yes," he gasped, holding her hips as she rode the waves of her orgasm. "That's it….oh yes…"

"Derek," she gasped, her hips still rocking over him as his body tightened. "Oh God."

"Wow," he breathed, reaching up to twirl a finger around her hair as she collapsed on top of him.

"Derek," she repeated his name again, apparently the only word she was able to form as her brain was clouded with a fog that only Derek could create. "You're….God."

"I know," he laughed as he wrapped his arms around her, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "And you're drunk."

"Not that drunk," she murmured, but her slurred words and the taste of tequila on her tongue was evidence otherwise. "Cold."

"Here," Derek said, reaching for his discarded button down and wrapping it around her shoulders.

"Thanks," she sighed, pushing herself off of his chest to look down at him. "You always take care of me."

"I know," he laughed, running his hand through her hair. "I like it."

"I'm glad you let me ride you," she giggled, reaching to pull the shirt off again, her bra clad breasts hanging temptingly in his face. "I want to sex you again."

"Me too," he said, amusement sparkling in his eyes. "It seems like the party's winding down…Listen to me!"

"What?" she giggled.

"We should probably sneak inside now," he laughed, reaching up to push her hair behind her ear.

"We've done enough sneaking for tonight," she informed him, lowering herself back to his lap so their faces were level. "It was good sneaking, but enough sneaking."

"Yeah, I'd say we're pretty good sneakers," Derek sighed as he pulled his shirt back over her shoulders. "God, I love it when you wear my clothes."

She smiled down at him as she pulled the shirt closed. He swallowed hard as their eyes met, reaching to stroke her hair again. Just as she was leaning down to kiss him again, there was a tap on the window, causing both of them to turn towards the sound. And Meredith's heart froze as she saw her resident standing beside them, her expression obviously not amused.

"You mind moving this tail wagon? You're blocking me in," was all she said before she walked away.

"Apparently not good enough," Derek sighed as he pulled her shirt closed again.

"Derek," she hissed, rolling off of him and reaching for her pants. "This is bad. So so bad on so many levels."

"It's not that bad," he offered.

"For you," she snapped. "That's my boss!"

"So am I," he said, pulling his sweater over his head.

"Not helping," she said.

"Look, I'm Bailey's boss," he said. "I'll talk to her. Explain the situation."

"I'm already in trouble with Dr. Burke and the Chief," Meredith sighed. "I don't need to be in trouble with Bailey either."

"You won't be," he said, reaching for her.

"I have to go," she said, reaching for the driver's door and stumbling out of the car.

"Mer," he called.

"Just go," she yelled.

"What about my shirt?" he asked, obviously trying to lighten the mood.

"I'm keeping it!" she replied before she stormed into the house, disappearing into her bedroom and throwing herself onto her bed. She was going to get fired. She was convinced of it. If she hadn't been in enough trouble before, sleeping with her boss would seal the deal. And yet again, she wasn't completely sure that they should continue this.

Bailey knew about them, and that couldn't be good for either one of them.


	5. Chapter 5

Late. Meredith was so late, and it was all Derek's fault.

She'd kicked him out of her bed an hour earlier, before George or Izzie had woken up, but she was still completely late for work. It had been nice to just sleep in his arms, to not have to think about the cold half of her bed as she missed Derek's arms around her. So the night before, after a long day of jumping through hoops for Bailey in attempts to make up for her relationship with Derek, Meredith had been more than happy to welcome him into her bed on two conditions: that there wouldn't be any sex and that he would leave before her roommates woke. And he'd been more than happy to abide by her rules.

"Morning," George greeted, handing her a cup of coffee as she walked into the kitchen.

"Hi," she sighed as she gratefully took the coffee and took a long sip.

"Did you uh…did you sleep well?" George asked, stepping closer to her.

"Fine," she said, glancing at him for a moment before she stepped around him to reach for the paper.

"What time is your shift over tonight?" he asked.

"Six," she said. "And the day off tomorrow. I can't believe how excited I am to not set foot in the hospital for thirty six hours."

George laughed slightly as he moved towards her again. "So I was thinking," he said. "You know, if you don't have plans tonight, I was thinking that we could maybe go out for drinks. If you want. Somewhere besides Joe's because we always go to Joe's, so I was thinking that we could go somewhere more…nice."

Meredith tilted her head to the side for a moment, amusement playing on her lips. "What's going on, George?" she asked.

"I…nothing," he said firmly. "I was just thinking that we could celebrate. Your day off tomorrow. Together."

Meredith couldn't help but feel sorry for George. He wasn't exactly smooth, and it was pretty obvious that he wanted to ask her out on a date. She wasn't quite sure how to tell him to stop, other than to tell him that she had a boyfriend. Which wasn't a lie, but she knew that he would tell Izzie and Izzie would bother her until she told her the name of her boyfriend. So for now, she was just going to be amused to watch George try to ask her out until she could figure out what to do.

"Sorry, I've got plans," she said, reaching for her coat. "I'll see you at the hospital?"

"Oh," George said, nodding as he looked down at his feet. "Right, the hospital. I'll see you there."

Meredith smiled at him as she reached for a bagel. "Bye," she called.

"Oh, Mer!" George called after her as she made her way towards the front door. "Don't forget your umbrella. It's pouring out there."

"Oh," Meredith breathed, seeing Derek's umbrella in George's hand. He must have left it there that morning as she'd shoved him out the front door. But she could lie and pretend it was hers. Or keep it because her husband was an idiot. "Thanks."

"No problem," George said, offering her a small smile.

"Bye," Meredith said, walking quickly out of the house. Derek's umbrella shielded her from the rain, and she could feel the nerves buzzing through her body as she drove the familiar route to the hospital. They really had to start being more careful. In the month since Bailey had caught them in his car, they'd been pretty good at sneaking. But George and Izzie weren't stupid, and eventually they would figure things out. So she had to talk to Derek. And ask why they never went to his place. Because he had told her that he'd left the hotel a month ago, but for some stupid reason he refused to tell her where he lived. Something about making it special or romantic or something cheesy like that.

"Good morning Dr. Grey."

"Derek," she breathed as she walked into the hospital, shaking her clothes out as she turned to the voice behind her. "I mean…Dr. Shepherd."

"Oh good, you found my umbrella," Derek said as they made their way towards the elevator. "I was looking everywhere for it."

"Where?" she demanded.

"What?" he asked. "I was just trying to remember where you left it."

"You left it at my house," she said, waving him off. "But I'm not going to yell at you for that right now."

"Why do I have the feeling I'm going to get yelled at for something else?" he sighed, pressing the button to call the elevator to the first floor.

"I'm not going to yell," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Why do you always assume that I'm going to yell?"

"Because you yell a lot," Derek smirked. "Not that I'm complaining. I'm a fan of the yelling. And an even bigger fan of the screaming."

"Derek," she hissed, trying to ignore the flush creeping over the back of her neck. "Stop."

"Fine," he smiled, stepping back and sipping his coffee. "So what are we discussing, Dr. Grey?"

"Where do you live?" she asked.

"What?" he asked.

"We're always…you said you left the hotel," she said. "But we're always at my place and you leave your umbrella at my house and George thinks it's mine, and I just…why can't you tell me where you live? Because we could sleep there. And actually do things, because chances are you don't have two annoying roommates who want to know every little thing about your life."

"That I don't," he agreed, a sparkle in his eyes.

"So…where do you live?" she asked.

"You'll see," he said, offering her a smirk as they stepped onto the elevator.

"I don't want to see," she said. "I want to know."

"I know," he said, taking advantage of the empty elevator to pull her close. "I'm not trying to keep things from you, Mer. I've just been settling things in, making sure it's set up right. I want you to see it too."

"Oh," she said. "So we can stay there? Tonight?"

"Yes," he laughed, leaning in to kiss her gently. "You have the day off tomorrow?"

"Thankfully," she sighed as she leaned into his embrace. "This is killing me, Derek."

"I know," he sighed, holding her close and allowing her to draw comfort from her. "I think my intern year was the worst year of my life."

"Well, at least I have one thing to look forward to," she sighed as she pulled away from her.

"What's that?" he asked.

"Tonight…we can have loud…porny…all night long sex," she murmured in his ear. "The kind that makes the headboard bang against the wall while you pound into me with that huge cock of yours."

"Meredith," he groaned, shifting on his feet as the elevator doors slid open.

"But that's tonight," she giggled, stepping off of the elevator and shoving his umbrella into his hands. "I'll see you later, Dr. Shepherd."

Derek rolled his eyes at her as she walked down the hallway. She was glad that he'd finally relented and told her that he would show her his house. Now all she had to do was get through the day.

XXXXX

"Dr. Shepherd?"

Derek looked up from his laptop as there was a knock at his office door. He rolled his eyes internally when he saw George O'Malley hovering in the doorway. George was on his service from the day, and although the kid had a talented future as a doctor, his awkwardness and lack of self confidence made it a long day whenever Derek had to work with him.

"Dr. O'Malley," he sighed, reaching for the chart on his desk and coming around to him. "I've got a subdural hemotoma at ten o'clock. Could you go check to make sure that she's prepped for surgery?"

"Of course, Dr. Shepherd," George said, reaching for the chart and frowning slightly. "It's…wet."

"I know," Derek said. "I forgot my umbrella. Left it at my girlfriend's this morning, got completely soaked walking in from the parking lot." He realized what he had said after he'd said it, and held his breath, hoping that George wouldn't connect the dots. Meredith was going to kill him.

"Yeah, it's miserable out there," George said. "I'll go check on this patient for you."

"Thank you," Derek said. "Page me if there are any questions."

"Of course," George said, turning to walk out of the room.

Derek collapsed back into his chair, running a hand through his hair as he stared at the computer screen in front of him. His sister had e-mailed him the night before, telling him that her kids had been asking for him at dinner the night before, and that his mother had gone into a long rant about how disappointed she was that he had "decided to move three thousand miles away without so much as a goodbye."

He hated that he hurt his family, but he wasn't sure how to tell that he never wanted to move back to New York. He'd come to Seattle to be with Meredith, but also to get away from the city. Because somehow, even though it was one of the biggest cities in the world, he always managed to see Mark or Addison everywhere he went. And three months ago, when he'd seen Addison on a street corner, obviously pregnant with Mark's baby, he'd decided that he couldn't do it anymore. He still wasn't exactly sure how the perfect timing of Meredith moving to Seattle, the head of neuro position opening, and his desperation to leave New York had worked out, but he was grateful that it had.

Because now he was here, living more comfortably than he ever had in his life. Meredith was with him, he loved his new job, and he had just bought the most beautiful piece of land that he'd ever seen. Meredith was going to love it, he knew she was.

He just didn't know how to explain the trailer.

"Der?" her voice pulled him out of his thoughts, and he turned to look up at her as she closed the door behind her.

"Hey," he said. "How are you? You're on Burke's service today?"

"Yeah," she said. "But…that's not what I came to talk to you about."

"Okay," he said, leaning back in his chair and examining her carefully. "What's up?"

"I…Bailey knows about us," she said.

"She does," he nodded slowly. "Is she still giving you a hard time? Because I thought I made it clear that I don't favor you. And you're not with me to get surgeries."

"I know," she said, moving around his desk to plop herself on his lap. "She's not making it hard, but I like that I don't have to constantly watch myself when I'm around her."

"Oh," Derek nodded slowly.

"So I was thinking," she said, biting her lower lip as she ran a finger over her lapel. "It wouldn't be…the end of the world if everyone knew."

"Really?" he asked, hope filling his heart. He hated constantly having to watch what he said while he was at work.

"Really," she said. "And I mean…we're not going to have sex in the staff lounge or send out an e-mail to the hospital or anything. But if we just…don't hide it, people will find out."

"I love that idea," he breathed.

"Good," she said, leaning in to kiss him. "But…you're still my boss. And we're still completely professional at work."

"I know," he said. "But we can come in together? Eat lunch together?"

"I'd like that," she said softly.

"Me too," she said, giggling as she leaned down to kiss him. A notification buzzed from his laptop, and she turned to look at it. "You have an e-mail," she commented.

Derek frowned as he shifted her on his lap, noting the name of the sender. "It's from Addison," he stated.

"What?" Meredith asked, turning to stare at the screen, the unopened sitting at the top of his inbox taunting them. Beside her name was the subject: Introducing Alissa Nicole Sloan!

"Derek," she breathed, turning to look at the expression on his face. He was staring at the screen, a blank expression on his face as his right hand hovered over the mousepad, his other arm wrapped tightly around her waist, holding her to him. "Are you okay?"

"Why the hell would she send this to me?" he asked. "Does she want to rub it in my face?"

"She probably just sent it to her contacts list," Meredith murmured, shifting to run her fingers through his hair. "You can delete it, you know."

"I know," he swallowed hard. "I just…part of me wants to see her."

"And the other part?" Meredith murmured softly.

"I just wish that they would drop off of the face of the earth," Derek said.

Meredith giggled slightly. "Derek," she said softly. "You knew it was going to happen. This sucks, I know it completely sucks. But…you can just not open it. Maybe she has a deformed head or something."

Derek shook his head, a smile gracing his lips. "I can always count on you to cheer me up," he said.

"Of course you can," she giggled. "That's what I'm here for."

"I'm glad," he said, leaning into her for a moment before he took a deep breath and clicked on the e-mail, scrolling through the message to find a picture at the bottom. He knew most newborns looked the same, and this little girl wasn't any different. She had Mark's eyes, and Addison's facial features. And from beneath the pink hospital cap there were red curls peaking out.

"Well, she's definitely not the cutest baby I've ever seen," Meredith offered.

"I guess," Derek sighed.

"Ours will be cuter," she said casually, then stiffened in his arms. "I mean, um…crap."

"Mer," he sighed, leaning closer to her and inhaling the scent of her hair. "God, I want to have kids with you."

"You do?" she asked, turning to look at him with wide eyes.

"Not now," he said. "But eventually…yes."

"Oh," she said. "Yeah. Eventually."

"After we get married," Derek said, smiling softly.

"Married," Meredith repeated, suddenly feeling claustrophobic in his arms. She swallowed hard as she turned to look at him, never having been more grateful to hear her pager cut through the silence in the room. "Oh," she said, looking down at it. "I have to go. 911."

"Go ahead," he said. "Freak out if you need to. We'll talk later."

"Okay," she said, looking at him for a moment. "You sure you're okay? With the ugly baby and everything?"

Derek laughed. Only Meredith would have the courage to call a newborn ugly. Especially one that obviously wasn't ugly. "I'm fine," he said. "Go ahead."

Meredith kissed him quickly before she ran out of his office, leaving him alone in his office, a jumble of conflicting emotions filling his head. He wasn't sure exactly how he felt about seeing the baby, but he was glad that Meredith had been there when he'd received the e-mail. Because her comment about having babies had made it all okay, even if she had freaked out after she said it.

Meredith Grey was going to be the mother of his children, and that made everything okay.

XXXXX

"I thought you had plans tonight," Meredith heard George say as she sat at the bar in Joe's.

"Oh," she said, looking up from her drink as he dropped into a seat beside her. "I do. I have… I'm meeting someone here." Now would be as good a time as any to bring her relationship with Derek out into the open.

"Well, we should get a drink while you're waiting," George said, motioning to Joe.

"I don't think that's a good idea," Meredith said softly. "I'm sorry, George."

"Oh," George said. "You're meeting a date?"

Meredith bit her lower lip as she stared down at the bar. "My boyfriend," she said.

"You have a boyfriend?" Izzie's voice came from behind them. "How come we haven't met him?"

Meredith shrugged. "I don't know," she lied. "I just…it's not that big a deal."

"You have a boyfriend," George stated. "All this time…we've been roommates for two and a half months. And we haven't met your boyfriend."

"It's really not that big a deal," Meredith protested. "We don't have to always tell each other everything. I can have a private life."

Before either George or Izzie could say anything, she saw Derek sit down at the other end of the bar, smiling as he ordered a drink from Joe. She stared at him for a long moment, knowing that he was letting her make the decision. He would be okay with letting everyone know about their relationship, but he was letting her decided what to do. George and Izzie were peppering her with questions, but she shook her head as she reached for her bag and stood.

"I've got to go," she said. "I'll see you guys on Monday."

"Monday?" Izzie asked, but Meredith ignored her as she made her way towards where Derek was sipping on scotch.

"Hi," she said, dropping onto a stool beside him and leaning in to kiss his cheek. "How are you?"

"Good," he said, glancing to her friends before he turned back to her. "I think you just got yourself into trouble."

"Whatever," she shrugged. "It's none of their business."

"You okay?" Derek frowned.

"Yeah," she said. "It's just that George has been trying to hit on me for the past month and I'm sick of making up excuses."

"O'Malley's been hitting on you?" Derek frowned.

"Don't go all green on me," Meredith rolled her eyes. "He didn't know I had a boyfriend."

"Well he does now," Derek said, wrapping an arm around her waist.

"Don't be so possessive," she giggled slightly, but leaned into his embrace anyways.

"I'm not possessive," Derek shook his head.

"You so are," Meredith sighed, turning to look at him. "You're okay? With the baby and everything?"

"Yeah," Derek said, squeezing her again. "But we should talk."

"We should," Meredith said. "And you promised me things."

"My place," Derek nodded. "As long as I get what you promised me too."

"Dirty porny sex?" she giggled as he took her hand and led her towards the door. "We can do that. After we talk."

"After we talk," he agreed.

Meredith smiled as she followed him out the door. She could feel the eyes of George and Izzie on her, but in this moment, she didn't care. Derek had had a bad day, and she wanted to be there for him. She was tired of hiding their relationship, and it didn't matter what they thought. All that mattered was Derek, and the fact that he was taking her home, that they were going to really talk about their future.


	6. Chapter 6

"Derek, we've been driving for nearly an hour," Meredith protested from the passenger seat of his car. "Where the hell are we going?"

"Just trust me," Derek said, turning onto a dirt road. She frowned as she looked out the window, houses long gone and no lights illuminating the path. "We're here," he announced after another few moments.

"Where?" she asked, looking around.

"Come here," Derek said, moving out of the car and grabbing her hand as she followed after him. "This is my land. I bought it a month ago. I have no idea what I'm going to do with it, but for right now…I'm living right there."

She followed his gesture to the trailer sitting in the middle of the field, staring at him for a moment before she turned back to him. "A trailer?" she asked.

"Yes," he nodded, looking at her closely. She could tell he was waiting for her acceptance, for her to tell him what she was thinking, and she stepped closer to the trailer, regarding it for a moment. She hadn't been expecting this, she had been expecting him to purchase some kind of condo or something in the city. But somehow this suited her. Somehow she was able to see them being together here, enjoying themselves.

Maybe build a house eventually.

She smiled as she turned back to him, silently holding her hand out to him and offered him a small smile. He smiled as he took her hand, falling into step beside her as they made their way towards the trailer.

"You're really okay with this?" she asked.

"Of course," she smiled as he opened the door for her. "It's definitely not what I was expecting, but…it's almost better."

"I'm glad," he said. "For now…this is home. And I like it. But I like the fact that you like it even more."

She smiled as she stepped inside, shrugging out of her coat and throwing it over the back of a chair. "So do I have the honor of getting a tour?" she asked.

"Well," he said, shrugging out of his own jacket and throwing it on top of hers. "This is the living area. And the laundry room. And here," he turned to his left. "Is the kitchen. And the dining room. Next is the bathroom," he said, pulling her towards the back of the trailer. "And here we have the most important room. The bedroom."

"The bedroom," Meredith said, smiling up at him as she stepped into the small space beside him. "And why is this the most important room?"

"I think you know, Dr. Grey," Derek murmured, pulling her close as he nuzzled her hair. "And I made sure the bed is comfortable."

"Really?" Meredith raised an eyebrow in interest. "I think we're going to have to make sure that's true."

"Test it," Derek said, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning against the wall. "I'll watch."

"Watch?" Meredith raised an eyebrow as she pulled her shirt over her head. "You don't want to help me out?"

"Later," Derek said. "For now…I want to watch."

"Okay," she sighed, pulling her bra off and then reaching for the button on her pants, kicking them off quickly before she reached a hand to massage her breast. Her eyes fell closed as she leaned against the pillows, her breathing already becoming labored as she trailed a hand down her body to her center. "Oh," she gasped, inserting a finger inside of her.

"Mer," he breathed, his eyes glazing over as he watched her closely. "God, this is so hot."

"Derek," she gasped, her fingers increasing speed as her back arched slightly. "Oh God."

"That's it," he heard himself saying as his pants became uncomfortably tight.

"Oh God," Meredith cried, continuing to pleasure herself as he felt himself start to tremble with need for her. He quickly stripped out of his clothes, climbing onto the bed on top of Meredith just as her orgasm took over her body. He thrust hard into her, letting himself revel in the feeling of being buried deep inside of her. She gasped in surprise as she continued to feel her orgasm wrack her body, and he panted hard as he looked down at her. She was completely beautiful, warm and soft beneath him, but right now all he needed was to make love to her so she would know just how much he felt for her.

He braced himself on shaky arms before he began to thrust deeply into her, his hips moving at a faster pace than usual as he felt the need to love her.

"Derek!" she screamed as her back arched into him. "Oh God!"

"Mer," he gasped, reaching to grab her breast roughly. "Oh, Meredith…"

"Derek," she moaned, her hands clawing at his shoulders. "Yes, yes!"

"Say my name," he demanded. "Keep talking."

"Derek," she gasped. "God…faster!"

"Faster," he gasped, rocking his hips faster and harder into her. She writhed underneath him, her back arching against his.

"Derek!" she screamed. "Yes! Oh….oh…oh!" She released a loud moan with each of his thrusts, and a moment later he could feel his body begin to tighten.

"Mer," he gasped. "I'm…coming, I'm coming."

"Yes!" she cried, her walls beginning to tighten as he released into her. "Oh Derek!"

"Mer," he breathed, collapsing on top of her, his breathing labored against her skin as he buried his face between her breasts. "Oh God."

"Derek," she gasped, her own chest heaving against his. She wrapped her arms tightly around him, pressing a kiss to his forehead before she buried a hand in his sweaty curls. "God, that was amazing."

"Completely," he murmured.

"I like the trailer," she said. "It's…that was probably the best sex we've ever had."

"I don't know if that has anything to do with the trailer," Derek said, lifting his head from her chest to meet her eyes. "We said things today."

Meredith nodded, fear suddenly filling her eyes. "Yeah," she said softly. "Today was a big day."

"Do you want to talk?" Derek asked.

"We should," Meredith said softly gently pushing him off of her.

Derek rolled onto his side, sitting up and watching as she did the same, wrapping a sheet around her shoulders to ward off the chill. "Are you warm enough?" he asked gently.

"Yeah," she sighed. "But we probably should have stopped at my house for clothes."

Derek smirked as he reached onto the floor for his discard button down. "Here."

She giggled as she slid it over her shoulders. "I like wearing your clothes," she said, inhaling the scent of his cologne.

"And I like you wearing my clothes," he added, reaching forward to push her hair out of her face.

"So how do we start this conversation?" Meredith asked softly.

"I love you," Derek breathed in response.

"What?" she asked, her eyes widening.

"I love you," he repeated, more confident this time. "I love you so much. I've wanted to tell you for a long time, but I was waiting for the right time. But after today…I can't not say it."

"I know," she said, leaning forward to kiss him gently. "I love you too, Derek."

"It feels so good to hear you say that," he said.

"I've never said it to anyone," she said. "Just you."

"I'm sorry you have a bad past, Mer," he said softly. "But I want to make your future better than you ever could have imagined."

"I want that too," she said softly. "Derek, what I said today, about babies…I meant it."

"I'm glad," he said. "And I meant it too. What I said about marriage. I want forever with you, Mer."

"I want forever with you too," she said.

Derek nodded slowly, reaching for her hand. "I need to ask you something," he said. "And I need you to know that I'm not asking because I don't trust you, but because I just…have to."

"Derek," she whispered, concerned at his sudden vulnerability. He was usually so confident in himself, but every once in awhile his insecurities would surface. "You can ask me anything. And I know that you trust me."

"Will you promise me that you won't sleep with anyone else?" Derek asked. "Because I made this promise once before. And what I felt for Addison wasn't even half of what I feel for you, but I was so sure that it was forever. So I just need you to promise me, no matter how hard this gets, no matter what happens, if we're really going to take this step and promise each other forever, I need you to promise that I'm it. That nothing else will ever happen. Because I had you when Addison cheated, but I don't think…I couldn't handle it if I ever have to know that you gave birth to another man's baby."

"Oh Derek," Meredith breathed, pulling him into her arms. Apparently Addison's e-mail had upset him more that she'd thought. "I promise. It's just you from now on. And that…that's a big deal. Because a year ago, I would never have been that girl. I love you. And I never want to sleep with anyone besides you."

"Thank you," he whispered, clutching her tightly. "And I…me too. I promise too."

"Good," she sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Are you okay? With Addison and everything?"

"I knew that it was happening," Derek sighed. "And I…I know she didn't send me the e-mail to rub it in my face. She probably didn't even realize that she was sending it."

"She should have thought of it," Meredith said. "But it's okay. When we have kids we can send her pictures and tell them how much cuter and smarter they are than hers."

"This is why I love you," Derek smiled, his fingers trailing over her stomach.

"Derek," she said, pulling back to look in his eyes. "We need an addendum."

"An addendum?" he raised his eyebrows.

"To the whole future promise thing," Meredith said. "I want you to be my future, Derek, I do. And I want babies and a marriage, but not now. I'm an intern, so for now can we just live in the present?"

"Of course," Derek said, leaning in to kiss her. "Learning how to be married at the same time as you're learning to be a doctor…that's not exactly a situation people should be in."

"Especially when you're an intern married to your boss," Meredith sighed.

"Did you see the look on O'Malley's face when you came over to me at the bar?" Derek asked, twirling a strand of her hair around his finger. "I thought he was going to pass out."

"Because I wouldn't let him buy me a drink," Meredith said. "I told him my boyfriend had that covered."

"Your boyfriend will always buy you drinks," Derek nodded. "And kick anyone's ass who tries to hit on you."

"Derek," she rolled her eyes. "Do you see me killing all of the nurses who have been making eyes at you since we got here?"

"What did you expect when you date someone as good looking as me?" Derek laughed.

"How many times do I have to tell you that you're not that good looking?" Meredith giggled.

"You're obviously delusional if you can't admit the hair is perfect."

Meredith smiled as she reached up to bury her fingers in his hair. "You do have nice hair," she smiled. "Good sex hair."

"Sex hair?" Derek raised his eyebrows.

"I like pulling on your hair during sex," she smiled.

"Oh," Derek said, pushing her onto her back and letting his button down slid open to reveal her body. "Do you want to pull on it now?"

"Maybe," she smiled, looking up at him. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Better than ever," he murmured, his lips trailing down her neck to her chest.

"Are you sure?" she said. "Because before…you were different. Rougher."

"Rougher?" he frowned. "Did I hurt you?"

"No," she assured him. "It was amazing. And I like dirty sex. You know that. I just felt like you were trying to prove something or…I don't know. Never mind. Sex, let's have sex."

"I'm sorry," he murmured, running a hand over her side.

"Don't be sorry," she shook her head. "It was…amazing. You're good at sex, but you just seemed…off."

"I guess I was," Derek sighed. "I need you to know how much I love you. How much I'm in this relationship."

"I know," she smiled up at him. "Me too."

"I'll be gentle this time," he promised as he pulled her into a long, slow kiss. "Take my time." His lips traveled down her chest, where he gently sucked on her nipple, causing her to gasp in surprise as she held his head close to her. "I want," he continued his assault with his lips down her stomach. "To make love to you."

"Oh," she gasped, her eyes falling shut as he returned to her face, gently sucking on her earlobe as he sank into her, moving his hips slowly and surely over hers in a much less frenzied, but equally passionate way than earlier that night. "Derek."

"I love you," he whispered, his hands moving to link with hers, holding them over her head.

"I know," she gasped, her hips grinding against his.

"Mer," he breathed, his hair falling in his face as he continued moving gently above her. They made love for a long time, gently moving against each other and only breaking the savored silence for the occasional gasp or moan. He came just after she did, his orgasm lasting longer than usual as her walls clenched around him and she called out his name in desperation.

After it was over, they lay together in the aftermath, her back pressed up against his chest as he spooned her. "Derek?" she whispered, playing with the fingers that were dancing slightly on her stomach.

"Hmm?" he asked, pressing a kiss to her naked shoulder and shifting to get even closer to her.

"Can we explore tomorrow?"

His laughed vibrated in her back, and she smiled in victory. She loved his laugh, and it was always a triumph when she could bring out the full bellied laugh that he rarely used. "We can definitely explore," he said. "It's warm enough that we might even try skinny dipping."

"Good," she giggled, reaching to turn the light out. "Night, Derek. I love you."

His lips appeared on her shoulder again. "I love you too," he said as he settled in behind her again. As she drifted off into sleep, safe in Derek's arms in his home that she felt more comfortable in than her own, she wished that she could spend every night for the rest of her life like this.


	7. Chapter 7

Meredith was completely in love with Derek's land. They'd spent the entire day before hiking through the woods and exploring the land that he'd bought on a whim, and she had returned to the hospital for her shift completely relaxed and ready to face anything that the other interns had to thrown at her.

She took a deep breath as she walked into the locker room, standing in the doorway for a moment as Izzie and George turned to look at her. "Hi," she offered, glancing at Christina for support.

Izzie rolled her eyes, and George stared at her for a moment before he turned back to his locker.

"Are you still mad at me?" Meredith asked.

"Mad?" Izzie frowned. "Why would we be mad? Because you've been lying to us for two months? Or because you're sleeping with our boss?"

"It's not like that," Meredith explained.

"So you didn't leave Joe's with him two nights ago?" George asked. "You didn't…spend all of yesterday off with him and not even talk to us about what we saw?"

Meredith hesitated. "Okay, maybe I could have told you better," she said. "But it's not like you think. I'm not just sleeping with him."

"But you are sleeping with him," Izzie stated, slamming her locker shut. "You know what, I don't even care. I have to work. Because unlike some of us, I have to prove that I'm a good doctor to get into surgery."

"Izzie…" she sighed, watching helplessly as Izzie stormed out of the locker room. "George, you get it, don't you?"

"You know, I wish I could say I did," he said. "But I don't. I thought we were friends."

"We are," Meredith said. "I just didn't want you to react like this."

"So you lied for two months," George said. "You really thought we weren't going to find out? You thought we were that stupid?"

"No, I just didn't know how to tell you," Meredith said. "Can't you just let me explain?"

"You should have explained a long time ago," George said before he followed Izzie out the door, leaving Meredith alone in the locker room with Christina.

"I take it they're not handling the whole McDreamy thing well?" Christina asked, leaning against the lockers as Meredith began to change.

"McDreamy?" Meredith asked.

Christina shrugged. "I think it's the hair," she said. "Are you going to deny it?"

"No," Meredith giggled. Derek was going to hate it, but McDreamy definitely fit him. "They saw us together. At Joe's."

"No offense, but it was pretty stupid for you to make out with him at Joe's," Christina said.

"I didn't make out with him," Meredith said. "I just sat at the bar with my boyfriend."

"Who's also your boss," Christina said.

"I know," Meredith sighed. "But they just need to let me explain. It's not like I knew he was going to be my boss. I met him almost a year ago."

"Hey, you don't need to defend yourself to me," Christina shrugged as she looked down at her beeping pager. "Good luck with your angry roommates."

Meredith sighed as she quickly changed into her scrubs, hooking her pager to her hip and going in search of Bailey for her assignment.

"Grey," Bailey said when Meredith found her in the pit. "You're on neuro with Shepherd and O'Malley."

"What?" Meredith frowned. "If Der…Dr. Shepherd already has an intern shouldn't I go somewhere else? Cardio or ortho…I'll even go to gyno."

"Why are you still standing here?" Bailey asked. "I am your resident, and when I tell you to do something you do it. No questions asked."

"Fine," Meredith sighed.

"Exam room one," Bailey said, nodding towards the exam rooms on her left.

Meredith sighed as she moved towards the exam room, slipping in quietly in hopes of not being noticed. George was taking notes in a chart while Derek examined a little girl, no more than three years old. Her parents were peppering him with questions, but Derek didn't even seem to be examining her as much as playing with her. He offered her his pen light to play with before he turned to her parents.

"I'm not sure what's causing the seizures," he said. "I'd like to run some more tests to determine what the problem and fix it as soon as possible."

"Of course," her mother said, clinging to her husband's hand. "Anything you need to do to help her, please just do it."

"Alright," Derek said, turning back to the little girl. Before he could say anything else, her leg began to spasm, and he watched it for a moment before he turned to her parents.

"This is it," her father said. "It happens five to six times a day."

"Okay," Derek said, reaching for a tube to hook up to an IV. "I'll give her some medicine to calm it for now, and hopefully we'll know what's going on before she has another one." He turned back to the little girl and offered her a smile. "Hey princess, you wanna play butterfly?"

"Yeah!" she cried excitedly.

"Alright, here's a butterfly, it's going to land on your arm, okay?" Derek moved the IV quickly to inject the medicine into her arm, and she giggled loudly. Meredith couldn't help but notice how good he was at interacting with the little girl, and how entertained she was by him. And some small part of her was wondering exactly what it would be like to watch him interacting with a baby that they had made. She blinked quickly when she felt George staring at her, and she shifted on her feet and tried to shift back into doctor mode.

"It's amazing stuff, isn't it?" Derek was saying to the parents with a smile. "Stops the seizure immediately."

"It is," her mother said, pulling her daughter into her arms and pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

"Dr. O'Malley," Derek said, turning to George. "Take Jamie here for a CT and put a rush on her lab results."

George blinked in surprise for a moment before he nodded and turned to Jamie and her parents. "Right this way," he murmured, glancing between Derek and Meredith before he left the room.

"Dr. Grey," Derek said, moving to put his equipment away. "You can round on the rest of my patients and run labs if necessary."

"That's it?" Meredith frowned.

Derek looked up at her with raised eyebrows. "Do you have something to say to me, Dr. Grey?" he asked.

"No," she said, slightly taken aback by how short he was with her. "I just…Bailey assigned me to your service."

"And I'm giving you an assignment," Derek said. "Dr. O'Malley was here to check the patient in, he deserves to follow the case through the surgery."

"Right," Meredith said, turning to the door. "I'll…run your labs. And paperwork. Today can be a paperwork day. Bye, Dr. Shepherd."

"Dr. Grey," Derek dismissed her with a nod before he returned to cleaning up his equipment.

Meredith leaned against the wall for a moment, trying to shake the uneasy feeling that had taken over her as a result of Derek's quick discharge of her assistance. After a moment she shook her head and pushed herself off of the wall, moving towards the neuro wing to check on his other patients. This whole boyfriend and boss thing wasn't exactly as easy as she had thought it was going to be. But it was worth it. It was so worth it when she knew that he would be her boyfriend again after work, when she could fall asleep in the safety of his arms.

"He's taking advantage of you."

She turned in surprise as she walked past the observation room, seeing George as he stared at the computer screen in front of him.

"He's not," she defended. "We…we didn't know. Or it wasn't supposed to happen like this."

"I have to work," George said, not turning to look at her as his eyes remained fixed on the computer.

"George," she tried again.

"I actually have to do my job," he said. "So why don't you go do whatever it is that your boyfriend needs you to while I save this little girl's life."

Meredith stared at him for a moment before she turned on her heel and stormed down the hall. She didn't deserve this. It wasn't like she was seducing Derek so she could get time in the OR. She'd tried to end it with him before she'd known that he was going to take the job in Seattle, but that had just ended in both of them being completely miserable. And he wasn't taking advantage of her. She wasn't sure why Bailey had assigned her to an attending who already had an intern on his service, but she was just doing her job. And Derek was right, George deserved the surgery since he'd been there before her. But she couldn't stand it if George and Izzie were going to hate her from now on. They weren't only her co-workers, they were her roommates, and they had the power to make life very difficult for her if they wanted to.

She took her time working through the paperwork she had to, knowing that she most likely wouldn't have anything else to do that day. At least she could take it up to the gallery later if Derek had to perform surgery. She loved watching him do surgery, and she was fascinated by neuro. At this point she wasn't sure whether she had been born with a taste for neuro or if mere exposure to it and listening to Derek rave about his surgeries had made her more interested in the case.

"Hey," she looked up from her lunch to see Christina plop down beside her. "Do you know why Bambi and Dr., Model are giving you the evil eye?"

"They're still mad because of Derek," Meredith sighed, stabbing her fork into her salad. "You get it, right?"

"Sure," Christina said. "Why not sleep with attendings? You'll totally have a better shot in the OR."

"Christina," Meredith groaned.

"I know, I know," Christina shrugged. "You knew him before you came here and you didn't know that he was going to be your boss and when you found out you were too in love to break it off. Whatever."

"I just…they won't even give me a chance to explain," Meredith said. "They'd get it, right? If they know the truth?"

Christina shrugged. "You're asking me to enter the minds of Izzie and George?" she raised an eyebrow. "I'd rather poke my eyeballs out with a scalpel."

"Thanks," Meredith sighed, leaning back into her chair. "Are you in the OR today?"

"Yeah," Christina said. "Burke's letting me scrub in on an aortic aneurysm."

"Nice," Meredith said, trying to act normal as she felt the eyes of George and Izzie barring into the back of her head.

"Maybe you should go talk to them," Christina said. "Not that I'm into the emotional crap, but they're the type of people who are going to walk to talk and cry and hug before you figure this out."

Meredith sighed as she took a sip of water. "You're probably right," she said. "I tried, I just…George yelled at me. George. Who never loses his temper ever."

Christina shrugged as she reached for her pager. "That's probably what you get for making out with their boss in front of them," she said, shoving another French fry into her mouth before grabbing her water and standing. "Bye."

"Bye," Meredith said, glancing over at her roommates for another moment before she grabbed her tray and walked over to them. "Can I sit?"

George shrugged and Izzie rolled her eyes. "Fine," she said.

"How's your patient?" Meredith asked George.

"You mean you don't know?" George asked.

"Why would I know?" Meredith frowned.

"Because your boyfriend's operating on her this afternoon," George said.

"He's…it's not what you think," Meredith said. "I'm not sleeping with him."

"So you disappeared yesterday for what? Special skills in the OR?" Izzie asked.

"No," Meredith sighed. "I mean, we are…sleeping together. But that's not all it is. We've been together for months now. Before I even graduated."

"And you had no idea that you were applying to a program where he was going to be an attending?" Izzie raised an eyebrow.

"No," Meredith shook her head. "He came out here for a lot of reasons. But mostly because I was going to break up with him and leave him in New York."

"You're smarter than this," George said softly.

"Excuse me?" Meredith frowned.

"You're smarter than this," George repeated. "He's playing you, Meredith. He's getting you to trust him so that he can get into your bed, and he's not giving you anything in return."

Meredith took a deep breath to keep herself from exploding. "It's not like that," she said. "You have no idea what either one of us has been through. I was there for him when his life was completely destroyed, and he…he makes things better for me. If you can't understand that, then I guess that's your problem. But you need to know that he's not taking advantage of me, and I'm not with him for surgery. We're together because we want to be, and that's not going to change. So you need to make sure that you accept that. Or at least stop hating me because this has nothing to do with you."

George and Izzie stared at her for a long moment, trying to take in exactly how to react before George's pager went off at his hip. "I have to go," he said. "I'll see you later."

Meredith and Izzie watched him hurry out of the cafeteria before Meredith turned to Izzie. "You get it, don't you?" she asked.

"No," Izzie said. "I don't understand how you can be sleeping with your boss can be a good idea, even if you did know him before."

Meredith sighed before she leaned forward. "Look, I'm not exactly good at the whole talking thing," she said. "But have you ever been in love?"

"Of course," Izzie nodded.

"I mean really in love," Meredith said. "The kind of love where you look at a man and you see your entire future in his eyes. When the thought of him with anyone else makes you sick to your stomach, and even though you've never thought that you would let yourself love someone this intensely you can't help feeling completely safe and protected against the world when you're in his arms."

Izzie stared at her with wide eyes for a moment. "You…this is the real thing?" she asked.

"It is," Meredith nodded. "He's the one for me. And believe me, there are days that I wish he wasn't my boss. But he is. And he doesn't favor me at all. If he rewards me or lets me scrub in…it's because I deserve it. Not because I gave him hot sex the night before."

A smile broke over Izzie's face. "So he's good?" she asked.

Meredith smiled back, taking the peace offering. "He's better than good," she said. "There are times…he's made me forget my own name."

Izzie sighed dramatically. "Well, I'm jealous," she said. "And I guess…I mean, he hasn't been favoring you especially. I think Bailey would have noticed that and kicked his ass."

Meredith smiled to herself, choosing not to tell Izzie that Bailey had indeed cornered Derek in an elevator after she'd caught them in his car. "So you're okay with it?" she asked.

Izzie shrugged. "There's not much I can do about it, is there?" she asked.

"No," Meredith shook her head. "But I don't want you to hate me."

"I don't hate you," Izzie shook her head. "But George might be a little harder to convince."

Meredith frowned. "Why?" she asked. "It's not like he's trying to be protective of me or anything. We've barely known each other for three months."

"Yeah," Izzie said. "And for barely three months, he's been completely in love with you. The fact that he lost you to the dreamy neurosurgeon with perfect hair doesn't bode well for his liking Derek very much."

"He didn't lose me to Derek," Meredith protested. "I've never…Derek's it for me. George is sweet, and he's a good friend, but he's not Derek."

Izzie nodded. "And you think hearing that is going to make it easier for him to realize that he doesn't have a shot with you?" she asked.

Meredith shrugged. "He never did," she said. "I never meant to lead him on, if I did. But he should move on."

"And he should hear that from you," Izzie nodded, reaching for her tray before she stood. "I'm sorry if I was rude. I was just surprised, and then angry, but now…I get it. You love him."

"I do," Meredith said, a confident smile coming across her lips.

"So just…be happy with him," Izzie said. "You guys were doing a great job of hiding it. I think that's why George was so upset."

Meredith nodded carefully. "I'll talk to George," she promised. She watched Izzie walk away, glad that she had seemed to understand what was going on between Derek and Meredith now. But she had a feeling that George wasn't going to be as easy to convince.

XXXXXX

"So she's going to be okay?" Meredith asked, leaning against the bathroom door as she watched Derek rinse his mouth after brushing his teeth.

"She's going to be fine," Derek said. "She's so young, her brain still has a lot of developing to do. It will catch up."

"Half a brain," Meredith shook her head as she followed him to the edge of the bed, tossing the extra pillows onto the ground before she climbed in beside him. "That's unbelievable."

"For most people," Derek smirked. "But since I'm a genius, I know how to remove half a brain and make the patient have a completely normal life."

"Whatever," Meredith giggled.

"You want to hear something really unbelievable?" Derek asked, wrapping an arm around her and tangling his fingers in her hair.

"Hmmm?" she asked, her breath ticking his chest.

"O'Malley yelled at me today."

"What?" Meredith pushed herself off of his chest. "George? He yelled at you?"

"Well, not yelled," Derek said. "But I did get a very long lecture on how special you are and how I can't hurt you."

Meredith rolled her eyes as she settled herself back down on his chest. "I'm sorry," she said softly. "He doesn't…apparently he's in love with me."

Derek tightened his arms around her. "Too bad you're taken."

"Very taken," she said. "He doesn't…I don't know how to tell him that it will never happen. That you're it for me."

"I know a way," Derek murmured into her hair.

"You do?" she asked, looking up at him hopefully.

"I do," he said, sliding her further down on the bed and rolling on top of her. "It involves you screaming my name."

"Oh," she giggled wrapping her arms around him, one hand playing along his back and the other burying itself in his hair. "I like that plan."

"Good," Derek said, kissing her deeply as his hand moved up her t-shirt. And then he was pressing kisses to the skin of her neck, making her forget anything besides the pleasant ache that came over her body whenever he touched her.

And in that one moment, her life was amazing.


	8. Chapter 8

"Derek."

He swatted at the voice that was tickling his ear. It was early, way too early for him to be awake which meant that it was a small miracle that Meredith was awake. "Sleep," he protested.

"Derek," she insisted, leaning over him to take his earlobe into her mouth. "I want sex."

"We had sex all night," he laughed, but couldn't resist her request as he rolled onto his back, smiling as she slid her body on top of his.

"And now I want more," she said, moving her hands to thread through his hair. "Please?"

"You know I won't say no," he said, moving a hand to stroke in between her legs. "God, you're so wet."

"Thinking of you," she promised as she moved her hips over his hardening penis.

"I love you," he murmured as he rolled her onto her back, hovering over her slightly.

"I love you too," she said, pulling him down into a searing kiss. "Loud porny sex?"

"Because we weren't loud enough last night?" Derek laughed, trailing his lips down her body to her stomach.

"Oh," she gasped, reaching to thread her fingers through his hair. "Derek…."

"That's what I like to hear," he smiled as he moved lower, nibbling gently at the skin on her inner thighs.

"Derek!" she gasped, arching her hips off of the bed. "Don't…oh god…never…shave…"

"Oh," he laughed slightly, running his stubble covered cheek over her inner thigh. "You like that?"

"Oh God!" she gasped, her hands tightening in his hair.

"Hmmmm," he smiled, shifting slightly to press his lips against her core, letting himself taste her essence as her body writhed above him.

"Derek," she gasped. "Please…please."

"Please?" he teased, knowing exactly what she wanted but wanting to hear her beg.

"I need you," she breathed, pulling him up on top of her again. "Please?"

He smiled as he leaned down to kiss her deeply. "Since you asked so nicely," he murmured, letting himself sink deeply into her.

"Derek," she breathed in relief as he moved slowly in and out of her. "Oh…."

He groaned softly as he let himself make love to her, taking his time to worship her body as he reveled in the feeling her soft body pressed against his. There was nothing better than the way she wrapped her arms around his neck, her hands trailing over his back as her body moved gently underneath him.

"Harder," she commanded. "Please, Derek, harder!"

"Harder," he echoed, letting himself thrust harder into her, the tip of his penis hitting her cervix.

"Derek!" she screamed, her back arching into his.

He could feel her body tightening around him, and he shifted slightly, allowing his penis to make contact with her g-spot, sending her completely over the edge.

"Oh God!" she screamed, panting hard as her orgasm took over body. "Derek….oh my God!"

"Yes, Mer," he grunted, his thrusts picking up pace as his own orgasm took over his body. "That's it."

"Oh," she breathed, panting hard as he emptied into her and collapsed onto her chest. "Derek…. god."

"I love you," he breathed, his bed ridden hair tickling her chin.

"I love you too," she said, smiling at the confidence with which she could say those words. It had been a year since she'd met him, and a year since she'd let herself fall for a married man, only to tell herself that there was no way she could ever be with him the way she wanted to.

But now he was in her bed, still trembling in her arms after he'd delivered yet another round of amazing sex. And her life couldn't even get any better.

The ringing of her cell phone reminded her, however, popped the bliss of their post sex haze, and she shifted out of a dozing Derek's arms and wrapped his discard shirt from the night before around her body before she settled into the armchair beside her window and held the phone to her ear. "Hello?" she whispered.

"Dr. Grey, this is Megan, from the nursing home."

Meredith sighed, leaning her head into her hand. "Is my mother okay?" she asked.

"We have a bit of a situation," Megan said hesitantly. "She's refusing to eat, and she's lashing out a bit."

"Lashing out?" Meredith asked, already sure that she didn't want to hear the answer.

"This morning she threw a lamp at a nurse who tried to take her to the cafeteria."

Great. This was all she needed, to have her mother restrained because she had no idea what was going on. "I'm so sorry," she offered.

"We were thinking that it might be nice if you could come see her," Megan continued. "It really does make our patients feel better when their families come to see them."

She bit her tongue, wanting to tell Megan that most of her patient's hadn't attempted suicide in front of their families and then pretending they didn't exist. "Fine," she sighed. "I'll be there in an hour."

"Thank you, Dr. Grey, I'm sure your mother will appreciate it," Megan said before the other end of the line went dead.

Meredith sighed as she snapped her phone shut. She turned to look at Derek for a moment, smiling slightly at the way he had wrapped his arms around her pillow. She longed to discard the pillow and replace it with her own body, but now she had to go and listen to her mother complain about how horrible her life had been. She moved quietly around the room, grabbing clothes and scribbling a note to Derek to tell him that she'd see him at the hospital. She still hated that she couldn't tell him what was going on, but she'd promised her mother. And she owed it to Ellis to at least keep this one promise.

She lingered in the shower, putting off the inevitable feeling of dread that always accompanied her visits to the nursing home. And when she was finally ready to finish her shower, she was wrapping a towel around her body when the door burst open. She looked up casually, expecting to see a sleep Derek seeking a goodbye kiss, but was surprised to see a flummoxed George standing in front of her.

"What are you doing?" she cried, wrapping her towel tighter around her body, entirely grateful that he hadn't come in only moments before.

"I thought you were Izzie!" he said, trying to look away. "I…sorry. I would have thought…why aren't you in your bathroom?"

"I didn't want to wake Derek," she said softly. "He's…well, I have an emergency and he doesn't have to be at the hospital until later. So I showered in here."

A mix of emotions played over George's face, but he eventually settled upon concerned. "Is everything okay?" he asked.

Meredith shrugged. "Life," she offered.

"Meredith," George sighed. "I know I'm not perfect. I'm not going to pressure you to talk or lean or whatever it is that McDreamy does to make you…whatever. But you can talk to me if you want."

Meredith smiled slightly. "Did you just call him McDreamy?" she asked.

"No, I…" George frowned as if realizing for the first time exactly what he'd said. "Christina and Izzie…oh crap."

She giggled. "It's okay, George," she promised. "Your secret is safe with me."

"Thanks," George said. "But really, I'd be glad to talk if you wanted to…"

"I appreciate the offer, I do," Meredith said. "And maybe someday. When I'm not standing in a towel, late and about to freeze to death."

"Oh," George nodded, moving back towards the door. "Right. Sorry. I'll just…be downstairs. If you want to talk, or drink coffee or something. That's where I'll be."

"Thanks," Meredith said, sighing in relief as George pulled the door closed and she reached for her clothes. Maybe things wouldn't be awful with him after all.

XXXXX

"I swear, I never should have had a kid," Ellis rambled, pacing the small footage of her bedroom. "She messed everything up. If she'd never been born, I wouldn't have felt so obligated to stay with Thatcher, and Richard and I could have been happy."

"Mom," Meredith sighed from her place in the armchair in the corner of the room. "That was thirty years ago. We need to talk about you not eating."

"Of course I'm eating," Ellis paused, turning to look at her. "Who are you?"

"It's me, Mom," she sighed. "Meredith."

"Don't be ridiculous," Ellis rolled her eyes. "Meredith is five years old. She's in day care."

"No, Mom, I grew up," Meredith tried. "I'm a doctor at Seattle Grace, just like you were, remember?"

"Seattle Grace," Ellis scoffed. "I'll give you one piece of advice about that place. Never sleep with anyone who works with you at that place. It will just end in heartbreak."

Meredith tried to push aside the panic she felt at the thought of what would happen if her mother understood anything about her and Derek. "Mom," she tried again. "You have to eat. I brought you a muffin, and I have to be in surgery in an hour. So can you please just eat so that I don't get in trouble for being late?"

"I don't need food," Ellis shook her head. "I need…bracelets."

"Bracelets?" Meredith frowned.

"I…" Ellis shook her head. "No. That's wrong. I need…surgery…"

"You're not a doctor anymore, Mom," Meredith reminded her gently, standing to ease her onto the bed. "Remember? When I got into med school you retired and moved to the nursing home."

"Why would I retire?" Ellis frowned. "Surgery is the only good thing in my life. I wouldn't give that up."

Meredith blinked back tears. She knew better than anyone that Ellis Grey would not give up surgery for anything. Even her own daughter's recovery from tonsillitis surgery. "Mom," she said. "Please, just eat the muffin."

"I'm not going to eat the muffin," Ellis snapped. "Now get me my charts!"

"Mom," Meredith tried again, only to be interrupted by the sound of her pager.

"I have to go!" Ellis shouted. "I'm being paged, I have to get to the OR."

"That's my pager," Meredith tried to reason. "I'll come back later, okay, Mom? I'll come visit you later tonight."

"You better not come back until after you've finished those labs!" Ellis yelled after her.

Meredith drove the short distance to the hospital, trying to keep her tears at bay. It was usually hard going to visit her mother, but Ellis was usually able to understand that Meredith had grown up within the first few minutes of her visit. And now not only was she apparently an intern, she was the person that Ellis confided in about horrible her life was.

She parked beside Derek's car, grateful that he was already there. Her page hadn't been urgent, and she could find him first. He could always make her feel better, no matter what was going on in her life. And at this point, she didn't even care what she had promised her mother. This was the one secret left bubbling between them, and suddenly she didn't want to keep it inside of her.

She practically ran towards the hospital, making her way to the elevator and slipping between the doors just as they were starting to close. And it was only after the doors were safely closed that she realized she was alone in an elevator with George.

"You okay?" he asked. It was obvious that he was still a little uncomfortable about their whole situation, but at least he was talking to her. And concerned.

"My mom has Alzheimer's."

The words were out of her mouth before she could even know what she was saying, and she swallowed hard as soon as she said them. It felt good to have someone else know, even if George was fumbling for the appropriate answer.

"I'm sorry, Mer," he finally offered. "But you know, there are several courses of treatment, especially if you've caught it early enough…"

"No," she shook her head. "It's advanced. She made me swear not to tell anyone. But today… she thought I was an intern and she told me to never have kids. Because her daughter completely messed up her life."

"Oh," George breathed in. "I…I'm sorry, Mer."

She shook her head and turned to stare at the ceiling, willing the tears in her eyes to stop building. "It's okay," she whispered.

"It's not," George said, and a moment later his arms were wrapped around her.

It was all she needed to let loose, and she rested her head on his shoulder as she let her tears flow freely. "She hates me," she whispered. "My own mom hates me."

"She doesn't know what she's saying," George tried to comfort her.

"She does," Meredith nodded. "She knows exactly what she's saying. She just doesn't know that she's saying it to me."

Before George could reply, the elevator doors slid open. She didn't bother to look up, but only buried her face further into George's coat. But then she felt a hovering presence behind her, and George shifted her into the strong, familiar arms that she fit perfectly into. One of Derek's hands came to rest in her hair, the other wiping tears from her face as he rocked her gently. He didn't know what was wrong and he was probably worried out of his mind, she loved that he understood she just needed to be held right now.

After a long moment, Meredith pulled back and smiled slightly at him. "Thank you," she whispered.

"Nothing to thank me for," Derek said, reaching out to wipe a remaining stray tear from her cheek. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," she swallowed hard. "I just…can we talk?"

"Of course," Derek nodded, and he leaned forward to push a button. She blinked in surprise as the elevator jerked slightly, roaring to life again. She hadn't even noticed that they hadn't even been moving. Or that George had left. "Where's George?" she asked.

"I think he knew you needed some privacy," Derek said softly, reaching to take her hand. And she didn't drop it, as much as she hated showing their relationship off at work. Right now, she needed him.

"Do you have a few minutes?" she asked.

"My next surgery is in forty five minutes," Derek said. "And George said that he'd cover your shift until you're ready to work."

"Oh," Meredith said, stepping into Derek's office and immediately curling up on the couch. "That's good."

"He's a good guy, Mer," Derek said softly. "Probably didn't deserve to be kept up all night by your screaming."

She cracked a small smile. "That was totally your idea," she said.

"And I don't regret it," Derek said, reaching to run his hand over her arm. "What's going on, Mer?"

She inhaled sharply, looking down at her hands. "My mom," she said. "She's not traveling. She's not writing a book. She's…she has advanced Alzheimer's."

Derek inhaled sharply. "Oh Mer," he breathed. "I'm so sorry."

She shrugged. "It's not like we were close anyways," she said. "But…I don't know, sometimes I wish that I could have known her better. And I thought that maybe becoming a doctor would make her proud. But it didn't. She just wishes that she never had me."

"Mer, I'm sure…"

"No," Meredith shook her head, tears filling her eyes. "Derek, when I got there this morning, she went on a twenty minute rant about how she would have had an abortion if it had been legal."

Derek inhaled sharply, and fear filled his eyes for a moment before he melted into his classic McDreamy look. "Well, I guess we should b grateful for that law, shouldn't we?" he asked. "I can't imagine my life without you, Meredith."

"Me either," she sighed, resting her head against his shoulder.

"Why didn't you tell me?" his fingers found purchase in her hair.

"I couldn't," she whispered. "I promised her that I wouldn't but now…I don't know, I just didn't want to keep it a secret anymore."

"I'm glad," Derek said.

"I hated keeping a secret from you," she murmured.

"Do you have anymore?" he asked.

"No," her cheek rubbed against his scrub top. "I don't…no secrets, Derek. Promise?"

"Promise," he nodded, pressing his lips against the top of her head. "I love you, Mer."

"I love you too," she whispered, finally feeling like she was worth something as he wrapped his arms tighter around her.


	9. Chapter 9

Thanksgiving was stupid.

That was what Meredith had decided when she'd snuck out of the house to meet Derek for breakfast before going to work. She'd been stopped by Izzie, who had some idea in her head that they all had to sit around a big table and list all the things that they were thankful for. She'd told her that she had volunteered to work on Thanksgiving, not because she didn't believe that she had anything to be thankful for, but because she didn't need a specific day to give thanks or whatever.

Besides, Derek was working today, and to her that was where she should be. He was what she was most grateful for this year, and she wanted to spend the day with him. Or as close to him as possible. So when he'd come home almost a month ago completely livid because Richard hadn't granted him Thanksgiving off, she'd just kissed him and told him that she would volunteer to work that day. And she would never forget the expression on his face when he had realized that she would be willing to work just so she could be near him. He'd been relieved and touched and…just happy. She made him happy, and that meant more to her today than any turkey dinner or stupid tradition did.

So when she pushed the door to his office open without bothering to knock and found him sitting behind his desk, his phone held up to his ear and his other hand pinching the bridge of his nose in a sure sign that he was frustrated, she couldn't help feeling disappointed.

"I know, Mom," he was saying. "You know I tried…no, I'm not a workaholic."

She hovered uncomfortably in the doorway for a moment before he looked at her, relief filling his eyes. He gestured to his couch and held up a finger, letting her know that he was almost done.

"No, I'm not alone," he said. "Meredith's here…Mom, the last thing I wanted to do was come home to see Mark showing off my ex-wife's baby….I know he's not at the house but it would be guaranteed that I would run into him…Mom, come on, of course I miss you. All of you…I would be there if I could. It's not a lie!"

Meredith sighed as she looked at him. She knew he was regretting the fact that he couldn't be with his family today, even if he was grateful to be with her. She may not have ever understood the family thing, but she did know that it was important to Derek. And having a guilt trip from his mom who was likely missing him just as much would not put him in a good mood right now.

"Mom," Derek was saying, impatience lacing his tone. "Mom…Mom…Mother! I'm really sorry that I can't be there today, but I miss you all enough as it is. If all you're going to do is make me feel guilty about spending today with Mer, then I'm going to go…I don't have an attitude, and I don't know when you'll meet her. Whenever she's ready…fine. Goodbye."

He slammed the phone down and turned to look at her, frustration clear on his face. "Hey," he greeted.

"Hi," she said, standing and moving to stand behind him to knead at his tight shoulders. "Your mom's still upset that you're not going home for Thanksgiving?"

"That feels good," he murmured as his shoulders relaxed under her touch. "I think she's still not willing to accept the fact that this is home for me now."

She smiled slightly. "Are you saying that so I'll give you sex?" she asked.

"No," he said, and she could tell he was smiling. "I'll get sex even without saying it."

"Not after that comment," she giggled, spinning his chair slightly and sliding into his lap. "Seriously, Derek, is she upset?"

"Yeah," he sighed. "I think she misses me. And none of my sisters have moved out of a two hour radius, she's used to seeing all of us whenever she wants. But now that she can't see us whenever…it's hard for her. I miss her too, but I just…she pulls the guilt trip on me, and I can't handle that."

"Especially when you already feel guilty," she nodded running her fingers through his hair.

"Exactly," Derek said, leaning into her. "Have you checked on Holden?"

"He still doesn't know what he wants to do," Meredith said. "It's…I can't imagine being in that position."

"Me either," Derek sighed, tightening his arms around her. "I'm glad you're on today."

"Well, it was either this or making turkey with Izzie."

"Which makes me even more glad that you're here not at home," he laughed. "I'd like the house to still be standing when we get off tonight."

"You know you're not supposed to be mean to people you love on Thanksgiving," Meredith said, trying to wiggle out of his lap.

"Hey!" he protested, tightening his hold around her waist. "Don't go."

"You're the one who's being mean," she sighed, but relaxed in his arms anyways.

"I'm sorry," he said, leaning forward to press his lips against the soft skin of her neck. "But I am glad that you're here instead of at home."

Meredith smiled at the ease at which he referred to her house as home. In the months since George and Izzie had found out about their relationship, the only times he had slept at the trailer had been when she was with him. And she loved that. Knowing that they would spend every night one of them wasn't at the hospital together was extraordinarily comforting, and she had even been wondering if they were living together. Without really living together, of course, because she would definitely destroy that conversation.

"I was thinking that we could go to the trailer tonight," she said instead of bringing up the topic of living together.

"Really?" Derek asked, taking her hand to play with her fingers. "I would have thought that you would have wanted to spend the evening with George and Izzie."

"No," she shook her head. "I want to spend it with you. At the trailer."

"Okay," Derek said. "It's been too long since we've been out there."

"It has," Meredith agreed, omitting the fact that she'd run out there earlier that morning, between breakfast and the start of her shift to set up for her surprise. Derek was going to be completely proud of her.

"Hmmm," Derek let out a contented sigh, leaning into her and inhaling deeply.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Breathing you in."

"Oh," she breathed. "Okay." They stayed in that position for several moments, her cuddled in his lap as his chin rested on her shoulder, his breath warm on her neck. As she was basking in the comfort of his embrace, she closed her eyes and allowed herself to recall the conversation that had sparked her idea for that night, after her shift.

"_I can't believe it," Derek said, tearing his sweater off as he paced their bedroom. Meredith sat cross legged on their bed, her head moving back and forth as she watched him move through the room. "Who the hell does he think he is? He calls me and tells me that he needs a head of neuro, that he'll give me whatever I want if I take the job. And then he doesn't give me one freaking day off when I ask for it after six months. And a holiday!"_

_Meredith watched with an amused smile. "Well, he is paying you two million dollars a year," she said._

_He glared at her and the smile died on her lips, realizing that he wasn't in the mood for joking around. "Sorry."_

"_It's not that I even want to go to New York," he continued his rant. "Unless you'd come with me, but I know you can't get that much time off, and it's completely okay if you don't want to. I get that you're not ready for that yet. But I still want to spend the day with you, and now I have to be on call for all those stupid people who can't drive on holidays."_

"_Derek," she smiled, climbing off of the bed and intercepting his route, wrapping her arms around his neck and standing on tip toes to press her lips against his. "You will spend Thanksgiving with me."_

"_Mer, have you even been listening to me?" he asked. "I have to work."_

"_So I'll work too," she shrugged._

"_You'll…what?" Derek frowned._

"_I'll volunteer to work," she said. "Bailey needs someone, and George has dinner with his family. Izzie is all about cooking, and Burke is making Christina take off. So I'll work so we can still be together."_

"_You'd do that for me?" Derek asked, his face morphing from anger to complete awe. "You'd really give up Thanksgiving to work so we could be together?"_

_She smiled as she reached up to bury his fingers in his hair. "You're what I'm thankful for," she said. "And if that means that we'll go to the hospital, then fine. I really don't get what the big deal is about Thanksgiving. Shouldn't we be thankful every day? Because I'm definitely glad that you're in my life everyday, not just on holidays."_

_That earned her a full fledged McDreamy smile, and he leaned down to kiss her softly. "I'm glad you're in my life everyday too," he said. "But…thank you. Because I've never worked Thanksgiving, or any other holiday. And this is the first time I'm going to be away from my family for a holiday, and I…it makes it all okay. If I can be with you."_

"_Even in the OR?" she asked._

"_Especially in the OR," he confirmed._

"_Good," she said, pulling him onto the bed. "You can stop freaking out now."_

"_I was not freaking out."_

"_You so were," she said. "And you rambled."_

"_I did not."_

"_You did," she smiled, but reached forward to run a hand through his hair. "Tell me about it."_

"_What? Rambling? I'm pretty sure you could write a textbook on the topic…ow!"_

_She rolled her eyes as she withdrew her arm from the deserving slap on the arm. "Not rambling. Thanksgiving. Family. What do they do? Do all your sisters come home?"_

_Derek smiled. "Thanksgiving is…well, it's completely crazy. I think I only spent one Thanksgiving with Addison's parents, she usually preferred to go to Mom's house. And most years there are at least two of the sisters there. Chris's parents aren't living, so Kath and her family are always there. And there are a ton of kids, running around like crazy. Mom's bossing everyone around in the kitchen, and the girls are usually screaming at each other about something. I used to go outside and play freeze tag with the kids, it was more fun than staying inside, and the brothers in law would either come with me or watch the game. During dinner the kids eat in the kitchen because there are so many of them, and the family is just…together. We're making fun of each other and telling embarrassing stories, but it's just wonderful."_

_Meredith smiled softly. "You have that family," she stated._

"_What family?" he asked._

"_The family from the movies," Meredith said. "The perfect happy family."_

"_The Shepherds are hardly perfect," he sighed._

"_Not if you're the representation of all of them," she didn't miss a beat._

"_Not funny," he rolled his eyes. "But we have our fair share of problems. Even twenty five years after my dad died, we still miss him. Especially Mom."_

_Meredith smiled sympathetically. "What was he like?" she asked softly._

"_I don't…I only remember certain things," he said softly. "Snapshots. But I remember him bringing Caitlin home from the hospital. I was six, and I was so upset because the last thing I wanted was another sister. But he just promised me that it made me even more special because I was the only boy."_

"_You were his boy," Meredith stated softly._

"_I was," Derek nodded. "He said he was going to teach me how to be a man, how to protect my sisters and turn into a good, honorable man. But when I was ten he died, and I…I was on my own to be the man of the house and turn myself into a good man."_

"_I think you did a wonderful job," Meredith said softly._

"_My mom," Derek said softly. "She still keeps a place set for him. Not every meal, but Thanksgiving and Christmas, his birthday…no one's allowed to sit in his seat at the table."_

_Meredith smiled softly as she leaned in closer to rest her head on his chest. "I love you," she offered, the plan to give him a perfect Thanksgiving already forming in her head._

"_I love you too," he whispered._

_That was what she was most grateful for._

"Mer?" his concerned tone brought her back to the present.

"Sorry," she shook her head slightly. "I was just remembering what you told me about Thanksgiving."

He smiled as he leaned in for a kiss. 'This is better."

"Don't lie," she rolled her eyes.

"I'm not," he insisted. "Working with you trumps any Thanksgiving I spent with Addison."

"That's kind of sweet," Meredith commented.

"And as much as I would love to hide away in here," Derek sighed, gently pushing her off of his lap. "Holden needs to get into the OR."

"If he wants to," Meredith added.

"Let's go find out," Derek said, opening the door for her and following her towards the elevator. This wasn't a typical Thanksgiving at all, but it was worth it. And she was going to make sure that Derek got his Thanksgiving dinner.

XXXXX

"We're here," Derek murmured to her hours later when they pulled up to the trailer, emotion still filling both of their minds as they tried to take in Holden's death. He wasn't an ordinary patient, and they were both more upset about his death than they were about others. But she needed to push that aside for now.

"You have to wait out here," she ordered as she reached for the door handle.

"What?" he frowned. "Why?"

"Because I said so," she shrugged.

"Has anyone ever told you that you're incredibly bossy?" he asked.

"You," she responded. "On more than one occasion."

"Why can't I go inside?"

"Derek, you sound like you're five," she said. "Just wait out here."

"But it's cold."

She considered for a moment. It was cold. But she had really wanted to get things set up before he went inside. "Fine," she said. "But you're staying in the bedroom, and I'm closing the divider."

"Why?"

"Would you just cooperate for once in your life?" she asked as they stepped onto the wooden dock he'd built outside the trailer.

"You're the one who completely freaked out when I didn't tell you where we were going to dinner for your birthday," Derek said. "If you're allowed to hate surprises, then so am I."

"Whatever," she said, pushing him into the bedroom. "Stay."

"I'm not a dog."

"Seriously, Derek," she rolled her eyes. "I'm trying to do something for you. Something…girlfriendy. So just stay in there until or I tell you to. Or else you won't get sex until the new year."

"You couldn't last that long," Derek argued.

"Do you want to test that theory?" she raised an eyebrow.

He paused for a moment, as if unsure as to how serious she was. "Not really," he finally admitted.

"Good," she nodded. "Now go read a fishing magazine or something."

"I don't have any…"

"Check your nightstand," she ordered before sliding the door to the small bedroom area off from the kitchen.

She shook her head as she heard him grumbling, and knew that she had to be quick. She'd bought herself some time with a couple fishing magazines and some medical journal, tossing a couple pictures of herself that he'd taken during their last lovemaking marathon a month earlier when they had last visited the trailer into the center of the magazines. Hopefully that would distract him for long enough to get everything set up.

She pulled the sliced turkey out of the fridge and put the sandwiches together, quickly setting the table with an extra place setting than necessary while the instant stuffing and mashed potatoes warmed in the microwave. When the food was all set on the table, she let a couple candles on the table and slid out of her clothes to change into a slinky black nightgown that she knew Derek would love.

When she was satisfied with her work, she slid the door to the bedroom open, smiling at Derek who looked up at her curiously from his position stretched out across the bed. "Mer," he breathed. "You look beautiful."

"Thanks," she smiled slightly. "Come here." She offered him her hand, pulling him towards the small kitchen table and wrapping her arms around his waist as he took everything in. "Happy Thanksgiving, Der."

"Meredith," he breathed, wrapping his arms tightly around her. "You did this all for me?"

"It's not much," she said. "I know that, and it's probably really crappy compared to your mom's, but…you deserve something. Even though I can't actually cook there are turkey sandwiches, and instant food, because even I can't mess up a microwave. So…yeah. Thanksgiving."

"There are three places set," Derek said.

"Yeah," she smiled, turning to look up at him. "For your dad. I know your mom set a spot for him, but…I figured he could have a spot here too. In your life."

"Oh Mer," he breathed, pulling her close and kissing her deeply. "I love you so much."

"I love you too," she smiled, sitting down and letting him slide onto the bench beside her.

"You're amazing," he said, smiling at her as she shoveled a helping of mashed potatoes onto her plate.

She smiled slyly as she leaned forward, giving him a clear view of the cleavage peeking out of the low cut v-neck of her dress. "You haven't even heard what's for dessert."


	10. Chapter 10

"Hey stranger."

Meredith smiled as she looked up from her medical journal to see Derek settling down beside her. "Hi," she said, leaning into him for a moment. She'd spent the past two nights at the hospital, and although she'd spent most of her meals with him, she'd missed being close to her. "How has your day been?"

"Good," Derek nodded. "Nothing too exciting. What about you? Are you going to get away from here tonight?"

"Hopefully," she answered, reaching for her cheeseburger again.

"Good," he said, pouring the dressing over his own salad. "I picked up the tree yesterday, I was thinking that we could decorate it tonight."

"What tree?" she frowned.

He paused for a moment, staring at her cautiously before he said, "The Christmas tree. For the house."

"Oh," she said, looking down at her plate.

"Is something wrong?" he asked.

"No," she said. "I just…I've never really had a Christmas tree before. I didn't realize that we were going to do the whole holiday thing."

"Why wouldn't we?" Derek asked.

"No reason," Meredith said. "We did like Thanksgiving."

"Thanksgiving was perfect," Derek nodded, squeezing her hand.

"It really was," Meredith smiled softly.

Derek held her gaze for a moment before he turned back to his food. They ate in content silence for a moment before he suddenly looked up at her. "Oh, before I forget, I told Lexie we would stop by a little before dinner," he said.

Meredith froze for a moment, her fork halfway to her mouth before she turned to him, dropping her food to her plate. "Stop by where?" she asked.

"Your dad's place," Derek said. "On Christmas."

"Why would we go there?" Meredith asked.

"Because it's your family," Derek said. "And my family's back in New York, so I figured we would spend this year with your family. Maybe next year we can go to New York."

"I don't want to spend any time with them," Meredith said firmly. "And why the hell are you talking to Lexie anyways?"

Derek glanced around the cafeteria, not wanting anyone to hear what he was pretty sure was about to turn into an argument. "Mer," he said. "She's your sister. She called your house looking for you, you weren't there, I asked what she wanted to talk to you about, and she told me that your dad wanted you to come over."

"I don't care what he wants," Meredith said. "I'm not going over there."

"Meredith…"

"Don't Meredith me," she shook her head. "You don't get it. I went last year when they were visiting Molly in New York, and he didn't say two words to me. I sat there in the corner while they did their stupid happy family routine. I'm not doing it again."

"Oh, Mer," Derek sighed, reaching for her hand. "Did you even try to interact with them?"

Meredith stared at him for a moment before she wrenched her hand out of his grip and grabbed her tray. "I'm not talking about this," she said. "You can go over there if you want. But don't expect me to be there. You can tell your precious Lexie that."

"She's not my anything," Derek insisted, moving after her. "Meredith, don't just walk away."

"You can't just assume things, Derek," she said. "I don't want to go. It's not like your stupid perfect family. And I hate Christmas. I'm throwing that stupid tree out."

"Meredith," he groaned. "Don't be dramatic."

"Dramatic?" Meredith cried. "You want to see dramatic?"

"Mer, I didn't mean to upset you…."

Before they could get any further, her pager went off and she looked down at it. "I have to go," she said.

"Meredith…"

"I have to go," she repeated. "And I…I have to stay here overnight, so you should go to the trailer."

And then she was gone, leaving Derek standing abandoned in the middle of the hallway wondering exactly what he had done wrong.

It was hours later that she was sitting in front of the TV in her house, a carton of ice cream open in her lap as she tried to ignore the tree that was leaning against the corner of the wall. Derek and his stupid Christmas ideas.

"Mer?"

She looked up when she heard her name, seeing Derek standing in the doorway of the living room, looking at her cautiously.

"What the hell are you doing here?" she asked.

"We need to talk," Derek replied.

"Derek, I don't need to talk to you," she said. "I'm not going."

"Why not?" he asked.

"Because it's a stupid holiday and they're not my family!" she shouted.

"What about what I think?" Derek demanded. "Doesn't that ever matter?"

"Of course it does," Meredith sighed. "But not about this. It's my family."

"It's not just this, Meredith!" he cried. "It's everything. We've been going at your pace, doing everything that you've wanted. What about what I want? When does that come into play? Will it ever come into play?"

"Are you really unsatisfied in this relationship?" Meredith demanded. "What the hell has been not satisfying? The sex every night? Me sacrificing friendships at work so I can be with you? Me letting you in further than I've ever let anyone else in before? What, Derek, since you're the relationship expert, maybe you should give me some tips?"

"Meredith, we've been together for almost a year," Derek replied. "We spend every night together, and yet any time I mention anything even remotely close to living together, you freak out."

"I told you I'm not ready for that yet!" she cried.

"Will you ever be ready?" Derek demanded.

"I…what?" Meredith breathed.

"How long is it going to take for you to be ready to get married?" Derek asked.

"Who ever said anything about getting married?" Meredith asked.

"You don't want to get married?" Derek asked.

"I don't know," Meredith said. "I never considered it and now…I don't know, Derek. Marriage doesn't always work."

"It would with us," Derek argued.

"You don't know that," she said. "No one gets married thinking that they're going to end in divorce."

"So what, we're just going to live like college students forever?" Derek asked.

"If you're not happy here then maybe you should leave," Meredith snapped.

"Fine," Derek said.

"Take that stupid tree with you!" Meredith cried, pointing into the living room.

"I will," Derek said. "And I'll take it somewhere where it's appreciated."

"Good luck fitting it into that stupid trailer!" Meredith shouted into the hall, receiving a door slam in response.

She stood abandoned in the middle of the living room for a moment before she moved to the kitchen, reaching for her tequila with shaky hands. She and Derek had never really had a fight before, and she wasn't quite sure how talking about Christmas with her so called father had escalated into him accusing her of never considering his feelings and not wanting to marry him.

Because she did want to marry him. Not right now, but in a couple years, maybe when she was finished with her residency, she had always thought that she and Derek would get married. Only now she wasn't so sure. He was being completely unreasonable. Not only did he not understand the fact that her father had abandoned her, he didn't understand the fact that she had never really experienced Christmas the way he had. He loved Christmas, he had probably grown up with piles of presents under the tree and having hot chocolate and singing around the Christmas tree like all the perfect families did.

She had spent her Christmases in the hospital day care, since even her nannies had the day off. And her presents usually consisted of either items from the hospital lost and found or "educational" toys like pretend suture kits.

She'd been looking forward to a quiet night with Derek, maybe watching one of the Christmas movies that everyone seemed to love so much, and just…being together. But apparently he had a different vision of Christmas, and he wasn't completely comfortable in their relationship. And she didn't know what that meant for them.

XXXXXX

It wasn't until Derek was halfway across the bay on the ferryboat, sitting in the front seat of his car that he realized his mistake. He'd been completely insensitive, and now he didn't know what to do.

He'd been trying to help Meredith when he'd told Lexie that they would spend Christmas with her. He knew that she had trouble with family sometimes, and he thought that if he would be the middle man, things wouldn't be so awkward for her. But in retrospect, he probably should have asked her whether she actually wanted to go. He was so accustomed to spending Christmas with his family, he couldn't imagine that Meredith would have wanted to turn down an invitation to Christmas dinner.

And he definitely hadn't meant to say most of the things that he had said. He didn't feel like Meredith was taking advantage of him, and he definitely knew that she wanted to get married eventually. Maybe not right now, but she would be ready eventually. She was younger than he was, and still an intern. He'd told her how stressful it was being in a new marriage during his internship, and she certainly didn't want to base the start of their marriage off the same way his and Addison's had.

He knew he had messed up. They had never really been in a fight before, and he hated it. It was going to be completely strange going to the trailer without her, and he wasn't sure that he wanted to do it. But he couldn't turn the ferry boat around. So right now, all he could do was lean back in his seat and think of a way to make this up to her. He had to make it up to her, because losing her was not an option.

XXXXX

"Who the hell does he think he is?" Meredith demanded as she and Christina made their way down the hall towards the elevators. "He said that just because I didn't want to go to Lexie's dad's house for Christmas, that meant that I didn't want to marry him and I don't consider his feelings in this relationship."

"Ass," Christina offered.

"Complete ass," Meredith nodded in agreement.

"Meredith?"

Meredith frowned as she turned around, stunned to see Lexie standing beside the stairs. "Lexie," she said, moving forward to hug her sister. "You're here. At the hospital."

"I'm here for Christmas," Lexie smiled, returning the hug. "I had to come see you as a doctor."

Meredith smiled as she turned to Christina. "This is my sister Lexie," she said. "Lexie, this is Christina."

Christina looked at Lexie for a moment before she nodded. "Nice," she said.

Lexie glanced at Meredith. "So I just saw Derek," she said.

Meredith rolled her eyes. "What did he say?" she asked. "Because I swear if he tells you that I'm a bad girlfriend I'll steal a scalpel and make him sorry he was ever born."

"He said you got into a fight," Lexie nodded. "About coming to our house."

"Look, it was really nice of you to invite me," Meredith said. "And to include Derek. But your dad isn't my dad. You know that, Lexie. And he just told me that we were going there, he didn't even bring it up for discussion. That's not okay."

"No, it's not," Lexie said. "But it wasn't his fault. I told him that I wanted you two to be there, and he got so excited. He was asking all about our Christmas traditions and telling me about his. He sounded kind of sad, and I figured it would be hard for him to not be with his family this year. That's why I said you should come. But you shouldn't be mad at him. He's just trying to make things better for you."

"By ambushing me and telling me that I don't care about him?" Meredith asked.

"He said that?" Lexie asked.

"Yes," Meredith said, her body tensing when she saw a familiar perfect wave of hair move towards the stairs. "I have to go."

"Mer, don't run," Lexie sighed. "You have to talk to him."

"I know," she nodded. "I just…I have to go."

"Meredith!" Lexie called, but she ignored her, quickly making her way into the staff room before Derek could see her. She hated hiding from him, but she wasn't sure how she was supposed to look at him without bursting into tears. And that thought scared her more than anything else.

XXXXX

"He's picturing my face."

Meredith looked up from her drink hours later, her eyes following Christina's to see Burke throwing a dart across the room, almost hitting a bull's eye. She and Christina had gone to Joe's after work, and Meredith had not been surprised to see Derek already there, nursing a scotch and playing darts. He was still mad and so was she. So when she'd met his eyes from across the room and he'd downed the rest of his drink before hitting a bull's eye, she was sure that they were still fighting, as much as she hated it. And in this moment she was realizing just how hot he was when he was angry, and wondering if it would be completely inappropriate to have angry sex with him in Joe's bathroom.

"Derek's picturing my face," Meredith said, meeting his eyes across the bar again. "He's completely…does he think that just because I'm not perfect he can just walk out on me?"

"It's because he has a penis," Christina said with a confident nod. "He's not capable of normal thoughts. I have to get out of here. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Bye," Meredith sighed, tossing another shot back as Christina moved away from the bar. She looked over at Derek again, feeling her body heat as she watched him. She couldn't deny the fact that he was completely hot, no matter how angry she was with him. But she couldn't break first. She couldn't be the weak one, she just had to wait for Derek to come to her.

"Is this seat taken?"

She looked up to see an unfamiliar man with blonde hair and a warm smile looking down at her as he gestured to the seat Christina had just vacated. Meredith stared at him for a moment before she turned to look at Derek, clearly about to explode with anger.

"Not yet," Meredith said, looking up at him with a flirtatious smile. "Care to join me?"

"Sure," he smiled as he slid down beside her. "What are you drinking?"

"Tequila," Meredith smiled, leaning forward slightly. It had been a long time since she had flirted with anyone, but from the way Derek was staring at them and the way the stranger's eyes traveled down to her chest for a moment told her that she was doing a good job.

"Can I buy you a drink?" he asked, offering her a charming smile.

"She already has someone buying drinks for her." Derek appeared from beside her, putting a protective hand on her back.

"Derek," she hissed, shifting out of her grasp. "Stop."

"Is this guy bothering you?" the stranger asked, standing to challenge Derek, and Meredith suddenly realized that this could get very bad very fast.

"No," she said, pushing Derek's hand off of her, but moving to stand in front of him. "I'm sorry. He's…he's my boyfriend." She ignored the breath of relief that left Derek's lips at her words.

"Oh," the stranger said, looking at them carefully for a moment. "I…sorry. I didn't realize."

"It's my fault," Meredith said. "I'm sorry."

He offered her a smile before he turned and walked to the other end of the bar. Meredith turned back to Derek who was looking down at her with still angry eyes. "You were hitting on him," he said.

"Derek," she rolled her eyes. "Don't be dramatic."

"I'm not being dramatic," he said. "After everything…you were there that night. You saw what Addison did to me."

"I can't believe you just said that," she snapped. "I'm not Addison and you know it."

Derek crossed his arms as he stared down at her for a moment. Finally he took a deep breath and shook his head. "Right now," he said. "I'm not so sure about that."

Meredith fought the tears from falling down before she turned and walked out of the bar, not looking back. And she didn't let herself cry until she had pulled her car around the block and to the side of the road so that she could cry.


	11. Chapter 11

In his entire life, Derek Shepherd had never thought that he would ever spend a Christmas by himself.

For as long as he could remember, he had spent Christmas surrounded by people, from the earliest memories where his father would let him help passing out the presents to the only Christmas he had spent with Addison's less than friendly family, he had always been surrounded by people and some kind of companionship. Even the Christmas following his father's murder was better than this. It had been marked with the loss of a man that they had all loved, much less cheery than usual, but he had had his family. His mother had been determined to ensure that each of her children knew just how much they were loved, and she had insisted on making sure that traditions his father had started to implement were followed through with.

And he knew that right now, his family was probably gathered around his mother's dining room table, the kids all bouncing with excitement while his sisters and their husbands were slightly tipsy from the several bottles of wine that had no doubt been consumed by now.

But he was sitting alone in his trailer in the middle of the woods, wondering exactly how he had gotten here.

It had been almost two weeks since he and Meredith had spoken. Or yelled at each other in the middle of Joe's, and he was completely lost without her. Seeing her in the halls at the hospital had been pure torture, and this morning when she'd passed him on the stairwell, he had wanted nothing more than to pull her into his arms and apologize. But she hadn't even met his eyes, and had been gone before he knew what was happening, and he had left without seeing her again.

Now it was Christmas Eve and he was lying alone on his bed, staring up at the snow falling down onto his skylight and wishing that he wasn't a complete ass.

He rolled over to Meredith's side of the bed, inhaling the deep scent of lavender on her pillow that lingered there. She was probably still at the hospital, having volunteered to work on the holiday and not caring about what she was missing. But he was most certainly missing her. And before he knew what he was doing, he was launching himself off of the bed, pulling on his coat and reaching for his car keys. He had to get to Meredith, he had to tell her how sorry he was and how much he wanted to spend Christmas with her, and he had to do it before the snow got too bad, before he was stranded at the trailer and the ferryboats closed for the Christmas storm that was coming.

He drove on autopilot towards the docks, easing his car onto the almost abandoned ferryboat and leaning back in his seat as he felt the engines moving beneath him. Meredith had to forgive him, she had to. It had been a stupid fight, one that had gotten out of hand easily and lasted much too long, but she would forgive him.

As the boat pulled up to the dock, he started to maneuver his car towards land, slamming on the breaks just before getting off the boat when he saw a very familiar jeep pulling onto the boat. He peered in the window to see Meredith biting her lower lip as she concentrated hard on the task at hand, and he laughed slightly. She always made him drive onto the ferryboat, insisting that she was too scared to do it. But she was doing it now, thinking that she was going to find him at the trailer. He couldn't help but smile, knowing that his relationship was going to be salvaged after all.

The horns behind him pulled him out of his trance, and he circled the car around, moving back to the car spaces and quickly stepping onto the deck, not bothering to lock his car as he moved towards the only other car on the boat.

She jumped when he pulled the door to the passenger side open, the fear on her face turning to relief, then confusion, and then apprehension all in the matter of a second. "Derek," she finally breathed. "What are you doing here?"

"I was on my way to the hospital," he admitted. "Where I thought I was going to find you."

"Oh," she breathed. "No, I…I took the night off. I worked Thanksgiving so I could have Christmas off."

"I remember," Derek nodded slowly.

"And I know things are…not good," Meredith said. "But I took Christmas off so I could be with you, but at this point I don't even know if we're together or not. But I figured I should come out to the trailer and see, because I don't want to spend Christmas wondering if I have a boyfriend or not."

Derek smiled as he reached out to squeeze her hand. "You do," he said simply.

"I do?" she asked, her eyes unsure as they met his.

"You do," he repeated. "He's an ass sometimes, but he loves you."

Meredith smiled slightly. "I love you too," she whispered. "Even though I hate you."

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "Everything I said…I blew it all out of proportion."

"I overreacted too," Meredith said. "And I'm sorry. About the guy in the bar. I shouldn't have done that."

"You're probably right," Derek sighed.

"You said I was like Addison," Meredith whispered. "Derek, that…that hurt more than anything else."

"I know," he sighed. "And I'm sorry. I don't think you're like her."

"Then why did you say it?"

"Because I was mad," Derek shrugged. "And jealous. In case you haven't figured it out already, I have a horrible temper."

"I knew that," Meredith giggled slightly. "And for the record, angry jealous Derek is very hot."

"Well, next time we're in a fight I'll be sure to take advantage of that statement," he said, leaning in to press his lips against hers. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," she sighed. "As long as…we're okay, right?"

"We're definitely okay," Derek nodded. "And next time I'm an ass, just tell me. I never want to go two weeks without talking to you again."

"I missed you," she admitted softly. "I hate that I missed you, but I did."

"I missed you too," Derek breathed. "And now you're ready for Christmas at the trailer?"

"Definitely," she nodded, looking out the windshield as the boat approached the dock. "I'll meet you there?"

"Drive safely," Derek said, leaning in to cup her cheek as he kissed her.

"You too," she murmured, pressing her lips against his once more.

Derek smiled widely at her before he slid out of the car, walking back to his own car and following her on the familiar drive to the trailer. Everything was okay. It still wasn't going to be the Christmas that he was used to, but at least he wasn't going to be alone. Meredith would be there, and that was all that mattered.

His sports car took longer than her jeep to maneuver through the snowy roads, and he smiled as he saw her car already parked in front of the trailer. It was comforting, coming home to know that she was waiting for him, and he couldn't help but envision one day there being a house here, where he could come home to find Meredith everyday.

As he stepped onto the deck and reached for the door, he felt something collide with his back and he turned around to see a grinning Meredith on the snow in front of him, a pile of slow spread on the wooden dock in front of him. She was already reaching for another handful of snow as he realized what had happened, and another snowball collided with his head as he leaned over to scoop snow into his own glove covered hand.

"What the hell are you doing?" he shouted as he felt a satisfying thud collide with her jacket.

"Consider it revenge for calling me a slut," Meredith giggled as she ran around to the other side of the trailer.

"I never called you a slut," Derek rolled his eyes as he chased after her. "And I'll show you revenge."

She screamed as he charged after her, giggling loudly as she grabbed some more snow to throw in his general direction. "Derek," she giggled, suddenly tripping in the snow and falling into the soft white pile.

"Gotcha," Derek laughed, dropping onto his knees beside her and flipping her onto her back before he shifted his own body on top of hers.

"Derek," she breathed, running her hands over his hair before she pulled him down to kiss her.

"I love you," he whispered against her lips.

"I love you too," she breathed.

"I'm sorry."

"Derek," she sighed, wrapping her arms around his neck. "It's okay. We both got upset, things got out of control. But it's okay, we're fine now. And we can go inside and have Christmas sex."

"Christmas sex," Derek said. "Do you think that's better than make up sex?"

"I wouldn't know," she giggled. "We've never fought."

"Well, we could have make up Christmas sex," Derek suggested.

"Good idea," she smiled, leaning up to kiss him again before she pushed him off of her and allowed him to pull her to her feet, leading her into the trailer and into his bed, right where she belonged.

XXXXX

It was nearly two hours later when they finished their making up, and she lay naked in his arms, satisfied and breathless. Derek was trailing his fingers gently over the skin of her back, his own breathing still heavier than normal against her hair.

"Merry Christmas," he murmured after a long moment of silence.

Meredith lifted her head off of his chest and turned to look at the clock on his night table. Twelve-ten. It was Christmas. "Merry Christmas," she replied, leaning up to press her lips against his.

"I'm glad that we made up."

"Me too," she sighed, resting her head against his chest again. "This is the best Christmas ever."

"I can make it even better," he said, shifting slightly to reach into the drawer beside his bed.

"What?" she asked, her eyes widening as she saw him holding a small velvet box out to her. "Derek, I…"

"I'm not proposing," he said quickly. "It's not what you think, I just…I want you to have this."

She looked at him closely for a moment before she hesitantly reached for the box, cracking it open to reveal a silver necklace with a simple heart dangling from the bottom, a diamond in the center. "Oh," she gasped.

"I know you're not a jewelry person," Derek said, reaching to push her hair out of the way and hook the necklace around her neck. "But I thought it would look good on you. And I wanted you to have something special."

"I love it," she breathed, fingering the necklace softly before she leaned in to kiss him. "Thanks."

"You're welcome," he said, his hands moving over her sides.

"I have your present," she sighed, reaching for his sweatshirt. "In the car."

"Where are you going?" he frowned as he watched her reach for her boots.

"To get your present," she rolled her eyes.

"I can wait," he said, reaching for her. "Come back to bed."

"Derek, it will be two seconds," she said, reaching for the door to the trailer and freezing as soon as she pulled it open. "Um, maybe not," she said.

"What's wrong?" he asked, suddenly appearing behind her.

"It's snowing," was all she could think to say.

And it was snowing indeed. The snow was almost level with the deck, and there was no way that she could make it out to her car at this right. There was almost two feet of snow on the ground, with thick flakes still swirling around the lights of the trailer.

"I guess we're snowed in," he murmured against her neck, his hands wrapping around her waist as he closed the door. "I can find some very exciting things to do when we're snowed in."

She giggled as she turned around in his arms, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck as she kissed him. "Der," she sighed as she pulled back, arching her head to the side as he trailed his lips over her neck. "Today has been really amazing. Really really amazing, and you know I love sex…"

"But?" he asked, his voice muffled by the earlobe he was currently sucking on.

"But I'm kind of hungry," Meredith said. "And…sore."

Derek pulled back from her, examining her for a moment before he gently pushed her back towards the bed. "I'll make food," he said. "You get naked and warm."

"Christmas food?" Meredith asked hopefully.

"Well, I went shopping this morning," Derek said, reaching into the cabinets. "How about we make it a typical Shepherd family Christmas and make nachos?"

"You eat nachos on Christmas?"

"Christmas eve," Derek nodded. "And I'll have you know that I make the best nachos in the world."

"We've been together for this long and you haven't made me nachos yet?" Meredith demanded.

"We only make them during snowstorms," Derek said, moving around the small trailer. "Shepherd family rules."

"Oh," she said, flopping onto her stomach and watching him as he made his way around the small kitchen, shirtless and completely comfortable. She would never have believed that they were literally snowed into the trailer, but the trailer was warm and comfortable, and she loved that he was so comfortable with her, even after such a horrible fight.

"Here we go," Derek said, handing her a plate of hot nachos, moving back to the fridge for a couple of beers before he returned to the bed, sliding under the covers beside her.

"Amazing," Meredith moaned through a mouthful of cheesy chips.

"Good," Derek laughed. "I'm glad you like them."

"They're delicious," Meredith said, handing him a nacho. "So tell me…what are some more Shepherd family traditions?"

"Well," Derek said. "It's one in New York right now, which means that everyone has been up for eight hours."

"You wake up at five?" she asked with raised eyebrows.

"On Christmas," Derek laughed. "The kids aren't allowed out of their rooms until five, I'm sure they're up well before then."

"Wow," Meredith breathed. "So what else?"

"Presents are first, obviously," Derek said. "And then my mom makes a huge breakfast. Pancakes, French toast, bacon, waffles…the whole thing. And after that, we round up all the kids, which can take quite a long time. Then we go to this clearing in the woods behind the house, where there's a huge hill and a pond that's usually frozen over. If there's snow we'll go sledding, and Mark usually started a snowball fight, sometimes we'll go skating on the pond. And then it's back to the house in time for Christmas movies and hot chocolate until dinner's ready."

"That sounds really nice," Meredith said, leaning forward to run her fingers through his hair. "Do you wish you were there?"

Derek was silent for a moment, his eyes closed in thought before he opened them. "No," he said simply.

"No?" Meredith raised an eyebrow.

"I miss my family," Derek nodded. "But I don't wish that I was there. I'm here with you. And that's where I want to be."

"Even though we just had a fight and hated each other for weeks?" Meredith asked.

"I could never hate you," Derek said softly. "And honestly Meredith, this may just be perfection."

Meredith bit her lower lip, smiling for a moment before she nodded in agreement. "I think so too," she said.

"And I think we should take advantage of this opportunity," Derek said.

"Opportunity?" Meredith asked.

"Yes," Derek said, moving the now empty plate to the end table and pushing her onto her back. "We're here…in a trailer…completely snowed in and unable to get paged to the hospital. I have lots of alcohol, so I think it would be completely appropriate for us to get drunk and have hot sex all over the trailer."

Meredith smiled. "Why Dr. Shepherd," she said, shifting to run her toes up and down his calf. "I think you have an excellent idea."

Derek leaned down to kiss her deeply before he pulled back and smiled down at her. "Merry Christmas, Mer."

"Merry Christmas, Derek," she whispered. "I love you."


	12. Chapter 12

"Meredith," Derek rolled his eyes as he came out of the bathroom, his towel slung low around his hips. "Are you seriously still in bed?"

"I told you," she replied, her voice muffled by the pillow her head was buried in. "I'm not going to work today."

"Yes, you've said so several times," Derek sighed, dropping the towel to reach for his clothes. "And you have yet to tell me why."

"Because I don't want to."

"You love your job."

"No, actually, I don't," she replied. "I hate it. A lot."

"Right, that's why you cancelled our date last night, because you wanted to stay late to watch Burke scrub in on a humpty dumpty."

Meredith poked her head out from under the pillow for a moment before she collapsed back into the mattress. "That's different," she stated.

"Oh, really?" Derek asked, pulling his sweater over his head and sitting down on her side of the bed, removing the pillow from her face. "And why is it different?"

"Because," she sighed, turning over to stare at him for a long moment. He simply stared at her, tilting his head to the side and offering her the look he knew she couldn't resist as she looked up at him. "I didn't have a feeling then," she finally admitted.

"A feeling?" Derek raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah," she said softly, playing with a thread in the edge of the comforter. "Like something bad is about to happen."

"A feeling," Derek repeated. "I get those."

Her eyes lifted to meet his, hope filling her face. "Really?"

"Really," he nodded.

"What do you do about them?" she asked, and he was struck by how similar she looked to his nieces when they were scared of the dark and asked him to make the monsters go away.

"You have to wait for it to pass," Derek shrugged.

"Seriously?" Meredith frowned. "That's the advice that you're giving me?"

"There's not much else you can do," Derek shrugged.

She rolled her eyes and grabbed the pillow out of his hands, putting it back on her head. "I prefer to sleep it off."

"Meredith," Derek sighed. "Do you want me to get your roommates in here?"

"I don't care what they do."

Derek paused for a moment, trying to create a dramatic effect. "I'll call Christina," he finally said.

She was silent for a moment before she looked up at him. "I dare you."

It was a half hour later that Derek was watching with amusement as his girlfriend was literally kicked out of bed by her best friend. He leaned against the doorframe, arms crossed over his chest and unable to stop the laughter that escaped as a result of the scowl plastered on Meredith's face.

"This is so your fault," she said, grabbing a pair of jeans out of her dresser.

"You can't say I didn't warn you," Derek laughed.

"I still hate you."

"You love me," he laughed, moving to her side and pressing a kiss to her cheek.

"Oh, gross," Christina rolled her eyes. "I'll be downstairs. I'm giving you five minutes to get dressed. No sex."

Meredith turned to smirk at Derek as Christina left the room. "Hear that?" she asked. "No sex."

"For now," Derek nodded. "But tonight…lots of sex."

"Nope," Meredith shook her head. "I'm banning sex."

Derek frowned as he watched her move towards the bathroom. "You can't do that," he protested.

"Funny," Meredith said, offering him a smirk as she closed the door. "I just did."

Derek stared at the closed door for a moment before he reached for his wallet and keys, sliding everything into his briefcase before he turned to look at the still closed door. "Do I get to kiss you goodbye?" he asked.

"You'll see me in an hour," Meredith's voice replied.

"Fine," Derek said. She was cute when she was mad, and he could always corner her in an on call room, harass her until she admitted that she wasn't really mad at him. It was always fun to corner her at work.

"Bye!" Meredith yelled from the other side of the door.

"Bye Mer," Derek shook his head, heading out to his car. It was going to be a good day, he could feel it.

The two months since Christmas had been amazing. They had had their fair share of fights, but most of the time it was one of them picking a fight so they could have make up sex afterwards. And Meredith had grown so much in the past months, really becoming interested in his family and how they did things, making it clear to him that she would one day want to be apart of the Shepherd family, even if she wasn't yet. And for now, that was okay with him. Meredith tended to be dramatic about things, and she had just come off of a thirty hour shift the night before, so it was likely that she was just crabby and tired. Nothing bad was going to happen today. It was just a day.

XXXXX

"Seriously, how stupid are you?" Christina frowned as she stood beside Meredith, watching a bomb squad member tape a vest to her chest.

"Okay, you know when isn't a good time to yell at me?" Meredith snapped. "When a stranger is taping a vest to your boobs and your hand is on a bomb. Plus, I really have to pee."

"Well you should have thought of that before you put your hand on a bomb!" Christina cried.

"Dr. Yang," Burke said from behind her. "I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

"What?" Christina frowned. "I'm not leaving."

"Please report to the chief what is going on," Burke said. "And you can't be in here."

Christina opened her mouth to argue, then glanced at Meredith and rolled her eyes slightly. "Fine," she said. "I'll leave the OR."

"Christina," Meredith said, watching her walk across the room. "Don't say anything to Derek."

Christina's face morphed from annoyed to surprised to something that resembled concerned. "Meredith," she breathed.

"I just…he worries," Meredith said, tears threatening to fall from her eyes. "And I don't want him to worry, so please just don't tell him it's me. Just…tell him I love him if he asks."

"I can't," Christina started to shake her head, but Meredith interrupted her.

"Please," she said. "I can't remember…we had a thing this morning a stupid fight, but I wouldn't let him kiss me goodbye. And I can't remember the last time I told him I loved him, so please just tell him that much for me."

Christina, temporarily shedding her usual sarcastic demeanor, nodded and then leaned forward to squeeze Meredith's hand. "Please don't do anything else stupid," she said softly.

Meredith nodded, fear filling her entire body as she squeezed Christina's hand back. "Please tell Derek I love him," she said.

"I will," Christina said.

And with that, Meredith watched as her best friend walked out of the room, leaving her completely alone in a room full of members of the bomb squad. "So," she said, taking a shaky breath and trying to paste a smile to her face. "What are we going to do now?"

Dillon finished fastening her vest onto her and then moved to the other side of the table where she could meet his eyes. "Now, we wait," he said. "Dr. Burke is bringing in an x-ray machine, and then we can have a better idea of what we're dealing with here."

"Oh," Meredith said. "So we just have to wait. I have my hand on a live bomb in a human cavity, and I just have to stand here."

Dillon smiled sympathetically. "I know this is scary," he said. "But we're going to do everything we can to make sure that everyone will be okay."

Meredith nodded slowly, raising her head to the ceiling and closing her eyes, trying to imagine that she was anywhere but here.

XXXXX

"Alright," Derek said, relief filling his voice as he pulled his instruments back from Bailey's husband's brain. "I think we're all set here."

"Dr. Shepherd?" his scrub nurse asked, stepping forward to look into the brain cavity.

"Pressure's down," Derek nodded. "He should be okay."

"That's good," she said softly, and he could hear how her voice was shaking. He knew that everyone in the room was completely terrified for their life, as he was. And the only comfort that he had was knowing that Meredith was far away, as she was scheduled to spend the morning in the pit.

"I just have to close," he said, reaching for the suture kit beside him. "And I want to thank all of you for your bravery. It's been…"

"Dr. Shepherd!"

Derek turned to see Christina stumble into the room, her face full of fear. "Dr. Yang," he said, turning further towards her. "Is there any news?"

"They um…they had to move to another OR," Christina said. "To avoid blowing the hospital up."

Derek nodded slowly. "And the girl with the bomb?" he asked, turning back to Tucker's brain.

Christina was silent for a long moment. "She's hanging in there," she finally said. "And she wanted me to tell you…she loves you. Meredith, I mean. She said she loves you."

Derek nodded slowly. "Okay," he said, concentrating on the sutures he was making in Tucker's brain. The OR was silent for a long moment before Christina spoke again, and he knew what she was going to say before she even said it.

"It's Meredith," she said. "The girl with the bomb, it's Meredith. And she didn't want to scare you because you had to save Bailey's husband. But you should know. Because she's scared and she's telling people that George and Izzie should stay in the house, and that you should know… she said she wants you to be happy. To move on."

Derek stood, completely frozen with his instruments hanging over Tucker's brain. Meredith, his Meredith, was holding a live bomb and she was saying things. Things that meant she didn't think she was going to make it. And he had no idea what he would do without her. Everything he needed, everything he wanted, was in the next OR, and could blow up at any moment. He wanted to run to her, to grab the bomb out of her hands and tell her that he would do it, that he would do anything to make sure that she was safe. And he wanted to kill whatever idiot had put her in this situation, because they were supposed to have a lifetime together.

But he couldn't do any of that. He had to finish suturing Bailey's husband and then he could go to her. But he couldn't put Tucker at risk because he wanted to be with Meredith.

"Thank you, Dr. Yang," he said, swallowing hard as he continued to suture, trying not to go faster than he should have. "Please keep me updated."

There was a formidable silence in the room as Christina processed his words, his team still taking in the fact that Meredith Grey was one wrong move away from death.

"That's it?" Christina asked.

"Dr. Yang," he said evenly. "I need to finish closing. Please go get an update for me."

Christina paused for a moment, perhaps understanding his need to distract himself from what was going on in the next OR. "Of course, Dr. Shepherd," she finally said, stepping out of the door.

Derek continued to work, his hands surprisingly steady as he focused on making a perfect suture. That was all he could concentrate on right now, it was all he could do not to run out of the OR to be by Meredith's side.

When he was finally finished closing, he tore his scrub mask off and moved towards the door, shouting instructions to bring Tucker down to recovery over his shoulder. And when he pushed his way into OR 2, he stopped short at the sight before him.

Burke was leaning against the far wall, arms crossed over his chest while a handful of bomb squad officers stood around the room, whispering softly to each other. And Meredith, his beautiful girlfriend, was standing in the middle of the room, her right hand inside of a body cavity, tears streaming down her face as she looked at an officer who was standing beside her, talking in hushed tones.

He could feel the eyes on him as soon as he stumbled into the room, and when Meredith's eyes turned to him, fear filled them and she shook her head. "Derek," she breathed, her voice shaking. "You have to go."

"No," he said, cautiously moving closer to her. "Meredith, are you okay?"

"I'm fine," she nodded slowly. "Please, you can't be here. You weren't even supposed to know. Christina is in so much trouble right now."

"Meredith, I'm not letting you do this alone," Derek said. "You're trying to be strong, I know you are. But this…I promised that I would always be there for you, no matter what. And that stands true now as much as ever."

"Derek, you don't have to be here," she said. "And if you stay, you could…." Her voice trailed off and she shook her head again. "You can't be here."

"I'm not going anywhere," Derek said firmly, turning to the officer who seemed to be in charge. "What can I do to help?"

"She needs to stay calm," the officer explained. "We're going to have her pull the bomb out in a few minutes, but she started panicking. She needs to stay calm."

Derek nodded, wondering how in the world he was supposed to stay calm in this situation, let alone keep Meredith calm. But she needed him, and he had to pretend like he knew that everything was going to be okay. He had to pretend that everything that mattered to him couldn't just blow up right in front of him. Later, when they were cocooned in the safety of their bedroom, he could break down. But right now, Meredith needed him to be the strong one.

"Meredith," he said softly, leaning in to breathe her in. "You can do this."

"I'm scared," she whispered. "Derek, I can't do this. I can't. I love you. I love you so much, and I'm sorry, but I can't do this. I'm too scared."

"I know," Derek said softly, tilting his head to the side and trying his best to offer her the McDreamy look. "I'm scared too. But you can do this. I know you can, Mer."

Meredith sniffled slightly, trying to stay strong and hold back the tears. "I love you," she whispered.

"I love you too."

"And I can do this."

"You can do this."

Meredith was still for a moment before she turned to the bomb squad officer and said, "I'm ready. What do you need me to do?"

"Keep it even," he instructed, his hands already outstretched to intercept the offered explosive. "And gently…very gently…pull it out of the body cavity."

Meredith met Derek's eyes for an extended moment and he swallowed hard, praying with everything inside of him that this wouldn't be the last time that those beautiful stormy green eyes met his.

But then she broke the gaze and turned back to the officer, her hand beginning to move out of the body cavity.

The entire room waited with bated breath as she handed the bomb over, and the second that her hands were free, Derek pulled her into his arms, hugging her tightly. She sank into him, a damp spot immediately seeping onto the chest of his scrub shirt, her tears finally overflowing her eyes. "I love you," he whispered.

"I love you too," she breathed.

Before he could say anything else, Meredith pushed away from him, moving into the hallway to watch as the bomb was carried away.

It was the moment that she had disappeared from the doorway that there was a deafening explosion, and he was out the door in less than a second. She had just spent an hour with her hand on a live explosive, she couldn't leave him now that she had handed it over.

When he saw her crumpled form on the floor in front of him, his first thought was relief. She was still there, and as he dropped onto the floor beside her, reaching for her wrist to feel for a pulse, he knew that she was alive. Her chest was still rising slightly, she was breathing. But she was unconscious, and he was hesitant to move her. Despite the pink mist in the air and the charred hallway of the hospital, he didn't want to move her in case there had been some kind of injury that he couldn't see.

"Get me a gurney!" he shouted, and a moment later Christina was beside him, a gurney lowered as far as it would to allow him to shift Meredith as much as possible.

"Is she okay?" Christina asked.

"She has a pulse," Derek said, looking her over quickly to ensure that there were no broken bones. "She's not responding, but I don't think there are any broken bones. There's likely a concussion."

"I'll page Nelson," Christina said, knowing that there was no way Derek would be allowed to examine Meredith.

"Get Burke too," Derek said, shifting her onto the gurney and leaning over it. "Mer. Can you hear me?"

There was no response, and he swallowed hard as he reached down to squeeze her hand, the hand that had been holding a bomb moments earlier. "Don't leave me, Meredith," he pleaded. "I love you. Please don't leave me."

XXXXX

An hour later, he lay beside her in a hospital bed in the clinic, hating the fact that her body seemed too fragile for him to hold the way he wanted to. She'd been put through every test possible; he'd ordered a shotgun against Richard's orders. He'd remained by her side for every test, save for the EEG when he'd gone to inform Bailey of her husband's condition.

The test results had come back a few minutes before, everything looking completely normal, with the exception of a moderately severe concussion. When she woke up, she would be sore and likely emotionally upset, but in the long run she would be fine.

If she woke up.

"Mer," he sighed, breathing into her neck. "Please wake up."

"Derek."

He looked up to see Richard standing at the foot of the bed, his face stern. This was the last thing that he wanted to deal with right now, but he knew that his chief of surgery wouldn't go away until he had said everything he wanted to say.

"Richard," he said, sitting up, but not leaving the bed and reaching to thread his fingers through Meredith's limp ones.

"Derek, this is completely inappropriate," Richard said.

"No it's not," Derek said, starting to feel the ugly effects of a migraine sink in. "I'm here with my girlfriend until she is ready to go home."

"Who just happens to be an intern," Richard said.

"You said I get the week off," Derek said. "So right now I'm just a boyfriend waiting to take care of my girlfriend."

"Visiting hours ended over an hour ago," Richard stated.

"You can't be serious," Derek said. "I am sick to death of you having some kind of weird protective obsession with Meredith. She's an intern, but what we do in our personal lives is none of your business."

"I was there when she was born," Richard said. "I've known her for her entire life, I think I know what's best for her."

"You knew her until she was five," Derek nodded. "Until you broke up with her mother and never made any contact with her ever again. So don't you dare try to play the screwed up pseudo father role. Meredith raised herself and you know it. You have nothing to do with why she is the way she is, and if anything she's amazing in spite of you, not because of you."

Richard stared at Derek for a moment, his face making it evident that he hadn't been aware that Derek knew about his past with Ellis Grey. "I need you to do a post op on Bailey's husband," he finally said.

"No," Derek said. "I told her how the surgery went, and then I handed the case over to Nelson."

"Derek, if you value your job…"

"Don't."

A weak voice came from behind him, and Derek swung around to see Meredith's eyes opening. "Stop fighting," she said. "You're giving me a headache."

Derek smiled slightly as he turned to press his lips against hers gently, resting his forehead against hers. "There you are," he whispered. "God, you scared me."

Meredith offered him a small smile before her eyes shifted closed again. "Water," she requested softly.

Derek reached to the tray beside the bed, his eyes meeting Richard's for an extended moment. "Dr. Webber," he said with a curt nod of head, obviously dismissing Richard from the little bit of privacy they had behind the curtain.

Richard stared at the two of them for a moment before he conceded and turned to walk through the curtain again.

"How are you feeling?" Derek asked as he turned to Meredith.

"My head hurts," she sighed, sipping the water eagerly through the straw.

"Do you remember what happened?" he asked, looking into her eyes to see if there was any dilation to her pupils.

"Stop trying to examine me," she sighed. "They…disappeared."

"Oh, Mer," he sighed, reaching for her hand. "I know."

"I hated him," Meredith said. "But he…just disappeared in front of me."

"I know," Derek said, leaning in to lay by her side again. "I don't know what to say to you."

"Just hold me," she requested softly. "I just need to be close to you."

"I can do that," Derek smiled, pulling her closer but still not holding her as tightly as he usually did.

"Derek?" she whispered after a long moment. "Am I okay?"

Derek smiled slightly, finding the question somewhat ironic. "You have a concussion," he said. "You should be feeling better in the next couple days."

"Did they check for a brain bleed?" Meredith whispered.

"Yes," Derek smiled.

"No broken bones?"

"I had them shotgun tests, Mer," he whispered. "I wasn't about to let anything slip by."

She was silent for a moment before she turned in his arms to look at him. "Thank you," she whispered.

"Oh, Mer," he sighed, leaning in to kiss her. "There's nothing to thank me for."

She leaned in to press her lips against hers, pulling away when she heard the curtain slide open.

"Oh gross," Christina rolled her eyes from where she stood beside Burke, wheelchair in front of her. "She has a concussion, McDreamy, can't you keep your hands off of her for one second?"

Derek shook his head as he untangled himself from Meredith and stepped onto the floor. "That was all her," he said. "Are we free to go?"

"Just have to sign the discharge papers," Burke said, handing Meredith a clipboard. "The Chief said you were awake. I have some pain pills for you if it gets too unbearable."

"Thanks," Meredith said, scrawling her signature over the bottom line.

"Now get your butt in the wheelchair so I can laugh at you," Christina said, gesturing to the chair in front of her.

Meredith rolled her eyes, but settled into the wheelchair, just the same.

"I'll run ahead and get my car," Derek offered, leaning down to kiss her quickly. "I'll be right back."

"Okay," Meredith said, watching him run towards the door, grateful that she could now remember the last time she had told him that she loved him.

After she was settled into the passenger side of his car and he had made his way onto the highway, towards the trailer, Meredith turned to look at him. "Derek?" she asked.

"Hmmm?" he asked, glancing at her quickly before turning his gaze back to the road.

"If anything had happened to me, I would have wanted them to call you."

"They didn't need to, I was right there…" Derek started.

"No," Meredith shook her head. "My contact person is Lexie. But she's all the way in New York, and I….I want you to be the person who gets to make decisions if anything happens to me."

"Oh," Derek breathed, his hands tightening on the steering wheel.

"I know that it's depressing," Meredith said. "But I want them to go to you."

"I want them to go to you too," Derek said softly. "I think...my mom was appointed as mine after the divorce."

"Where do we go?" Meredith asked.

"I'll call my lawyer," Derek sighed. "But Mer?"

"Yeah?"

"I better not ever get a phone call."

"You won't get one if I don't get one," Meredith whispered.

"Deal," Derek said, easing the car onto the ferryboat and parking the car, leaning in to seal the deal with a kiss.

"And um….let'smoveintogetheratthetrailer."

Derek turned to look at her, surprise and happiness replacing the worry and stress that had been evident on his face. "You sure you're ready, Mer?"

"I'm sure," she nodded. "I don't ever want to wonder when the last time I told you I loved you was. And the trailer's only temporary."

"Temporary," Derek repeated.

"Yeah," Meredith sighed, leaning in to rest her head against his shoulder. "Until our house is finished."

"Our house," Derek repeated, pressing a kiss to the top of her head as he wrapped his arms around her. "I like the sound of that."


	13. Chapter 13

"Meredith?" Derek pulled the door to the trailer open, the final box of belongings from her house cradled in his hands.

"Bed," she called, and he sighed as he dropped the boxes on the floor and made his way to the dark bedroom.

"How are you feeling?" he asked as he slid down beside her and pulled her into his arms.

"Fine," she replied automatically.

Derek sighed as he buried his face in her hair. For the past two weeks since the bomb had exploded, Meredith had been fine. They had returned to work the week before, Meredith making every effort to avoid the hallway that was still under renovation, and the day before they had seen the blueprints for the house that Meredith was insisting to build right away. The house was amazing, and he was looking forward to the foundation being started next week.

But in the chaos of all the excitement of them moving in with each other and signing their rights over to each other in their wills, Meredith had barely shown any interest in any of it. She had shut down as soon as he'd brought her back to the trailer, and she barely spoke to anyone, even him. He was starting to get seriously concerned about her, and right now he was wondering if he should have her examined for depression.

"Do you have the day off?" she asked flatly.

"I do," Derek said, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "Is there anything you want to do?"

"No."

Derek was silent for a moment, trying to figure out what he could do to make her happy again. He hated her to be so sad. And suddenly he remembered when Kathleen's friend had died in a car accident while she was in high school. His sister had been inconsolable for weeks, until one day his father had come home with a surprise, making a deal with Kathleen that she could only have the present if she really tried to start moving on and dealing with her grief.

"Come on," he said, jumping out of bed and switching the lights on.

"Derek," she rolled her eyes, pulling the covers over her head. "I don't want to do anything."

"I don't care," Derek said. "I want you to come with me."

"I don't want to go anywhere," she said, this time a little more firmly.

"Mer, come on, I know that you're still upset, but I want to make you feel better," he said, lowering himself to sit on her side of the bed.

"Then leave me alone," she snapped, turning her back to him.

"Meredith," Derek said, pulling the pillow off of her head. "One hour. Please. And if you're still mad at me after you know where we're going, you can come home. I have an idea, and I think it will help you feel better."

Meredith didn't reply for a long moment, but finally she turned to look up at him and sighed. "I hate you," she stated.

He smiled as he leaned down to press a kiss to her forehead. "You love me," he countered. "Come on."

"Can I go in my sweats?" she asked.

"If you want."

"Fine," she said, rolling out of bed and pulling a sweatshirt on over her hair that was thrown up in a messy ponytail. She stormed over to the door and shoved her feet into her sneakers before she turned to look at him. "Are you coming?" she asked.

"Yes," he shook his head, reaching for his jacket and slipping it on before he followed her out the door.

She crossed her arms over her chest and pouted as he maneuvered the car to the ferryboat landing, and when the boat was safely in motion, she turned to look at him. "Where are we going?"

"You'll see," he replied.

"Derek Christopher Shepherd, if you value your life at all, you will tell me where the hell you're taking me," she said.

Derek rolled his eyes. "You don't even want one little surprise?" he asked.

"I'm not in the mood."

"Fine," Derek sighed. "We're going to the animal shelter."

Meredith was silent for a moment before she asked, "The animal shelter?"

"Yes," Derek nodded.

"Why?"

"So we can adopt a dog."

Meredith was silent for a long moment before she asked, "We're getting a puppy?"

Derek smiled, relieved to see her showing some excitement about his plan. His dad was there for him, even when he'd been dead for twenty five years. "Whatever you want, Mer," he said.

"I've always wanted a puppy," she giggled slightly. "I asked for one for Christmas once. But my mom said pets were impractical."

Derek smiled as he leaned over to grab her hand. "They're not," he said. "My dad bought Kathleen a puppy once after one of her friends died in a car accident. The transformation was amazing."

Meredith smiled, sadness still evident in her eyes, but she also seemed…grateful somehow. "You miss him a lot, don't you?" she asked.

"Yeah," he sighed. "But…I think he's still watching out for me. I think he wants you to be happy too, and that's why he gave me the idea to get you a puppy."

"He knows about me?" Meredith asked.

"I told him last time I went to visit him," Derek nodded. "God, Mer, he would have loved you."

"I wish I could have met him," Meredith whispered.

"Me too," Derek said, leaning in to kiss her before he started the car again and started driving off of the ferry boat.

Meredith was silent for a moment before she asked, "What kind of puppy should we get?"

Derek shrugged. "Whatever kind you want. I would prefer not some small yippy thing though."

"Oh, too bad, I was going to suggest one of those dogs that those rich girls carry around in their purses," Meredith teased.

Derek rolled his eyes. "I don't know why I put up with you."

"Because you love me," she smiled.

"I do," Derek nodded.

"How about we just see what dogs are there?" Meredith asked.

"Sounds good," Derek nodded, pulling into the parking lot of the shelter. "And Mer…if you're anything like my sisters, you're going to go in there and want to adopt every single dog there. We're only getting one for now."

"For now?" Meredith raised her eyebrows.

"When the house is built we'll have more room, maybe we can get another one," Derek nodded. "But for now…only one."

"Fine," Meredith rolled her eyes as she got out of the car.

Derek followed her to the door, grabbing her hand and leading her into the lobby.

"Hello," the girl behind the desk smiled. "Are you interested in adopting one of our animals today?"

"A dog," Derek nodded.

"Alright," she smiled, reaching for a set of keys and leading them towards a door on the right side of the desk. "I'm Nicole, I'll show you what we have out there."

She led them to a long room full of yapping dogs, and Derek turned to look at Meredith as she took them all in. She was smiling widely, and he was glad that he had had this idea.

"Look around and see if you see any dogs that look promising," Nicole said. "I'll answer any questions about breeds and previous histories, as well as habits that any of our dogs have."

"Thanks," Derek said, turning to Meredith. "What do you think?"

"They're so cute," Meredith giggled, sticking her finger into a cage full of golden retriever puppies and letting them lick her finger.

"Do you want one of them?" he asked.

"No," she shook her head. "Puppies need a lot of care, don't they?"

"Almost constant," Nicole nodded.

"We're doctors," Meredith explained. "We need a dog that can take care of itself for long periods of time."

"Okay," Nicole nodded, leading them down to the end of the hall. "These are our older dogs. Most of them have been here for awhile because people want puppies. They've almost all had previous owners, and they're all house trained. The only requirement would be lots of exercise. You can't keep them locked in the house all day."

"We live on forty acres of land," Derek said. "That's not a problem."

"Derek," Meredith giggled from the floor where she was looking at a large gray dog who was panting at her from the other side of the cage. "Look how cute he is!"

"He is cute," Derek said, more taken by her than the dog.

"What's his name?" Meredith asked.

"We call him Max," Nicole nodded. "He was on the streets, we're not sure what his name was before we found him."

"Can we take him?" Meredith asked, looking up at Derek.

"I'll let you play with him," Nicole said, unlocking the cage and prompting the dog to move out to the hall. He did so without hesitation, nuzzling himself against Derek's legs before he turned to Meredith and did the same.

"Derek," she giggled as she wrapped her arms around the dog. "Please?"

"We'll take him," Derek nodded.

"Alright," Nicole said, reaching for a leash on the wall. "We'll give you some food, as well as a leash and a collar. He's been neutered, and he doesn't have fleas or ticks. There are just some forms that you need to fill out, and then he's all yours."

"Thanks," Derek said, watching as Meredith hooked the collar around the dog's neck, giggling as she made her way out towards the lobby. He quickly filled out the paperwork and they both signed the ownership papers, and then Nicole smiled at them as she leaned down to pat the dog's back.

"Bye buddy," she said. "We'll miss you, but it looks like you've found a pretty good home."

"We'll take good care of him," Meredith nodded.

"I hope so, Mrs. Shepherd," Nicole smiled. "It was nice meeting you."

Meredith was taken aback for a moment, but to Derek's surprise, she just smiled and nodded, not bothering to correct her mistaken name. "You too," she said.

Derek followed her out the door, still somewhat dumbfounded that she had so easily passed as his wife.

"What should we name him?" Meredith asked, reaching for his hand as she waited for the dog to sniff the bushes around the sidewalk and then lift his leg.

"You don't like Max?" Derek asked.

"It's a stupid name for a dog," Meredith said. "What do you think we should name him?"

"Shepherd?" Derek suggested.

"He can't be named Shepherd Shepherd," Meredith rolled her eyes. "And you like yourself way too much."

"Fine, you name him then," Derek scoffed.

"Hmmmm," Meredith said, opening the back door to his car and ushering the dog in. "Bailey."

"She would kill you," Derek laughed.

"It was a joke," Meredith rolled her eyes. She was silent for a moment as she turned to look at the dog who was looking out Derek's window with great excitement, sitting upright on the back seat. "Doc," she said after a long moment.

"Doc?" Derek asked.

"Well, Doctor is a stupid name," Meredith said. "But Doc's cute."

"Whatever you want, Mer," Derek said.

"Are you going to be this compliant when we're naming our kids?" Meredith inquired.

"Oh, our kids already have names," Derek said with a laugh.

"Really?" Meredith raised her eyebrows. "I don't get a say?"

"Nope," Derek said.

"And what are these names?" Meredith asked. "And what happens if I don't like them?"

"Our son is going to be Derek Jr, obviously," he smirked.

"Yeah right," Meredith rolled her eyes. "There's already too much Derek Shepherd in this world. The last thing we need is another one."

"I'd be hurt if I thought that was how you really felt," he said.

"Whatever," she said. "What about our daughter?"

"Elizabeth."

"Where did that come from?" Meredith asked.

"Well, originally it was because Liz is my favorite sister," Derek admitted. "But I was sold when I learned that it was your middle name."

"That's sweet," Meredith said, squeezing his hand softly.

"Thanks," Derek said.

She giggled as he pulled the car to a stop outside the trailer. "Too bad we're not going to use those names."

Derek frowned as he watched her get out of the car, opening the back door for Doc to clamor out of the car. "I resent that," he announced as he slammed his own door shut, but he was unable to stay angry for long as he saw Meredith crouched on the ground, playing with Doc.

"What?" she asked.

"Nothing," he shook his head.

"Should we show him the trailer?" Meredith asked. "Or take him for a walk?"

"Let's show him his new home first," Derek said, relieved to see Meredith so happy after two long weeks of depression.

"Come on, Doc," Meredith said, pointing towards the trailer. "Follow Daddy to the trailer and we'll show you your new home. And then maybe we'll go for a walk and explore the woods."

Derek leaned against the wall of the trailer, watching in amusement as Meredith scurried around the trailer, filling up a water and food bowl for Doc, chattering away to the dog as if Derek wasn't even in the room.

"Hey Bud," Derek smiled as he sat down on the floor, rubbing the back of his head. "How do you like your new home?"

Doc looked at him for a moment before he turned to look at Meredith, then back at Derek.

"I know Mommy's a little crazy," Derek said. "But she's adorable, isn't she?"

Doc turned to look at Meredith again, then reached a paw to tap Derek on the arm.

"What, am I not giving you enough attention?" Derek laughed. "It will be nice to have another male around. We can go fishing together when Mommy sleeps until noon."

"Do not bad mouth me in front of my dog!" Meredith exclaimed as she came to sit on the other side of Doc.

"I would never do that," Derek said incredulously. "I'm hurt that you would even suggest that."

"Whatever," Meredith rolled her eyes. "I'm totally going to sue for custody."

"There's no custody of dogs," Derek laughed, pulling her in for a kiss. "And there will be no suing."

"No suing," Meredith said, running a hand through his hair and pressing her lips against his again.

"Walk?" Derek asked when he pulled away.

"Definitely," Meredith said, reaching into the fridge for a bottle of water. "Ready?"

"Come on, Doc," Derek said, opening the door and following the dog out to the edge of the woods. Meredith stayed beside him, pausing occasionally to throw a stick for Doc, causing him to bound ahead in search of the precious tree branch.

Derek wrapped an arm around Meredith as they walked deeper into the woods, relieved when she rested her head on his shoulder, her own arm wrapping around his waist.

"I'm glad you're smiling again," Derek said softly.

She sighed as she turned to look up at him for a moment. "I know I've been weird lately," she said. "I'm sorry."

"Hey, there's nothing to be sorry about," Derek said, tightening his hold on her. "But…I've been worried."

"I know," she said. She was silent for a few steps before she said, "They disappeared."

"Who?" Derek asked.

"The bomb squad officers," Meredith said. "They were there one moment and then…they weren't. If I had been even a foot closer, I would have disappeared too."

Derek closed his eyes, unable to express the immense gratitude that he felt at the fact that she had not been one centimeter closer to the explosion. "I'm glad you weren't," he finally offered.

"Me too," she sighed. "But I guess I realized how soon it can all be over. And I don't want to waste anymore time. I want everything with you, Derek, and I don't want a second longer to start planning our life together."

"Oh, Meredith," he sighed, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "I love you so much."

"I love you too," she said. "And I guess the bomb was a reality check or something. We were practically living together already. We might as well make it official, in a house that's really ours."

Derek smiled as he imagined the beautiful spot of land on their cliff that they had chosen to place their house. "I think so too," he said.

"I still want to take things one step at a time," she said softly, pulling back to look at him in the fading light of the day. "But…once the house is done maybe we can start thinking about getting married?"

A smirk appeared on Derek's lips as he placed his hands on her hips and pulled her closer. "Why Meredith Grey, are you proposing to me?"

She rolled her eyes. "No," she said. "I just thought this was all leading us to getting married. And by the time the house is done, I'll be finishing up my intern year. It will be a good time for a proposal."

Derek laughed, leaning in to press a kiss to her forehead. "I'll remember that," he said.

"Good," Meredith said, turning to run after Doc, leaving Derek alone in the middle of the woods to begin formulating a plan.


	14. Chapter 14

**Hi everyone! Sorry for the delay, but this chapter took me in a totally different direction than I had planned. A lot of you requested that Doc not die in this fic, so I had to do a little revising in that area. There was also another point of this chapter that I wasn't planning on putting in, but it somehow wormed its way in there. I hope you all enjoy, and please let me know what you think!**

Meredith didn't want to wake up.

As she lay wrapped in Derek's arms, she knew that her alarm was going to go off any moment, but she didn't want to move. She was safe and warm in his arms, and getting out of bed to get ready for work was pretty much the last thing that she wanted to do in that moment.

So she curled further into him, ignoring the blaring of an alarm in her ear. Derek stirred beside her as he was jarred into consciousness, and after a moment he untangled an arm from around her, reaching out to stop the alarm. He returned his arm to enclose her in his safe embrace once again, pulling her even closer to him. Neither one of them spoke for a moment, reveling in the feeling of being half asleep and content in each other's arms.

"Call in sick," Derek requested softly after a long moment, his arms tightening around her and his legs tangling with hers.

"I can't," Meredith sighed. "Burke's letting me scrub in on an aortic aneurysm today."

Derek sighed as he rolled her onto her back, his body hovering over hers. "Burke's trying to move you over to the dark side?" he whispered, trailing his lips down her face to her neck.

"Hmmm," Meredith sighed, wrapping her arms around him.

"I may have to do some convincing," Derek murmured, rubbing his body over hers. "To remind you how much better neuro is than cardio."

Meredith sighed as she hooked a leg around his waist. "You're doing an excellent job," she sighed, her head arching back.

"Am I?" Derek breathed, letting himself slip into her for a moment before pulling out and hovering over her again. "Call in sick."

"Derek," she moaned, trying to pull him back down to her. "Fine."

"Good," Derek said, shifting to slip into her again.

But before they could continue their activities, Doc whined loudly from his bed across the trailer. Derek froze for a moment, then continued moving as they both tried to ignore the sound of their dog whimpering in the corner.

"Derek," Meredith finally sighed, pushing him off of her. "Stop."

"Mer, he just needs to go out," Derek sighed, rolling over onto his back and watching as Meredith pulled one of his sweatshirts on and moved towards the door. "I can't believe you just stopped sex for the dog."

"Derek," she rolled her eyes as she knelt down next to Doc. "I think there's something wrong with him."

Derek frowned as he pulled himself up on his elbows, watching Meredith and Doc for a moment before he rolled out of bed, reaching for his pajama pants. As he knelt down beside Meredith, he realized that she was right, their dog wasn't as energetic and happy as he usually was. "He was okay last night when I took him out," he said.

"Derek, he threw up," Meredith frowned, turning to the door where there was a small pile of vomit on the floor. "I think he has a fever, and he's panting."

"You're not feeling well at all, are you boy?" Derek frowned. "We'll see if we can get you into a doctor."

"Do you think he's going to be okay?" Meredith asked, biting her lower lip nervously as she continued to pet Doc.

"He might have a tick or something," Derek sighed. "Or eaten something he shouldn't have outside. I'll bring him to the vet."

"I'll go with you," Meredith said, moving to the bedroom to pull on some clothes.

"You have to work," Derek said. "I'll take him and meet you at the hospital."

"Five minutes ago you were on top of me telling me to call in sick," Meredith rolled her eyes. "I'm going with you."

"And you're going to tell Burke you missed his surgery because you had to take your dog to the vet?" Derek asked.

"It's a better excuse than having sex," Meredith shrugged.

"Mer," Derek sighed, pulling her into his arms. "I know you're worried. But I promise I'll take good care of him. I have to be at the hospital an hour after you, I have time. And before I even go to my office I'll find you to tell you what's going on."

Meredith hesitated for a moment before she said, "You promise you'll tell me as soon as you know anything?"

"Promise," he said, leaning in to kiss her. "Now get dressed and go to work. Save a life."

"Okay," she sighed, leaning into his embrace for a moment. "Derek?"

"Hmmm?" he asked, running a hand over her back.

"Are you going to make me go to work when our kids are throwing up?"

Derek smiled slightly as he pressed a kiss to the top of her head. Over the past few months, she'd been much more vocal about their future together, making comments like this that made him more sure than ever that she wanted to get married and have kids, as soon as they were both ready.

"Never," he said, holding her tightly. "We'll both stay home when our kids are throwing up."

XXXXX

Derek was an idiot. That was the only sound conclusion that Meredith had made all day, and as she stood at the nurse's station, scrolling through her cell phone to see if she had missed a message, she knew that her boyfriend was a complete moron. She'd left the trailer nearly four hours ago, with Derek promising to find her as soon as he dropped Doc off at the vet. But she hadn't heard a thing, and she was about to scrub in with Burke, which wasn't something that she wanted to do while angry at the idiot she lived with and worried about her dog.

"I can't believe Burke's letting you scrub in," Christina sighed from beside her, slamming a pile of charts down on the counter. "Bailey has me doing enemas."

"That's great," Meredith said distractedly as she sent Derek a quick text. That man was not going to be having sex any time soon.

"Great?" Christina frowned. "Enemas, Meredith."

"Exciting."

"Are you even listening to me?" Christina frowned.

"Of course."

"What's wrong with you?" Christina frowned.

Meredith snapped her phone shut and turned to look at her best friend. "Doc's sick," she said.

"The dog?" Christina asked, raising an eyebrow.

"My dog," Meredith nodded. "And Derek was supposed to take him to the vet and tell me what's going on. But he's not answering any of my messages."

"Maybe the vet's hot," Christina suggested.

"Not funny," Meredith rolled her eyes.

"He probably just got distracted," Christina said. "The dog's new, it's not like there's anything seriously wrong."

"There's plenty that could be wrong!" Meredith cried. "Cancer, arthritis, lyme disease, food poisoning…"

"Food poisoning?" Christina frowned. "You do know that we're talking about a dog, not a person, right?"

"I know," Meredith sighed. "I just…He's my dog. And I really want to know what's wrong with him. But Derek refuses to answer his phone."

Christina looked down at her beeping pager and started to back away from Meredith. "I'm sure the dog's fine," she said. "I gotta go, good luck on your surgery!"

"Surgery," Meredith rolled her eyes as she reached for a chart. She had to get it together. If she was this worried about her dog being sick, she wasn't sure how she was going to react when her children got sick.

"Hey," she heard a familiar voice say from behind her, and a moment later Derek appeared beside her, smiling widely as his stupid perfect hair tried to distract her from the fact that she was mad at him.

"Hey?" she frowned, reaching out to hit his shoulder. "That's all you have to say?"

"Ow," Derek frowned. "What was that for?"

"You were supposed to be here two hours ago with an update on Doc," Meredith said. "How is he? We're not going to have to put him down are we?"

"They're running some tests, but they think he should be fine," Derek promised. "Calm down, Mer."

"Sorry," she sighed, stepping back slightly. "I just…he's a dog. Our dog. He depends on us to take care of him, and if I can't…" Her voice trailed off and she shook her head slightly. "Never mind."

"There's no never mind," Derek said, reaching for her hand. "What's going on in that head of yours?"

"Nothing," Meredith shrugged. "I'm fine, really."

"No you're not," Derek said, looking at her closely for a moment before he pushed her into an empty conference room, locked the door, and slid the blinds closed. "Talk."

"I have surgery," Meredith said, trying to move around him.

"Meredith," he said, intercepting her, his hands moving to her waist, his thumbs rubbing in slow, gentle circles. "You can tell me anything."

She sighed for a moment before she almost whispered, "If I can't keep a dog healthy, how am I supposed to take care of a baby?"

Derek stared down at her for a moment, taking in her question before he stepped back, his eyes traveling down to her stomach. "Mer," he breathed. "Are you…"

She was silent for a moment before she turned to drop into a chair, looking up at him with fear in her eyes. "I don't know," she said. "I was supposed to get my period on Saturday."

"It's Thursday," Derek breathed.

"I know that," Meredith snapped.

Derek paused for a moment before he moved to sit in front of her, leaning forward to turn her face towards him. "Would it be so bad?" he asked. "You've been talking about it a lot lately, but I just thought you were thinking further into the future. But you want this, right?"

"I do," Meredith sighed, trailing a hand over her flat stomach before moving it away. "I just don't know if I want it now."

Derek nodded slowly. She was an intern, they weren't married, they didn't even own a house. It definitely wasn't the best time for them to buy a house. "Well, we don't know if you are," he said. "You haven't been feeling sick or had any other symptoms."

"No," Meredith sighed. "I just…I don't know. For some reason I've been thinking about being a mom more lately, and I don't know if it's some kind of instinct or whatever."

Derek looked at her for a moment before he reached for her hand. "I'll tell you what we're going to do," he said. "You're going to go into surgery and prove that you're the best intern that this hospital's got. And when your shift is over you are going to go pick Doc up. I'll go get a test and meet you at the trailer, and then we'll go from there."

Meredith nodded slowly. "You're not mad?" she whispered.

"Why would I be mad?" Derek frowned.

"Because…if I am pregnant," Meredith said. "I don't want you to think it's because I'm trying to trap you or anything."

"Oh Meredith," he sighed, leaning in to press a kiss to her forehead. "You will never trap me. I want to be with you, baby or no baby."

"Oh," she said, visibly relaxing under his touch. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," he said, leaning back in his seat. "You have surgery."

"Right," she said, standing and moving towards the door. "I'll see you at home."

"See you at home," Derek echoed, leaning back into his chair as he ran his hands through his hair.

XXXXX

Meredith's stomach was churning as she walked into the vet's office that evening. She'd put all her energy into worrying about Doc instead of worry about the baby that could be inside of her right now, a worry she had decided was well worth it.

"Hi," she said as she approached the receptionist. "I'm here for Doc. He was brought in this morning, I just came to see him and talk to the vet."

"Of course, Mrs. Shepherd," the receptionist smiled. "Dr. Dandridge will be right now."

"Oh," Meredith breathed, thrown off my the mistaken name. "It's…Grey. I'm not married."

"I'm sorry, I just assumed that when Dr. Shepherd brought him in this morning…"

"It's okay," Meredith smiled softly. "It happens a lot."

"So does that mistake mean that you're available to ask on a date?"

Meredith turned in surprise to see a man standing to her right with sandy blonde hair, a smile gracing his lips. He was attractive, she had to give him that. But he didn't have anything on Derek, who would put his fist through a wall if he knew that someone was hitting on her right now.

"I…no," she said.

"It was worth a shot," he said, stepping forward. "I'm Finn. You're here to see Doc?"

"Yeah," Meredith said, following him up a staircase. "Is he going to be okay?"

"He should be," Finn nodded, opening a pen and letting Doc out. "I found a couple ticks on him. I'm still waiting for the bloodwork, but it's probably lyme disease."

"Hi buddy," Meredith smiled, crouching down on the floor to pet her dog. "Are you feeling better?"

"He seems to have a little more energy than he did this morning," Finn said. "You can take him home, but I'm going to give you some medicine to prevent any further tick bites."

"Thanks," Meredith said, standing to reach for the bag and Doc's leash.

"So you're sure that you won't go out with me?" Finn asked.

Meredith stared at him for a moment before she shook her head. "Definitely not," she said. "Thanks for your help. I'll call you if Doc doesn't get any better."

"Okay," Finn said, walking her down to the door. "And if you change your mind about that date…"

"I'll get another vet if you ask one more time," Meredith said over her shoulder as she opened the passenger door and helped Doc jump into the car. She gave Finn one last look over her shoulder before she got into her own side of the car, backing onto the road and turning to look at Doc.

"Daddy's not going to be happy when he finds out that he brought you to a vet that wants to date me," she said. "Do you think it's necessary to tell him?"

Doc tilted his head to the side, looking at her with wide eyes and she nodded. "I'll tell you what, I won't tell him if you don't. Deal?" She was quiet for a moment before she said, "What do you think about getting a brother or sister? A baby, not a puppy? You'd probably like it. Once the baby got old enough, that is. And I know Daddy would. He's wanted to have kids for so long but I don't think I'm ready. I'm an intern. I work eighty hour weeks. I can't have a baby if I'm working eighty hours a week. And as glad as I am that you're going to be okay, I don't think I could handle a sick baby. Burke nearly kicked me out of surgery because I was worried about you."

Doc whined slightly, reaching his paw out to rest against her shoulder.

"I know," she nodded as the houses began to thin out. They were almost home. "And we would have to get an apartment or something. Because we don't have a house, and there really isn't even enough room for you in the trailer, let alone a baby. Knowing Daddy, he's going to want our baby's nursery to be bigger than the entire trailer."

Doc pawed at the door as he saw the trailer come into view, and she shook her head. "You are a smart dog," she said, turning the car off and turning to look at him. "What was said in this car stays in the car, okay?"

Doc tilted his head to the side as he looked at her, as if to say _Are you going to let me out or are we going to sit out here and freeze all night?_

"Sorry," she sighed, reaching across to open the passenger door. Doc leapt out of the car, bounding over to Derek and sitting down at his feet, his tail wagging eagerly. _Mom doesn't want a baby, _He seemed to be saying.

"Traitor," she muttered under her breath as she grabbed her bag and got out of the car, slowly making her way towards Derek.

"Hey," he said, opening his arms to her and letting her lean into his embrace. "How are you feeling?"

"Okay," she said. "The vet said Doc's going to be fine."

Doc barked in agreement, and Derek laughed as he looked down at him. "Good job, bud. We'll make sure to check you better for ticks."

Meredith smiled as she pulled out of his arms. "Did you get the tests?" she asked.

"Yeah," he said, leaning forward to press a kiss to her forehead. "If you don't want to do this tonight…"

"I do," she said. "I drank four bottles of water today to make sure it would be easy for me to pee."

"Okay," Derek said. "Do you want me to come with you?"

"I think I can handle the peeing," Meredith said. "I'll meet you on the bed."

Derek nodded as he led her into the trailer, sitting down on the bed as she stepped into the small toilet area. She came out a moment later, four plastic strips set on a paper towel in her hands. "So we just have to wait a couple minutes," she said, sliding onto his lap as she set the paper towel on the bedside table.

"It's going to be okay," Derek said, lacing his fingers through hers. "Whatever happens…I love you."

"I love you too," Meredith whispered, leaning into him.

They were silent for a few moments before she took a deep breath and moved towards the tests, Derek at her side. They looked down together, and after a moment she sat back on the bed, her eyes moving to Derek's. "Oh," she finally said.

"You okay?" Derek asked, sitting down beside her and pulling her into his arms.

"Yeah," she said. "I don't…we weren't ready."

"But you're disappointed," Derek nodded.

"Surprisingly," Meredith said. "Aren't you?"

"Yeah," Derek sighed. "But…it will happen. When we're ready."

"When we're ready," Meredith repeated, leaning in to rest her head against his shoulder. "I love you."

"I love you too," he whispered, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

"Can we just go to sleep?" Meredith asked.

"Sure," Derek said, and she didn't miss the disappointment in his eyes as he pulled the sheets back and helped her under the covers. "I love you," he said again as he turned to turn off the lights.

"I love you too," she whispered, tangling their limbs together as she rested her head on his chest. And in the darkness, safe in the arms of the man who loved her, she allowed herself to feel the surprising sting of disappointment about not being pregnant, and she let herself cry.


	15. Chapter 15

As Derek walked out of the hospital late the next night, he knew the only thing he needed was a drink. Meredith had left nearly three hours before him, and he'd have every intention of leaving close to an hour and a half before, but then an emergency craniotomy had come through, only to code on the table just as he was closing. After their pregnancy scare the day before, he knew that he and Meredith needed a night of relaxation, and a night of drinking at Joe's sounded perfect. Meredith had promised to order him a scotch and something to eat when he'd called a few minutes earlier to tell her that he was on his way, which meant that it should be ready by the time he got there. And in this moment, nothing sounded better than the combination of Meredith and alcohol.

Stepping into the bar, he was immediately relieved to hear the familiar laugh of his amazing girlfriend. It only took him a moment to see her seated at the end of the bar, Christina at her side and a mixed drink in front of her. Her coat was draped over the stool beside her, his order ready and waiting for him whenever he was ready to take it, and he smiled at the thought that she had reserved a spot for him beside her at the bar, and really in her life.

"Hi," he breathed, stopping behind her and pressing his lips to the top of her head, shifting to her side but not moving to his own seat. He wasn't quite ready to give up contact with her yet, and he kept his arm wrapped tightly around her waist as he buried his nose in her hair.

"Hi," she said, her own arm working its way around his waist and her voice slightly amused. "You're touchy."

"And I'm gone," Christina rolled her eyes, grabbing her drink and moving towards the other side of the bar.

"Sorry," he sighed, moving to his own seat but keeping an arm resting around her. "My patient coded."

"Oh Derek," she sighed. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," he said as he turned to reach for his scotch. "I just…hard couple of days."

Meredith smiled sympathetically as she leaned in to rest her head against his shoulder. "I know," she said. "I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault," he shrugged, motioning for another drink.

"Part of it is," she sighed. "Yesterday was."

"Meredith," he said, turning to look at her. "I promise you, that when that news comes in, it will only make that day the best one on record."

She smiled as she pulled back to look at him. "I guess that means that you can calm me down when that day comes," she said. "Because I'm pretty sure the freaking out will reach a new level."

He laughed. "Well, it won't be for a very long time," he assured her. "So no need to freak out yet."

"Good," Meredith said. "Drink as much as you want tonight, I'll drive us home."

"What, so you can take advantage of me?" Derek asked.

She smirked as she leaned in closer to his ear. "Do you want me to take advantage of you?" she purred.

"Definitely," Derek gasped.

"Then I will be sure to deliver."

"Good," he sighed, downing another glass of scotch. "I'll be right back."

Meredith smiled as she watched him make his way towards the bathrooms. He'd been off all day, and she knew that something was bothering him. She desperately hoped that it didn't have anything to do with what had happened the night before. She needed him to be him again, and she wasn't sure that she could handle much more of the brooding he'd been doing all day. She didn't like it.

"Well hello there," a voice came from behind her and she turned with a frown to see her vet standing behind her.

"What are you doing here?" she frowned.

"Can't a man approach a woman in a bar?" Finn asked, sliding into Christina's open seat.

"I told you I'm not going out with you," she rolled her eyes.

"But here we are, together at a bar," Finn smiled. "Interesting coincidence."

"Somehow I think there's very little coincidence involved," Meredith snapped.

"Are you sure you don't want to go out with me?" Finn asked. "I'm a very fun date, you'd enjoy it."

"I said no," she snapped.

Finn was silent for a moment before he asked, "How's Doc?"

"Fine," Meredith said. "And we're getting a new vet."

"You really shouldn't do that," Finn said. "I am the best vet in Seattle."

"Really?" Meredith raised an eyebrow, a smile playing upon her lips. "The best?"

"Really," Finn nodded, leaning in closer to her. "I can prove it to you if you want."

"I'm not going out with you," Meredith said. "I have a boyfriend."

"Okay," Finn shrugged. "We can be friends."

"Friends," Meredith repeated.

"Good," Finn said, holding his hand out to her, smiling as she shook his hand.

Before Meredith could respond, she felt a tug on her arm, and she turned in surprise to see Derek pulling her closer to him. "What the hell are you doing?" he asked, his eyes hard as he looked at Finn.

"Talking to a friend," Finn said, rising to his feet. "Got a problem with that?"

"No, what I have a problem with is the fact that you're undressing my girlfriend with your eyes," Derek snapped.

"Derek," Meredith started, but he shook his head. "Stay out of this, Meredith."

"Look, there was no harm meant by it," Finn said. "We met yesterday, she turned me down, said straight up that she had a boyfriend."

"He asked you out?" Derek frowned, turning to Meredith. "Why the hell didn't you tell me?"

"It doesn't matter," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Nothing happened."

"Obviously something happened," Derek snapped. "He asked you out."

"Don't blame her, I didn't know," Finn said.

"And you didn't know five seconds ago when you were hitting on me?" Derek demanded. "Because I'm pretty sure she told you last night that she has a boyfriend."

"One that obviously doesn't care about her that much," Finn said.

"Excuse me?" Derek asked, stepping closer to Finn, who welcomed the challenge. "What the hell was that supposed to mean?"

"Guys!" Joe cut in. "If you want to beat the crap out of each other, don't do it here."

"Well that won't be a problem because Dr. Animals is leaving," Derek snapped, staring directly at Finn.

Finn sized him up for a moment before he backed off, holding his hands up in mock surrender. "Fine," he said, turning to look at Meredith. As he opened his mouth to speak to her, Derek stepped in front of her, effectively blocking them from having any kind of interaction. "I'm gone," he said before turning and walking out of the bar without another word.

"What the hell was that?" Meredith demanded, spinning Derek around to face her. She was aware that the eyes of most of the people in the bar were on the two of them, but at that moment she didn't seem to care. "We were just talking, Derek."

"Talking?" Derek repeated. "Meredith, he was hitting on you!"

"And I told him no!" Meredith cried. "I told him that I had a boyfriend and I didn't want to go out with him. But he saved Doc, and there's no reason why I can't be friends with him!"

"The guy's an ass," Derek shrugged. "I did you a favor."

"A favor?" Meredith cried. "You did yourself a favor. Just because you get jealous whenever another man looks in my direction it doesn't mean that you're allowed to kick them out of every bar we go to!"

"I wouldn't have to do that if you didn't welcome them coming onto you!" Derek cried.

"Excuse me?" Meredith demanded. She and Derek had fought a lot since they'd moved in together, but never had he ever stooped so low as to call her a slut.

Derek stared at her evenly, his arms crossed over his chest as his eyes stormed a steamy blue, full of anger and jealousy. But she was too hurt and angry to even think about being turned on by how hot he looked in that moment.

Without a word, she pushed past him and headed towards the door, not stopping as she heard him calling her name. She was halfway across the parking lot to the hospital when she felt him grab her arm and pull her closer to him.

"Stop it!" she snapped, trying to fight him.

He didn't say a word as he pulled her tight against his body, pressing his lips hard against hers, his erection pressing hard into her body. She only fought him for another moment before she finally succumbed to the sensations he was creating in her body, hooking a leg around his waist and rubbing her body against his. She wasn't sure that he had ever kissed her with so much passion, and although she was still mad, at this point she couldn't think about anything besides how hard he was going to push himself into her.

"Fuck," he moaned into her mouth as he let his hands travel down to her thighs and pull her legs closer to wrap around his waist.

She continued to grind her hips against his, threading her fingers through his hair as she raised herself over him, his face burying itself between her breasts, causing her body to heat even through the thin material of her shirt. "Derek," she moaned, her back arching against his touch.

After another moment of very public groping, Derek lowered her onto the ground, dragging him down the parking lot to his car. Neither one of them said a word as he shoved her into the backseat, climbing in behind her and slamming the door shut behind them. The windows were already fogging up as their clothes were ripped off of each other, their limbs tangling together as he pulled her down onto him, his hard length filling her completely without any pretenses, causing her to moan loudly as her finger scraped over his back. His hands gripped her hips tightly, moving her over his body at a fast and steady pace. His mouth moved to her chest, his lips closing eagerly around her nipple and sucking hard as she rode up and down on his lap, her walls beginning to tighten around him. He could feel his own orgasm building as she moaned loudly, her body washing wave after wave of pleasure over her just as he spilled himself into her.

"Oh God," she gasped as she rolled off of him and collapsed onto the seat beside him, trying to catch her breath. "Derek…"

"Wow," he gasped, turning his head to look at her. "That was amazing."

"Angry sex is incredible," Meredith gasped. "Maybe you should call me a slut more often."

Derek' face morphed into one of regret, and he reached out for her hand. "I'm sorry, Mer," he said. "You know I don't think that."

She was silent for a moment as she stared down at their intertwined hands. "Don't you?" she asked.

"What?" Derek frowned. "Meredith, I could never think that about you."

"You said it," she pointed out. "You said it, so obviously you thought about it."

"I was angry," Derek said. "My temper causes me to say things that I don't mean, you know that."

"But you said you were going to work on it," Meredith said. "And I wish you would trust me. Because if you trusted me, then you wouldn't get so jealous every time someone even looks at me."

"I'm sorry," he said. "I guess I'm just…I'm afraid it will happen again. She slept with my best friend."

Meredith rolled her eyes as she reached for her pants. "Derek, I'm sick of you saying that," she said. "I know that she hurt you, I know that you should never have been treated like that. But if we're going to spend the rest of our lives together, I need to know that you're not going to use that argument every time you want to win a fight."

Derek sighed, watching her struggle to pull her clothes back on in the small confines of the car before he reached out to pull her close again. "You're right," he said. "I'm sorry, Mer. I do trust you, I guess it's just because it'll be a year next week, and it's been on my mind."

Meredith looked at him for a moment before she leaned in to kiss him. "I'm sorry, Derek," she said. "But Addison is in the past. You say that all the time, so you have to put her behind you if you ever want to have a future with me."

Derek's eyes filled with fear and he looked at her closely before he pushed a strand of hair out of her face. "I do want a future with you, Mer," he whispered.

She met his gaze evenly, her eyes filled with a fear that matched his. After a long moment of silence, she whispered, "Prove it."


	16. Chapter 16

This was bad.

Derek hadn't realized how much his remaining insecurities over Addison had effected him, and he definitely didn't know how much he had been hurting Meredith. She had been everything that he needed and more, and it killed him that he thought he didn't trust her. He admitted that he had shown his jealous side perhaps one too many times and he wished now more than ever that he could talk to his dad. Michael Shepherd had had a temper that had driven his wife crazy and Derek knew that he now had no choice. He had to call the person who had known his father better than anyone else in the world.

And Carolyn Shepherd was not going to be happy.

With a deep breath he reached for his cell phone, dialed the number he had memorized when he was five, and waited for it to ring. It only took two rings before his mother picked up, and he couldn't help the smile that came over his face when he heard her voice answer, the voice that had always managed to comfort him.

"Hi Mom," he said cheerfully, hoping that maybe if he pretended nothing was wrong she wouldn't get angry with him.

"Derek?" her voice was a mix of surprise and happiness, and he immediately felt guilty that he hadn't called in so long. He hadn't meant to shut his family out of his life, but he knew that had questions about his life. And at this point, as he was realizing all of his insecurities, he wasn't sure that he had the answers to any of their questions.

"How are you?" he asked, trying to tread lightly.

"What's wrong?" He probably shouldn't have been surprised that she knew something was wrong. She was his mother, and she had been the one person who he could always turn to for anything.

"How do you know something's wrong?" he asked.

"I'm your mother."

That was all the explanation he needed to hear. "I have to ask you something," he said. "About Dad."

There was a silence on the other end of the phone for a moment before he heard her exhale deeply. "What about him?" she finally asked.

"Well, he had a temper, right?" Derek said. "I mean, he was a great guy and everything, but if he was in a bad mood and something happened, he used to say things he didn't mean? Be unreasonable?"

"All the time," Carolyn said. "His jealousy used to drive me crazy. We would fight for days over it."

"And you and Meredith officially have something in common," Derek said, running a hand through his hair.

"What are you talking about?" Carolyn asked.

"Look, I know you're upset because you haven't met Meredith," Derek said. "But can you not focus on that and instead tell me how to fix the fact that I may have let my temper get out of hand and gotten a little too jealous?"

"Derek Christopher, you are your father's son," Carolyn sighed. "And my advice to her would be to learn how to deal with it."

"That's it?" Derek frowned.

"Well, I can't exactly give her any pointers if I've never even met her," Carolyn said. "I don't even know anything about her."

"She's Meredith, Mom. What is there to know?"

"Derek, you haven't called in over a month," Carolyn said. "How do you think I feel about this girl?"

"I think you're a lot like her," Derek said. "And I think you'd love her. She's so amazing, just like you."

"Good," Carolyn said. "Because your last choice."

"You loved Addison," Derek said.

"At first, maybe. But she wasn't the right girl."

"I know," Derek said. "Meredith is."

"You're sure about that?" Carolyn asked.

"Positive," Derek said, nodding firmly to confirm his thoughts even though he knew his mother couldn't see him.

"Well that settles it then," Carolyn said firmly.

"Settles what?" Derek asked, not sure that he wanted to hear the answer. His mother had a mind of her own.

"I'll fly out tomorrow."

"What? Mom, how is that going to help anything?"

"She asked you to prove how much you love her, that you mean more to her than Addison," Carolyn pointed out. "What better way than to introduce her to your mother and the rest of your family?"

"Mom," Derek sighed. "I called you to ask you how Dad used to handle his temper. Not to drag you out here and scare my girlfriend."

"I'm not going to scare anyone," Carolyn said. "I just want to know what's going on in my only son's life."

And there was the Catholic guilt his mother was so good at. "I'm sorry, Mom," he said. "I just don't want to scare her off. She's so fragile, and she doesn't really have any family experiences."

"Everyone has family experience."

"Not positive ones."

That was all he needed to say to silence his mother. "Derek, I'm trying to help," she finally said. "I miss you."

"I miss you too, Mom," he sighed. "You should come. I can't promise that Mer will be ready to meet you, but I do want to see you."

"Good," Carolyn said. "Don't worry, I'll come by myself."

"Well, I think you have a better chance of meeting Mer if you don't bring the girls," Derek rolled his eyes.

"I'll call the airlines right now," Carolyn said, and Derek could hear the smile in her voice. "I'll call you back when I have my flight information."

"Fine," Derek sighed, smiling slightly as Meredith entered the trailer and slammed the door closed. "I can't wait to see you."

"I'm looking forward to it too, Derek," Carolyn said. "Goodbye sweetheart."

"Who was that?" Meredith asked as she moved cautiously around the trailer.

"My mom," he replied, holding his breath as he waited for an answer.

Meredith froze for a moment, bent over the fridge before she slowly stood straight and turned to face him. "Your mom is coming?" she asked in a surprisingly calm voice.

"Yeah," Derek said cautiously. "You asked me to show you how serious I was about our relationship. So I want you to meet my family."

Meredith was still for another long moment, but then she was on the bed, her hands slapping him in any place she could make contact.

"Ow!" he shouted, trying to shield himself from her attacks. "What the hell are you doing?"

"I can't meet your family!" she shouted, her fists making contact with his biceps. "I wanted you to stop being a jealous idiot, not invite your mother out here!"

"I didn't invite her!" Derek protested. "I called her because I miss her and I needed her advice. It was her idea to come out here."

Meredith froze, still hovering above him but relaxing her fists. "You miss her," she stated.

"Yes," Derek said. "She's my mom, Mer. I know I don't talk about her a lot, but I do miss her."

"Oh Derek," Meredith breathed, her body relaxing as she settled onto his lap. "I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for," Derek breathed, leaning into her. "I am so sorry that I have these insecurities. And even sorrier that I've made you doubt my love for you."

"I never doubted that," Meredith said firmly. "I just…I don't know how to do this."

"Do what?" he frowned.

"Be part of a family," she whispered.

"Mer," Derek sighed, pulling her closer into his arms. "Whether you want it or not, you're part of my family now."

"What if they hate me?" she whispered, and he was struck by how vulnerable she was. She looked like his niece had two summers earlier the night before she'd started kindergarten and had been afraid no one would like her.

"They won't hate you," he promised. "I love you. That's enough."

"Promise?" Meredith whispered into his neck.

"Promise promise," Derek confirmed.

"You're promising me twice?" Meredith giggled.

"It's a double promise," Derek said, smiling as he leaned in to kiss her cheek. "It means that it's impossible to break."

She was silent for a moment before she turned to look at him. "I love you, Derek," she whispered. "Promise promise."

XXXXX

"Stop fidgeting," Derek said to Meredith, leaning into her without taking his eyes off of the gate where his mother would appear from in only moments.

"I'm not fidgeting," Meredith argued, but she knew it was true.

"You're fidgeting," Derek replied. "And there's no need to, Mom's going to love you."

Meredith was silent for a moment as she turned to look at her boyfriend. He was excited, that much was certain. She had had two days to adjust to the fact that she was going to be meeting Carolyn Shepherd whether she was ready or not, and when she'd told Derek that she'd go with him to the airport he had been more excited than she'd ever seen him. She'd never realized how much he missed his family, but she was glad that he was going to have this. Even if she was terrified of meeting the woman who had raised Derek, she was happy that he was exciting.

"You really don't have to be nervous," he was saying. "You're a lot like her."

"That's creepy and weird," Meredith frowned.

"You're both strong, independent, and smart women," Derek said with a roll of his eyes. "And the most important women in my life. If that's creepy and weird, fine."

Meredith bit her lower lip for a moment, turning back to look at the gate. "Your mom's an amazing…mom type person," she said. "And I'm…me."

"You're an amazing woman," Derek said confidently. "And you're not ready to be a mom yet, but when you are…you'll be an amazing one."

It was a big deal that the mention of children didn't make her want to head for the hills anymore. "You really think so?" she whispered.

Derek turned to look down at her, his eyes sparkling as they looked into hers. "My kids," he said as he leaned down to press his lips against hers. "Will be so lucky to have you as their mom."

It was when he said things like that that she wasn't able to control her emotions. Without even realizing that they were in a public place or that his mother would walk up to them any second, she melted into his arms and wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing her lips tightly against his. "I love you," she whispered.

Before he respond, she got the feeling that someone was watching her. Pulling away from Derek's warm embrace, she turned to see an older woman who looked strikingly similar to Derek standing in front of her. Perfect.

"Mom," Derek said, slightly breathless from the kiss they had just shared. "Hi."

"Hello," Carolyn said, her gaze darting between the two of them with amusement playing in her eyes. "I assume that you're Meredith."

Derek rolled his eyes as he squeezed Meredith close. "Of course, Mother," he said. "Mer, this is my mom, Carolyn."

"It's nice to meet you, Mrs. Shepherd," she said softly.

"Oh darling, please call me Carolyn," she said as she pulled Meredith into an embrace. "Mrs. Shepherd was my mother in law."

"Oh," Meredith said, sinking into the arms of the older woman. "Um, okay."

"Do I get a hug?" Derek asked as Carolyn pulled away.

"Of course," Carolyn laughed, pulling her son into her arms. "It is wonderful to see you."

"You too," Derek said, pressing a quick kiss to her cheek before he turned to reach for Meredith's hand. "I've got my two best girls here, we've got to celebrate this."

"Derek," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Don't be corny."

"Have you eaten lunch?" Carolyn asked. "The worst thing about flying is the terrible food."

"Lunch it is," Derek nodded, leading both women out to the parking lot.

"Now, Meredith," Carolyn said, falling into step with her and looking at her carefully. "We have a lot to talk about."

"You probably want to know all about me," Meredith said.

"Eventually, yes," Carolyn said, a smile gracing her face as she reaching into her carry on. "But over lunch I have some photos you might enjoy looking over."

"Photos?" Meredith and Derek asked together as they reached his car. One voice sounded exciting, the other terrified, and Carolyn smiled as she reached up to pat her son's cheek. "Don't worry, sweetheart, I kept the negatives of all the pictures you tried to destroy."

Meredith giggled at the expression on Derek's face, suddenly feeling much more comfortable with the woman who would likely be her mother in law in the not too far future. Maybe this wouldn't be too hard after all.

XXXXX

"Oh my god!" Meredith gasped through her giggles as she clutched a photo album tight against her chest. "You really thought you could walk around dressed like Elvis? And it wasn't even Halloween?"

"Shut up," Derek said through gritted teeth.

"And the worst part of this whole ordeal was when he tried to sing," Carolyn shook her head. "I haven't been able to listen to heartbreak hotel in the same way since."

Tears streamed down Meredith's face as she laughed, probably harder than she ever had before. And as much as Derek hated that she was seeing into his past as a band geek with bad hair, he was relieved to see that Meredith had taken so easily to his mother. The two women were more alike than he had ever even thought, and he'd had difficulty getting a word in edgewise once they'd started talking.

"I have to go…splash water on my face…" Meredith gasped, sliding the album back into Carolyn's hands. "I'll be right back."

"Alright darling," Carolyn smiled as she took the book back. "Take your time."

Derek squeezed Meredith's hand as she stood and made her way towards the bathroom. He watched her until she was out of sight, then turned to look at his mother with expectant eyes. "Well?" he asked.

"Well, she seems like a lovely girl," Carolyn said. "It's obvious that she loves you very much."

"She does," Derek said, smiling softly. "I love her too."

"I know, sweetheart."

"Hmmm," Derek smiled at his mother for a moment before he reached for the photo album. He flipped to the end, where he knew his medical school days were documented. And he was grateful to see several blank slots, where pictures of himself and Addison had once rested. "Thank you," he said softly. "For sparing Mer the feelings of seeing pictures of me and Addison."

"From what I gather, she's my future daughter in law," Carolyn said. "Of course I'm going to spare her feelings. And there is no reason to have those pictures of Addison around."

"Thank you," Derek said, feeling unexpected tears pricking at his eyes. "For understanding me through all of this."

"Oh Derek," she whispered, leaning closer to him. "I can't imagine the pain you must have felt last year. But you have a woman that loves you, that would never do that to you. She loves you, Derek, she brings perspective to your world. You need her."

"I know," he sighed, looking up with a smile as Meredith slid back into the seat beside her.

"Hi," she said, looking at him carefully. "Everything okay?"

He smiled as he squeezed her shoulder, looking deeply into her eyes. "Everything's perfect."

"Good," she said, holding his gaze for another moment before she turned to look at her watch. "I have to be at the hospital in an hour.

"What?" he frowned. "I thought you took the day off."

"I traded with George," she said. "I'm on the night shift."

"Oh," he sighed. "So I'll see you in the morning?"

"I'll be there," she said, leaning in to press a kiss to his cheek. "It was really nice to meet you, Mrs….Carolyn."

"You too, darling," Carolyn said, standing to wrap Meredith in a comforting embrace. "We should have lunch some time while Derek's working."

"I'd like that," Meredith smiled. "Have a good night."

With one last squeeze of Derek's hand she had disappeared out the door, and his mother returned to his seat beside him. He smiled at her as she sat silently for a long moment. He knew she was thinking about something, and he also knew better than to interrupt her while she was contemplating something like this.

Finally, without a word, he watched as his mother reached onto her left hand and gently slid her engagement ring off, setting it down on the table in front of him before she met his eyes. Derek held her gaze for a moment before he reached down to pick up the ring, examining it closely before he let it carefully fall into the palm of his hand.

"Mom," he breathed. "What are you doing?"

"Your father always wanted you to have this for the right girl," Carolyn said simply.

Derek frowned as he returned his gaze to the ring. "You didn't give it to me when I told you I was going to propose to Addison," he commented.

"I didn't," Carolyn agreed. "Because she would have demanded something bigger, something better. She wasn't the one for you, as we've found out."

"You knew that then?" Derek asked, turning to look at her with a quizzical expression. "How come you didn't say anything?"

"Sweetheart, would you have listened?"

"I…no, probably not," Derek sighed.

"You loved her," Carolyn said. "I never doubted that. But she wasn't the one. Meredith is, and I'm sure of that."

"What's different?" Derek asked. "I mean…I know my feelings for Mer are more intense than my feelings for Addison ever were. But from your perspective, what's different?"

Carolyn smiled as she leaned into him. "Because," she said. "You look at her the way that your father always looked at me. And that is the way things should be."

"You're sure?" Derek asked. He knew Meredith was the one, but he wanted to be sure that his mother thought so too.

"I've never been more sure of anything since I decided to marry your father."


	17. Chapter 17

"Stupid heels," Meredith muttered as she stumbled out of the bedroom area of the trailer, trying to adjust the straps on her black high heeled sandals. "Stupid dress. Stupid prom. Stupid… Izzie."

Derek looked up from where he was pulling his own shoes on with an amused smile. "I'm assuming that you haven't warmed up to the idea of going to prom yet?" he asked. "You look beautiful."

Meredith only glared at him. "I'm twenty eight, Derek," she stated. "People ten years younger than me are excited about prom. And even when I was eighteen I didn't care about prom. It's ridiculous."

"Pink hair, I remember," Derek nodded as he stood, pulling her into his arms. "I'm still waiting on those pictures."

Meredith rolled her eyes and tried to pull out of his arms. "Don't play that all American boy on me," she said. "I know you were a band geek who didn't go to prom either, so don't pretend that you know what you're doing."

"I didn't," Derek agreed. "But this time I have a pretty girl to go with. That is the point of prom, after all."

"Stop it," Meredith sighed, this time successfully pulling out of his arms to reach for her coat. "This is so stupid. And it's all Izzie's fault."

"Are you really not going to tell me what you did?" Derek asked. "Because you can trust me. You know that."

"No," Meredith said firmly. "You're my boss, Derek. And what I did…you would get in big trouble if you knew about it. So I'm not going to tell you. I'm lucky that the extent of my punishment is this whole prom business, which I know means that I should stop complaining, but I just hate getting dressed up. And I have no idea how to…"

She was interrupted when Derek's lips crashed down on hers, his tongue working its magical powers against hers, and in less than a second she was putty in his hands, leaning into him as her arms wrapped around his neck. She opened her mouth easily against his, and a moment later she could feel him pressing into her stomach, making her want to do nothing more than drag him to the bed and do sexy things all night. It had been nearly a week, and they weren't used to going so long without it.

Long before she was ready, Derek pulled away and leaned his forehead against hers, panting heavily as he closed his eyes. "Sorry," he breathed.

"Derek," she gasped, trying to catch her own breath. She reached up to cup his cheeks in her hands. "Never ever apologize for kissing me like that."

He smiled softly as he opened his eyes and leaned in to kiss her forehead before he stepped around her to reach for the refrigerator. "I have something for you."

"You do?" she frowned. "What?"

"From what I gather," he said as he slipped a purple flower out of a clear plastic box and slid it onto her right hand. "This is necessary for a boy to give to his prom date."

Meredith smiled softly as she looked into Derek's eyes. "Shouldn't this be one that you pin to my dress so that you can accidentally feel me up?" she asked with a smirk.

"Well, in that dress," Derek swallowed hard as he eyed the strapless dress that she'd bought the day before. "Doesn't leave much room for corsages. Or imagination for that matter."

Meredith felt her skin flush as Derek eyed her in the way that he always did before they had sex. His eyes had taken on a deep stormy blue, and his lips formed into a smirk before his tongue darted out to lick his lips subconsciously. He wanted her, there was no doubt about it. And if she couldn't tell from the expression on his face, the tenting of his dress pants spoke for itself.

She inhaled sharply as she ran her eyes over him. She'd never seen him in a tuxedo before, but she loved it. He looked hot, and the combination of his smoldering gaze and the outline of his well muscled body underneath the tuxedo was enough to make her knees go weak. She would like nothing more than to forget the whole prom thing and rip his tuxedo off right in that moment, but from the expression on his face, she was going to have to be the strong one.

"We should go," she breathed, stepping back from him to reach for his hand. "If we don't go now…we should go."

"Do we have to?" Derek breathed, wrapping his arms around her waist and pressing a series of kisses to her bare shoulders before trailing his tongue over her neck.

Meredith closed her eyes as she tried to fight off the feeling of arousal surging through her. "The sooner we go the sooner we can come home," she breathed, her hips moving over his.

"Let's go then," he breathed, grabbing her hand and pulling her out to the car.

She smiled as she followed him to the car, settling into the passenger side as he maneuvered the familiar streets to the hospital.

The past month had been amazing. She'd been surprised how well she'd gotten along with Derek's mother, and during Carolyn's week long visit she had spent more time with his mother than she had with Derek. It had been wonderful to spend time with a woman who was a completely amazing mother, and she'd loved learning more about Derek's past and what he had been like as a child. And since Carolyn had flown back to New York, Derek had been different. He'd become less possessive, more secure in his love for her, and Addison's name hadn't been mentioned once. He was talking about their future, but not in a way that scared her. It was the small comments that she loved. When they drove by a house he would comment that they should put a wrap around porch on their house, or even when he'd caught her looking at the babies in the nursery and promised her that they would have a child in that room someday. She loved thinking about their future together, and she loved how perfectly everything had been going in their life.

Until two days ago. Two days ago, Izzie had gone crazy and cut Denny's L-Vad wire, Derek had come home telling her about her mother's affair with the chief in more detail than she ever cared to know, and Burke had gotten shot by some crazy person that had brought a gun to the hospital and gotten much to close to Derek for her liking. She'd spent the past fifty six hours at the hospital, only being allowed home for enough time to change and return to the hospital for the prom they were throwing for Richard's niece. She wasn't exactly sure what to expect, but part of her was thinking it might be fun. In a pathetic, cheesy, something she would never admit to anyone, it might be fun to get dressed up and play high school with Derek. Because the man was thirty five, one of the best neurosurgeons in the country, but he was thinking like a fifteen year old. It would definitely be fun to tease him tonight.

"Ready?" he asked as he pulled into a parking space and shut off the car, turning to look at her.

"As I'll ever be," she sighed, pulling her coat tighter around her and reaching for the car door. She giggled as she ran her way through the rain, Derek moving just as quickly beside her. After a quick stop in his office to stash their coats and ward off Derek's wandering hands again, they finally made their way to the lobby where the music was playing and the high schoolers were mingling, the hospital staff all huddled together in another corner of the room.

"This is…pathetic," Meredith breathed as she turned to look at him. "Do you think if I went to say hi to Bailey and then we left right away that would be acceptable?"

"Probably not," Derek said, resting a hand on the small of her back as he stepped closer to her. "Because I think Christina would already be gone."

"True," she sighed, stiffening in his arms as Richard moved towards them.

"You okay?" Derek asked.

"Yeah," Meredith breathed, turning to smile weakly up at him. "I'm going to go get some punch, see if it's spiked. I'll be back in a few minutes."

Derek watched her go, frowning at her sudden change in behavior. It wasn't until Richard appeared beside him that he knew why Meredith had made such a speedy getaway.

"Richard," he said with a polite nod, still not sure how he should feel about the man. He was his boss, his former mentor. But he was also the man who had destroyed Ellis Grey and made her a horrible mother to Meredith. Richard was probably not responsible for all of Meredith's insecurities, but a good number of them were likely a result of how cold Meredith's mother had been after she'd been hurt by Richard Webber.

"Derek," Richard replied. "This turned out quite well, don't you think?"

"Best prom I ever went to," Derek shrugged, his eyes trailing over to Meredith where she was laughing with Christina and George.

Richard followed his gaze and he sighed deeply. "How is she doing with everything?" he asked.

"She's great," Derek said. "And she's your intern. I really don't think that her personal life is any of your business."

"I've known her since she was born," Richard stated defensively.

"You didn't see her for over twenty years," Derek corrected. "Don't pretend like you're some kind of hero. It's your fault that her father left, it's your fault that her mother was never there for her. It's your fault, so don't you dare play the wounded father card."

"Derek…" Richard frowned, but Derek was already moving away from him, towards where Meredith was standing at the food table.

"You okay?" Meredith asked as she handed him a plastic cup.

"Fine," he said, wincing as he swallowed the juice. "Or I was. What the hell is that?"

"No one actually knows," Meredith shrugged as she frowned up at him. "Are you sure you're okay? What did Richard say to you?"

"Don't worry about it," Derek shook his head, taking her cup out of her hand and placing it beside his on the table. "Let's dance."

"You hate dancing," Meredith observed, but followed him onto the dance floor anyways.

"Normal dancing, yes," Derek said, pulling her into his arms. "But slow dancing is a different story. Especially with you."

Meredith smiled up at him as she wrapped her arms around his neck. "This is nice," she observed after a moment.

"Hmmmm," Derek agreed, pressing his lips against her forehead. "Very nice."

"I love you," she whispered.

"I love you too," Derek whispered, ducking his head down to inhale the familiar scent of lavender of her hair. And in that moment, as she edged closer to rest her head against his shoulder, he contemplated asking her right there, to marry him. He didn't have the ring, and he knew that Meredith wouldn't appreciate being asked at prom, but in that one perfect moment, he couldn't imagine doing anything else for the rest of his life.

But then his girlfriend, his hot, evil girlfriend, was pulling back to look up at him, a sly smirk playing across her lips. He knew what she was going to do before she did it, and he also knew that this could end up very badly.

Meredith rocked her hips against his, and he could immediately feel himself start to harden in response to her movements. "Hmmm," Meredith sighed as she ran her hands over his shoulders and arms, the moves of her body matching the beat of the music. He swallowed hard as he looked around the room, knowing that no one knew what was happening. But if she kept this up, he wasn't going to be able to last much longer.

And suddenly, Meredith had stopped her movements and leaned up to whisper in his ear. "Meet me in the hall."

Her breath was warm and soothing in his ear, and he swallowed hard as he watched her walk towards the darkened hallway that led to the ER. Her legs were elongated by her heels, and she was purposely moving her hips from side to side in a sexual way. He looked around the room for a moment before he followed her, unable to hold off much longer.

As he passed by an empty exam room, a slender arm reached out and grabbed him by the collar, pulling him into the room as the door slammed shut behind him. And then Meredith's lips were on his, her legs wrapping around his waist as he stumbled towards the exam table.

In a blur of kisses and moans and groping, his jacket was thrown to the floor and his pants unzipped, allowing Meredith the opportunity to reach into his boxers and pull out his swollen erection. He broke their kiss to gasp at the sensation, then leaned down to press a series of kisses to her neck and chest as one hand traveled up her thighs to hook under her panties. Her fingers tangled themselves in her hair, holding his head against her chest as his warm mouth moved to suck on her nipple. His hands traveled down her legs, and after a moment her panties had joined his jacket and tie on the floor.

"Derek," she gasped as he stepped between her legs, her ankles locking at the small of his back. "Please…"

"Meredith," he moaned, shoving himself into her without any kind of foreplay. She was ready for him, her walls warm and wet, and he let out a loud, long moan of appreciation at the sensation.

"Oh God," Meredith gasped as he thrust into her without any kind of rhythm, his hands tugging at her hair to give his mouth full access to his neck. "Oh yes…"

This was different than their usual sex, more animalistic and filled with the raw passion that they rarely encountered. And as Meredith's heels dug into his back through his coat, he could feel himself starting to release as her walls tightened around him.

"Derek," she gasped, her breath coming out in sharp pants. "Oh god!"

"Meredith," he gasped, his body finally relaxing him against hers.

"Oh," she gasped, her own body relaxing as she wrapped her arms around him. "Derek that was amazing."

"Hmmm," he nodded in agreement, pressing a kiss to her shoulder. He was too satisfied in this moment to even think about moving, and as Meredith shifted backwards slightly to allow him to lie on top of her he snuggled into her, keeping himself nestled deep inside of her warmth.

"I love you," she whispered.

"I love you too," he breathed against her skin.

"And we have to leave," Meredith said. "Before someone finds us."

Derek sighed deeply, but after a moment he pulled away from her and reached for the discarded items of closing. And with a smirk, he reached for Meredith's panties and shoved them into his pocket. It was hot to know that she would be wearing nothing under her dress.

"Where are my panties?" she demanded as she pulled her dress back up over her breasts. "And fix your tie."

"What's wrong?" Derek frowned as he tied his tie, amused at her expression.

"We should never have done this," Meredith breathed. "Someone's going to know."

"No one's going to…" Derek was interrupted when the door swung open and Callie Torres stood in front of them. He felt himself flush as he turned around to resituate himself and zip his pants.

"Um, you should come," Callie was saying to Meredith. "It's Izzie."

Meredith glanced at Derek for a moment, giving him a quick glance of dread before she followed Callie out of the room and down the hall.

Derek took a moment to collect himself before he slid into his jacket and moved back towards the dance.

"Well, well," a familiar voice came from behind him. "Where's your other half? Those interns of mine better not be causing any more trouble."

"Miranda," Derek smiled as he turned to look at his best resident. "Enjoying the evening?"

"About as much as I enjoyed my own prom," Bailey said. "And did I ever say that you could call me Miranda?"

Derek frowned. "One day you're going to remember that I'm an attending and you're a resident," he said.

"And one of these days you'll realize that it's not necessary to use half a bottle of mousse in your hair everyday," Bailey said. "When that day comes you can call me Miranda."

Derek shook his head as he looked over the prom. "So where is the rest of the hospital staff?" he asked.

Before Bailey could reply, the five interns that had somehow become Meredith's family filed neatly into the room. One look at their faces and he knew that something was wrong, very wrong. And when Meredith broke away from her friends to throw herself into his arms, he knew that it was a big deal. It was rare that she was so willing to show public affection, especially at the hospital.

"Denny's dead," she whispered, her arms tightening around his neck. "He had a brand new heart and he just…died."

"Oh Mer," he breathed, tightening his arms around her. "It's okay. I'm right here."

Meredith pulled away from him long enough to hear Izzie say that she was quitting, and then she turned to look up at him with tear filled eyes. He knew that she was torn between staying with him and following Izzie, so he gave her a tight squeeze and nodded. "Go," he said. "It's okay. I'll be waiting."

"No," she whispered, nestling deeper into his arms. "I want to go home."

"Okay," Derek said, guiding her towards the door.

"I love you," she whispered as he opened the passenger side door and settled her in.

"I love you too," he assured her. He closed the door and made his way around to the driver's side of the car, turning to look at her as she placed a hand on his knee.

"Derek, promise me something," she whispered.

"Anything," he said, taking her hand and bringing it to his lips.

"Promise me you won't ever die."


	18. Chapter 18

Meredith knew she shouldn't be at the hospital right now. Izzie was at home on the bathroom floor, distraught after the death of her fiancé. And Meredith knew that if anything ever happened to Derek, she would need her friends with her.

But Bailey needed an intern. The hospital hadn't stopped working because Denny's heart had, and Meredith had traded shifts with George so he could stay with Izzie. She needed George more than she needed Meredith right now, and Derek was working today too. She didn't want to be too far away from him today.

So she pulled her scrub shirt over her head, trying to gain the strength to move out the door and start her shift. She heard the door to the locker room open, but didn't turn to see who it was. She didn't want to talk to anyone right now.

But then she felt a familiar set of warm hands on her shoulders, kneading softly, and a pair of warm lips appeared on her neck.

"Hi," she sighed, leaning into Derek's warm embrace.

"Hi," he replied. "How are you?"

"Hanging in there," she sighed. "How about you?"

"Worried about you."

Before Meredith could answer, there was a loud pounding on the door and they both frowned as they turned to look at it. "I'll take care of it," Derek said. Meredith followed him to the door, and he frowned as he was only able to open the door a few inches and was met by the sight of a man standing before them in an air tight suit.

"Dr. Shepherd," he said. "Are you the only one in this locker room?"

"Dr. Grey is here as well," he said. "What's going on?"

"It appears that there has been an outbreak of a disease much like the plague."

"The plague?" Derek and Meredith asked at the same time.

"We don't know who has been exposed so we need to keep the two of you secluded from the rest of the hospital. If either of you are infected, the symptoms should show themselves in six hours."

"Six hours?" Meredith repeated. "I don't have six hours!"

"You don't really have a choice," the officer replied.

"What she means is that a friend of hers recently lost her fiancé," Derek explained. "We need to be there for her."

"I'm sorry, Dr. Shepherd, but neither one of you are leaving here until we're certain that you are not effected by this disease," he said.

Derek frowned, but nodded. There was no way he could talk his way out of this, not when they were possibly effected by a fatal disease. "Fine," he said. "I trust that you will tell us when we're free?"

"Of course, Dr. Shepherd," he said before he pulled the door closed.

Derek sighed as he turned back to Meredith. "Well," he said. "I guess we have a couple hours to kill."

She sighed as she turned away from him and dropped onto the scrub bench. "Six hours in the locker room," she said. "I should be with Izzie right now."

Derek wrapped an arm around her shoulders as he sat down beside her. "She's lost in herself right now," he said. "You'll be there for her when she needs you."

Meredith was silent for a moment before she turned to look up at him. "Speaking from experience?" she whispered, reaching for his hand and lacing their fingers together.

Derek nodded slowly. "When someone around me dies," he said. "And I have to watch people grieve, it brings back all the emotions I felt about my dad."

"Oh Derek," she breathed, resting her head against his shoulder. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," he said. "It was a long time ago. But…sometimes it feels like it was yesterday."

Meredith thought for a moment before she turned to look up at him, a sly smile spreading across her face. "You know," she breathed, scooting even closer to him and letting her breath tickle his ear. "If we're stuck in here for six hours, there are some very…creative ways that we can spend our time. And it's much better than thinking about what's going on at home right now."

Derek tensed beside her for a moment, and she remained silent as she eased his lab coat over his shoulders. "What do you think?" she asked, dropping to her knees in front of him on the floor and moving to untie his scrub pants. "Shall we make the most of our time?"

"Yes," Derek gasped, his fingers automatically moving to her hair as she pulled his erection out of his scrub pants. "Meredith…"

"What do you want?" she whispered, looking up at him with twinkling eyes.

"Mouth," Derek breathed.

"You want to be in my mouth?" she asked.

"God yes," he said, moving his hips towards her mouth. "Please."

"Hmmm," she smiled as she leaned closer, her lips trailing over his erection, taking him all the way into her mouth.

"Meredith," he breathed, letting his head fall back at the shocks of pleasure that ripped through his entire body with every movement of her lips. "Oh yes…"

She moved her lips quickly over him, pleasuring him exactly the way she knew he liked. And just as he was about to lose control, her hand was squeezing him tightly as she pulled away and leaned up to kiss him. "Not until you're inside of me," she purred in his ear.

"Fuck," he gasped, his hands moving to pull her shirt over her head. She wasn't quite sure how he got her bra or scrub pants and underwear off without ripping anything, but before she knew what was happening he had her lifted off of the ground by the thighs and pressing her into the wall.

"Derek," she breathed as she buried her hands in his hair, her head leaning back against the wall as he buried his face between her breasts. "Oh God."

He let out an animalistic growl as he pushed himself into her, not following any rhythm as he moved frantically in and out of her.

"Derek," she gasped. "Harder."

"You want it hard?" he asked.

"Yes," she breathed. "Please, I want it harder than ever."

His only response was to grip her hips harder as he pushed himself into her faster and harder, knowing that he was filling her to the core with every thrust. Meredith was letting out a loud gasp with each thrust, and after a moment he felt her walls tightening around him and then she was screaming his name as her fingers clawed into his back.

"Mer," he gasped as he continued to thrust into her, his own release coming with hers as she wrapped her arms tightly around his neck. "Oh my God."

"Derek," she breathed, resting her head on his shoulder as she struggled to get her breathing back to normal. "That was amazing."

"And we have five and a half more hours," Derek breathed as he pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

"Suddenly this plague thing isn't such a bad thing," she said as she lowered her legs from his waist but didn't let go of him for fear that her legs couldn't hold her upright yet. "There are blankets in the corner."

"Perfect," Derek breathed, reaching for her hand and pulling her towards the corner of the room where they were isolated from any windows or doors so no one could see them. Together they spread a liberal amount of blankets onto the floor and then Derek pulled her down to lie beside him before he reached for one more to pull over their still naked bodies. She cuddled closer to him, seeking his warmth in the cocoon they had created. She knew she could easily get dressed again to ward off the cold, but even the thin layer of scrubs seemed like too much separation from Derek right now. She needed skin on skin contact, she needed to be as close as she possibly could to him and savor this moment. She could lose this at anytime, just like Izzy had lost Denny. And if that happened, she wanted to be sure to remember everything about this perfect moment so she could hold onto it for the rest of her life.

"You okay?" Derek's soft voice cut into her thoughts as she wrapped her arms tighter around his waist and buried her face in his neck.

"No," she finally whispered.

"Oh Mer." His lips pressed against her head and she felt his arms tighten around her, so tight that she wasn't sure she would be able to breathe properly. But she didn't care, because Derek was there, alive and holding her tighter than she'd ever been held before.

"I don't know what I'll do if I ever lose you," she whispered. "I know that's corny and cheesy and I hate that I'm saying it, but I really don't know."

"You're not going to lose me," Derek promised.

"You don't know that," she said, lifting her head to look at him. "Denny had a brand new, wonderful heart. And it just stopped. You don't know what could happen."

Derek was silent for a moment as he ran his fingers through his hair. "I know that," he said after a moment. "One day…everything is perfect. And then there's a knock on the front door in the middle of the night and your entire world gets turned upside down."

"Your dad," Meredith breathed.

"My dad," he sighed. "Was a great man. I don't remember much, but my older sisters do. And so does my mom. And they make sure that my younger sisters and I always knew what he was like."

"You miss him."

"I do," Derek nodded. "There have been so many times where I've needed a father. But I've gotten through all of it. I know that I can't promise to stay here forever. But I can promise that I'll fight as hard as I can to never ever leave you. I think you're strong enough to rebuild your life. But I don't want you to ever go through the pain that I saw my mother go through."

Tears unexpectedly pooled in her eyes as she leaned in closer to kiss him softly. "Me too," she whispered. "I'll always fight to stay with you."

"Promise?" Derek asked, a hand trailing over her cheek to wipe the moisture away.

"Promise," she nodded. "Tell me about him."

"My dad?"

"Yeah. Just…anything you remember."

"I remember fishing," Derek smiled, his fingers moving from her cheek to her hair. "He and I used to just go out to this lake that he knew and fish all day. He'd always promised me that when I got older we could go for whole weekends. And then when I had a son, we could make it a whole generational thing."

"That's cute," Meredith whispered. "I'm sorry our son won't get to have that."

Derek was taken aback by her comment, but he didn't hesitate in wrapping his arms tighter around Meredith. "Me too," he said. "But our kids are going to be very lucky."

"They'll have you as a father."

"And you as a mother."

Meredith sighed as she ran her fingertips over the soft fuzz of hair that covered his chest. "Hopefully you'll cancel my parenting skills out so they won't be completely dark and twisty."

"Meredith, you're going to be a fantastic mother," Derek said. "I can't wait to watch you."

She smiled as she turned her head to look up at him. "Derek?" she asked, feeling herself get sucked into the vortex of his McDreamy gaze, his eyes melting into her very soul.

"Hmmm?" he asked, tilting his head to the side as he twirled a strand of her hair around his finger.

"I'm tired of the trailer."

He blinked in surprise, not having expected her to say something so completely bold and out of context. "Oh," he finally nodded. "Well, we can move back to your house, or find an apartment or something, I didn't know…"

"No," Meredith shook her head, a smile playing over her face as she leaned over him, her hair framing his face as well as hers. "I want to build a house. With you."

It was in that moment that Derek knew she was ready. They'd talked about kids, about marriage, but it had always been in a future sort of way. But now she was telling him that she wanted a house, and that meant that she was ready for things. Big things.

"You're sure?" he finally breathed.

"Completely," she nodded. "I want a life together, Derek. And if I know I want it, then why should it be in the future?"

"I love you," he whispered, pulling her closer to kiss her, a smile covering his face. "I love you so much."

"I love you too," she giggled.

"I'll call a contractor as soon as Izzie is better," he nodded.

"Good," Meredith said. "But Derek?"

"Hmmm?"

"House first," she requested. "I know this is going towards babies and marriage, and I'm okay with that. I want it. But I can't be an intern, build a house and plan a wedding at the same time. There's only so much I can handle without going completely dark and twisty again."

Derek smiled as he leaned in to kiss her nose. "I promise I won't make you drown in commitments," he said. "But I am very excited to build a house with you."

"Me too," she sighed, rolling onto her back and pulling him on top of her.

"Round two?" he asked, sliding between her legs and feeling himself become aroused at the sensation of her warm, flexible body underneath his.

"Round two," she nodded, wrapping her arms around him and pulling him in for a soft kiss. "Slow this time."

"I can do slow," Derek nodded, his hands moving over her body as she shifted her hips slightly, allowing his length to slip into her all the way. He was still for a moment before she rocked her hips slightly, silently telling him she was ready.

Their lovemaking was unusually silent, Meredith's soft gasps and his grunts of pleasure the only sounds to break the silence as he moved steadily in and out of her. Her body responded automatically to his, her hands gripping his hair as they found a rhythm more steady than any other time they'd been together. Their sweat covered bodies rubbed against one another's as he made love to her, her hips rocking up to meet his with every thrust.

When she could feel that she was about to reach the edge, she hooked a leg around his waist and stilled his movements. "Deeper," she requested, tightening her leg to force him deeper into her.

"Oh," Derek moaned as he felt himself fill her to her very core, stopping when he was unable to move any further. Her walls were clenching around him, stretched to accommodate him, and he closed his eyes as he allowed himself to succumb to the pleasure that was washing over his body. Meredith's hands were fisting in his hair and he could feel her beginning to release, his own body following quickly. His orgasm lasted longer than usual, Meredith's soft cries of pleasure sending him over the edge as he continued to release into her.

When it was over, he kept himself nestled deep inside of her and rested his head on her chest, reveling in the closeness as her hands stroked his hair softly. And it was then, in that moment, that he knew that he couldn't wait any longer. He wanted her to be his wife, he wanted to marry her and have an infinite number of moments exactly like this one.

He needed to figure out how to ask her, and he needed to figure it out quickly. He didn't want to spend one more second referring to her as his girlfriend.

He wanted her to be his wife.


	19. Chapter 19

Derek sighed as he pushed the door to the trailer open, dropped his bag onto the floor and knelt down to greet Doc as his dog bounded off of the small couch in the corner of the trailer. He was exhausted after a long day of surgery, and Meredith was stuck at the hospital for another three hours after his shift had ended. He'd offered to stay and drive her home, but she'd taken one look at him, mistaken his stress for exhaustion, and told him to go home and get some sleep before she was ready to go.

And he was tired. But not the usual kind of tired. He was tired of thinking, tired of planning, and most of all tired from keeping his plans to propose a secret from her.

It had only been a week since they'd been released from being quarantined in the locker room, both with completely clean bills of health. They'd called a contractor that very night, and they were going to look at the plans the next morning. Meredith had seemed happy enough when they were discussing what they wanted for their house, and he had been more than happy to indulge her in whatever she wanted.

But Meredith was Meredith, and he knew she knew something was bothering him. She knew him better than anyone else ever had, and he was quickly realizing that she would notice very soon if he continued to dwell on how to propose to her. And she was Meredith, so if she did notice that he was thinking about something she would probably assume the worst and think that he was trying to figure out how to break up with her. Which meant that she would run before he hurt her, and then they would never get engaged, which was definitely not what he wanted.

But she'd specifically asked him to wait. She was excited about their house, she was excited to have a future with him, and she loved him. He was certain of that much. And she was ready to get married. She just didn't know that she was ready. But for some reason, building a house, talking about forever, and living in a trailer smaller than most people's living rooms with him didn't add up to being ready for marriage for his wonderfully unstable girlfriend.

"What do you think, buddy?" he asked, looking down at Doc. "Do you think Mom will say yes?"

Doc looked at him for a second before he barreled out the still open door to the trailer, quickly making his way towards the edge of the trees where he began sniffing around eagerly. Derek rolled his eyes as he got up off of the floor. "Some help you are," he said before he reached under the sink for his tackle box, shoving aside some bait to reach for the small box he'd hidden from Meredith after his mother had left Seattle.

He cracked the box open, staring down at the ring he'd seen on his mother's hand for his entire life. He could picture it on Meredith's finger, it would look perfect on her hand. But he still couldn't gain the courage to ask her, and he was afraid that if he waited too long something was going to happen. Something bad, something like Meredith sticking her hand into a body cavity filled with explosives. Only this time he wouldn't be so lucky, and he would have everything to regret if he didn't propose to her soon.

Be he had no idea how.

Before he realized what he was doing, he reached into his pocket and pulled his cell phone out, dialing a familiar number and waiting for an answer. "Mom!" he almost shouted as soon as she answered.

"Derek," she replied. "I hope this phone call is bringing good news."

"Not really," Derek sighed. "Or well…not bad news persay, but it's definitely not good news. Or not the good news you want to hear, even though it's not bad news or good news. It's just..news, and it's not good or bad. And it's…oh God, I'm rambling."

"I don't think I've ever heard you say so much in one breath," Carolyn said, and he could almost feel her smile coming across the phone. "Meredith certainly is rubbing off on you."

"I guess," Derek sighed, running a hand through his hair.

"Now, what is this news that seems to be neither good or bad?" Carolyn asked.

"Mer and I are building a house," Derek murmured. "And I want to propose. She's ready, I know she's ready. But she asked me not to propose until the house is ready."

"Did she give you a reason?" Carolyn asked.

"Only that she didn't want to plan a wedding and build a house at the same time," Derek said. "Which is understandable. She's an intern, and to have fifty hour shifts only to come home and have to choose paint colors and bridesmaid dresses…I wouldn't do that to her. But that doesn't mean that I don't want to be engaged to her."

"So ask her."

"Mom, are you even listening to me?" Derek sighed. "She doesn't think she's ready."

"She is ready, sweetheart," Carolyn said. "And all you have to say to her is exactly what you said to me. Just because you ask her to marry you in the future doesn't mean that she should start planning right then and there. Take some time to enjoy being engaged, wait for your house to be completed and her internship to be over. Then you can start planning a wedding."

"It's that simple?" Derek asked.

"For goodness sake, Derek, you'd think that you'd never done this before," Carolyn said.

Derek sighed as he leaned back in his chair, resting his feet on the table before him. He tried not to think about his relationship with Addison too often, but he couldn't help thinking about the last time he had proposed. And how different it had been. "Addison set it up for me, Mom," he said. "I knew which ring to get because she'd left a catalog open on the coffee table. And she hinted for months that she wanted something public, where she could show her ring off the second I put it on her finger."

"I don't know Meredith well, but I don't imagine that she would appreciate that kind of proposal," Carolyn sighed.

"I'm pretty sure that would get me a definite no."

"My suggestion would be to simply ask her," Carolyn said gently. "She doesn't need any fancy restaurants or anything ostentatious. Just ask her. And I don't think she'll say no. If she's not ready, she'll say that."

"I just don't want to scare her off," he whispered.

Carolyn was silent for a moment before she said, "Derek, that that you have represents a special kind of love. I wouldn't have given it to you to give to Meredith if I didn't think you could love her in the same way your father loved me. And that kind of love doesn't involve technicalities, it doesn't have time for doubts. You have to follow your heart sweetheart, because believe me the last thing you want is to regret not having a lifetime with her."

Derek could hear the emotion that took over his mother's voice on the rare occasions that she spoke of his father. And as he realized how much she missed him, after nearly thirty years, he knew that he couldn't wait. He wanted forever with Meredith, and that forever could start today. He didn't want anything to come in the way of that. "You're right," he finally heard himself saying. "I'll ask her. Tonight."

"Good," Carolyn said. "She's right for you, Derek. I can't wait to get to know her better."

"Thanks, Mom," he said. "I'll call you tomorrow. I love you."

"I love you too," Carolyn said. "Good luck."

Derek set his phone on the table and picked up the ring again, examining it closely as he tried to imagine what it would look like on Meredith's finger. So absorbed was he in planning the proposal that he didn't see the headlights peeking into the trailer, nor did he hear the car door slam. It wasn't until the trailer door was pulled open that he realized Meredith was home early, and he quickly shoved the ring back into the box and into his pocket. "Mer!" he cried as he stumbled to his feet. "You're…here."

"I'm here," she nodded, leaning forward to kiss his cheek gently before turning to take her coat off.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

"I live here," she shrugged. "Why is your tackle box out? It's already dark, don't tell me you're going to go fishing in the dark."

"I…no," he shook his head. "I thought you were still working."

"What's the matter?" Meredith asked, a glimmer in her eye. "Trying to hide a hot date in the bedroom?"

"No," Derek defended.

"Good," Meredith said. "But seriously, Derek, what's going on? You look like you've seen a ghost."

"I'm fine," Derek said. "I was just going to take Doc out for a walk, I didn't think you were going to be home yet."

"He's excited," Meredith nodded. "Let me just change, I'll come with you."

"Okay," Derek nodded, watching her move back to their bed and wondering why the hell he couldn't ask her. He'd planned on asking as soon as she'd gotten home. But apparently she'd gotten off early and he hadn't had the time to really think about how he wanted to propose.

So he didn't.

And the next evening, sitting in his office and waiting for Meredith to get off from work, he knew this was it. He'd already told her that he'd take her to their favorite Italian restaurant for dinner, and that was what was going to happen. They would go to dinner and then he would just…ask. And she would say yes and it would all be perfect.

"Hey," Meredith's voice came from the door, and he smiled up at her as she made her way towards him. "Sorry I'm late. I was ready to go, but my patient coded so I had to talk to the family. Are you ready to go?"

"I am," Derek smiled, trying not to look too nervous as he stood and reached for his coat.

"You okay?" Meredith asked. "You look…nervous."

So much for that. Meredith Grey could read him like a book. "I'm fine," he promised. "Just tired."

"Well we can just go home," Meredith said as they made their way down the hall. "Go out to dinner another night when you're not so tired."

"No!" Derek said a little too forcefully.

"Okay, what the hell is going on with you?" Meredith demanded as she stopped short, looking at him carefully. "You've been acting weird ever since we were in the locker room. Are you upset about the house?"

"No," Derek shook his head, stepping towards her. "Not at all. I just have a lot on my mind. But I'm fine, Meredith, really."

"You're sure?" she asked, reaching for his hand. "I know there's something you're not telling me."

"It's fine," Derek shook his head. "Nothing you need to worry about."

"You know I'm your girlfriend," she said. "And if you make me talk, then it's only fair if I make you talk."

"Mer, I'm fine," he snapped, a little more impatiently than he intended to. She stared at him for a moment before she took a step back.

"You know, I don't think I'm in the mood to go out to dinner tonight," she said. "I'm going to see if I can scrub in with Burke."

"Meredith," Derek said. "Please, don't. I'll calm down, I promise. I want to go to dinner, it's been a long time since we made the effort to have an evening just for the two of us."

She stared at him for a moment before she asked, "You'll stop being an ass?"

"Promise," he said, tilting his head to the side.

"Fine," she said, taking his hand again and moving towards the elevators. She was silent as they waited for the elevator, and he knew that she was mad. And there was only one way to assure her that he wasn't thinking anything bad.

With a deep breath, he reached into his pocket and fingered the small box that he'd carried around in his lab coat all day. He was about to pull it out and say her name, but before he could do so, a voice stopped him, causing both him and Meredith to turn in question.

"Derek? Derek Shepherd?"

Derek turned to look behind him, freezing at the sight before him. Apparently the universe hated him. "Colonel Montgomery," he said, his former father in law stopping in front of him.

"Addison told me you had moved out here," the Colonel said, his eyes traveling over to Meredith. "And you must be his med school student."

Meredith blinked in surprise, but Derek grabbed her hand. "She's a doctor," he said. "What brings you out here?"

"Business," the Colonel replied, his eyes still trained on Meredith. "I wasn't expecting to run into you here."

"It was nice to see you," Derek said slowly. He wasn't sure that he was ever going to see Addison's father ever again, but now he wanted nothing more than to tell him what he really thought of him. Derek had never agreed with the way Colonel Montgomery had lived his life, and right now he really didn't like the way he was looking at Meredith. And more than anything, he was just upset at the fact that he'd been so close to proposing when he'd been interrupted again.

"I am sorry things didn't work out between you and Addison," he said. "But it looks like you're doing pretty well for yourself."

The elevator doors thankfully slid open at that moment and Derek pulled Meredith in with him. With a polite nod to the Colonel, the doors enclosed the two of them into the private space, and he sank into Meredith's embrace for a long moment.

"Derek," she breathed after a moment, her hand rubbing over his back. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," he breathed, inhaling sharply as he pulled himself away from her. "I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for," she shook her head. "I wish you hadn't seen him. That must have been very awkward for you."

Derek swallowed hard as he reached out to press the emergency stop button. "It was," he said. "I never got along with him when I was married to her. He slept with anyone in a skirt, and I always thought it was a pathetic way to live his life. I never thought I'd have to see him again and then just as I was about to propose he shows up and starts checking you out…"

"What did you just say?" Meredith frowned, looking up at him with a curious expression on her face.

"You had to have seen how he was looking at you, Mer," he breathed. "I wouldn't have put it past him."

"No, not that," she shook her head. "The thing before that."

Derek was silent for a moment before his eyes widened as he realized what he had said. "Mer," he said softly. "I want to marry you."

"Derek," she started, but he held his finger up to her lips.

"I love you, Meredith," he said, a soft smile playing on his lips. "I know you don't think you're ready, but you are. And I don't want to waste time. I love you, and I want you to be my wife. I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

"Derek," she said, taking a step forward.

"Please don't get upset," he said. "I know you said you wanted to wait until the house was done, but I just…I want to marry you. And if you're not ready to get married we can wait to have the wedding. I'm just…tired of you being my girlfriend. I want more."

"I want that too," she said softly.

"I know you're not…What?" he asked, not having expected her answer.

"I want to marry you," she replied, stepping towards him and wrapping her arms around his neck. "Let's spend the rest of our lives together, Derek."

He swallowed hard as his own arms wrapped around her waist. "I love you so much," he whispered as he rested his forehead against hers.

"I love you too," she whispered back. They were silent for a moment, basking in the perfection of the moment before she asked, "Does this mean we're engaged?"

Derek pulled an arm from her waist and reached into his pocket to pull the ring box out. "I think this does," he said softly.

"Oh," Meredith breathed as she stared down at the small ring, a diamond with a kind of purple sparkling even in the dim light of the elevator. "It's beautiful."

"It's my mom's ring," Derek admitted softly. "He wanted me to have it for the right woman."

Meredith stepped back as she looked down at it. "It's Addison's ring?" she asked softly.

"Of course not," Derek said, reaching for her hand and pressing a kiss to the back of it. "I know you like to call me an idiot but I'm not that stupid. My mom gave it to me when she was here, she said that she knew you were better for me than Addison ever was."

"Oh," Meredith breathed, looking down at the ring in between his fingers for a moment, biting her lower lip as she thought.

"You don't have to wear it if you don't want to," Derek said.

"But you want me to," she stated.

Derek froze, unsure of how to respond. This was possibly the world's most awkward proposal, but he wasn't sure he would change it for anything. "I would be honored," he finally said. "It represents a special kind of love. One that my mom and dad shared, and one that we share. And I would be humbled if you would wear it."

Meredith looked up at him for a moment, her eyes filled with tears and emotion. She didn't say a word as her gaze read his, and after a moment she stretched her left hand out to his. "Go ahead," she said.

"You're sure?" he asked, holding the ring up.

"Positive," she nodded. "It's a Shepherd family ring. And it makes sense for me to wear it. Seeing as I'll be a Shepherd."

Derek swallowed hard as he slid the ring onto its new home, loving the way it looked on her finger. His fiancé's finger. "Yeah," he smiled as he leaned in for another kiss to officially seal the deal. "You're going to be a Shepherd.


	20. Chapter 20

The alarm was blaring way too loudly in Meredith's ear. She could hear the consistent beeping, but couldn't summon the energy to raise her arm to shut it off and instead curled deeper into Derek's warm embrace. She'd been working a lot lately, and balancing her shifts at the hospital with the start of the house being built was enough to make her completely exhausted and not have any desire to work at all.

But she was an intern, and she had a forty eight hour shift coming up. One that she couldn't miss because she was pretty sure that Bailey was still giving her more hoops to jump through because of Derek. And normally she was completely ready and willing to do anything she could to prove that their relationship was real, but today she was just completely exhausted.

It had been a month since they'd gotten engaged, and they had both been living in a very blissful state of contentment. Their house was already starting to come along, with the foundation to be started in the next few days. Work had been surprisingly calm, and although Izzie had still refused to return to the hospital, Meredith was happy.

Or she would be happy if she could just stop being so tired.

"I'll start the coffee," Derek murmured into her hair before he pressed a kiss to her forehead and rolled out of bed.

Meredith felt her stomach roll at the thought of coffee, and she curled into a ball as she wrapped her arms over her swirling stomach. "No coffee," she moaned. "Sleep."

The bed beside her shifted again, and a moment later she felt Derek's presence hovering over her. "You feel okay?" he asked.

"No," she moaned.

His lips made contact with her forehead again, this time lingering for longer than necessary and immediately followed by his hand. "You're warm," he said. "Maybe you should stay home."

"No," she sighed, sitting up in bed and immediately collapsing against the pillows as a wave of dizziness fell over her. "I have to go in. I left early yesterday to meet with the contractor."

"And you can't help it if you got sick," Derek frowned, pushing her back onto the bed as she tried to climb out again. "You're staying home."

"You can't tell me what to do," she frowned.

"Actually, I can," Derek said. "You're my fiancé and I promised to take care of you."

"Fine," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Just get me some Pepto Bismol. I'll be as good as new in a couple hours."

"Because you're staying home," Derek nodded.

"Derek," she snapped, but stopped when a wave of nausea washed over her. She scrambled off of the bed and into the bathroom, reaching the toilet with just enough time to empty the contents of her stomach.

"Mer," Derek frowned as he suddenly appeared beside her, one hand working through her hair as the other offered her a glass of water. "You can't seriously go into work like this."

"I have to," Meredith sighed, leaning into his arms. "There's too much going on today."

"Meredith, no one is going to let you scrub in if you're drinking an entire bottle of Pepto every hour," he said gently as he watched her throw her head back with the bottle raised to her lips.

"I don't care," she said, bracing herself on his arm as she stood and made her way back to the bedroom. "I'll feel fine in a couple hours when this stuff has kicked in."

Derek opened his mouth to argue but then decided against it. Meredith was no fun to argue with at any point in time, and he could only imagine that it was worse when she was sick and felt like crap. "Fine," he said. "But if you need a break use my office. You won't get any sleep in the on call rooms."

"I won't need a break," she replied as she pulled her jeans up to her hips, frowning when they didn't button all the way. "And you need to learn to do laundry."

"I didn't…" Derek shook his head and stopped himself. Growing up with four sisters had taught him never to argue with a woman about her weight. Especially since Meredith had put on a couple pounds in the past month or so.

"This is so your fault," she said as she lay down on the bed, sucking her stomach as she tried to wrestle the button on her pants. When she finally won, she stood and wavered slightly on her feet.

"Meredith…."

"Don't," she shook her head, reaching for her shoes and pulling them on. "Bailey's down an intern with Izzie gone, she needs me there. I have to go in."

Derek sighed as he stepped closer to her. "Don't push yourself too hard," he said gently. "Please. For my sake."

Meredith turned her head to look at him, and saw nothing but concern and apprehension reflecting in his eyes. And she suddenly realized that even though she could take care of herself, she didn't have to anymore. And neither did she want to.

"I promise," she said, reaching for his hand. "I'll see you there. And if it gets worse I'll come home."

"Okay," Derek said, leaning closer to her.

"No," she shook her head, pushing him away slightly. "I don't want to get you sick."

"But…"

"No," she repeated, reaching for her bag and grabbing the bottle of pepto off of the counter. "Love you."

"Love you too," Derek's voice trailed after her as she stepped out of the trailer, stopping slightly on the porch as she tried to control her nausea.

She would be fine. She'd just go to the hospital and get so involved in work that she wouldn't even remember to feel nauseous.

She had been wrong. Very wrong. After spending the entire ferry boat ride throwing up due to seasickness that she'd never experienced before, she'd arrived at the hospital feeling worse than she had when she'd left the trailer. Even Christina had told her to go home, and Christina never let anyone off the hook when it came to work. She'd tried to talk to Bailey before rounds, but her resident had only yelled at the group for being late. So Meredith had downed the rest of her bottle of pepto and staggered behind her coworkers as they'd performed rounds.

"Grey," Bailey snapped as they approached the bottom of the staircase. "Am I going to have to repeat myself to you?"

"No, Dr. Bailey," Meredith moaned, fighting the urge to rest her head on the flat surface of the counter.

"Then go ahead," Bailey ordered.

Meredith didn't have the energy to pretend she actually knew what Bailey was talking about, and instead slumped against the counter, resting her head against her hands.

"You okay, Grey?" Bailey asked, her tone a touch more compassionate than usual. She really must have looked pathetic in order for Bailey to be concerned.

"I think I have an ulcer," Meredith moaned. "Work…building a house…being engaged…it's too much."

Even though Meredith's eyes were closed, she knew Bailey was rolling her eyes. "Well," she said, her tone back to its usual firmness. "I suggest you back off of some of your responsibilities then. And it better not be work."

"Yes, Dr. Bailey," Meredith sighed.

"And you're on scut today," Bailey added.

"What?" Meredith frowned, standing up quickly only to grab onto her boss's arm for support. "I can scrub in. I'm fine."

"Fine people do not touch me," Bailey said carefully, pointing to a chair behind the desk. "Sit. When someone needs labs done we'll come to you."

"But…" Meredith tried to protest. Bailey was already gone and the chair felt much too comfortable to move from. She closed her eyes and let herself feel at peace for a moment before she felt her stomach begin to churn again.

"Dr. Grey," her fiancé's familiar voice appeared beside her, and all of a sudden a cup of water was in her hands. "You look like you could use this."

Meredith's only response was to cough up the very little bit that was left in her stomach, only narrowly missing Derek's shoes as he reached for a trash can for her.

"Meredith," he said softly from beside her, and she turned with tear filled eyes to look at him. "Don't tell me you're fine. You don't look fine. You look beautiful, but not fine."

It took all the strength that she had in her to smile ever so slightly at his words. "Thanks I think," she whispered.

"Will you please get some blood work done?" he asked. "I'll do it, I just want to make sure that nothing is really wrong with you."

Before Meredith could answer, she saw Christina approach the nurse's desk and frown down at them. "You look like hell," she commented.

Meredith rolled her eyes as she felt another wave of nausea rush over her. Derek's hands were immediately there to comfort her, one holding her hair back and the other rubbing gentle circles on her back as she heaved into the trash can again.

"Holy shit," Christina's voice came from somewhere on her other side. "Are you pregnant?"

Meredith froze, hovering over the trash can as she felt Derek's hand still on her back. She hadn't even thought about it, but now that Christina had mentioned it, it seemed like the only possibility to match her symptoms.

"Meredith," he heard her breathe from beside her, and she turned to look at him, surprised to see his eyes mirroring the fear she felt in her heart.

"I…I don't know," she whispered.

Derek nodded slowly, and she could tell that he was trying to keep himself calm. "Okay," he said. "Well, maybe now you'll listen to me when I ask to get some blood work done."

Meredith knew he was trying to make light, but she couldn't think right now. All she could do was think about the fact that there could be a life inside of her right now. A tiny life that was depending completely on her to survive. Derek's baby could be tucked safe inside of her and she hadn't even known it.

"I'm not busy," Christina's voice came from her side. "We'll go to an exam room, I'll do the blood work and the two of you can freak out together."

"Thanks Christina," Derek said. "Mer, can you stand?"

She nodded shakily, grabbing onto him for support. She could feel the eyes of everyone around them on her, and she leaned into Derek, trusting him to lead her where she needed to be. Her brain was swirling more than her stomach at this point, and the last thing she needed was to see all the rumors that had to be flying around about them already.

"It's okay," Derek breathed, sensing her tension.

"Derek," she breathed as he escorted her into an exam room and helped her onto the exam table. "I didn't mean to…"

"Shhh," he breathed, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "It's okay."

"I hate getting blood drawn," she whispered as she watched Christina sanitize a needle.

"Don't look at her," Derek said softly, turning her to face him. "Look at me."

She swallowed hard as she looked at him carefully. "If I'm…" she trailed off as she felt the sharp pinch of the needle in her arm. "What are we going to do?"

"We'll figure it out," he promised. "Right now I just want you to feel better."

She smiled slightly as she squeezed his hand tighter. "Thank you," she whispered. "For not running."

"Oh Meredith," he said softly, leaning in to rest his forehead against hers. "I'm not leaving you. Ever."

"For God's sake," Christina groaned as she sealed the bag of Meredith's blood. "I think I'm going to be sick."

"Christina," Meredith groaned. "Please…put a rush on it?"

"I'll be back in ten minutes," Christina promised.

"Thanks," Meredith breathed, her body curling in pain as her stomach cramped again.

"This isn't normal," Derek frowned as he pushed some hair out of her forehead.

"Derek," she whispered. "Do you think I'm…I mean, sometimes women don't know they're pregnant and then they…they lose their babies."

Derek looked overwhelmed for only a split second before he squeezed her hand tightly. "Is there any bleeding?" he asked softly.

"No," Meredith shook her head. "I don't…I don't think I've had my period since before the prom."

Derek raised his eyebrows. "Mer," he said softly. "Do you think you are?"

She swallowed hard as she trailed her hand over her stomach. "My jeans don't fit," she whispered. "I'm tired. Today was the first day I got sick."

Derek nodded carefully. "It all fits," he said slowly.

"What are we going to do?" she whispered. She didn't know how to tell Derek she didn't want a baby right now, but she wasn't sure that she could be a mother at this point in her life.

"We'll discuss it," Derek said softly. "I know you want kids, Mer, and I do too. But I understand why you wouldn't want to do it right now."

"I'm an intern," she whispered. "And we don't even have a house. We can't fit a baby in a trailer."

"We can figure that out," Derek assured her. "We'll put a rush on the house, and if worse comes to worse we'll rent an apartment in the city."

Meredith was silent for a moment before she reached out to run her fingers through his hair. "You'd be an amazing father," she whispered.

"And you'd be an amazing mother," he replied, resting his own hand beside hers on her belly. "But if you're not ready, you're not ready."

"What if it's too late?" she asked. "What if I already am pregnant?"

"Then I'll support you whatever you decide."

"Really?" Meredith whispered.

"Oh Mer," he breathed. "If you decide you're not ready, I'll be there every step of the way. I'll be right by your side during the procedure, and I'll take care of you after."

"You'd do that for me?" she breathed.

"Of course," Derek said. "Meredith, when are you going to realize that I will do anything in the world for you?"

"I think I'm learning," she whispered back.

Their moment was interrupted by the sound of the door opening, and Bailey's voice trailed both of their gazes to her.

"Dr. Grey," she said cryptically. "Dr. Shepherd. I do believe I am the first to congratulate you on your first child."

The room was completely silent for a moment before Meredith turned to look at Derek, his face completely still as he slowly turned to look at her. "Meredith…" he breathed.

"Derek," she whispered, her hand holding his over her stomach. "Baby."

"Baby," he echoed, and before their conversation could get any further, Bailey cleared her throat.

"I think it might be appropriate for the two of you to take personal days," she suggested. "So stop hogging up my exam room and do this at home."

"Home," Meredith whispered.

"Everything's okay?" Derek asked. "She's in pain, that's not normal is it?"

"Some women experience cramping and most experience nausea," Bailey nodded. "From the level of hormones in your blood, I'd guess you're about four to six weeks along. You can schedule an appointment for an ultrasound upstairs if you'd like."

"But you're she's okay?" Derek asked. "And the baby? There's nothing wrong?"

"There's not much that can be done, Dr. Shepherd," Bailey rolled her eyes. "Now are you going to get out of here and let me do my job?"

"Yes," Meredith said, slowly sitting up and reaching for Derek's hand, her other still resting on her belly. She couldn't help but look at the way Derek's eyes seemed fixated on her stomach, and her engagement ring flickered off his face in reflection of his awed expression. And suddenly she thought that maybe this could be okay.

XXXXX

"Can we go to our spot?"

Derek looked over at his fiancé quickly before turning his attention back to the road in front of him. It was the first thing she had said since they had left the exam room, and he was trying to figure out where her head was in this situation.

"Of course," he said, quickly turning the car around and making his way towards the small cliff that looked over the ferry boat dock. They'd found it in the early morning hours after they'd spent the night at the hospital, and since had gone there every time they had had a major conversation.

When he'd parked the car, Meredith turned to look at him. "I'm pregnant," she whispered, her hand moving over her stomach.

"You're pregnant," Derek echoed as he reached his hand out to join hers.

"You want to keep it," Meredith stated.

"I want whatever you want," Derek said automatically.

"Derek," she rolled her eyes. "Don't do that. I'm trying to figure out what I want, I want to know what you want."

"Okay," Derek said, leaning forward to kiss her. "I want to be a father. But I want you more than that. So if you want to do this now, we'll do it. And if you want to wait, we'll wait."

"And you wouldn't hate me."

"I could never hate you."

Meredith nodded. "Earlier, you said we could figure things out," she whispered.

"We can figure it all out now," he assured her. "I'll call the contractor this afternoon and make sure they know the house is to be done by June."

"June," Meredith nodded. "That would be a month before he comes."

"He?" Derek breathed.

"Or she," Meredith nodded.

"You think it's a boy?" Derek asked.

"I think so," Meredith breathed. "And I think I want to keep him. Or her."

Unexpected tears filled Derek's eyes as he pulled her into his arms. "Oh Meredith," he breathed. "That means the world to me."

"You think we can do this?" Meredith asked as she rested her head on his shoulder. "I mean babies were always the plan, but I'm an intern."

"It will be hard," Derek nodded. "But we'll figure it out. I'll be there for every second that you need me. And I have no doubts that you're going to be a great mother and doctor."

"I'll have to take a maternity leave."

"You can do that right after your test," Derek said softly. "That way you don't have to fall behind in your internship, you'll just start your residency a little later."

"I'd be okay with that," she whispered. "But no nannies."

"No nannies," Derek agreed. "We'll use the hospital day care, and I'll make sure that my rotation is lighter until your residency is over."

"Thank you," she whispered as she leaned her head up to kiss him. "We love you."

Derek smiled as he leaned down to rest his head against her stomach. "I love you too," he whispered. "Both of you."

Meredith smiled as she buried a hand in his hair. "Let's do it, Der," she whispered. "I want him."

"You do?" he breathed, lifting his head to look up at her.

"I do," she said. "He's our son, Derek."

"Our son," Derek said, leaning in to kiss her. "We're having a baby, Meredith."

"We're having a baby."


	21. Chapter 21

"And your nausea has gotten better since you've entered the second trimester?"

"Yes," Meredith said from the exam table, one hand gripping Derek's as the other hand rested on her belly that was already slightly swollen.

"Excellent," Dr. Cooper smiled as she made a note in Meredith's chart. "Let's get to the fun part, shall we?"

"Definitely," Derek said, smiling at Meredith as she settled back on the table and lifted her shirt over her stomach.

"I see you're already showing a bit," Dr. Cooper smiled as she covered Meredith's lower stomach in cool gel.

"I am," Meredith smiled, looking over at Derek. "We still haven't told anyone. We want to make sure that everything is okay."

"Well, we'll take care of that right now," Dr. Cooper smiled as she turned the monitor to face Derek and Meredith. "Alright, this is your uterus, and right here...is your baby."

"Oh, Mer," Derek breathed, feeling his heart constrict in his chest. They'd seen the baby a couple months before when it was no larger than a spot on the screen. But now he was looking at an actual baby. His baby, inside of his wife.

"He's beautiful," Meredith whispered, reaching for his hand without taking his eyes off of the screen. "Look at his hands, Derek."

"They're moving," Derek whispered. "This is…amazing."

"Would you like to hear the heartbeat again?" Dr. Cooper asked.

"Is that a question?" Meredith breathed.

Dr. Cooper smiled warmly and flipped a switch, causing a soft wooshing sound to fill the room. "Good and strong."

"He's so strong, Mer," Derek breathed, turning to press a kiss to her cheek. "Listen to that."

"And he has a spine," Meredith breathed.

"A perfect spine," Derek nodded in approval.

"Everything looks perfect," Dr. Cooper nodded. "Baby Shepherd is on track for development, heartbeat is steady. You're about fourteen weeks along, looking at a due date of July 15."

"July," Meredith nodded. "That's so far away."

"He needs a chance to grow," Derek whispered.

"I'll take some pictures for you," Dr. Copper said, clicking a few more buttons.

"I want to keep watching him," Meredith said, watching her baby's arms move slightly.

"I'll tell you a secret," Dr. Cooper smiled. "One of the good things about being a doctor is that you can come up whenever it's quiet to look at your baby."

"Which we will be doing frequently," Derek smiled softly.

"And at your next scheduled appointment we'll do another ultrasound to determine the sex of your baby," Dr. Cooper smiled.

"It's a boy," Meredith nodded. "I can feel it."

"Mothers are usually right about these things," Dr. Cooper said as she shut the machine off and reached to wipe the gel off of Meredith's stomach. "Do you have any other questions for me?"

"She's been working a lot," Derek commented. "She's less exhausted right now, but I'm still worried that she's putting too much stress on herself."

"And I keep telling him that I'm fine," Meredith rolled her eyes. "He just worries too much."

Dr. Cooper smiled as she reached for Meredith's chart again. "A lot of fathers to be worry a lot," she said. "And I trust Meredith to know her limits. It's not just you anymore. If your body is telling you to slow down it means your baby needs the rest too. Take it easy, try to get a stool in the OR if it's a long surgery. Taking care of yourself will take care of your baby as well."

"I know," Meredith nodded. "Bailey just had a baby so…she gets it."

"Good," Dr. Cooper nodded, reaching out to pat Derek on the shoulder. "Hang in there, Dr. Shepherd, you have nothing to worry about. Your fiancé and baby are both in excellent shape."

"Thank you," Derek smiled at her as she reached for the door.

"I'll see you in a few months," Dr. Cooper said before she disappeared out the door.

"Wow," Meredith sighed as she pulled her shirt back down and shifted to sit in Derek's lap, both of their hands automatically moving to rest on her stomach. "We just saw our baby."

"And he's perfect," Derek nodded.

"Do we have to go back to work?" Meredith whispered.

"We do," Derek said. "But tonight…tonight I can spend all night enjoying these."

Meredith giggled as his hand moved to cup her breasts. "They're not sore today," she whispered in his ear. "Which means they're all yours to play with."

"Hmmmm," Derek sighed, nibbling gently at her neck.

Meredith leaned her head back, allowing pleasure to wash over her body at his touch. He'd taken to touching her a lot more since they'd found out about her pregnancy, and she loved it. It had been hard at first when she'd been sick all the time and her breasts had been so sore it hurt to put a bra on. But now she'd started feeling better over the past couple weeks, and since she'd given Derek permission to touch her again the sex had been completely amazing. She'd felt more pleasure than she'd ever felt in her life, and she knew that Derek was enjoying the changes in her body as well.

Before they could get too involved in what they were doing a beeping interrupted the room and Meredith looked down at her pager. "It's Christina," she said.

"She can wait."

"No," Meredith giggled. "It's a 114."

"What's 114?" Derek frowned, pulling back from her.

"Backwards for 411," Meredith said, standing and rearranging her shirt. "It means she has gossip."

"You'd rather get gossip instead of sex?" Derek asked.

"Sex later," she promised, kissing him deeply before pulling him to his feet. "Gossip now."

"Fine," Derek laughed, following her out of the room and to the concourse looking into Richard's office.

"Christina!" Meredith cried when she saw her best friend looking over the concourse into Richard's office. "What's going on?"

"Major case just came in," Christina said without taking her eyes off of the scene before her. "Some hot shot doctors from New York are here, Richard's been locked in his office with one of them all morning."

"What's the case?" Meredith asked, trying to peer into the office to see the mystery guest.

"Neuro," Christina said. "Some kid. I'm surprised they haven't paged you, McDreamy."

"I'm not technically on today," Derek said as he frowned down at his pager. "Came in for our… to see Mer and decided to round on some patients."

"Oh my God," Meredith said suddenly, and Derek immediately turned his attention to her.

"What is it?" he asked. "Are you okay?"

"I…I'm fine," Meredith nodded, shoving his protective hand off of his stomach. "I just…water. I'm thirsty. Can you get me some water?"

"Sure," Derek nodded slowly. "You sure you're okay?"

"Fine," Meredith nodded. "Just thirsty. Really really thirsty. Please hurry?"

"Okay," Derek nodded before he turned to walk away from them.

"Whipped," Christina rolled her eyes.

"He's not whipped," Meredith said, biting her lower lip carefully.

"Why'd you get rid of him?" Christina asked. "You're thinking and you obviously were trying to get rid of him, so…what's going on?"

"That's Mark," Meredith almost whispered, looking straight into Richard's office at the sight of Mark Sloan. He looked different somehow, but she couldn't focus on that right now. The only thing she could think about was how Derek was going to react when he found out Mark was in his hospital.

"Who's Mark?"

"Derek's former best friend," Meredith said. "He slept with his wife."

"Ouch," Christina said. "Does this mean that McDreamy's going to become all tough with McSteamy?"

"Mark is not steamy," Meredith rolled her eyes. "And…I'm not sure how Derek will react."

Before Christina could respond, Meredith straightened her stance, her eyes wide as she looked at the door to Richard's office where Mark was shaking hands with the chief. And then Mark Sloan was on his way towards her. He stopped as soon as he saw her, their eyes meeting for a long moment, and Christina laughed from beside her. "This is too good," she said. "All we need is McDreamy to show up."

"Christina," Meredith rolled her eyes, crossing her arms over her chest as Mark stopped in front of her.

"Dr. Grey," he nodded.

"Dr. Sloan."

"I um…" Mark was silent for a moment before his eyes landed on her left hand. "You and Shep are doing well?"

"We're fine," Meredith said curtly. "What the hell are you doing here? Derek is going to freak out."

"It's not what you think," Mark said softly. "We didn't…"

"We?" Meredith snapped. "Addison's here too?"

"Yes, but…"

"So you thought you could just come out here to Derek's hospital and show him how happy you are with his ex-wife?" Meredith demanded. "Did you bring a bunch of pictures of your precious daughter that you got his wife pregnant with? Do you want to make him miserable? Because he's finally completely happy, he has everything he's ever wanted and you're going to ruin that for him. I can't imagine what could possibly be worth making a good man miserable."

"My daughter has a brain tumor!" Mark exclaimed.

That she hadn't been expecting. Meredith stopped in surprise, her hand automatically going to her stomach, imagining how traumatized she would be if her baby would ever grow a brain tumor. "A brain tumor?" she whispered.

"Yes," Mark said. "We checked her in, and Addison's with her now. We found her…" his voice trailed off slightly as he pinched the bridge of his nose tightly. And Meredith recognized that as the same thing Derek did when he was trying not to cry. "We found her seizing in her crib. We took her to the children's hospital in New York and they told us that we should go to Seattle to see the best neurosurgeon in the country. Derek Shepherd."

"It's that bad?" Meredith whispered, suddenly feeling compassion for the man she had always hated because of the pain he had caused Derek.

"She's eighteen months old," Mark breathed. "And she has a brain tumor."

"I'm so sorry," Meredith whispered.

"And the worst part is," Mark breathed. "Is that one of the only people who can save her hates both her mother and I."

Meredith nodded slowly before she reached out to place a hand on Mark's arm. "Derek won't let her suffer," she said. "Not when…well, he won't let an innocent girl suffer."

"You think so?" Mark asked, hope springing into his eyes.

Meredith opened her mouth to respond, but before she could say anything there was a fist swinging in front of her and Mark was knocked to the floor.

"Derek!" she cried.

"What the hell are you doing?" he snapped.

She blinked in surprise before she realized what he must have thought and shook her head vehemently. "No," she said. "Derek…it's not like that."

"What the hell are you doing here?" Derek shouted as Mark stumbled to his feet. "Did you get bored with my ex-wife and decide to come after my fiance?"

"Derek," Meredith cried, pushing him out of the way. "Stop!"

"Why are you defending him?" Derek demanded.

"She didn't do anything," Mark said. "And I came to see you."

"You have got to be kidding," Derek snapped. "I thought I made it perfectly clear that I never wanted to see you ever again."

"I need your help," Mark insisted. "_We _need your help."

"I can't believe I'm hearing this," Derek said. "You must be completely delusional."

"Derek," Meredith said softly. "Listen to him."

Derek glanced between her and Mark for a moment before he shook his head. "I can't believe this," he said before he turned and walked away from them.

"Derek!" she cried, trying to follow him. "What are you doing?"

"Leaving before I say something I don't mean," Derek snapped. "I can't…I need to think."

"Derek, nothing is going on…I don't…you can't possibly think that anything is going on between Mark and I," she said. "I haven't even seen him in two years. I love you."

"I know," Derek nodded. "But I…what the hell were you doing with him?"

"I just saw him in the hall," Meredith whispered. "But Derek…he really does need your help."

"I'm not doing anything for him," Derek said firmly. "Or Addison. Ever."

"Derek," she sighed, stopping as he hurried ahead of her, obviously not wanting her to follow him.

"I can't," his voice came over his shoulder. "I just can't."

Meredith sighed as she looked up at the ceiling for a moment, trying to figure out how her day had possibly gone from so good to so bad in a matter of minutes. It was less than an hours ago that she and Derek had seen their baby and been ecstatic. Now his life had just been turned completely upside down and she wasn't sure if he was going to let her in to help him deal with it.

She was still for a moment before she turned and headed towards the children's wing, hoping that when Derek calmed down he would come to her. And if he did, when he did, she would need to have answers.

"Chart for Alissa Sloan, please," she requested. When it was given to her she glanced through it for a moment before she noted the room number and quickly made her way to the room. She hovered in the doorway for a moment, peeking around the corner to see Addison lying in bed with a tiny girl in her arms. Her daughter was a baby, sleeping quietly as Addison stared down at her and gently stroked her silky red hair.

It was probably her pregnancy, but Meredith felt a sudden burst of emotion at the sight before her. And she could only hope with everything inside of her that she would never be in the position that Addison was right now.

With a deep breath, she stepped into the room and smiled hesitantly at Addison.

"Meredith," Addison said, looking up from her daughter. She was still for a moment before she slid off of the bed and stood before her. "I um…I heard that you were out here with Derek."

"Yes," Meredith nodded. "I um…I just saw Mark. I'm so sorry about your daughter."

Tears filled Addison's eyes. "We need Derek," she whispered. "I know…he has every reason to hate us. What we did to him was so horrible, and I know that he hates us. But our baby…she's everything. She's so perfect, and she doesn't deserve to suffer because her parents are horrible people."

"I know," Meredith nodded. "And once he calms down Derek will realize that too."

"He knows?"

"He didn't get past the part of punching Mark," Meredith said.

"He punched Mark?" Addison's eyes widened.

"His temper hasn't changed a bit," Meredith said with a soft smile.

"Apparently not," Addison sighed, turning back to the bed as she heard a soft whimper. "It's okay, sweetheart."

"Mommy…"

"Mommy's here."

Meredith was silent as she watched Addison press a kiss to the top of her daughter's head. When Alissa had settled down again, Addison turned back to Meredith. "Is Mark okay?"

"He's fine," Meredith nodded. "He's…well, I think he needs to talk to Derek."

"You need to talk to him," Addison corrected. "He trusts you. He loves you. He'll listen to you."

"I tried," Meredith said. "When he calms down I'll try again."

"Thank you," Addison whispered, fear evident in her eyes. And in that moment, Meredith couldn't help feeling sorry for the other woman.

XXXXX

"Can I come in?"

Derek didn't stop pacing as he looked towards his open door, seeing his former best friend hovering in the doorway. His hands were shoved in his pockets, the right side of his face swollen and puffy, and Derek wasn't sure that he had ever seen Mark Sloan looking more deflated.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

That was all the invitation Mark needed, and he took a cautious step into the room. "I'm sorry," he said. "I know we never talked about it, but I really am sorry about what happened."

"You mean you sleeping with my wife?" Derek snapped. "Or me catching you?"

"Both," Mark said. "But…Derek we need your help. And you know that I wouldn't be asking you for it if it wasn't important."

"I don't care how important it is," Derek snapped. "You have some nerve coming here and asking things of me."

"It's for Alissa," Mark said softly. "She needs surgery."

Derek froze, images of his own unborn baby flashing through his mind as he looked more carefully at Mark. He looked exhausted, large bags under his eyes and his stooped posture making him look older than he actually was. His eyes were filled with worry and fear. This wasn't the carefree, manwhore Mark who had been his best friend for twenty years.

"What's wrong with her?" Derek asked.

"She has a brain tumor," Mark said. "She's been seizing, and if she doesn't get the tumor removed from her left parietal lobe she'll die in the next three months."

Derek was silent as he lowered himself into the chair behind his desk, knowing what he was going to do. What he had to do.

"Meredith's pregnant," he finally heard himself say.

Mark looked confused and surprised for a moment before he nodded. "That's wonderful," he finally said. "Congratulations."

"If my baby needed plastic surgery," Derek said. "I'd want the best. I'd ask you, because I know you're the best."

"That's why we're here," Mark said, finally understanding where Derek's thought process was going.

"I'll do it for her," Derek said. "Not for you, not for Addison. For her. Because she deserves a chance to live."

"Thank you," Mark said, relief filling his voice. "Derek…you will never know how much this means to us."

Derek shook his head. "We're not friends," he said. "As far as we're concerned, I am your daughter's doctor. I will keep you informed of her medical condition, but that is all we have to discuss. Is that understood?"

Mark nodded slowly. "Of course," he said.

"Alright then," Derek nodded as he stood. "I will go review her chart right now."

"Thank you, Dr. Shepherd," Mark murmured as he followed him out of his office.

As soon as they reached the pediatric ward Mark disappeared into a patient's room and Derek leaned against the desk for a moment, trying to collect his thoughts. This was going to be hard, he had no idea how he was actually going to be able to do this. But he had to, for the sake of a tiny little girl who deserved a chance to have a good life.

As he opened his eyes to ask for Alissa's chart, a very familiar presence appeared beside him, one that he was very grateful for.

"Are you okay?" Meredith asked softly.

"I don't know," he answered honestly.

"I knew you would do it," she said, reaching for his hand and placing it on her stomach.

"You did?" he asked.

"I did," she smiled up at him. "Because that's the kind of man that you are. And I know that if there was ever something wrong with our baby, you would want Mark or Addison to fix it. Because they're the best at what they do, just like you're the best at neurosurgery."

"I am the best," Derek smirked slightly. "And I'm sorry. For storming off like I did."

"I understand," Meredith nodded. "Look, I know you're not supposed to play favorites with the interns or anything. But if you want me to assist on this case…"

"It's yours," Derek nodded. "Please, Mer. I need you on this."

"I'm there," Meredith nodded. "And so is Baby."

Derek offered her a brief smile, running a soft hand over her stomach before he took a deep breath and put his doctor face on again. "Let's get this over with, Dr. Grey," he said.

Meredith followed him down the hall to Alissa's room, stopping close to him as he entered the room and stood at the end of his bed, trying to maintain a professional demeanor.

"Derek," Addison said softly from her place beside Alissa.

"Dr. Montgomery," Derek nodded to Addison before he turned to Alissa, placing a very fake smile on his face as he took in the little girl. "Hi princess. How are we feeling?"

"Head," Alissa said.

"Does your head hurt?" Derek asked, kneeling down beside her bed to shine his pen light in her eyes. "My head hurts a little too. Do you mind checking my eyes?"

Alissa giggled as she reached for his pen light, shining it in his face for a moment before waving it around the room. "Thank you, sweetheart," Derek laughed, letting her keep the pen as he reached for her scans.

"It's a large tumor, but it should be a fairly routine surgery," he said.

"She's so small," Addison whispered, and Derek turned to look at his ex-wife for the first time. He'd never seen her look like this, with her hair pulled up in a pony tail, her face stripped of any make up and dressed in sweats and sneakers instead of designer skirts and blouses. She looked like…a mom, which was something he had never expected. "Will she be okay to go under? Will she have any developmental problems? What are the side effects?"

"Her brain is still developing," Derek nodded as he turned back to the scans. "She'll probably have a little delay in understanding what certain words mean, and she may have some vision problems, most likely with depth perception, right after the surgery. But with the proper care she should be able to catch up to be at a normal intellectual level, if not above average. I've operated on children younger than her before without any complications from the anesthetic. It says in her chart that she's not allergic to any medication?"

"Not that we know of," Mark nodded.

Derek nodded. "We'll do everything we can," he said. "Dr. Grey will be assisting. I'll schedule the OR for tomorrow morning."

"Okay," Addison said, looking down at her daughter. "Thank you, Der…Dr. Shepherd."

Derek nodded. "An intern will be rounding on her later tonight," he said. "And we'll see you in the morning."

"Thank you," Mark said with a grateful smile.

"It's my job," Derek nodded, turning to smile down at Alissa again. "Alright, princess, I'll see you in the morning, okay?"

"Bye!" Alissa giggled, handing his pen light back to him.

Meredith dutifully followed Derek out of the room, closing the door behind her and moving to his side as he sank against the wall. "Are you okay?" she asked softly.

"Yeah," he sighed, reaching to pull her closer to him. "I just…God, I need you."

"Let's go home," she whispered. "We'll get in bed, put on a movie, and Baby and I will take good care of you."

"Thanks," Derek breathed, pulling her into his arms and inhaling her scent deeply. "I love you."

"I love you too," she smiled. "And you did promise me some hot sex tonight. I expect you to deliver."

Derek laughed, never more grateful than now to have Meredith to support him when he felt dark and twisty. She knew that he needed to distract himself from the surgery he was to perform tomorrow, and he couldn't think of a better way to be distracted.

"Oh, I'll deliver," he smiled. "With that pregnant body of yours…I'll deliver multiple times."

Meredith giggled as they walked down the hall, her hand held tightly in his. And in that moment, his life wasn't falling apart at the seams; instead, it was perfect.


	22. Chapter 22

"Derek?"

He looked up from the paperwork he was pretending to complete, relieved to see Meredith standing in front of him. "Hey," he sighed, leaning back in his chair as he let himself show her vulnerability in front of her.

"How are you?" she asked softly.

"Terrified," he admitted. Alissa's surgery had been pushed back the week before due to an allergic reaction to the medication she'd been given after being checked into the hospital. Which meant that for the past week, he'd watched Mark and Addison live in constant panic that their daughter was going to die before she even got into surgery, leaving him completely unconfident in his abilities to perform her surgery.

"You're going to do fine," Meredith whispered. "George is prepping her, and I'll be in the OR with you."

"What if I kill her?" Derek asked.

"You won't," Meredith said firmly.

"She could die, Meredith," he snapped. "She's a year and a half old. And this is brain surgery."

"It's risky," Meredith nodded. "But Derek, you've done this surgery on patients younger than her before. Patients who have moved on to lead completely normal childhoods."

"I know," he said. "Logically, I know that. But none of those kids were my ex-wife's."

Meredith was silent for a moment before she moved around his desk and reached for his hand, placing it on her stomach. "Feel that?" she whispered.

"It's…firmer," he nodded.

"Look," Meredith was unable to keep the smile off of her face as she turned to the side and lifted her shirt, revealing the slightest of swelling that no one else would even be able to notice. But he knew that it definitely hadn't been there the night before.

"Mer," he breathed. "You have a bump."

"I have a bump," she giggled. "That's your baby, Derek."

"Hey baby," he whispered, leaning forward to press a kiss to the tightened skin of her abdomen. "Daddy's glad you're growing."

"Derek," Meredith breathed. "If something goes wrong with this pregnancy and we need a specialist, who would you demand did it?"

Derek was silent for a moment before he looked up at her. "Addison," he finally whispered.

"And if…" she took a deep breath before she continued her thoughts, trying to control her own emotions. "If the baby didn't make it, would you blame her?"

"No," Derek said, but he could feel tears pricking his eyes at the mere thought of losing his baby.

"So if something does happen to Alissa, God forbid," Meredith said. "It would be horrible. It would be tragic and completely awful. Just like any other time we lose a child. But it wouldn't be your fault."

"I don't think I can do this," Derek finally whispered. He would never admit that to anyone but her, but he needed this before he performed a surgery this important. He needed Meredith, and he needed her support.

"You can," Meredith nodded firmly, giving his hand a tight squeeze. "Derek, I love you. Baby loves you. And you can do this."

He was silent for a moment before he nodded slowly, taking strength in her words. He was the best. And she was right, she could do it. As long as he had her support, he could do anything. "Okay," he nodded softly.

"Are you ready?" she whispered.

"As I'll ever be," he sighed, pulling her towards him. "Can I just…"

"Hug," Meredith nodded. She wrapped her arms tightly around him and held on for a long few moments, letting him absorb the feeling of holding her in his arms. But all too soon she was pulling away. "We have to go," she whispered.

Derek nodded silently, following her out of his office. They were silent as they made their way down to the OR, where Mark and Addison were standing on either side of Alissa's stretcher.

"Hey sweetheart," Derek smiled down at Alissa. "You ready to come help me be a doctor?"

Alissa offered him a wide smile along with a giggle, and he squeezed her hand before he stood straight to look at Mark and Addison. "We've got her from here," he said. "You can go to the waiting room now."

"What?" Addison frowned.

"Absolutely not," Mark said firmly. "We're going in with her."

"No," Derek said firmly. "There's no way I'm going to do this if you two are breathing down my neck."

"Derek," Addison whispered. "Please, she's our daughter."

"Which means you'll wait out in the waiting room like every other set of parents," Derek said firmly.

"We promised her we would stay with her," Mark said. "Derek. She needs us."

"And the more time we spend here arguing about this the longer it's going to take to get her into surgery," Derek snapped.

"Derek," Meredith warned from beside him, and he turned to look at her warning eye. It was all he needed to be able to calm down the rage he felt inside of him.

"Fine," he said. "If you go out into the waiting room I'll make sure you get updates on the surgery every fifteen minutes."

"Five," Mark countered.

"Ten."

"Done."

There was a long silence over the group before Addison shook her head and leaned down to look at Alissa. "Alright sweetheart, we're going to leave you with the doctors now," she whispered. "But they're going to need your help, so make sure you're a really good helper."

"Kay," Alissa giggled.

"I love you, Alissa," Addison whispered, pressing a kiss to the top of her daughter's head.

"So do I," Mark whispered, pulling his tiny daughter into his arms. "We'll see you in a couple hours, princess."

Derek watched as Mark teared up as he said goodbye to his small daughter. And it suddenly struck him that in the twenty years he had known Mark Sloan this was the first time he had ever seen him cry. And with Meredith beside him, his baby safe inside of her, he knew he would be a complete mess if he was in Mark's position. And before he realized what was happening, he reached out to give Mark's shoulder a tight squeeze.

"We'll take good care of her," he promised.

"Thanks," Mark nodded, then turned to reach for Addison's hand.

"Please keep us updated," Addison said as Meredith and George began to roll the gurney through the OR doors.

"I will," Derek promised, offering them a sympathetic smile before he turned to hurry after the rest of his team.

And it wasn't until he was in the scrub room that he froze again. As he stood over the sink, scrub cap on and masking hanging from his neck, the doubt rushed over him again. Alissa was being put under, and he felt a rush of panic at the thought that if this surgery didn't go as planned this could be the last time Alissa Sloan was ever conscious.

"Derek?" Meredith's voice broke into his thoughts and he was jolted back to reality. He moved from his frozen stance, his hands automatically moving over each other as he started to scrub in again.

"You've been scrubbing in for almost ten minutes," Meredith commented as she moved closer to him, her hands held up in front of her. "Are you okay?"

"I'm scared, Mer," he whispered.

"I know," she said. "But you can do this, Derek. Baby and I are here for you."

"I know," he whispered. "I just…I don't want to kill her."

"You won't," Meredith said. "You are the best, Derek. If you can't save her, no one can."

He nodded slowly, pulling his hands out from under the warm water of the sink, his eyes locked on hers as he nodded. "Let's do this," he finally said.

Meredith smiled softly before she turned to lead him into the OR. He was silent as he stepped into the OR, the scrub nurses gloving him and tying his scrub mask. He locked eyes with Meredith for a quick moment before he nodded and took his spot over Alissa's head.

"Alright everyone," he said, reaching for the drill. "It's a beautiful morning to save lives. Let's have some fun."

And with that he lowered the drill to the tiny girl's skull.

XXXXX

"Derek," Meredith breathed a couple hours later, watching as he scrubbed his hands furiously. "Are you okay?"

"I have to be," he replied without looking at her.

"Your hands are shaking," she observed, pulling them out from under the stream of water coming from the faucet. "You have to calm down."

"I have to tell them," he said, pulling his hands out of her grasp and pushing the door open, tearing his scrub cap off as he stormed down the hall. Meredith followed him, with just enough time to see him begin to run his hands through his hair, a sure sign that he was stressed.

"Derek," she said, struggling to match his long stride. "Slow down."

"I can't," he shook his head. "They have to know."

"And I want to be there," Meredith said. "You have to calm down."

Derek didn't respond, and instead stopped, looking in the window to the waiting room where Mark and Addison were huddled together in a corner. Addison's eyes were bloodshot, and Mark didn't look much better as he rubbed soothing circles over her back. "We have to tell them," he repeated.

Meredith offered him a sympathetic smile, and he knew that if they weren't in the middle of the hospital she would have taken his hand and not let go. That was enough for him.

Mark and Addison looked up anxiously as the door to the waiting room opened, and as soon as they realized it was Derek they both jumped to their feet.

"How is she?" Addison demanded.

"Did you get it all?" Mark asked.

"Why don't we sit down?" Derek suggested, sitting down in a chair and gesturing to the seats in front of him. Meredith sat down at his side, and tears filled Addison's eyes as she and Mark slowly lowered themselves into seats.

"She's okay, right?" Addison breathed. "She's not…"

"She's in recovery," Derek said. "I got the tumor, but she's not out of the woods yet. She'll probably need some speech therapy, maybe some occupational therapy as well. Her brain still has a lot of developing to do, but she will be developmentally behind other children her age for the next couple years."

Addison slumped against Mark in relief, his arms tightening around her.

"Thank you," he said, his voice thick with emotion. "Derek…I don't know how to thank you for this."

"Just doing my job," Derek said.

"No," Addison said, slowly pulling herself out of Mark's embrace. "We hurt you, Derek. It would have been entirely in your rights to say no. But you didn't. So we owe you everything."

Derek nodded slowly. "She's in recovery," he said. "You should go see her. She's going to be disoriented when she wakes up, probably scared. She'll need you there."

"Thank you," Mark breathed, standing with Addison at his side. "Derek, I…" he was silent for a moment before he released his wife to pull his former best friend into a tight hug. Derek stood still for a moment before he returned the hug, pulling away after an awkward moment.

"I'll be in to check on her tomorrow," Derek said. "They'll page me if there are any complications, but I don't think there will be."

"We have to go see her," Addison breathed, tugging Mark towards the door and leaving Derek and Meredith alone in the waiting room.

"Mer," he breathed, turning to look at her.

"You did it, Derek," she said with a smile, reaching out to rub his back. "I knew you could save her."

"Because of you," Derek said. "I couldn't have done this without your support. And you and Baby…you mean everything to me. If something ever happened to either one of you I don't know what I would do."

Meredith smiled as she reached for his hand, placing it on her stomach again. Within the past four months, that had been the only way for him to calm down; touching his stomach and knowing that he was having as much contact with his baby as possible right now was the most soothing thing for him.

"We love you too, Derek," she whispered, leaning in to rest her head against his shoulder. "Let's go home?"

Derek smiled as he leaned in to kiss her. "Home sounds perfect," he said. "Shepherd family time."


	23. Chapter 23

Her brain still foggy from sleep, Meredith turned onto her side and reached over to Derek's side of the bed, pausing when her arm met nothing but cool sheets, indicating that her fiancé had been gone for a significant amount of time.

With a frown, she sat up and looked around the bedroom of the small apartment they had rented for the next few months. It had become evident that the house wasn't going to be finished before their baby was born, so the week after Mark and Addison had gone back to New York with Alissa they had rented a small place not far from the hospital. The trailer was much too small for them to live in for three months with their baby, and Derek had some sort of ridiculous worry that if something were to happen to her or the baby she and the baby would both benefit from living closer to the hospital.

They'd lived here for a week now, and had taken the weekend off from work, using the excuse that they were moving into their new place. But as she say up against the pillows, a hand resting on her stomach she knew that they had already made the place their own. They had bought new furniture that they knew they would want in their house, and Derek had even gone so far as to frame an ultrasound picture on the dresser, beside the picture of the two of them that had been taken during the summer when they'd first come to Seattle.

The living room was all set up too, although they had rarely spent any time there. But it was nice, it had a real homey feel that Meredith had never felt anywhere else. There was a spare bedroom that was currently empty where their baby would live in five months, and Meredith knew that the feeling of being at home would only intensify when they moved into their house.

"Hey, you're awake," Derek smiled as he walked into the room, a tray full of breakfast food in his hands. "I made breakfast."

"Good," Meredith giggled as he climbed back into bed beside her. "Baby and I are starving."

"Have to make sure I keep him happy," Derek laughed, watching as she drowned her French toast in syrup. "And I'm assuming that today he likes sugar?"

"He likes sugar everyday," Meredith nodded.

"Well, he is your son," Derek said, reaching out to stroke her stomach. "Hey buddy."

"Derek?" Meredith asked around a mouthful of food, drawing his eyes back to her face.

"Hmmm?"

"I'm bored."

"You woke up five minutes ago."

"I know," she rolled her eyes. "But we should do something. Just the two of us, before I get too tired and fat to do anything. It's not going to be just us for very much longer."

"You're right," he smiled, cupping her cheek and leaning in to kiss her softly. "What do you suggest we do?"

"We could go shopping for baby," she suggested.

"Hmmm," Derek shook his head. "Not today. We'll do that soon, but today is about us. As much as I love Baby, I want today to be about us."

"Okay," she nodded.

"We can work on the house," Derek suggested, pushing her hair over her shoulder and pressing a kiss to her shoulder.

"Hmmm, not fun," Meredith wrinkled her nose, tilting her head to the side to allow him better access.

"Plan the wedding?"

"Even less fun."

"I've got it," Derek murmured, pushing his button down off of her shoulder to press his lips against her shoulder, nibbling slightly.

"This?" Meredith asked.

"Hmmm," he smiled, sucking on the skin of her shoulder to soothe the bite mark he had just made. "Bed and breakfast."

"Isn't that what we're doing now?" Meredith asked.

"No," Derek smiled. "We should go away. For the weekend."

"We've never gone away together," Meredith commented.

"Are you concerned we're taking things too fast?" Derek asked huskily as his lips trailed to her shoulder.

"No," she giggled, tugging gently on his hair to bring his eyes back up to look at hers. "Let's do it. It would be nice."

"Good," Derek smiled, leaning in to kiss her softly. "Let's go."

"Now?" Meredith asked, watching as he rolled out of bed and moved quickly around the room, tossing clothes into the suitcase they still hadn't found a place to keep.

"Yes, now," he laughed. "Come on, time's wasting."

She smiled as she pulled herself out of bed, resting a hand on her stomach as she moved towards the bathroom. "Just let me shower first and then we can go," she said.

"Hmmmm," Derek smiled, dropping the pile of clothes onto the bed and moving to stand beside her, hands going to her rounded hips. "Maybe I'll join you."

She smiled as she pressed a kiss to his lips, gently pushing him away from her. "If you join me, we'll never leave," she said. "And it's shower sex now…or as much as you want when we get wherever we're going."

"Fine," Derek said. "I guess I'll have to go with option number two."

"I thought so," she said, turning back to the bathroom and pulling her shirt over her head. "Oh and Derek?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't bother packing too many clothes," she smirked. "We won't be needing them."

"Noted," Derek nodded, turning back to the suitcase and pulling out a majority of the clothes he had already packed.

XXXXX

"So where are we going?" Meredith asked an hour later as she looked out the window at the scenery that was quickly becoming more nature filled.

"A small B&B about half hour out," he said. "I was planning on taking you there after we found out about Baby, but then Mark and Addison came out here and everything got crazy."

Meredith smiled as she turned to study him carefully. "That's sweet," she said. "I love that you do stuff like this."

"I would have thought that you would call me cheesy and roll your eyes when I do this."

"It is kind of cheesy," Meredith giggled. "But it's nice. Having someone else thinking about me, making me happy."

"I'll always do anything to make you happy, Mer, you know that," he said softly as he reached for her hand.

"I know," she nodded. "Me too."

"So just relax," he said. "I know you're tired, take a nap if you want to."

"I don't need to nap," Meredith shook her head. She was silent for a moment, looking out her window before she turned to look at him again. "We should always do this."

"Go away for the weekend at the spur of the moment?" Derek asked.

"No," Meredith said. "Or yes, but not really."

"I'm going to need a little more than that," Derek commented.

"Sorry," she shook her head slightly before she said, "I don't want Baby to tear us apart."

"Oh, Mer," Derek said softly. "He won't."

"You don't know that," Meredith said. "I love him, and I know he comes first. But I've heard so many people say that having a baby has taken a huge toll on their marriage. And we're not even married, so I want to make sure that our relationship isn't destroyed when Baby comes."

"First of all, we're going to get married as soon as you want to," Derek said. "And we might have to adjust and figure things out, but Baby won't ruin us. We won't let that happen."

"Good," Meredith said. "With work and Baby…it will be hard. But once in awhile we'll have time for just us, right?"

"Of course," Derek said. "At least once a month there will be a night for just the two of us."

"Perfect," Meredith said. "And once Baby comes we can start thinking about the wedding."

"I can't wait," Derek said, offering her a warm smile before he turned the car down a small dirt road.

"Is this it?" Meredith asked, staring at the small, country style house in front of them.

"This is it," Derek nodded as he shut off the engine. "Supposedly the best bed and breakfast in the greater Seattle area."

"Let's go," she giggled as she opened her door and began to walk towards the front door.

"I'll grab the bag," Derek called as he pulled the trunk open.

Meredith offered him a wide smile before she opened the front door, looking around the foyer for a moment before stepping into the living room to her right. "Hi," she said, smiling at the older woman sitting beside the window with a book in her lap. "I have a reservation, are you the owner?"

"I am," she smiled as she closed her book and stood. "I assume that you're Mrs. Shepherd?"

"I…yes," Meredith nodded, fingering her engagement right. It was close enough to the truth.

"I'm Leah Thompson, my husband and I are the owners."

"It's beautiful," Meredith smiled as she followed Leah into the foyer. "We just decided to get away for a night, and I imagine that this is going to be just what we needed."

"I certainly hope so," Leah smiled as she handed Meredith a key. "You're in room seven. It's the room we usually reserve for the newlyweds. You're our only guests right now, so if you're not satisfied you can certainly change."

"I'm sure it will be fine," Meredith assured her.

"Well, if you have any questions or problems, we live in the house next door," Leah said. "Our phone number is listed in the room."

"Thank you," Meredith replied.

"When are you due?"

"Excuse me?" Meredith frowned.

"Your baby," Leah said, gesturing to Meredith's stomach where her hand was resting on the gentle swell that could barely be seen beneath her sweater. "When are you due?"

"July 15," Meredith said with a smile.

"That's not too much longer," Leah said.

"I'm halfway there," Meredith said. "We wanted to get away before everything gets crazy."

"And we're going to enjoy every minute of it," Derek's voice came from behind her. "Derek Shepherd, nice to meet you."

"Leah Thompson," she said as she shook his outstretched hand. "I just filled your wife in on the information you should need to know, but feel free to ask if you have any more questions."

"Thank you," Derek smiled, slinking an arm around Meredith's waist as he smiled down at her. "I think we'll be fine."

"Well then," Leah nodded. "My husband is making me a special lunch, so I'll be on my way. Please call if you have any questions."

"Will do," Derek smiled.

"Thank you," Meredith added as Leah offered them a warm farewell smile over her shoulder.

"Wife, huh?" Derek asked, pulling her close to him. "I like the sound of that."

"I was practicing or whatever," she shrugged.

"Practicing?" Derek laughed as he followed her up the stairs, dragging their bag behind him.

"For being your wife."

"I'm glad you're practicing," he said, smiling as she stopped in front of a door at the end of the hall. "This it?"

"She gave us the newlywed room," Meredith giggled. "I couldn't tell her that we weren't married and having a baby."

"God forbid," Derek laughed, stepping into the room behind her. It was a small room, but filled with whites and deep blues, a large picture window facing the ocean, across from a large canopy bed. There was a small TV and a phone on a table beside the door, and to their right was a door leading to the bathroom.

"It's nice," Meredith smiled, looking around the room.

"Big bed," Derek nodded. "That's all that matters."

She rolled her eyes, but ran towards the bed, throwing herself onto it and bouncing a couple of times as she smiled at him. "Comfortable too."

"Good," Derek said, closing the door gently before he moved to join her. As he threw himself onto the bed, the frame rocked slightly, banging against the wall and Meredith laughed as she settled herself in his arms. "That might be a problem later," he commented.

"Good thing we're the only ones here," Meredith said, sliding her body on top of his and reaching under his sweater.

"Hmmm," Derek smiled, allowing her to rid him of his shirt and press a trail of gentle kisses along his chest and stomach.

"It's been a long time," she whispered.

"You haven't felt like it," Derek replied. "It's okay, Mer. I get it."

"Which is part of the reason I love you so much," Meredith whispered. "But now…I want you so badly, Derek."

"I want you too."

"I want your huge…" she smirked as she reached for his belt buckle. "Hard…" her fingers worked to unzip his pants. "Cock deep inside of me. Fucking me hard." She pulled his pants and boxers off, revealing his full and ready erection to her hungry gaze.

"Oh," Derek gasped. "You want it dirty."

"Very dirty," she breathed, pressing a series of kisses and bites to the inside of his thighs.

"I can do that," Derek promised, his hands moving to her hips and pushing her to sit up, still straddling his waist. "But first…you are wearing way too many clothes."

"We can fix that," Meredith said, pulling her shirt over her head and unhooking her bra, letting her full and heavy breasts fall free.

"Hmmm," Derek breathed, reaching out to stroke her breast. "This is, by far, the best pregnancy symptom."

She leaned her head back as he squeezed gently, the sensation sending sparks of complete and utter pleasure through her. Derek was right, her breasts had definitely become more sensitive since she'd gotten pregnant, and now she was ready to orgasm before her pants were even off.

"Oh yes," Derek smiled, his hand still kneading softly as he leaned forward to suck gently on her nipple. She let out a soft cry of pleasure as she felt her body beginning to tremble with pleasure. Her hands fisted in his hair as she held him close to her, unable to find the words to tell him how much she was enjoying his careful ministrations.

"Derek," she finally gasped, a wave of pleasure already washing over her body. "Oh god…"

"And just think what I can do to you once your pants are off," he smirked as he reached to unbutton her pants.

"Hmmm," Meredith sighed, her brain still fuzzy as he laid her on her back, gently easing her pants and underwear off before he hovered over her.

"God, you're amazing," he smiled, leaning down to kiss her softly.

"Derek," she gasped. "Please…"

"Hmmm," he sighed, his hands trailing over her stomach briefly before he moved to stroke her softly between the legs.

"Derek," she gasped. "I need you. Please."

"I think I can handle that," Derek said, linking his hands with hers and gently holding them over her head. With his eyes locked on hers, he rocked his hips upwards, forcing himself deeply into her.

"Derek," she gasped, her body tightening under his for a moment before she arched her hips up to meet his. "Yes…"

He kept his eyes on hers as he thrust into her, loving the way her body was completely compliant under his. She'd wrapped a leg around his waist and her head was thrown back against the pillows, a fine sheen of sweat already covering her body. And as he thrust in and out of her, he knew that there was something different. Since she'd gotten pregnant sex had been much gentler, but with some sort of new passion he had never been able to place his finger on. But now that she had asked for it rougher and was clearly enjoyed the hard thrusts he was delivering to her, there was something even better. He felt his own body begin to tingle with the familiar pleasure he felt every time he was inside Meredith, but he held off on his own release to give her as much pleasure as he could.

"Derek," she was practically sobbing beneath him. "Oh God!"

"What do you want?" he asked, pausing his motions to take in the sight of her mid orgasm beneath him.

"Hard," she breathed. "Please…Harder and faster."

Without a word, Derek withdrew from her completely before he thrust hard into her again. She screamed loudly as he continued his motion, and her back began to arch as her body tightened.

"Derek!" she screamed in pleasure. "Oh, yes…yes…yes…" she let out a cry of pleasure in time with his hard thrusts which only caused him to moved harder and faster into her. She had always loved having multiple orgasms, and since she'd gotten pregnant it had happened almost every time they'd had sex. But judging from the sounds that were coming out of here in this moment, she was enjoying herself more than usual. With a smirk, he leaned down to press his lips against hers in a searing kiss, still moving quickly above her as a hand moved to massage her breast.

He could feel her body practically explode, and she had to tear her mouth away from his to arch her back and let out a loud sound of pleasure, somewhere between a scream and a moan, he wasn't sure which. The way her walls were tightening around him pushed him over the edge, and a moment later he came hard, pumping into her one last time before he released into her.

"Derek," she gasped, turning her head to look at him as he collapsed beside her. "Oh my God."

"I…" Derek shook his head as he ran a shaky hand through his hair. "I should keep you pregnant all the time."

"Yes," Meredith nodded. "That…best ever."

"Hmmm," Derek sighed as he turned on his side, resting his head on his head on his hand as he looked down at her. "You feel okay?"

"Yeah," Meredith nodded. "Just fuzzy brain."

"That's normal," Derek assured her with a laugh as he leaned in to kiss her softly. "Love you."

"I love…" She froze for a moment, a frown taking over her features as a hand flew to her stomach.

"Mer?" Derek frowned, watching as she sat up and looked down at her stomach with wide eyes. "What's wrong? Is baby okay?"

"Yeah," she said, her eyes tearing up as she cupped her stomach gently. "I think…I think I can feel him."

"You feel him?" Derek asked, a hand moving to her stomach. "I want to feel."

"It's not strong," Meredith shook her head. "It's more like…inside me. He's moving, I feel like he's blowing bubbles in my stomach or something."

"You don't think I can feel?" Derek asked.

"I don't know," Meredith said, guiding his hand to the left side of her stomach. "Do you feel that?"

"No," Derek sighed.

"It's early," Meredith said. "But I can feel him, Derek."

"That's amazing," Derek laughed slightly. "Although he could have picked better timing."

"He moves more when my heartbeat increases," Meredith said. "So you made him move."

"By giving you multiple orgasms?"

"Well, that's what got my heart rate up."

Derek smiled as he leaned down to press a kiss to the tightened skin on her stomach. "Hey Baby," he whispered. "Daddy can't wait until you're big and strong so I can feel you."

Meredith smiled as she looked down at Derek for a moment. She loved the way he talked to her stomach as if he was actually having a conversation with another person. He was going to be an amazing father, and she couldn't wait to see him actually interact with their baby.

"Do you think it's definitely a boy?" she asked after a long moment.

"I hope so," Derek said, settling into the pillows beside her but leaving a gentle hand to stroke her belly. "Although I wouldn't mind having a little princess."

"You really don't care at all?" she whispered.

"Of course not. Do you?"

"No," she shook her head. "We find out next week and I…it's just been on my mind."

"We need names," Derek pointed out.

"That's going to take forever," Meredith sighed.

"Of course not," Derek shook his head. "Christopher."

"We are not naming our son after you," Meredith rolled her eyes. "David."

"No, Greg."

"Matthew."

"Kyle."

"Ethan."

Derek paused, the name he was about to counter with dying on his tongue. "Ethan Shepherd."

"Ethan Derek Shepherd," Meredith smiled. "What do you think?"

"I think we're screwed if it's a girl and we've already decided on a boy's name," Derek said, tears pooling in his eyes. "But I love it. You want to give him my name."

"For a middle name," Meredith smiled. "It would be nice. You'll be an amazing father, Derek. And this way he will know how much he loves you."

"Thank you," Derek breathed, leaning in to kiss her. "God, I love you."

"I love you too," she breathed, snuggling into his arms. "This was a great idea, Derek. I hope we can still have this after Baby comes."

"We will," Derek nodded. "Assuming that we don't have to deal with some kind of identity crisis because we just gave our daughter a boy's name."

Meredith giggled, but shook her head. "It's a son," she said. "I'm ninety nine percent sure."

"Good," Derek smiled, loving the way her head rested on his chest, her belly pressing into his side. And in that moment, with his family in his arms, Derek Shepherd knew that his life was perfect.


	24. Chapter 24

"Derek," Meredith breathed as she leaned over him, her hair gently brushing his face. "Wake up."

"Early."

"Okay, you're usually the one who likes getting up early," she giggled.

"Hmmm," he sighed, rolling onto his back and frowning up at her. "Why are you dressed? It's three in the morning."

"I got paged," she shrugged. "I'll see you at the hospital."

"Fine," Derek nodded, leaning up to kiss her softly. "Be careful."

"I'll be fine," she rolled her eyes, but leaned down to kiss him again anyways. "I'll see you at Dr. Cooper's office?"

Derek smiled softly. "Of course," he said. "And we'll find out if he's really a boy."

"Ten thirty," Meredith said, smiling as his hand cupped her stomach. "Promise you'll be there?"

"I wouldn't miss it for the world," Derek said. "Bye buddy."

"He says bye Daddy," Meredith sighed, leaning in to kiss him again before she pulled herself off of the bed and slowly made her way towards her car. It was a quick drive to the hospital, and she made her way towards the intern locker room. Her page hadn't been urgent, but she had had a patient the day before who had been in a critical condition when she left, and she had told the nurses to page her if his condition changed at all, for good or bad.

"Oh good, you're here," her best friend's voice came from the bench beside her locker, and Meredith frowned as she turned to see Christina laying face up on the small bench.

"What are you doing here?" she asked.

"I'm on call," Christina shrugged. "I figured I would page you in so we could study for the intern exam together."

"You…what?" Meredith frowned.

"We have to start studying," Christina shrugged, holding up a text book. "No time like the present, right?"

"You seriously dragged me out of bed so you could have a study buddy?" Meredith asked. "Christina, I need sleep."

"Like you were really sleeping," Christina rolled her eyes. "Tell McDreamy sex has to wait until the test is over."

"It's not Derek," Meredith said. "I need sleep for the…" she stopped herself before she could say anything about the baby. No one besides Bailey and the Chief knew, and she knew that Christina definitely wouldn't understand.

"For what?" Christina prompted, obviously waiting for Meredith to continue.

"Nothing," Meredith shook her head, pulling her scrubs out of her locker. They would be more comfortable to sleep in and she could sleep longer if she changed now.

"Why are you changing in the bathroom?" Christina asked.

"I just…want to," Meredith replied. Her bump could be covered by a loose fitting shirt, but without that covering it was obvious that she was pregnant.

"Whatever," Christina sighed.

Meredith changed quickly frowning when she realized that she was going to have to exchange her scrubs for a bigger size soon. Baby Shepherd was getting bigger every day.

"So what do you…holy shit."

"What?" Meredith asked as she stepped back to her locker, pretending that maybe if she was able to pretend like everything was normal, Christina wouldn't say anything.

"You're pregnant."

So much for that thought.

"Um…yeah."

"Like…really pregnant."

"Twenty two weeks," Meredith nodded, a hand falling to her stomach. She'd been feeling the baby move almost non stop since she had felt it the first time, but the movements were still too light for anyone to feel them from the outside.

"And you didn't tell me like…twenty weeks ago?" Christina asked.

"We wanted to wait," Meredith said. "Until we knew that everything was going to be okay. But then I just…I wasn't sure what you would say."

"Are you happy?"

Meredith was surprised by the question. Her best friend wasn't usually one to care about happiness. "Beyond happy," she nodded. "And Derek is thrilled."

"Well, I'm not going to be fun loving Aunt Christina," she shrugged. "But if you don't want to kill yourself then I guess it's okay."

"Good," Meredith smiled.

"Is it a boy or a girl?"

"We're finding out today," Meredith smiled, gently cupping her stomach. "But we think it's a boy."

"Just what the world needs, another McDreamy."

Meredith giggled slightly. "Derek's been amazing," she said. "And he's going to be a fantastic father."

Christina rolled her eyes. "Burke better not be expecting me to ever get pregnant," she said firmly. "But…I'm sure you'll have a cute kid."

"Thanks," Meredith laughed. That was the closest thing she would ever get to a congratulations from her best friend. "But now I'm going to sleep. Because this baby is completely sucking the life out of me."

"Just don't turn into one of those moms who doesn't do anything besides talk about her kid," Christina warned. "I'll cut you off if you decide you don't want to be a doctor anymore."

"That won't happen," Meredith promised. "I'll see you for rounds."

"Yeah, yeah," Christina waved a hand in dismissal, already immersed in her textbook again.

Meredith sighed as she made her way to an on call room at the end of the hall that she knew was frequently empty. Relieved to find that it was empty, she quickly locked the door behind her, kicked her shoes off, and collapsed onto the bed. It wasn't as comfortable as her bed at home, but right now she didn't care. The baby was sleeping, and she only had a few hours before she had to wake up for rounds, so she had to take advantage of this time while she could. Sleep came a lot easier now that she had told Christina about the baby, and she drifted off into unconscious with a smile on her face and a hand resting on her stomach.

XXXXX

Derek breathed a soft sigh of relief as he looked carefully at the details of his patient's spine, now completely tumor free. The removal had taken longer than he had thought it would, but it was finally gone. Now all he had to do was close, and then he could go meet Meredith upstairs, hopefully before she was called into her appointment.

"Dr. Allen," he said, looking to the resident at his left. "Would you like to close?"

"Of course, Dr. Shepherd," he nodded as he stepped forward to take Derek's place, reaching for the instruments he needed.

"I will be scrubbing out now," Derek announced as he moved towards the door. "I have an appointment upstairs."

"Dr. Shepherd," a scrub nurse interjected. "It's six thirty."

Derek froze, halfway to the door to the scrub room. "Six thirty?" he repeated.

"Yes, the surgery took much longer than you originally thought it would," she said.

"Four hours too long," Derek murmured. Their appointment had been at two thirty, and when he'd been called into the surgery a little before one he thought that he would have plenty of time. She was going to kill him. "I have to go."

He scrubbed out quickly, pulling his cell phone out of his pocket to be greeted with numerous text messages a voicemails from his fiancé, getting progressively more angry and threatening. The last one had been sent at three thirty, presumably after her appointment had ended. And he knew he was in big trouble.

He didn't bother changing out of his scrubs as he ran back to his office to grab his keys, ignoring the strange looks he was receiving from patients and hospital staff alike. He drove back to the apartment faster than he probably should have, but he soon found himself parked beside Meredith's jeep, gripping the steering wheel tightly in his hands as he tried to work up the courage to go inside. Meredith didn't get angry often, but when she did, she could yell. And he had never done anything like this before, so he couldn't even imagine what she was going to say to him.

The apartment was completely silent when he opened the door. He glanced around the living room, and finding it empty, he moved down the hall towards their bedroom. "Mer?" he asked cautiously. He got no response, and he began to feel a sense of panic as he realized that she wasn't in the bathroom or their bedroom. He was about to run back to the kitchen when he noticed that the door to the spare room, the nursery, was propped open. With a deep breath, he pushed the door open and stood in the doorway for a moment, his eyes landing on Meredith as she sat in the padded rocking chair beside the window. "I'm sorry," was all he could think to say.

Meredith was silent, her hands resting on her belly as she gently rocked back and forth. She didn't look at him, but instead looked around the nursery that he had decorated the week before when Meredith had had a forty eight hour shift. He'd wanted to surprise her with it, but apparently she'd found out on her own.

"It's a boy."

Those three words drew so many emotions inside of him that he wasn't sure which one to go with. He felt thrill at the thought of having a son, guilt that he hadn't been there to find out with Meredith, and fear as to what she was going to do to him.

"A boy," he breathed, taking a step back to her room. "Ethan?"

Meredith didn't say anything, but she turned to look at him with tear filled eyes. "You weren't there."

"I know," he said. "And I'm so sorry, Meredith. I just…lost track of time. You have every reason to be angry."

"I'm not angry," she shook her head.

That threw him off. He hadn't been expecting that. "You're not?" he asked, careful to make sure he wasn't setting himself up for a trap.

"I'm hurt."

"Oh," he inhaled sharply. With Meredith hurt was worse than angry. Much worse than angry.

"We've had this appointment for months, Derek," she whispered. "And you still couldn't take the time away from the OR to find out whether your son is a boy or a girl?"

"It's not that I didn't want to," Derek said. "I was removing a tumor. I know that's not an excuse, but that's all I have. And I'm sorry, Meredith. I'm so sorry."

Meredith shook her head. "Stop saying that," she said. "God, Derek. I don't even know what to say to you. You miss this appointment, probably the most important appointment of the entire pregnancy. And then I come home to find that you love this baby so much that you already made his nursery. And it's completely beautiful. So I don't know, Derek. I'm confused and tired, and I shouldn't have to wonder if you're going to be there. I shouldn't have to look at our baby's ultrasound and want to burst into tears because all I want is you to be there to find out with me. Derek, what happens if you're scrubbed in when I go into labor?"

"You'll page me and I'll hand the surgery off to someone else," Derek promised. "There's no way I will ever miss the birth of our son."

"I paged you today!" Meredith cried. "I know you love this baby, Derek. And I know you love me. But I can't help being upset because of these stupid hormones. I just…you can't turn into my mother."

"Oh," Derek breathed, suddenly realizing what was going on in her head. He moved to kneel in front of her, resting his hands on her knees and holding her gaze. "Meredith, I will never turn into the surgeon your mother was."

"This is something she would have done," she whispered. "And I know it happens once in awhile, Derek. But once in awhile turns into once a month. And that turns into once a week. And that turns into thinking that you don't even need to go home because by the time you do everyone will already be sleeping."

"Oh Mer," Derek sighed. "That will never happen. There may be times I have to miss things because of work, but I would never choose surgery over you or our family. And the important things I will take days off for. As long as you do too."

"When he gets sick?"

"One of us will stay home."

"First day of school?"

"I'll drive him myself."

"Sports games?"

"Maybe not every one, but I'll be at most of them," Derek smiled as he reached up to wipe a tear from her eye. "I have to see how well I did at teaching him how to play basketball."

"What about parent teacher conferences?"

"We will both be at every single one," he promised. "It's a balancing act, Mer. But if my mom worked full time and did all of this by herself for five of us, we can certainly figure out how to do it with two of us raising one kid."

She nodded slowly. "You're not forgiven."

"I didn't expect to be," he said. "What do I need to do?"

"The nursery is a good start," Meredith breathed. "Derek, this is amazing."

He smiled as he looked around the room. The white rocking chair matched the wood of the dresser, crib, and changing table, as well as a small bookshelf that sat in the corner of the room that was already filled with children's books. Pictures of Derek and Meredith were hanging on the wall above the crib, with pictures of his family and her friends as well. A stuffed lion already sat in the crib. "I tried," he said with a smile. "I wanted to surprise you."

"I was surprised," she smiled. "And it's not too much. We just need the basics until we move into the house."

"We can change anything you want to," he offered.

"It's perfect," Meredith shook her head.

"Good," Derek said. "What else do I need to do to get back into your good graces?"

"You can frame this for me," Meredith whispered, handing him a small piece of paper.

"Oh, Mer," Derek breathed, looking down at the picture of his son who was so much bigger than the last time he'd seen him. "He's amazing."

"And he's definitely a boy," Meredith giggled. "He likes to show off."

"Everything's okay?" Derek asked. "No problems or complications or anything?"

"Everything is perfect," Meredith nodded. "He's healthy, growing well and moving a lot."

"Moving hard?" Derek asked, his hand automatically going to her stomach.

"Not yet," she shook her head. "And you me dinner."

"Dinner," Derek nodded. "Done."

"And after that," Meredith said with a smirk. "You have to let me have my way with you."

Derek swallowed hard. "I think I can do that," he said.

"Good," she smiled, leaning back in the chair. "Ethan wants steak."

Derek smiled, loving the way his son's name sounded coming off of his fiancé's lips. "Steak it is," he nodded. And as he made his way towards the kitchen, he couldn't help but think about what a lucky man he was.


	25. Chapter 25

"Stupid triage," Meredith muttered as she moved slowly around the kitchen, shoving everything she needed for the day into her bag. "Stupid decaf coffee."

Derek fought a smile as he leaned against the doorframe to the kitchen. Meredith was very obviously not in a good mood, and since she'd entered her third trimester she'd been very cranky. Ethan was kicking a lot now, and although Derek loved feeling his son kick, he knew that Meredith was tired of getting kicked and punched all the time. He'd made her dinner and let her go to bed early the night before, hoping that a good night's sleep might help her get ready for the triage Bailey was taking her interns on today. But apparently Ethan had already inherited his mother's love for staying up late, and Meredith had barely slept for three hours.

"You know you can call in sick," Derek offered. "Bailey's baby is only seven months old, she remembers what it's like to be pregnant."

"I can't call in sick," she rolled her eyes. "I have a triage today."

"That can be rescheduled."

"No, it can't," she snapped. "Because I am eight million years pregnant, but I still have another two months to go. So it can't be rescheduled, because I'm only going to get more miserable."

"You're right," Derek nodded, having learned quickly that those were the two most important words he could say throughout the duration of her pregnancy. "I shouldn't have even suggested it."

"Thank you," Meredith sighed. "Let's go."

Derek nodded, making sure to grab the bag she had left sitting on the floor of the kitchen. She was forgetting more as the pregnancy progressed, and he had learned to always be one step ahead of her and pretend like he was helping her out instead of reminding her what she was forgetting.

"I'm so tired, Derek," she sighed as she dropped into the passenger side of his car.

"I know," he offered her a sympathetic smile as he started the car. "He'll be here soon."

"Seven weeks is not soon," Meredith said, leaning her head against the window.

"Well…your maternity leave starts in five weeks," Derek offered. "Which means you can lay in bed and eat ice cream all day."

"That sounds amazing," she said. "Five more weeks."

"Five more weeks," he nodded. "But seriously, Meredith, if the triage is too much…"

"I'll stop," she promised. "I won't do anything to hurt Ethan. But I don't want to fall behind in my career either."

"You won't," Derek promised. "Just a month."

"A month is a long time," she sighed as he pulled into the hospital.

"You'll love it," Derek smiled. "Six weeks to play with Ethan all day."

"That will be fun," Meredith said, running a hand over her stomach. "And he can kick all he wants once he's out on his own."

"Still bad?" Derek asked, parking the car and turning to reach for her stomach. "Hey buddy. Calm down a little bit, Mom's got to work now."

"He's always quiet when I'm in surgery," Meredith said as she pulled herself out of the car. "Christina says it's because he's going to be hard core."

"His parents are both surgeons," Derek said. "And he's my son. Of course he's a genius."

Meredith rolled her eyes. "I'm pretty sure it's the heart monitor," she said. "It calms him down."

"Could be," Derek nodded. "You're sure you're okay to go on a triage? Because if you're not…"

"Derek," Meredith snapped. "If you ask me again I'm naming someone else as Ethan's father."

"Fine," Derek rolled his eyes, unable to stop the smile that spread across his face as he leaned down to kiss her softly. "But you can't do that. You love me too much."

Meredith shook her head, pressing her lips against his again. "Have a good day," she said softly.

"You too," he said. "Page me when you get back, I want to hear how it went. I'm sure you'll do amazing."

"Hopefully," Meredith smiled. "Bye."

"Bye," Derek shook his head, watching her walk slowly towards the elevators before he turned to make his way towards the stairs.

"Dr. Shepherd," he heard a voice say from behind him, and he turned to see Preston Burke smiling at him as he clutched a chart to his chest. "Good morning."

"Dr. Burke," Derek nodded. "How are you this morning?"

"Excellent," Burke nodded, rocking forward slightly on his toes. "I was just wondering if you and Dr. Grey have started to plan your wedding yet."

Derek frowned, but shook his head. "No, we're waiting until after the baby comes and the house is finished. Do mind telling me why you're asking?"

"I asked Christina to marry me last night," Burke smiled. "And I just wanted to make sure that we don't book any of the same plans that you have because that wouldn't look good to anyone at the hospital."

Derek raised his eyebrows and nodded slowly. "Congratulations," he nodded. "And I think that our wedding might be a different…style than yours. You plan, and we'll be sure not to take any of your plans."

Burke nodded slightly. "Thank you." He paused for a moment before he asked, "Has Meredith said anything?"

Derek sighed, beginning to get frustrated with the way Burke was dancing around the topic. "No," he said. "I don't think she knows."

Burke nodded slowly. "I just felt that Christina would have wanted to tell Meredith right away," he said. "I find it a little discerning that she didn't want to."

Derek shrugged as he looked down at his watch. "She probably just wants to keep it to herself for a couple days," he said. "She'll tell Meredith when she's ready."

Burke nodded, but Derek didn't miss the look of concern washing over his colleague's face. Before he could say anything else, however, his pager beeped loudly from his pocket and he reached down to look at it. "I've got to take this," he said. "Congratulations again."

He didn't wait to hear Burke's response and instead turned to head towards the pit without bothering to change into scrubs. Something was wrong, he could feel it, but he had to concentrate on being a doctor right now.

He couldn't think about the feeling that was plaguing his mind.

XXXXX

Meredith couldn't believe this was happening. As she rushed around the ferry boat dock as best she could, people all over the place pleading with her to help and searching for loved ones, she could not believe that this was actually real. From the moment she had gotten out of the ambulance with Bailey and her other fellow interns, she had been unable to believe that something like a ferry boat crash could actually happen.

But here she was, trying her best to ignore her aching back and protesting feet as a small girl trailed behind her, completely silent as Meredith moved from injury to injury. Except her stomach was getting in the way, and she had a feeling that Bailey was very close to sending her back to the hospital to do lab work.

Her body relaxed slightly when she caught sight of Derek walking a gurney over to a waiting ambulance. She wasn't sure when attendings had been called and she knew that there wasn't really any time to talk to him, but she felt comforted by his presence. She would never admit it, but she always felt safer when he was nearby.

"Hey," he said, barely looking at her as he looked down at the head injury she was examining. "How are you?"

"Fine," she said, just as distracted as she turned to look at the shoulder injury beside his patient.

"If this is too much," Derek said, not turning to look at her as she held an IV bag steady, keeping up with him as he moved towards an ambulance.

"Derek," she snapped. "I'm fine."

"Fine," Derek said, but winced as Meredith turned suddenly, her stomach bumping into the side of the gurney and causing the patient to cry out in pain.

"Grey!" Bailey snapped, having witnessed the whole incident. "Go find something to keep yourself busy away from my ambulance."

That was the first time Meredith really and truly hated the fact that she was pregnant. She was supposed to be learning, staying calm on her feet and helping to fix broken people. But she was instead moving slowly towards the outskirts of the tragedy, a lost little girl trailing behind her as she tried to ignore the exhaustion and her baby's kicks of protest at the obvious about of strain that she was putting on her body.

Near the side of the dock she found a man lying in agony, his leg split open and she found her golden opportunity. Setting a badly broken bone wasn't as exciting as treating a brain injury, but at least she would help someone. And she could do this, then rub it in the faces of her stupid fiancé and stupid resident who thought pregnant women were incapable of doing anything.

"Hi there," she sighed, shrugging out of her coat as she knelt beside the man. "I know this is scary, but I'm going to take care of you."

He could only shudder in response, and Meredith inhaled deeply, trying not to let the nausea rising in her stomach to turn into anything. Ethan definitely wasn't happy with her right now. She did her best to crouch down and look at the wound on his leg. A clean break, but she could openly see the bone. It had to be painful, and he was losing blood, slowly but steadily. She had to set the bone and then stop the bleeding before he would bleed out. And it was going to be painful.

"Can you hear me sir?" she asked, snapping on a fresh pair of gloves and leaning over his face. "Your leg is broken, I'm going to have to set it. It's going to hurt, but try to just relax, okay? It will be over in a second."

As she opened her medical kit, she turned to the little girl beside her. She was obviously in shock, her parents having been lost in the shuffle if they were even still alive. And Meredith couldn't help feeling sorry for the little girl. Her maternal instincts were kicking in, and she knew that if something ever happened to her and Derek, God forbid, she would want someone to watch over Ethan and make sure he was okay.

"Close your eyes, sweetheart," she said softly. "I don't want you to see this."

The girl looked at her for a long moment, but then she obediently turned and moved her hands to cover her eyes. Meredith took a deep breath for a moment then gently placed her hands on either side of the man's leg and snapping it back into place.

She didn't realize what had happened until she was already submerged. The pain had caused him to shake uncontrollably, knocking her off of the balcony and into the freezing cold water of the bay. She fought to the surface, but the extra weight of the pregnancy combined with the cold water of the bay, she couldn't seem to find the surface.

As she fought her way towards the top of the water, she thought of nothing besides Derek. No one knew where she had gone, and as much as she didn't want to die, she knew she wouldn't be able to fight much longer.

She could feel Ethan moving inside of her, kicking like crazy from what was probably a lack of oxygen. And the last thing she saw before she drifted off into unconsciousness was Derek's form lingering over the water.

And then there was darkness.

**Please don't hate me! I promise I will fix this. Trust me.**


	26. Chapter 26

**Sorry this took so long! It's a longer one, so hopefully that makes up for it. Please let me know what you think, it does motivate me to update as fast as I can, though the rest of the school year will be quite busy. I'll do my best to keep you guys satisfied :)**

Derek had never been this terrified in his entire life. He had watched from across the pier, completely frozen over a patient's gurney as his entire life had disappeared over edge of the dock, unable to believe that the water had consumed his fiancé and baby without letting her surface for one single moment.

It seemed like years had passed before he was sprinting across the parking lot, but he knew it was only seconds. He didn't think as he dodged gurneys, doctors, and injured ferryboat patrons, and somewhere along the way he shed his EMT jacket. He didn't see the tiny blonde girl staring out at the ocean with wide eyes or the man with the broken leg as he ran past them and dove into the water without thinking about what he was doing.

All that mattered was finding Meredith.

The salt of the water stung his eyes as he pushed himself through the water, but he kept them open, searching for any sign of Meredith. He was running out of oxygen and about to resurface for a breath of fresh air when he saw it; a flash of honey blonde hair floating slightly to his left and a few feet below him. As he moved towards her, he took in the light blue of her scrubs and the bulge of her belly where their baby was hopefully still alive.

He quickly reached down to grab her arm, tucking her into his arm as he used his other arm to pull both their weight to the surface. It was more difficult with her added weight, and when he finally reached the surface he felt his lungs finally inhale a deep, precious breath of fresh, crisp air. But he didn't take the time to enjoy it, instead dragging Meredith towards the dock and struggling only slightly to push her onto the cold wood of the dock.

He pushed himself up beside her easily, his hands moving over her skin as he tried to fight off the nausea rising in his throat. Her skin was so cold to the touch that he wasn't sure that she could possibly be alive. With complete terror running through his veins, he let a hand travel to her expand her stomach, completely panicked at the stillness that met him there.

Ethan always kicked hard whenever Derek touched Meredith's stomach.

He quickly scooped Meredith's lifeless body into his arms and moved as fast as he could towards the ambulances. Ignoring the other people waiting in line for treatment, he placed Meredith on the first available gurney he found and frantically began CPR, being careful of his son's resting place. Nothing was certain until they could get to the hospital, warm Meredith up, and perform an ultrasound. He wasn't going to stop saving them until there was absolutely no hope left.

"Dr. Shepherd, we really have a system…oh my God." Bailey's voice came from behind him, and he turned to look at her briefly before he returned his gaze to Meredith. "What happened?" she demanded, starting to move the gurney towards the ambulance as Derek continued to perform CPR.

"She fell into the water," Derek said. "I don't know…she can swim but I don't know why she didn't or couldn't. We have to save her, we have to save her and Ethan."

"Drive," Bailey ordered to the EMTs as she slammed the door shut. "Seattle Grace, right now." She turned back to Derek and watched helplessly as he frantically pumped air into Meredith's mouth.

The man was a disaster. He was sitting to Meredith's right, frantically compressing her chest as he tried to get his fiancé back to life. And Bailey, usually calm, cool, and collected, felt tears fill her eyes as her pregnant intern lay lifeless at her side, her scrubs soaked and her skin freezing.

Just as they were slowing down and approaching the hospital, what seemed like the impossible happened. Meredith's head jolted forward, and she began to cough, water spilling out of her mouth. She was visibly shaking as she tried to move her arms and legs, but Derek held her still, leaning over her.

"Mer," he breathed. "Mer, can you hear me?"

"So…sorry," she gasped, still coughing up water. "Eth…an…"

"We're getting you to the hospital," Derek said, his hand moving to her stomach. "What hurts?"

"Cold," Meredith breathed as the doors were pulled open and Bailey began pulling the gurney out. "Derek!" she cried, trying to sit up as she was wheeled into the pit, the ER doctors taking the injury information from Bailey.

"I'm here," he assured her, reaching for her hand as she was moved into the exam room. "She's thirty three weeks pregnant," he said, not to anyone in particular. "You have to save our baby."

"Save him," Meredith breathed, her body weakening against the table. "Please…save Ethan."

"Meredith!" Derek cried, leaning over her as her eyes drifted closed and her head dropped back to the surface of the table. Her fingers relaxed against his, and he felt a sudden stab of fear and panic wash over him. "Mer, wake up! Please, wake up!"

"Dr. Shepherd," Bailey said, tugging on his arm. "You have to leave."

"No," Derek shook her hands off as he reached up to lean over Meredith's face. "Meredith, please."

His voice was so desperate and grieving that Bailey couldn't bear to stand up to him. Instead she tugged on his arm again, turning him to face her. He opened his mouth, expecting to have to argue, but she cut him off with her own words before he could beg anymore.

"You stay by her head," she said. "You don't say a word. The next time I hear you say a single thing or interfere with the medical procedures in any way, shape, or form, you will be in the waiting room like any other family member. Is that understood?"

Derek nodded, moving closer to Meredith's head and running a hand over her cold, matted hair. "Mer," he breathed, leaning his head down close to hers. "Mer, please wake up."

"Baby is stable," an intern reported. "I have a heartbeat, everything looks okay."

Derek's body seemed to sag in relief, and he knelt down to whisper in Meredith's ear. "He's going to be okay, Mer. Please wake up, we need you."

"Hold on," a resident frowned, taking the probe from the intern and moving closer to the screen. "It looks like a placental abrubtion."

Bailey's head snapped up, and she felt her heart stop for a single moment before she snapped into action. "Keep working on the mother," she snapped. "And get the head of OB down here now."

"No," Derek shook his head, unable to keep the promise he had made. "I want Addison."

"Dr. Shepherd," Bailey started, but Derek stood firm.

"Get Dr. Montgomery out here," he ordered. "She owes me. She has to save my baby. She can save both of them."

"Waiting room, now," Bailey snapped.

"I'm not going anywhere," Derek insisted.

"Dr. Shepherd, do not make me get security," Bailey said. "Don't push me because right now you're wasting valuable time in which we could be saving your fiancé and child."

Derek stared her down for a moment before he turned to look at Meredith's features. "She's getting more color," he observed, running a finger over her cheek.

"Derek," Bailey said gently, reaching for his arm. "You have to go."

Derek nodded, knowing that he couldn't stay here any longer. He couldn't watch as Meredith was treated like a patient. She wasn't any patient, and she deserved the best possible care she could get.

With one last look at the love of his life, he turned and made his way out of the exam room, meeting George and Christina in the hallway.

"How is she?" Christina demanded.

"Is she going to be okay?" George asked, following Derek down the hall as he made his way towards his office, staring straight in front of him. "What about the baby?"

Derek didn't say a word as he let himself into his office and sank down onto his couch. This couldn't be happening. There was no way this could be happening. Meredith was healthy, she had kept their baby so safe. And she could swim. He knew she could swim, but he logically knew that the shock of the cold water combined with her unusual body shape had probably made it harder for her to swim.

And now they were both in danger. His entire family was laying downstairs on the cold hard table of the trauma room, and there was nothing he could do to help them.

He swallowed hard as he looked up at the ceiling, suddenly wishing his mother was there. He knew there was nothing she could do to make this better for him, but even as a grown man he had always found comfort in his mother when he was truly upset. He knew what she would tell him if she was there, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He hadn't prayed in over twenty years, since his father had died and he had completely turned his back on his Catholic upbringing.

But now, when his entire world was about to slip from his hands, he knew he didn't have much of a choice. So he swallowed his tears, folded his hands in front of him, and lowered his head to have a conversation with God.

He wasn't sure how much time had passed when Bailey knocked on his door. "Derek," she said softly, lowering herself onto the couch beside him. "She's stable."

Derek felt his entire body sag in relief at those two simple words. "Stable," he repeated. "Stable."

"Dr. Montgomery is on her way," Bailey said gently. "It's…Derek, it's serious. There is a placental abruption that is very likely to cause premature delivery."

"But…he's okay for now?" Derek asked. "Right now, he's okay?"

"You know what this means," Bailey said softly. "We have Meredith stable for now and Dr. Montgomery is going to further assess her case when she gets here. But Derek, you know that there is a very real chance of a stillbirth here."

"I want to see Meredith," he said firmly. "I need to see her to make sure she's okay."

"Derek," Bailey sighed, but he was already halfway to the door. "What room is she in?"

"She's not awake…"

"What room?" Derek demanded.

"4408," Bailey murmured, and he was out the door before she could say another word.

XXXXX

He wasn't strong enough for this.

As he stood in the doorway to Meredith's private VIP room, staring down at his finance who was hooked up to all kinds of machines and tubes, a constant beep monitoring both her heartbeat and his baby's, he knew that he was not strong enough to get through this. Meredith was supposed to be happy. She had been about to take her maternity leave, and he had entirely planned on spending the next seven weeks completely pampering her until Ethan was born.

And that day…the day his son was born should be the best day of his life. He didn't want to spend the next seven weeks hoping that today wasn't the day his baby would be born so that he would be born at full term.

"Mer," he breathed, moving closer to the bed. He knew she was sleeping, he knew that she wouldn't hear him, but he had to talk to her. There was no way he could just sit here and listen to the constant beeping. He moved to her bedside and slid in beside her, careful of the wires and her expanded stomach. "Meredith," he breathed as he buried his face in her hair and trying to ignore the way it didn't smell like lavender as it usually did.

"I know you're scared," he whispered. "I am too. And I know that this is hard and you're probably really exhausted. But Ethan needs you. I need you too, but Mer, right now you have to hold on. Because Ethan really needs you to stay healthy and get strong before he's born. So please, Mer, you have to wake up. If not for me, for him. Please, Meredith, he needs you so much."

He wasn't sure exactly how long he lay in her bed, gently whispering in her ear and rubbing her stomach, trying to stimulate his son to kick so wildly the way he usually did whenever Derek touched Meredith's stomach. He knew that it was well after the sun had set outside the window, well after the majority of the noise had lessened from outside. It was only after he could no longer stand his growling stomach or overly filled bladder that he pressed a kiss to her forehead and stomach and slowly pulled himself out of the bed, only planning on being gone for fifteen minutes or so to give himself the care that he needed. He hated to do it, but he knew that if he didn't take proper care of himself he would never be able to take care of his family. And they needed him. Or they would need him, as soon as Meredith woke up. He had to be strong for her because he knew she was going to need him.

It wasn't fifteen minutes before he returned with a cup of coffee in one hand and a bagel in the other. He stopped short in the doorway when he saw the familiar red hair of his ex-wife blocking his view of the bedside. He swallowed hard, realizing that more time must have passed than he thought. "Addison," he breathed, stepping into the room. "You're here."

"I took the red eye," she nodded as she made a note on Meredith's chart. "You look like hell."

"I think you know something about that," Derek said, letting out a deep breath as he sat down in the chair beside Meredith's bed. "How is she?"

"The same," Addison said, signing off on the chart and setting it aside.

"Is she going to be okay?"

Addison sighed as she sat down in the chair beside his. "I can't lie to you, Derek," she said. "There's a huge risk of a stillbirth."

Nausea rose in his throat at her word, but he swallowed it down as he reached to grasp Meredith's hand. "Sorry, Addison, but I'm not really in the mood to recall my OB rounds from my residency," he said. "Can you give me the quick version?"

"It's very likely that the placenta will abrupt," Addison said. "That means it separates from Meredith's uterus, making it impossible for the baby to get the nutrients it needs."

"He," Derek said softly.

Addison was silent for a moment before she nodded. "He," she repeated.

"Will he be okay?"

Addison glanced at the fetal monitor for a moment before she turned back to look at him. "I'm going to keep him in there for as long as possible," she said. "But there's a good chance that we're going to have to deliver within the week, it's pretty much impossible that we're going to make it to full term."

"What are his chances, Addison?" Derek asked. "I want numbers."

"There are no numbers," Addison said. "This isn't an uncommon problem. Your baby was completely healthy, and it's entirely possible that he will be born with no lasting problems."

"But," Derek prompted.

"But delivery at thirty three weeks is not ideal," Addison said. "We're talking undeveloped lungs, a weak heart, not enough body mass. It's a tricky situation."

"What about Meredith?" he asked, shifting his gaze from her stomach to her face. The beautiful face that looked so peaceful, the face that could have been asleep if he hadn't known any better. "Is she okay?"

"From what I hear, it's thanks to you that she's even here to worry about," Addison said. "If she had been in that water for even thirty seconds longer, she and the baby probably wouldn't have made it. She's warming up, there isn't any water in her lungs. She's on antibiotics that are perfectly safe for the baby, and with any luck there won't be any hypothermia or pneumonia. We're going to wait and see where we are when she wakes up. If she's in a lot of pain we'll deliver."

Derek nodded slowly, not sure how to ask the question that was plaguing his mind.

"Derek," Addison said, leaning forward to place a hand on his arm. "She is going to wake up. You have to stay positive."

Derek turned to look at the face of his ex-wife, a woman that he had at one time hated more than anyone else in the world, except maybe Mark. But now he was astounded how well she could still read him. Apparently eleven years of marriage and thirteen years spent together didn't just go away after being divorced for almost two years.

"Please save them," he heard himself almost pleading with her. "Please."

Addison squeezed his arm. "I'm going to do everything I can," she said. "You saved Amelia, I owe you everything."

"Thank you," Derek whispered.

Addison sighed as she looked back at the heart monitors. "Things are pretty much the same here," she said. "Richard wanted me to check in on a couple other patients while I'm here, but don't worry. Meredith is my number one patient, and I'm not leaving until she and the baby are discharged."

"Thanks," Derek said.

"Page me the second anything changes," Addison said softly before she turned and walked towards the door.

Derek sighed as he turned back to look at Meredith, pushing a strand of hair out of her eyes before he leaned in to press his lips against the back of her hand. "I love you, Mer," he whispered. "Please wake up."

He sat at her bedside, resting his head beside the joined hands and sleeping on and off for the rest of the night. At first he wasn't aware of the fact that there was a hand squeezing his, but after a moment he remembered where he was and jolted awake. He swallowed hard as he ignored the stiffness in his neck and looked into the worried and confused eyes of the woman he loved.

"Meredith," he breathed, leaning forward to rest his forehead against hers. "God, I love you."

"Derek," she gasped, her throat sore. "What…where…"

"You're in the hospital," Derek assured her. "Do you remember anything?"

"Ethan?" Meredith frowned.

"You fell," Derek said, trying to suppress the emotion he felt in his chest at the words. "Into the water."

Meredith's eyes filled with fear, and a hand immediately flew to her still inflated stomach, as if to make sure her baby was still there.

"He's okay," Derek said. "For now. But there's a very good chance that he's going to come early."

"Early?" Meredith asked. "Why?"

"The placenta's about to abrupt," Derek explained softly. "If it detaches any further, we're going to have to deliver."

"Is he okay?"

"He's hanging in there," Derek nodded. "You're going to be on bedrest until he comes. But you both have the best possible care. Addison's here, he took the red eye. She's determined to make sure that Ethan is as healthy as can be when he's born."

"I don't understand," Meredith breathed. "He was okay."

"We think he was kicking too hard with the lack of oxygen," Derek said softly. "The placenta got separated from the uterine wall. It's a fairly common problem, and we've got the best care we could possibly have."

Meredith struggled to sit up. "He's not moving," she said.

"I know," Derek said, glancing worriedly at the heart monitor that was beating faster than usual. "You have to calm down, though, Mer."

"No," she said, her panicked eyes searching his. "I want to see Addison. I want to see the ultrasounds, I need to hear it all from her."

"Meredith, calm down," Derek said, pushing her somewhat forcefully back into the pillows. Both heart monitors were beating way too quickly for his comfort. "They'll sedate you if you don't calm down."

"No," she sobbed, pushing him away. "I'm trying to be a good mom. I'm trying so hard, I can do it. I can carry him to term."

"I know you can," Derek said, glancing at the fetal monitor before a team of doctors burst into the room.

"What the hell is going on?" Addison demanded as she moved to the other side of the bed to look at the stats on the machines. "Her blood pressure is through the roof!"

"I told her about Ethan," Derek said, squeezing Meredith's hand tightly. "She completely freaked out."

"You should have paged me," Addison frowned. "We have to deliver. The placental abruption and his high blood pressure are making it too dangerous to be in there."

"We can't deliver," Meredith cried, trying to fight Derek and the interns who were moving her to the gurney. "He's not ready!"

"Meredith, we're going to perform a c-section," Addison explained calmly before turning to an intern. "Prep an OR. We need to get this baby out ASAP, I want an incubator ready and waiting beside the table."

"No!" Meredith shouted, clutching her abdomen protectively. "Derek, please don't make them do this!"

Derek swallowed his tears as he stared down at the tears streaming down her face. He hated to see her in pain, and he hated even more that she was completely terrified and thinking that she wouldn't be a good mom. "Mer," he said, squeezing her hand. "His best chances are for delivery. If he stays in there, it will do serious damage to both of you."

"I can't," Meredith sobbed. "I can't do this."

"Yes you can," Derek said. "I'll be there the whole time. And you have to calm down, otherwise they're going to sedate you. You want to be awake when he's born, don't you?"

Meredith nodded, but her face was still full of pain. "Derek, I'm scared," she whispered. "What if he doesn't make it?"

"He will," Derek assured her, not letting go of her hand as she was rushed down the hall. "He knows we love him, Mer. It's early, but it's not impossible."

"I'm sorry," she whispered as she was wheeled into the OR. "Derek, I'm sorry."

"Don't worry," he said, leaning down to kiss her forehead. "I'm going to scrub in, I'll be back in less than a minute, okay?"

She nodded, but as he turned towards the scrub room she suddenly screamed his name.

"What?" he asked, back at her side as if by magnetic force. "What's wrong?"

"I can't feel my legs," she said. "I can't move them."

"That's the medicine," Derek assured her. "You won't feel anything."

"I'm going to have a scar," she breathed.

"That's the least of our worries," Derek assured her. "You're beautiful, Mer. Even more so because you're giving me a son."

"A son," Meredith breathed. "Ethan."

"Ethan," Derek smiled, giving her hand another squeeze. "I'll be right back."

He didn't take as long as he should have to scrub in, and he was back at her side in less than two minutes. "Just think we're going to meet him in a few minutes," he said softly, smiling down at her. "Think about how amazing he's going to be."

"I hope he looks like you," Meredith smiled slightly. "Your…hair."

Derek smiled, gripping her hand tightly as he tried to distract her from the incision Addison was making on her abdomen. He was in surgery every day, he cut people open and put them back together without even thinking about it. But now that it was Meredith being cut open, he wasn't sure that he could handle seeing that.

"But my nose," Meredith kept talking, and he realized that she was thinking the same thing.

"Whose eyes?" Derek asked slightly. "God, I love your eyes."

"Your eyes," Meredith said. "But…my smile."

"You love my smile," Derek said, offering her the best McDreamy look he possibly could as he tried to tune out all the sounds of surgery that he usually was able to understand so well.

"But I won't be able to say no to him," Meredith said.

"You say no to me all the time."

"But our baby will be cuter than you."

Derek rolled his eyes, but he was relieved to see that she hadn't seemed to lose her usual desire to tease him because of the baby. But before he could respond, there was a loud wail that echoed through the room, and both brand new parents turned to look at the tiny baby being lifted out of Meredith's stomach.

"Baby boy," Addison said, glancing at the clock. "Born at 12:40 pm. Lungs sound healthy, but seven weeks early. Put him in the NICU on an incubator so we can monitor his progress."

"Ethan," Meredith gasped, trying to lean forward to look at him. "Let me see him."

"He needs care, Meredith," Addison said gently. "We have to take out the placenta and get you stitched back up."

"I'm here, Mer," Derek said softly, though in that moment he had never felt more torn. He knew Meredith needed him, but he didn't want his son's first moments on earth to be filled with strangers poking and prodding him and keeping him in pain. He wanted to be there for when Ethan got scared.

"Go with Ethan," Meredith urged, as if reading his mind. "He needs you."

"Are you sure?" Derek asked.

"Yes," Meredith practically pushed him away. "Please, Derek. He can't have both of us, but he'll at least have one of us."

"Okay," Derek said, leaning down to kiss the top of her head. "I love you so much. You are amazing."

"I love you too," she whispered.

"I'll come check on you when they settle him in," Derek promised before he moved to the tiny incubator, his heart constricting at the sight before him. Ethan was already hooked up to many wires and machines, his body not more than the size of a large football. But he was beautiful. A mess of dark hair was matted down on the top of his head, and his tiny hands were curled into fists. Tentatively, Derek reached into the incubator, offering his son a gloved finger to hold onto. And acting purely on instinct alone, Ethan wrapped his tiny fingers around Derek's large one and held on tightly. In that one moment, though his first contact with his son was so completely different than what he had always pictured, he felt a tear stream down his face nonetheless.

Then he lifted his head and prayed to a God that he wasn't sure existed, asking Him to please save his son and fiancé. It was all he could do, and he hoped it was enough.


	27. Chapter 27

Pain was all Meredith could feel as she drifted into consciousness. There was a sharp, shooting pain in her stomach, radiating into the rest of her body as she shifted slightly, her stomach protesting as she stretched her legs slowly. She immediately drew her legs back to her chest. The pain lessened slightly when she was back in the fetal position, but she knew something was very wrong. She felt empty, and there was something in the atmosphere that made her know something was very wrong. She knew before she even opened her eyes that she wasn't in her bedroom, and that scared her.

"Meredith?"

The familiar voice she always woke up to drifted to her ears, and she slowly turned her head to meet the deep blue eyes of her worried fiancé. "Derek," she gasped.

"Mer," he breathed in relief, running a hand over her hair as he leaned in to press his lips against her forehead. "God, you terrified me."

"Derek," she frowned, pushing him away slightly so she could look into his eyes. "What happened?"

"Do you remember anything?" Derek frowned.

"Anything?" Meredith asked. "I remember…water."

"You fell in the water," Derek whispered softly. "I'm going to page Addison."

"Addison?" Meredith sat up quickly, but crumpled back against the pillows when the pain her abdomen protested her quick movements. It was then that she realized her stomach was no longer protruding out in front of her. It was still larger than normal, but there was no roundness, no firmness. And definitely no movement inside. "Ethan…"

"Addison will explain it," Derek said, easing her onto her back. "You had to have an emergency c-section. That's why you're sore. The stitches are going to take a little while to heal."

"Ethan," Meredith protested. "Derek, he's not…" she trailed off, unable to finish the sentence. "I mean, he lived in me. I would know if he wasn't…I would feel it."

"Oh Mer," he sighed, squeezing her hand tightly. "He's here. He's a little sick, but he's here. And they're taking good care of him."

"Sick?" Meredith frowned.

"His lungs are a little undeveloped," Derek explained softly. "But he's so strong, Mer. And so beautiful. He has my hair. And your nose. I haven't seen him when he's not sleeping, but I'm pretty sure he's going to have your eyes. And hopefully your smile too."

"I want to see him," Meredith demanded. "I need to see him."

"Not so fast," Addison's voice came from the doorway. "We need to make sure you're stable first."

"I'm fine," Meredith stated, but the grimace on her face said otherwise.

"Meredith, I can't imagine what you're going through," Addison said as she read the scans on the monitor beside her bed. "I would probably be doing the same thing right now. But you have to make sure that you take care of yourself so when Ethan needs you, you'll be strong enough to care for him."

"I'm fine," Meredith repeated a little more forcefully. "I want to see my baby."

Addison glanced at Derek as she lifted Meredith's hospital gown to examine the incision sight. Derek ran a tired hand through his hair, knowing that he was going to be the one who calmed her down. "Mer," he said softly. "He's in the NICU. He's hooked up to a lot of machines, and even if you went in there you wouldn't really be able to see him."

"We do have pictures," Addison cut in, pulling an envelope out of Meredith's chart. "He's a beautiful baby. His lungs are a little undeveloped, but he has a very good chance of survival. We're going to stimulate the womb for a couple more days, then see how he does if we try to take him off of the ventilator."

Tears filled Meredith's eyes as she looked down at the picture of her tiny baby in her hands. "Oh," she whispered, reaching out to run a finger over the tiny baby's form, his skin slightly yellowed.

"He's beautiful, Mer," Derek whispered, reaching for her hand. "Look how amazing he is."

Meredith was silent for a long moment as she stared down at the picture. It was a long moment before she turned to him, tears streaming down her face as she looked at him with fear filled eyes. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "Derek, I'm so so sorry."

Derek shook his head, a frown taking over his features. "For what?" he asked, pushing her hair behind her ear. "You just gave me a son. I owe you everything."

"No," Meredith sobbed. "I couldn't even give birth normally. I had seven more weeks, I couldn't even keep him inside of me. I'm a terrible mother."

"That's not true," Derek said, climbing into bed beside her and wrapping his arms tightly around her. "You're going to be an amazing mother. You love him so much, and you're willing to do anything to make him better."

"No," she whimpered, clutching to his t-shirt as her sobs soaked the material through. "Derek…I get it. I'm a failure, he'll be better off without me. He's going to hate me."

"Meredith," Derek sighed, rocking her back and forth. "He is so lucky. And he is going to get through this. He's your son, Mer. You gave him strength and courage to get through anything and everything."

"I made him dark and twisty," Meredith whispered.

Derek squeezed her hard as he looked down into her eyes. "That's not a flaw," he said softly. "It's a strength. The world isn't perfect, and you know that. You're going to teach Ethan that too."

"I can't," Meredith whispered. "I couldn't even take care of him when I was pregnant. I can't take care of him, Derek."

"You can," Derek insisted, taking the picture of their son from her hands and gently pointing to the tiny baby's nose. "See that? He got his nose from you."

"He's beautiful," Meredith whispered, tears streaming down her face.

"Perfect," Derek agreed. "And we're just going to have to wait until he's a little bit stronger. They said if you're feeling alright tonight we can see him. We won't be able to hold him, but we can see him."

"I'll be okay," Meredith promised. "I need to see him."

"Meredith," Addison cut in as she replaced her chart at the end of her bed. "You just had major abdominal surgery. Combined with the side effects from giving birth, you're not very strong right now. You have to take care of yourself."

"I know," Meredith said, inhaling sharply. "I can do it. I need to be strong for him."

Derek looked at her for a moment, trying to decide how seriously to take her. She seemed to be in pain, but she was determined to be there for her son. "You can't push yourself, Mer," he said softly. "You have to take care of yourself. You're not out of the woods yet, and if I lose you…" His voice trailed off as emotion filled his eyes, and Meredith reached out to run a hand through his hair.

"You're not going to lose me," she promised. "Or Ethan. We're going to get through this, Derek."

Derek smiled softly through the tears in his eyes. "We just switched places," he said softly, his voice choked. "Now you're comforting me."

"You need me too," Meredith said softly. "We're parents now. We need each other more than ever, and we're a team. We have to deal with this together. I'm going to try not to run, but if I do…"

"I won't let you," Derek promised, leaning forward to press a kiss to her forehead. "I love you so much, Meredith."

"I love you too," she whispered.

"Now," Derek said, taking a deep breath and looking carefully at her. "How are you feeling? Really?"

Meredith inhaled deeply and was silent for a moment, as if trying to decide how she actually felt. "Sore," she finally said. "My stomach, my boobs….everything hurts."

"That's normal," Addison assured her, and Derek blinked in surprise. He hadn't even realized that his ex-wife had still been in the room for the tender moment he had just shared with his fiancé. "The stitches will come out before you leave," Addison continued. "And you should probably pump, we can give Ethan your milk even if you can't feed it to him yourself."

"Pump," Meredith nodded slightly. "Okay."

"I'll send a nurse in with the equipment and to coach you through," Addison said as she made her way to the door. "And Derek…you might want to step out."

"I'm fine," Derek said, not budging from his place beside Meredith on the bed.

"Suit yourself," Addison shrugged with a smirk as she disappeared out of the room.

Half an hour later, he understood why Addison had told him that he would be more comfortable stepping out of the room. He loved his fiancé and was entirely appreciative that she was using her body to nourish his son. But watching her and a nurse place tubes and bottles and pumps all around the breasts that had previously been reserved solely for his pleasure had been less than comfortable. He had quickly excused himself to use the restroom and had somehow found himself standing in front of the NICU window, staring into the tiny incubator box where he knew his son was lying.

"He's doing well."

Derek turned in surprise to see Addison standing beside him, her gaze trained on the same small baby as he was. "Really?" he asked after a moment.

"Really," Addison said. "His lungs are getting a lot stronger. We're still worried about his heart, but I can see it getting better in the next day or two. We have to keep Meredith here until Wednesday, and with any hope we can send Ethan home with you then."

"Wow," Derek breathed. "He looks so small. It doesn't seem like he'll be ready to go home in three days."

"He made it through the first twenty four hours with flying colors," Addison said. "He's responding to light sensitivity, and when you tickle his feet his little nose scrunches up. That mean he can respond to touch."

"That's…amazing," Derek breathed. "God, I can't wait to hold him."

"We're going to try taking him off of the ventilator this evening," Addison said. "We'll make sure that you and Meredith are there so you can hold him for a minute if he does alright."

"You really think he's going to be okay?" Derek asked softly, not tearing his eyes away from the room full of sick babies, one of which was his own precious baby boy.

"He's not completely out of the woods," Addison said. "But…I've seen babies born later than he was with a lot more problems. He's strong, Derek. He's strong and very determined to get out of here."

"He gets that from Mer," Derek said with a soft smile.

"She's going to be a good mom," Addison agreed, and was silent for a long moment, a tell tale sign that she wanted to say something she didn't know how to say.

"What is it?" he prompted.

"What is what?" Addison asked, turning to look at him with a raised eyebrow.

"Whatever you want to say," Derek said. He turned to look at her surprised expression and shook his head slightly. "We may be divorced, Addie, but we were together for thirteen years. I think I can still read you pretty well. And right now you have the look on your face that says you want to say something but don't know how. So just say it."

"Fine," Addison shook her head slightly. "I'm a little concerned about Meredith."

All smiles and laughter were wiped off of Derek's face as he felt his heart stop for a moment. "Why?" he asked. "What's wrong?"

"Her incision is healing well and her stats are fine," Addison assured him. "But most women feel a lot of emotional difficulty after giving birth. The hormone imbalance is usually worse with emergency c-sections."

"Meaning what?" Derek frowned.

"Meaning," Addison sighed. "That her chances for post partum depression are higher. It can be very minor or very serious. So I need you to watch out for her emotions. Maybe keep a daily track of how she's feeling at certain times of the day. Post partum depression can become so severe that she won't even want to interact with Ethan at all."

Derek swallowed hard as he turned back to look at the nursery. "What happens after that?" he asked.

"We give her medicine to try and balance the hormones out," Addison said. "It's treatable, but I just want you to be aware of what could happen."

Derek nodded slowly. "Yesterday was supposed to be the happiest day of my life," he finally said after a long moment. "I was finally a father. But instead, I'm standing here worrying that my son's heart might not be strong enough to keep him alive and that my fiancé might not even want to hold him."

Addison smiled sympathetically as she rested a hand on his arm. "You can get through this, Derek," she said. "Meredith and Ethan are VIP patients here, they're getting the best possible care we can provide. I can't even imagine how scared you must be, but you can get through this. Meredith is right, you have to be strong for each other."

Derek nodded slowly, grateful for how well Addison still knew him. And in some strange way, her words comforted him. "Thanks," he said softly.

"Dr. Shepherd," a resident approached his side. "Dr. Grey is asking for you."

"Thank you," he said before turning back to Addison. "Please let us know if anything changes at all with Ethan."

"I will," Addison promised.

Derek quickly made his way back to Meredith's room, relieved to find her fully covered and smiling slightly at him as he entered the room. "Hey," he said as he made his way back to her side. "How did it go?"

"Good," Meredith said. "Lucy said she was going to take the fresh milk to Ethan so he can start getting adjusted to breast milk instead of formula."

"Oh," Derek coughed slightly. He was going to have to get over being freaked out by breast milk. "That's great."

"Yeah," Meredith sighed, looking up at the muted television for a moment. "I want to see him, Derek."

"Me too," Derek sighed, wrapping an arm around her and pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "But Addison just told me something exciting."

"What?" Meredith asked, pulling back from him with wide, expectant eyes.

"I was just looking at the NICU," Derek said. "Addie says his heart is getting stronger and they're going to try to take him off of the monitor tonight. If he responds well they'll keep him off of it and we can hold him."

"Really?" Meredith asked as she lifted her head from his shoulder. "That's amazing."

Derek smiled down at her, searching for any signs of depression in her eyes. And to his great relief, he saw nothing but fear, a little pain, and exhaustion sparkling in the green orbs he loved looking into. "It is," he agreed.

Before either of them could say anything else, there was a knock on the door and Meredith's nurse Lucy walked in pushing a wheelchair. "Hello," she said with a smile. "I hear that there's a future doctor we want to meet."

Meredith's eyes widened and filled with tears. "Really?" she asked.

"Really," Lucy smiled. "You have to promise to take it easy and tell us if you get sore or tired. We're not sure if he's ready to be held, but we figured Mom and Dad should be there to see him be taken off the heart monitor."

"We definitely want that," Derek said, shifting out of bed and looking down at Meredith. "Do you need help, Mer?"

"No," Meredith shook her head as she slowly sat up and made her way towards the edge of the bed before stopping with a grimace. "Maybe."

"I got you," Derek promised, moving to her side and letting her lean into him. He guided her towards the wheelchair and was careful to mind her incision sight as he settled her in. "How's that?"

"I'll be fine," Meredith said, offering him a small smile. "I just want to see him."

"Me too, Mer," he said, leaning in to kiss her cheek before he moved behind her chair. "I've got her."

"Of course, Dr. Shepherd," Lucy smiled, walking beside him as he pushed Meredith down the hall. "He ate very well earlier, and his heartbeat is very strong. I really think he's going to be fine, he just has to get a little stronger."

"We hope son," Meredith sighed, moving her hand up to rest on top of Derek's on the handle of her wheelchair as he slowed down in front of the NICU entrance.

"Can you walk, Meredith?" Lucy asked as Derek stopped the wheelchair. "Derek and I will help you."

"Yeah," Meredith sighed, gripping Derek's hand tightly as he supported her. She stood slowly, taking a couple shuffling steps towards the door. Lucy held it open for her, and followed them in to a room very similar to the scrub room they used before going into their own surgeries.

"You have to sterilize," Lucy explained, handing Derek a smock and helping Meredith into one. "It's a lot like scrubbing in."

Derek was quick to help Meredith remain steady on her feet, trying to ignore how much he hated watching her in so much pain, so dependent on other people. But she seemed to be fine once she settled back into the wheelchair, and he quickly sterilized himself before they were allowed to enter the tiny, sterile room where all the sick babies were cared for.

It was probably the most depressing place he had ever been. Concerned parents were hovering around the incubators that were keeping their children alive, and he felt his stomach turn at the thought that several of these babies probably would never see any of the world beyond this room. He couldn't help the one tear that slid down his cheek as he watched a nurse pull a name card out of the incubator beside his own son's. Lucy looked at her colleague hopefully, but a simple shake of her head let them all know that whosever baby had lived in that incubator had not made it.

"Here he is," Lucy said with a smile, looking at Addison as she gently pulled some tape off of Ethan's chest. "How's he doing?"

"Wonderfully," Addison smiled. "You're just in time. He has a nice steady heartbeat, and I think it will be safe to take him off of the heart monitor. His lungs still aren't quite there yet, so he has to stay hooked up to the ventilator. But he's awake now, and I think he'd like a chance to meet his parents."

"Oh," Meredith breathed, leaning close to stare into the incubator at Ethan. "He's perfect."

"He is," Derek smiled, reaching a hand in through the small holes in the incubator. "Watch, Mer." He gently ran his finger over his son's foot, causing Ethan's tiny nose to scrunch as he pulled his feet closer to his chest.

"Oh," Meredith giggled slightly, reaching her hand in as well to offer her finger to Ethan. "Is Daddy being mean to you, sweetheart?"

"Of course not," Derek said. "We're just playing, right bud?"

"Would you like to hold him?" Addison asked.

"Hold him?" Meredith breathed. "Like…by myself?"

"Of course," Addison smiled, opening the incubator and pulling Ethan into her arms. "We'll take him off of the ventilator for about five minutes and see how he does. Which one of you would like to hold him first?"

"Mer, you go first." As much as Derek wanted to hold his son, he knew that his wife deserved to hold him first. She had cared for him while she was pregnant, and she was in pain after bringing him into the world. So as much as he wanted to hold Ethan, he instead reached for the camera and began taking pictures of Meredith as Addison gently placed Ethan in her arms.

"Oh," Meredith breathed, staring down at the tiny baby in her arms. "Hi Ethan. I'm your Mommy." A single tear slipped down her cheek as she cuddled the baby close to her. Derek snapped a couple more pictures before he lowered the camera to simply absorb the scene before him. His fiancé, who he had always known was going to be amazing mother, was already impressing him with her gentle compassion and maternal instinct.

"I know you're probably a little scared," Meredith murmured. "And that's okay. You're not feeling very well either, but that's why you're here. You have to try really hard to be strong, so we can take you home with us in a couple days. Daddy and I really want to go home, but we're not going anywhere unless you're with us."

"Mer," Derek breathed, kneeling down beside her and running a hand over Ethan's cap covered head.

"Daddy wants to hold you now," Meredith whispered softly. "But don't worry. I'll hold you again soon."

Derek swallowed hard as Meredith eased their son gently into his arms. He couldn't cry right now because if he cried he wouldn't be able to see his son as he lay in his arms for the first time. And he knew he had never felt this overwhelming sense of love for another person before. He was vaguely aware of a camera flashing as Ethan curled his tiny body into Derek's chest, and he knew that there was no feeling like the emotions taking over him at that moment. He was completely and totally in love with his tiny son, and he suddenly couldn't wait to take him home. He had so many things to teach Ethan, and he couldn't wait to throw a baseball around the backyard or teach him how to fish.

"Hey buddy," he said softly. "I'm so proud of you. You're so strong, Ethan, and you're almost there. Just a little bit more strength in your lungs and Mommy and I can take you home. We've got lots of fun things planned for you, so I hope you start feeling better soon. There is so much to see in the world, and I can't wait to show all of it to you. You have to stay here for just a couple more days, and then we'll take you home."

"Derek, we should hook him back up," Addison said softly. "His lungs aren't strong enough to be off the ventilator for too long."

"Of course," Derek nodded, pressing a kiss to the top of Ethan's head. "We love you so much, buddy. Sleep well."

"Good night, sweetheart," Meredith whispered, leaning up to kiss Ethan's cheek before Derek carefully lowered him back into the incubator.

"You can come back in the morning," Addison smiled as she hooked the ventilator back to Ethan. "He did a great job. Maybe we'll try half an hour tomorrow."

"That would be…fantastic," Meredith whispered, her eyes still trained on Ethan's tiny form.

"We should head back," Lucy prompted gently, and Derek turned to push Meredith out of the nursery. She was silent as they made their way back to her room, and Derek knew she was about to break. Lucy seemed to understand their need to be alone, and after settling Meredith back into bed she quickly left the room, closing the door firmly behind her.

"He's doing well, Mer," Derek finally whispered as he curled into her back.

"He's all alone," Meredith whispered in return. "I don't want him to be lonely."

Derek sighed as he pressed a kiss to her neck, tucking his own knees behind her curved ones to fully mold his body to hers. One arm was draped over her abdomen, not holding her as tightly as usual in consideration of her incision, the other gently stroking her hair. "I don't want him to be lonely either," he whispered. "Tomorrow I'll run back to the apartment and get some pictures and a stuffed animal to put in his incubator. That way he'll still be thinking of us even when we're not there with him."

"I wish I could be a good mother," Meredith whispered.

"Oh Mer," Derek sighed. "You're a fantastic mother. Babies are born early all the time. It's not your fault."

"I was so lonely growing up," Meredith whispered. "Until I met you, really…I was so lonely. And now he's starting off his life completely by himself."

Derek's heart broke at her fragile tone, and he swallowed hard as he tried to keep his own emotions in check. "Mer," he whispered. "He knows we love him. And in a couple days he's going to be ready to go home with us. Then you have six weeks off and you don't have to be apart from him for a second if you don't want to."

"You really think he's going to be okay?" she asked after a long moment.

"I really do," Derek said, kissing the back of her head lightly. "He's a Grey."

"And a Shepherd."

"That combination can beat anything," Derek laughed slightly.

"We can get through this, right?" Meredith asked. "We're a team."

"We are a team," Derek confirmed. "All three of us."


	28. Chapter 28

"How are we doing?" Lucy smiled as she approached Ethan's incubator in the NICU.

"Excellent," Meredith smiled up at the nurse. "He's breathing wonderfully on his own."

"That's what we like to hear," Lucy smiled as she reached her stethoscope into the incubator to take Ethan's heartbeat. "Nice steady heartbeat."

"Good," Derek breathed, leaning closer to the incubator. "Great job, bud. You're getting there."

"Meredith, Dr. Montgomery would like to examine you," Lucy reported as she opened Ethan's chart. "You can come back down here once she's done speaking with you."

"Okay," Meredith sighed as she leaned in closer to the incubator, running her hand over Ethan's tiny stomach. "I'll be back soon, sweetheart. I love you."

"Bye bud," Derek murmured. "Have fun with all your baby friends."

"Derek," Meredith rolled her eyes as she followed him out of the NICU. "Don't be an idiot."

"I'm not being an idiot," Derek defended. "And don't call me an idiot in front of our son."

She giggled as she leaned into his embrace, letting him support her as they made their way down the hallway. It had been two days since they had first held Ethan, and their son had gotten stronger with every passing moment. He was still on the ventilator at night, but during the day they were able to hold him and play with him, and she had even started feeding him fresh milk. Derek had bought every children's book from the hospital gift shop, and they had quickly learned that Ethan was mostly likely to fall asleep when lulled by his father's soft gentle voice reading him a story. He was getting stronger, and Meredith could only hope that he would be able to come home with them when she was discharged the following day. Her stitches were scheduled to come out that afternoon, and she was much less sore than she had been after she'd first woken up. Her emotions were still somewhat off balance, but she knew breastfeeding would affect the hormones raging inside of her.

"There you are," Addison smiled as they entered the room. "I was beginning to think that I was going to have to drag you out of there myself."

"We just want to go home," Meredith sighed as she collapsed onto the bed. "If that means we have to leave for a little while to get a report, well…it's okay."

"Good," Addison smiled as she lifted Meredith's gown to examine the incision. "Your incision is healing very well. I'll order the stitches to come out this afternoon, and then I see no reason why you can't be discharged this evening."

"Really?" Meredith breathed. "That's amazing."

"What about Ethan?" Derek asked, his hand finding Meredith's. "We know he's doing better, but he's still on the ventilator at night. How much longer is he going to have to stay?"

Addison offered them a warm smile. "You'll have to have a little training as to how to work the home ventilators," she said. "But you're both doctors, so I don't think you'll have too many problems with it. He can go home with you tonight."

"Tonight?" Meredith asked, her hand tightening in Derek's. "Really?"

"Really," Addison promised. "You'll have to bring him in every couple days for a couple weeks, but I do think he'll be fine. At first he'll be on the ventilator most of the time, but you'll gradually work him off of it."

"Tonight," Derek whispered. "Wow, Mer."

"We have to…there's so much to do," Meredith said. "Is the nursery ready?"

"It's ready," Derek promised. "The car seat is in the car, but I have to install it."

"Go install it!" Meredith cried, pushing him off of the bed. "We have to get him ready and get the car ready…We're bringing him home, Derek."

"I know, Mer," he smiled, leaning in to kiss her softly. "Everything will be fine. I'll get the car seat ready while you're getting your stitches out. We just have to get his stuffed animals out of his incubator and get his blanket to wrap him in. I'll take care of all of it, I promise."

"He's coming home," Meredith whispered. "Home."

"Home," Derek smiled, leaning down to press a kiss to her forehead. "I love you."

"I love you too," she breathed, exhaustion filling her eyes.

"Take a nap," Derek said softly. "I'll get everything ready, and then we can take him home."

"Home," Meredith breathed again as her eyes drifted shut.

Addison smiled at Derek as they walked out of the room together. "I'm glad he's going to be okay," she said. "You deserve this. And you and Meredith are fantastic parents."

Derek nodded slowly. He didn't say anything as he looked at her for a long moment, then pulled her into a tight hug. She was surprised at first, but then her arms went up to hug him back. "Thank you," he whispered in her ear after a moment. "Addison…you have no idea how grateful I am. You saved my fiancé and my son. So thank you."

Addison smiled as she pulled back from him. "You saved my daughter," she said. "It was all I could do."

"Still…thank you," Derek breathed. "I don't even know what to say other than that."

"You're welcome," Addison said. "I'm glad you're happy, Derek."

"I'm glad you're happy too," Derek said.

"Keep in touch," Addison requested as she moved back to the nurse's station. "I'm taking the red eye home tonight."

"We'll keep in touch," Derek nodded. "Next time I'm home…maybe we can get coffee or something."

"That would be nice," Addison smiled as she signed off on Meredith's chart. "Bye, Derek."

"Bye Addison," he said softly before he turned and made his way back to the NICU.

"Hi Derek," Lucy smiled from behind the desk. "Where's Meredith?"

"Resting," Derek replied. "But we received the good news that mother and son will both be released tonight."

"That's wonderful," Lucy smiled. "We love hearing that."

"I'm sure," Derek said. "I'm going to go tell Ethan. Then I have to get the car seat ready and make sure everything is all set in his nursery."

"Of course," Lucy smiled, turning back to her computer as Derek let himself into the sterilizing room.

"Hey bud," Derek smiled as he looked into his son's deep blue eyes that so clearly resembled his own. "Mommy and I just got some good news. You're getting so much stronger that we're going to take you home tonight. You're still going to be on the machine to help your lungs, but you'll be home. I'm going to go home and double check to make sure that everything is all set in your nursery. We're very excited to have you home, buddy, so you have to do your part and keep getting stronger, okay? I'm sorry I can't stay longer, but once we come to pick you up you're not going to be able to get rid of me for three whole weeks when I have to go back to work. We'll be back very soon, bud. And this time when we leave, you'll come with us. So just give us a couple hours and we'll be ready to go home. I love you, Ethan."

He found himself on a natural high as he left the hospital, one he hadn't felt since his first surgery. He knew he didn't have much time, he wanted to get back by the time Meredith's stitches came out, but he quickly drove back to their apartment. A quick scan of the nursery ensured that everything was ready; diapers were piled neatly on the shelf of the changing table, pillows and blankets were waiting to be used in the crib, and the nightlight was securely plugged into the wall. A small bassinet was sitting beside the door, and he moved it into his own bedroom, placing it on Meredith's side of the bed. With one last onceover of the apartment, he moved a small pile of diapers into a drawer in the drawer of a side table in the living room, made sure some bottles were sitting on the counter in the kitchen, and grabbed the diaper bag they hadn't anticipated on using for another eight weeks or so. The outfit they had picked out for Ethan to wear home would be much too big, but he could at least be wrapped in the blanket Derek's mom had made for him.

Installing the car seat took much longer than he thought it would; there was also more swearing and finger pinching than he had anticipated. But after about half an hour he was confident that he had installed it properly and got in the driver's seat to make his way back to the hospital. He parked in the short term lot, grabbed the diaper bag, and made his way back to Meredith's room.

"Hey," he smiled, surprised to see her sitting up in bed, Ethan cradled in her arms. "He's here."

"He's here," Meredith smiled. "Apparently he got hungry. My stitches came out, so they let me keep him until we go home."

"That's amazing," Derek whispered, stepping closer. "Hey bud."

"He's too busy eating," Meredith giggled as she looked down at Ethan as he sucked eagerly at her breast.

"He took to it well," Derek observed. "Lots of babies have trouble."

"Well he is your son," Meredith sighed, leaning back into the pillows.

"That he is," Derek smiled. "How are you feeling? Any pain?"

"Normal surgery pain," she shrugged. "And I'm not tired, but…I'm anticipating being tired."

"Hopefully the ventilator will help him sleep through the night," Derek said.

"Burp him?" Meredith asked as Ethan detatched himself from her.

"Always," Derek promised, reaching for his baby and watching as Meredith pulled her shirt back down to her stomach. They were content and silent for a moment before Lucy knocked on the door, a small box in her hands.

"I hear we're ready to go home," she said. "I know you're both doctors and you've used ventilators a thousand times, but we're legally obligated to explain this to you."

"No, we want to know," Meredith said, looking at Ethan, who had fallen asleep against Derek's shoulder. "It's what's best for Ethan, we need to know exactly how to use one at home."

"That's what I'm here for," Lucy smiled as she quickly set the machine up.

It took her about half an hour to talk them through the set up in the ventilator, as well as watch each of them hook Ethan up by themselves. And before Meredith really realized what was happening, Lucy had placed the ventilator back in the box and placed it beside the door. "Alright, I think you're ready to go," she said. "Dr. Montgomery has already left, but I'll send Dr. Bailey in with your discharge papers."

"Thank you," Meredith smiled, slipping out of bed and settling herself into the wheelchair beside the door. "I'll take him."

"Oh thanks," Derek rolled his eyes. "I'll take all the bags and boxes. No problem."

"You're the daddy," Meredith giggled as she placed Ethan against her chest. "It's how it works."

"Yeah, yeah," Derek rolled his eyes, but they were sparkling as he watched Meredith look down at Ethan. He wasn't sure that he would ever get tired of watching her look at their baby.

"Dr. Shepherd," Bailey's voice came from the doorway. "I hear there's another generation of hair to mousse."

"Miranda," Derek offered her a wide smile. "My son does have my hair, you will be pleased to know."

"Just because you're all giddy on being a father doesn't mean you can call me Miranda," she snapped, but she couldn't resist leaning down to Meredith. "He is beautiful, Grey."

"Thank you, Dr. Bailey," Meredith smiled, detatching her right arm from Ethan. "You need me to sign?"

"Right there," Bailey pointed, handing her a pen. "And you know if you two are planning on raising this kid together, you might want to get married."

Derek raised an eyebrow. "I didn't take you for the traditional type," he commented.

Bailey rolled her eyes. "I only meant for the kid's sake," she said. "Either that or give each other power of attorney. Because the entire time you were here, Derek had no legal rights over anything that happened to you, Meredith."

"Oh," Meredith frowned, running a hand over Ethan's back. "I…didn't think of that."

"It's okay, Mer," Derek assured her, although he felt somewhat stupid for not realizing it either. "Everything turned out okay. And we'll get married as soon as we can."

"Not until I get my figure back," Meredith sighed.

"Alright, you can continue this conversation at home," Bailey said, turning to Derek. "Need help?"

"You can carry those," Derek pointed to the diaper bag, Meredith's overnight bag, and the ventilator.

"Do I look like a bellhop?" Bailey asked. "I'll take her to the door. And most fathers have the car pulled up for when we're outside."

"Fine," Derek sighed, reaching for the bags. "It's not like I'm the dad or anything."

"Derek," Meredith rolled her eyes as they made their way towards the elevators.

"Stopping," he nodded, trying to ignore all the eyes that were focusing on them. He knew that everyone had been anticipating the birth of their child, but he hadn't been expecting everyone to stop in their tracks as they made their way through the halls with their son. He could feel Meredith was uncomfortable as well, and after a moment Ethan let out a loud wail.

"Shhh," Meredith pressed a kiss to the top of his head. "It's okay, sweetheart. We'll be home soon."

"Don't worry about them," Bailey said as she pressed the button to close the doors. "They're just looking for gossip."

"And we're prime gossip material," Derek nodded.

"Don't worry, by the time you're back at work someone else will be the center of attention," Bailey promised as they made their way out the front door.

"I'll bring the car around," Derek said as he placed the bags at Meredith's feet. "I'll be right back."

"Bye Daddy," Meredith smiled, waving Ethan's tiny hand as Derek hurried towards the parking lot. He was back quickly, and he smiled as he took Ethan out of Meredith's arms. "Watch his head," she warned, reaching out to stabilize her son.

"I've got him, Mer," Derek promised. "Right, buddy?"

He settled Ethan into his car seat, carefully strapping him in and turning to Meredith. "All ready to go," he smiled.

"Take a picture," Meredith replied, handing him the camera. "Good job buddy."

"And now we can go home," Derek said as he slid into the driver's seat.

"I'll sit with him," Meredith said, buckling herself into the backseat. She offered Ethan her finger as Derek started to maneuver the car out of the parking lot, and after what seemed like enough time for them to already be home, she looked out the window to see that they were barely halfway there, moving at what had to be less than thirty miles an hour. "Seriously Derek?"

"What?" he frowned as he looked at her in the rearview mirror.

"At this rate we might as well drive out to the trailer because by the time we get there the house will be finished," she said.

"Not funny," Derek frowned. "This is his first time in a car, I don't want to hurt him."

"He's buckled in like…a hundred times," Meredith said. "I think he'll be okay if you go thirty miles an hour."

"Fine," Derek sighed, but he didn't appear to speed up at all. She rolled her eyes as she looked down at Ethan.

"Your daddy is funny," she whispered in his ear before she pressed a gentle kiss to his cheek.

"We're home," Derek announced from the front of the car.

"Home," Meredith smiled, unbuckling her seatbelt and watching Derek scoop Ethan into his arms.

"We'll get the bags later," he said as he handed her the keys.

"Okay," Meredith smiled, leaning into his free arm as they made their way to the apartment complex. She quickly unlocked the front door and they made their way to their second floor apartment. "This is your temporary home," she explained to Ethan as they entered. "There's the living room and the kitchen. We'll show you Mommy and Daddy's room later, but first we'll show you your room."

"You'll sleep with us for a few nights so Mommy can feed you," Derek smiled as he pushed the door to the nursery open.

"This is your room," Meredith smiled as she ran a hand over Ethan's back. "We can play in here for a little while, until you get hungry."

"Let's play," Derek smiled, easing himself onto the floor and resting Ethan on his head. "Maybe Mommy will read us a story."

"Exactly what I was thinking," Meredith smiled as she reached for a book off of the book shelf. "I am Sam…Sam I am…"

Derek smiled as he watched his fiancé read the Dr. Seuss classic with the perfect emotion for Ethan's sake. This son was dozing on his chest, his eyes opening and closing periodically, and he knew that this was perfection. They were happy and they were home.


	29. Chapter 29

Meredith smoothed the material of her white silk dress in front of her, taking in her reflection in the mirror and unable to believe it was really her own reflection that she was staring at.

It was finally her wedding day, and she couldn't wait until she could finally call herself Derek's wife.

It had been three and a half years since Ethan had been born, and their baby boy was more amazing than she had ever imagined he could be. He was a little version of Derek in every way possible, and was starting to develop his own personality. He loved fishing with Derek and playing with Meredith and their new puppy, a black lab named Mikey who had joined the family a year ago after Doc had succumbed to cancer.

Today was the day. The day she finally became a Shepherd. She and Derek had been too distracted with Ethan to think about planning their wedding, but when they had gone to New York the previous Christmas to visit Derek's family, his sisters had started peppering them for details about the wedding that they had yet to think about. That had led to a late night discussion in the safety of Derek's childhood bedroom about marriage and whether it was really necessary. They had lived as a married couple for three years and they didn't think that they needed to have a wedding to prove their love for each other. But then Derek had seemed to want the celebration, to have their family and friends present to celebrate their love for each other. And when she'd thought about it, she wanted to have that too. She wanted to share their love with Ethan and show them how much it meant to be in love and respect another person the way people in marriages were supposed to. She hadn't had a good example of marriage when she was growing up, but she was determined to show Ethan that there was love in the world so he would turn into a wonderful man just like his father.

So they had decided to have a wedding and today was the day. Derek's family was mingling outside their house in the makeshift tent they'd ordered, and Ethan was bouncing back and forth between their bedroom and the downstairs guest room where she knew Derek was getting ready and most likely trying to ignore Mark as he tried to offer him alcohol.

"Mama!" the door burst open and she couldn't help but smile at the vision of her baby boy, who wasn't really a baby anymore, in his tiny tuxedo. He really was a miniature version of Derek, the only thing he had inherited from her being her nose.

"Hi sweetheart," she giggled as she leaned down to pick him up and settle him on her hip. "You're looking pretty handsome."

"Mama pwetty."

"Thank you, Ethan," she smiled as she straightened his bow tie. "Did Daddy help you get ready?"

"Yep," Ethan nodded. "Here."

Meredith raised an eyebrow as she took the long jewelry box from her son's extended hands. "Is this from Daddy?" she asked.

"No, me," Ethan said proudly, offering her the smile that he had inherited from his father, the smile that she could never resist.

"Oh, well thank you little man," she smiled. She set him back on the ground before she cracked open the box to see a small diamond resting on a white gold chain. "It's beautiful. I'll wear it right now."

"Kay," Ethan smiled.

"Meredith?" Kathleen knocked on the door and smiled as Ethan ran towards her. "We're ready if you are."

"Okay," Meredith breathed, fastening the necklace and standing to look in the mirror one last time. "I look okay, right?"

"You look amazing," Kathleen smiled as she approached, Ethan settled on her hip. "It's just the family, Mer, there's no reason to be nervous."

"I know," she sighed. "I just want him to think I look beautiful."

"He will, Mer," Kathleen smiled. "He thought you were beautiful when Ethan had the flu and you didn't sleep or shower for three days."

"That's true," Meredith giggled as she turned to her son and sister in law. "You remember what you're supposed to do buddy?"

"Yep," Ethan nodded confidently. "Go outside and let Mikey into the tent."

Meredith blinked in surprise and exchanged a glance with Kathleen. "Did your Uncle Mark tell you to do that?" she asked.

"Yeah," Ethan nodded.

"And what has Daddy told you about listening to Uncle Mark?"

"Ummmm…not to do it?"

"Exactly," Meredith nodded. "You're going to walk to Daddy and hand him the rings."

Ethan let out a dejected sigh. "Fine," he said.

"Good boy," Meredith smiled, pressing a kiss to his forehead before she smiled at Kathleen. "I'll see you out there."

"You'll do fine, Mer," Kathleen promised.

Meredith nodded as she looked into the mirror one last time before reaching for the bouquet of lilies that sat in a vase on her dresser. She made her way carefully down the stairs before she stepped out the backdoor into what was fortunately an unusually sunny day. She smiled as she saw Ethan skipping towards Derek, handing him the rings and trying to talk enthusiastically. Derek smiled down at their son, but then pointed towards the house, presumably telling him to pay attention.

With a deep breath she began walking towards Derek, her eyes locked on his and ignoring the rest of the people in their yard. His eyes were somewhat misty, and she could see him swallow hard as she reached him.

"Hi," she whispered softly, her hand finding his easily.

"Hi," he replied. "You look…amazing."

"Thanks," she smiled, taking in his dress pants and light blue button down, collar open. "You don't look half bad yourself."

Derek squeezed her hand as they turned to the minister, listening to the words he was saying and taking in the moment for everything it was worth. They had declined to write their own vows, having made their own personal vows to each other a couple of nights before, the last night they had spent together before the wedding. He had promised to love her even when he hated her and to remind her who he was after she got alzheimer's, and she in turn had promised to never run and to take care of him when he was old and smelly and senile. Now all they had to do was exchange their rings and they would finally be married.

"With this ring," Derek smiled, his eyes on hers as he slid her wedding ring onto her finger. "I thee wed."

Meredith offered him a shaky smile as she took his ring from Mark and slid it onto his own finger. "With this ring, I thee wed."

"And now with the power invested by me by the state of Washington, I now pronounce you husband and wife," the minister announced. "You may kiss the bride."

Meredith giggled as Derek pulled her close, kissing her passionately as she wrapped her arms tightly around his neck. "I love you," she whispered in his ear.

"I love you too," he replied. "So much."

"Ladies and Gentlemen, it is my great pleasure to announce for the very first time, Derek and Meredith Shepherd."

Derek grinned as he leaned into her, their hands wound tightly together. "Meredith Shepherd."

"It sounds amazing," she agreed.

"Mama!" Ethan cried, clambering out of Carolyn's arms and running to Meredith and Derek's feet. "You're married!"

"Mommy and Daddy got married," Derek agreed. "Pretty exciting, isn't it buddy?"

"I guess," Ethan shrugged. "Can we fish now?"

"We're not fishing," Derek rolled his eyes, taking him out of Meredith's arms and tossing him gently in the air. "Don't be silly."

"Daddy!" Ethan giggled loudly.

"Sorry," Carolyn sighed as she reached them. "He's very busy."

"We know," Derek smiled, watching as his mother pulled his wife into her arms, hugging her tightly. She whispered something in Meredith's ear, causing her to smile widely and lean in for another hug.

"Congratulations sweetheart," Carolyn smiled as she turned to Derek, kissing his cheek softly. "And you, my little prince, need to stay with me today."

"Sorry," Ethan sighed, his eyes suddenly lighting up as his cousins ran by. "Down, Daddy."

All it took was Derek raising his eyebrow expectantly for Ethan to add the requisite "Please" and Derek set his energetic son on the ground to chase after the cousins he had met for the first time earlier in the week.

"You two need a moment," Carolyn said, gesturing to the backdoor. "But keep in mind that there are children around."

"Thanks Mom," Derek rolled his eyes, pulling Meredith into their living room and sliding the door closed behind them. "Mer."

"We're married," she whispered, leaning up to kiss him before resting her head on his chest. "Really married."

"Forever," Derek sighed, leaning down to kiss her again. "You look so beautiful."

"Thank you," she blushed slightly.

"Ethan is so excited," Derek smiled.

"He doesn't really know what's going on," Meredith said. "But he's excited to have Grandma watching him for a couple weeks."

"He'll have fun," Derek nodded, his hands finding her sides. "But we'll have more fun."

"Hmmm," Meredith smiled, running a hand through his hair. "And where will we be having said fun?"

"Surprise," he murmured.

"Derek," she whispered, pressing her body closer to his and taking his earlobe in her mouth. "Please."

"Somewhere warm," he breathed.

"More," she requested, her breath hot against his neck.

"Mer," he sighed. "Find out…airport."

"Now," she requested, reaching between them to massage his growing erection.

"Hawaii," he sighed. "Meredith…"

"Thank you," she smiled, backing up and letting her fingers trail over the diamond necklace hanging from her neck.

"You're…evil," he frowned as he looked at her. "But beautiful. Especially in that necklace."

"Ethan did well," Meredith smirked.

"Is that what he told you?" Derek asked.

"Well, he was pretty convincing, but I figured he had a little help," she smiled, lacing their fingers together and leaning up to kiss him softly. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," Derek smiled, placing his hands on her hips. "God I love you."

"I love you too," she breathed. "And Derek?"

"Hmmm?"

"I have your present too."

"I don't need a present," he said softly. "You and Ethan…you're all that I need."

Meredith offered him a soft smile as she guided his hands to her stomach. "Well, this present is coming whether you want it or not," she said softly. "I'm having your baby, Derek Shepherd."

**I know it's sudden, but please don't be upset with me. I could have gone into the whole adjusting to life with a baby, but that wasn't what this story was about. It was more about Meredith and Derek finding the balance they needed to be a strong healthy couple, and they got through it and are happy. Maybe someday I'll write a sequel, but for now I'm going to be starting a completely different story, which should be up in the next couple days at some point (hopefully tomorrow if all goes well). Thank you so much to everyone who has enjoyed and reviewed this story, and I hope you'll continue reading!**


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